“What did I do?” she said. She yearned to feel numb at the moment. It would be so simple to hit one line and have all of her troubles melt away, but it would only solve her problems temporarily. It would only give her false happiness, when all YaYa truly wanted was the real thing. She grabbed the bag of cocaine and momentarily contemplated the sweet relief that it could give her. YaYa opened the bag and watched the pure white cocaine sparkle.
How could I have been so weak? Why would I jeopardize my family, my daughter? she thought. She went into the guest bathroom and opened the lid of the toilet, then finally did what she should have done a long time ago. She flushed the cocaine down the toilet. Yes, she was hurting, and yes, the past terrorized her, the unknown future intimidated her, but as she watched the powder flush away, she realized that the pain was an indication that she was still alive. She lived and breathed. YaYa was still standing after everything that she had been through, and in order to heal, she had to hurt. It was necessary to go through all of the emotions. The drugs had only picked at the scab and stopped her from moving on with her life.
She went up to her room and pulled her beautiful wedding gown out of the closet. She held it up to her body. YaYa didn’t know if she would ever get a chance to wear it. Her happily ever after may never happen, and she had no one to blame but herself. She had to laugh aloud because she had no more tears to cry.
She went to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Dom that she had intended to share with Indie on their wedding night. She popped it open and white foam splashed from the top, only she had no reason to celebrate. She was in mourning, and at that moment she wished that Leah had killed her. She welcomed death because life without Indie was not worth living. She had tried it once before, and it was too hard.
YaYa poured herself a flute of champagne and sat at the head of her dining room table as she drowned her sorrows.
Indie flew down the highway into the city, navigating through the icy streets as he put as much distance between himself and YaYa as he could. He was so sick over what he had discovered that he wished he had never even unveiled the truth. The lies hurt much less.
He picked up the phone and called the only woman he could go to for advice. His mother would never lead him astray. He felt lost, so he went to her because her love was like a compass. She always helped him find his way. He needed the burden lifted from his shoulders, and when he couldn’t reach her, he decided to pay Elaine an unexpected visit.
He didn’t want to leave YaYa or give up on the love of his life, but he couldn’t take any more. Her life was like a never-ending soap opera. The ups never lasted long enough, and the downs were too low. It seemed they were destined to be torn apart, and there was nothing that he could do to stop it. Indie knew that if he walked away, he would never love another woman with such intensity, but it was a risk he was willing to take. If he didn’t love as hard, he wouldn’t hurt as much. It was an even trade-off in his book.
It took him two hours to arrive at his parents’ home as he fought the elements of the snowy winter night. He was supposed to be preparing for his wedding, but instead he was contemplating a forever good-bye. Indie got out of the car and rang the bell. The porch light came on and he heard the locks click on the door.
“Indie?” Elaine greeted. “What are you doing here?” All it took was one look for her to know that something heavy was on his mind.
“She’s doing drugs, Ma, and she’s been lying to me the entire time,” he revealed. She could hear his devastation, and she stepped back to allow him into her home.
“Your father and Sky are upstairs asleep. I’ll put on some coffee so we can have a nice, long talk,” she said. Indie made himself comfortable on the couch and waited until his mother returned with two mugs. He accepted one gratefully.
“What kind of drugs is she using?” Elaine asked sadly.
“Pain pills. . . . She was prescribed some medication after the fire. She’s been taking them ever since. I guess she ran out, and cocaine was her next drug of choice. She stole it from Chase and then turned me against him because he had her figured out,” Indie explained. “How did I miss all the signs?”
“You might not like what I’m about to tell you, Indie, but it is my job as your mother to be straight up with you. Your expectations of YaYa are too high, son. No woman could live up to what you want her to be. That girl has been a victim her entire life. She’s been to hell. Literally has been kissed by the fires of hell, Indie, and she was saved. I don’t know how she survived a fire so bad, but she did . . . but she’s not superhuman, son. Healing from that, from her daughter being kidnapped, from the ghosts of her childhood . . . that has to be hard. She turned to drugs because she couldn’t turn to you, Indie.”
“She could come to me, ma,” Indie protested. “I asked her countless times if she was okay.”
“If you asked, that means you were concerned. You weren’t completely blind to the fact that something wasn’t right. You knew all along that YaYa was struggling, but you sat by and let her handle things herself . . . her way. . . . Her way of dealing was drugs. But you can’t be mad when you didn’t offer an alternative. Tomorrow you were to be her husband. That means you are responsible for the livelihood, the protection, the stability of that woman, Indie. If she stumbled along the way it is because you didn’t guard her steps or clear her path. You young people take this marriage thing as a joke. With that ring comes responsibility,” Elaine said.
Indie honestly didn’t know if he could handle the responsibility of being YaYa’s husband, or better yet, if he wanted to. Loving her was like torturing himself because she could never fly straight for too long. YaYa always faltered, always crossed him, and each time he opened himself up to her she let him down. “Is she the right woman for me?” Indie asked. After all that they had been through, he was beginning to have doubts.
“Only you can answer that question, Indie,” Elaine responded. “But I can tell you that a blind man can see that she adores you. You’re ten feet tall in her eyes,” Elaine spoke honestly. “It sounds to me like YaYa needs you now more than ever.” She could see the mental battle he was having, and she took the coffee mug from his strong hands.
“Go home to her. If you truly wanted to let go, the decision wouldn’t be this hard.”
YaYa exited her home. She couldn’t just let Indie go.
I know he went to talk to Elaine, she thought as she rushed to her car and got inside. The soft snow covered her windshield, and she turned on her wipers to clear her view as she backed out into the street.
I can’t let him leave me. I love him too much. YaYa knew that she had done so many things to sabotage their relationship, but she couldn’t let him slip through her fingers. He was the greatest man she had ever known, and she refused to give him up easily.
She pulled away from her home and picked up her phone to call him. The cold kiss of a gun touched the back of her neck and YaYa froze in fear.
“Put the phone down.”
She pressed Indie’s name and then clicked off the light on her screen all in one movement before tossing the phone in her passenger seat. She hoped and prayed that he answered. She needed him to come to her rescue, but after the blowout that they had just had, she knew that it was a long shot that he would even answer the call.
Leah’s voice was one that she would never forget, and as she lifted her eyes, she saw pure horror in her rearview mirror. It was the first time that she had laid eyes on Leah since the infamous fire. She hadn’t been so lucky to have her looks restored, and her gruesome appearance shocked YaYa.
“You bitch. We get burnt by the same fucking fire and you come out just fine, while I’m left looking like this,” Leah spat venomously as she kept the gun trained at the back of YaYa’s head.
“You ruined my life,” YaYa whispered as she felt an involuntary tear fall. Her heart pumped furiously as her eyes met Leah’s in the mirror. “If I die tonight, you’re dying with me,” she said. Her foot grew heavy on the
accelerator, and the car lunged forward. “You pull that trigger, and I lose control of the car. You came here to kill me, but are you ready to die?” YaYa asked. Her voice was so steady that it alarmed Leah.
“Slow down the car!” Leah yelled.
“Drop your gun!” YaYa shouted back. YaYa’s voice was firm, and Leah saw no fear in her eyes. “All this time I gave you so much more credit than you deserve.
I gave you power over me,” YaYa spoke as she drove faster and faster. “When really you’re just a bum-ass bitch who stalks my life because you don’t have one of your own. Nobody loves you, Leah. Even if you kill me I’ll get more love than you ever will.”
Her words stung Leah, hitting home as she reflected on her life. “Shut the fuck up!”
“You took my life from me, stole my daughter from her bed while she slept. You should have stayed away from me and left well enough alone, but you couldn’t help yourself. As long as we occupy the same planet, you will always come for me. I used to fear that, but you can’t scare a woman who isn’t afraid to die. Now that you’re here, you’re not walking away breathing. I’ll die with you before I let you walk away.”
“Slow the fuck down!” Leah screamed as she noticed that YaYa was about to fly across a bridge at high speed. The ice that had frozen on the roads plus the speed at which she was driving were a dangerous combination. Leah desperately wanted to pull the trigger, but if she did, then the car would spin out of control.
YaYa had pure hatred in her eyes as she thought of what she had to do. Leah had done too much harm, caused too much damage in her life, and YaYa didn’t have a forgiving soul. It would end here and now, even if YaYa had to meet her end as well. Her vengeful heart held murderous intent.
The engine growled as her speedometer went from eighty miles per hour . . . to ninety . . . to one hundred.. . . She held the steering wheel so tightly that her fingers turned red.
“Stop the car!” Leah demanded. Her hard demeanor cracked as her voice gave away her fear. YaYa was in control, and anything Leah did to stop her would jeopardize her life. All she could do was hold on for the death ride that YaYa was taking her on.
As soon as YaYa got to the bridge, she rolled down her window, causing freezing air to smack Leah in the face.
“What are you doing? What are you . . .” Leah’s words gave way to her screams as YaYa jerked the wheel hard to the right. She lowered her head and braced herself as the car went flying, crashing through the guardrail and into the river below.
YaYa’s seat belt stopped her from hitting the windshield, but Leah went flying from the back seat to the front. She hit her head hard, knocking away her good sense as she closed her eyes from the pain of the blow. Blood trickled from her forehead as she reached up and touched her wound.
The car began to sink immediately, and the shock from the water temperature caused YaYa to gasp in horror as she went for the open window. The water that was pouring inside of the car made it hard for her to get out, and just as she found her footing, she felt Leah’s hands pulling at her waist.
“Aghh!” she screamed as she tried to break free, but the water was now waist deep, and moving against the resistance of the current proved difficult.
“Why don’t you just die already, you bitch!” YaYa screamed as she turned around, knowing that she would have to fight if she wanted to make it out of the car alive. She lifted her frozen hands and hit Leah with a haymaker that caused her head to snap back violently.
Leah’s eyes widened in pain as she lunged for YaYa. They both knew that the stakes were high. Only one of them could leave the car breathing.
They wrestled each other as they both went for the window. YaYa grabbed Leah by the hair and pulled with all of her might, which only infuriated Leah more.
“You . . . fucking . . . crazy . . . bitch,” YaYa shouted as she banged it out with Leah, crashing Leah’s head into the steering wheel with all of her might. “This is for my daughter!” she shouted as she saw blood begin to mix with the river water. She pulled Leah’s head back one more time. “And this is for me!” She slammed it against the wheel once more, using all of her strength.
Leah slipped under the water, dazed, as she tried to gather her bearings. She turned around, and insanity flashed in her eyes.
The car shifted, causing YaYa to slip under the water. Her hands reached out as her feet went up, but there was nothing for her grab on to. She gulped in a breath of air, but her body protested when she inhaled water instead. She was completely underwater as she struggled to come back up.
Leah’s hands wrapped around her neck, and she pressed down with all of her might, making sure YaYa stayed under. She struggled, her body racked with spasms as it begged for her to inhale. She couldn’t fight the urge to just breathe, but all she sucked in was water, flooding her lungs. Her insides felt as if they would burst as she dug her nails into Leah’s hands. She was desperate for oxygen, but Leah’s grip was so tight and YaYa was becoming faint.
The struggle was gruesome as Leah adamantly yelled, “Die already! Just fucking die!” She didn’t care that the car would be completely underwater within seconds. She wasn’t letting go until YaYa was dead.
YaYa’s hands searched the passenger seat. She couldn’t see, but she could feel and she frantically patted around. Desperate. Terrified. YaYa felt her life slipping away.
She’s going to kill me. I’m dying. The realization hit YaYa like a ton of bricks as she felt the darkness closing in on her. God, please take care of my daughter, she silently prayed. Her life flashed in front of her eyes, and she closed them to enjoy the memories. Her hand searched the floor, but her persistence died down as she began to give up.
Her fingertips grazed something hard, something solid, and a tiny ember of hope came alive in her heart. She wrapped her fingers around the handle of the gun. She was so weak that she could barely grip it.
Pull the trigger, just pull the . . .
Water spilled into the car. It was chest high, and they were almost completely submerged, but Leah still wouldn’t let go. She could feel the fight leaving YaYa as she drowned her.
Finally YaYa’s fingers found their place on the trigger, and using all of her might, YaYa brought the gun up out of the water and fired. It was nothing but the grace of God that the water didn’t cause the gun to jam.
Bang!
She didn’t even have the strength to aim, but it didn’t stop her from hitting her target. Leah’s grip loosened instantly as she grabbed her chest, and YaYa popped out of the water.
“Huuuuu!” YaYa gulped in the air as she coughed and choked while water spewed from her mouth and nose uncontrollably. She waded through the neck-high water until she was face to face with Leah. Leah gasped as her own blood reddened the water around her and she went under. Moments later, she popped back up, struggling to keep her head above water as blood leaked from her mouth as she reached out her hand to YaYa.
“Help . . . me,” Leah whispered as her eyes pleaded with YaYa.
As the water took over the car, YaYa had to make a split decision—to save Leah or to leave Leah to die. She didn’t have time for hesitation; whatever she was going to do, she had to do it now.
Everything in her wanted to leave Leah there to suffer. This was the moment that she had obsessed over. It was what Leah deserved. So why was it so hard for YaYa to walk away? Revenge was bittersweet as YaYa’s mind flashed back to the near-death experience she’d had after the fire, to the conversation with her mother where she had been labeled the devil’s child. If she left Leah there, then she knew it would be true. Only someone destined for hell could leave Leah to die such an excruciating death.
YaYa hated herself at that moment for wanting her soul to be saved. It would do her great pleasure to leave Leah there, to punish her for all of the ways that Leah had ruined her life. To leave her would be poetic justice, but it would also be the devil’s doing. She didn’t want to be a puppet on the devil’s strings. Her conscience was telling her that sh
e couldn’t do it. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t just leave. YaYa realized that it wasn’t her place to play judge, jury, and executioner. She had spent far too much time trying to deliver her own version of justice, and by doing so she was writing her own future. She was ruining her own life in the process.
In a split second she thought, Only God has the power to judge her. It isn’t up to me. YaYa moved forward to grab Leah.
“Damn it!” she screamed as she moved through the water until she was near Leah’s side.
Leah gripped YaYa’s hand and pulled YaYa into her with surprising strength. The sinister look in her eyes showed her true intentions. YaYa felt the hard steel of the gun press into her stomach as a twisted smile spread across Leah’s bloody lips. Sadness filled YaYa’s eyes as she realized the mistake she had made. People like Leah didn’t deserve forgiveness.
Leah lifted the gun out of the water and pressed it point-blank range against YaYa’s forehead.
“Burn in hell,” Leah said as she stared YaYa in the eyes.
“I’ll see you there,” YaYa replied.
Leah pulled the trigger.
Epilogue
It had been a long night of indecision, but as Indie pulled up in front of the church, a calm came over his heart. He knew that he was making the right choice. YaYa was flawed, but his heart wouldn’t listen to his head. He couldn’t walk away from her. His grandmother had once told him to be the change he wanted to see in the world. It was a saying that he hadn’t fully grasped until now.
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