by Drew Elyse
Getting away from the two alcoholics who made me was good enough, but it also meant I had to change schools. I finished my sophomore year by driving over to my old high school, but transferred the start of junior year. For the first time, Ash and I were going to school together.
I was fucking thrilled. Ash had been mine since we were kids, even if she didn’t realize it yet. She was a freshman now and two years ago, Indian told me she could date once she was in high school. I’d finally be able to make it real, and I could do it while walking the halls with her and keeping all the assholes after her at bay.
Only, it wasn’t going that way. We didn’t have classes together since we were in different grades. I’d managed to get the counselor to put me in the same lunch period as her, but within the first month, Ash never actually went to the damn cafeteria.
The first couple days, she said she had to change part of her schedule so she was going to her counselor, but wasn’t getting in because too many people were in there. It sucked, but I believed her. Then, it was meeting with a teacher about doing some independent study. Then, it was needing to be in the library. I told her I would go to the library with her, but she insisted she needed to work and I should hang out in the cafeteria and meet people. Yeah, because I’d rather meet people than be with her. God, she was so clueless sometimes.
That day, I finally put my foot down. While I walked her to English, her last class before lunch, I stopped her.
“Today, you’re coming to lunch and you’re sitting with me,” I told her.
If she thought I missed the way she bit her lip, she was crazy. I knew her. I could read her nerves like a neon sign. “I really need to do more work in the library.”
“Ash, school just started. How much work can you have?”
“I just have a little more,” she kept trying.
“Okay, we can go after school. Library’s open. We’ll stay until you’re done and then I’ll drive you home.” I was going to corner her if I had to. I didn’t know whether she was just uncomfortable around that many people because she was so shy or it was something more, but she needed to start talking.
“My dad doesn’t know I’ll be staying.”
“I’ll call him after school to let him know while you head to the library.”
I watched her realize she wasn’t getting out of it. Then, in a resigned tone that prickled me, she said, “Okay.”
I reached up to stroke her soft cheek, wishing I could kiss her like I wanted to.
Soon.
When the bell rang at the end of the period, I booked it over to her locker. I wasn’t about to let her sneak off once I finally got her to agree to come to lunch. When she looked my way from stashing her morning books, it was clear she knew what I was doing. Like I cared. Ash knew me as well as I knew her. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. I threw two of my books into her locker even as she rolled her eyes.
She shut her locker and without hesitation, I grabbed her hand and led us to the cafeteria. I felt Ash look my way when I held onto her hand through the halls. It wasn’t new for me to be touching her in whatever way I could, but I’d never had much of an opportunity at school. Eyes moved our way and I loved the attention. Ash was mine, even if she didn’t know it yet. I wanted that to be clear to everyone.
When we made it into the lunchroom and through the line of shit food, I got a sense of unease at the way Ash inched into me. I carried a tray with our food on it and she seemed to be trying to disappear into my side. I led her through the room, hoping she’d adjust on her own. Ash hid herself a lot. She always had. I preferred to see if she would come out of her shell without me pushing the issue, and sometimes it worked, but not always. She was who she was. Her shyness was a part of her.
I sat us at the end of the table I’d been at for the last couple weeks. Some of the guys I met in auto shop the first few days were there. A couple of the guys were jocks, so it was kind of a hub of activity.
I got chin lifts and a couple greetings. I returned them, and said, “Guys, this is my girl, Ash.”
The guys sent welcomes her way and she offered a shy smile. I smirked at her. She had no idea how appealing that smile was. They were all going to want her, but they were shit out of luck.
We were eating and I was actually getting Ash to talk to me even though there were plenty of people she didn’t know nearby. She was telling me about a paper she had to write for English when a catty voice piped in next to us.
“Well, isn’t this a surprise. Ashlynn with a table full of guys. You’re right at home, aren’t you?”
I looked up at the bitch in question. Thin in a desperate way, dressed like the club girls who hung around the Disciples, makeup like she was going out to party. I knew her. Tori. The guys had talked about her and pointed her out once. She was pretty popular for certain oral skills.
Ash didn’t say anything. Her shoulders curled in until she nearly hunched over the food she was no longer eating. I could feel my blood pressure rising. I didn’t know what the fuck Tori was trying to imply. Fact was, Ash had always been around guys more than chicks. That was part of growing up with the club. That didn’t change facts, though. Those facts being that Ash was definitely still a virgin—she hadn’t even been kissed, for fuck’s sake—and anyone around her for more than a few minutes could guess it. Where a bitch like Tori, whose reputation was probably more than just rumors, thought she got off running her mouth like that, I didn’t know.
Tori’s eyes came to me. “Gabe, you might want to rethink that one,” she said, sending a sneer Ash’s way that had me clenching my jaw. “There’s way better for a guy like you.”
With that, Ash was out of her seat. Before I could even speak, she was nearly running from the room. I had a lot of shit I wanted to say to the bitch next to me, but she wasn’t my priority. Ash was.
Ash was always my priority.
I caught up to her just beyond the cafeteria, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“What the hell was that?” I demanded.
“Nothing.” She wouldn’t look at me.
“Fuck that, Ash. That was not nothing.”
Her face was set as she looked at my jaw. “I said it was nothing. Leave it alone.”
I cupped her cheek, drawing her blue eyes up to mine. “Don’t do that, Firefly. Talk to me.”
Her eyes darted away again before she said, “It’s not a big deal.”
That’s when it hit me. I’d been thinking maybe Tori was being a bitch because she had some illusion of getting with me and was trying to tear down Ash when she saw us together. That wasn’t it, though. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t new.
“How long?”
Ash didn’t cover the way her eyes flared in surprise. “What?”
“How long has this been going on? How long have you been keeping this to yourself?”
My body was starting to vibrate with fury. No one fucked with her. No one. She shook her head and tried to pull away from me, but I wrapped my arm around her waist and brought her closer.
“How. Long?” I demanded.
“Always!” she shot back at me, pushing away. “They’ve always done it. Since we were kids! It gets worse every year.”
My vision tunneled. I stormed back into the cafeteria. Ash was behind me, calling my name to stop me.
Fuck that.
I found Tori a table away from where we’d been and went right to her.
“Apologize.”
Her whole posse looked at me, fear flickering in some faces. Tori was too fucking stupid to feel the same. “What?”
“Apologize to Ash.”
Her eyes moved beyond me and she spoke to Ash, proving just how fucking dense she was. “So, are you fucking him, too? Is that why he’s standing up for you?” Her eyes came back to mine. “Guess what, new kid? You’re not the only one getting that service around here.”
I was going to fucking explode.
Ash cowered behind me in the same way she hid behind her dad the day we me
t. I hadn’t seen her actually hide that way in years.
I slammed both fists onto the table.
“You don’t fucking talk about her that way. You don’t say a goddamn thing to or about her ever again. You want to run your mouth? Maybe you should run it about your own shit. I might be new, but I know how many guys you sucked off at the football after-party last week. How about we start talking about how the whole offensive line got a chance?”
Turning from her, I looked up to the quiet room to find everyone looking my way. I pointed at Ash. “Any of you thinks to fuck with her, you answer to me, and you answer to the motherfuckin’ Savage Disciples. Got me?”
My muscles were tense beneath my skin when I parked outside the farmhouse. My body was ready for a fight, ready to come out swinging. The memories of the bitches who hurt Ash, the knowledge that I reopened those wounds tonight, had me on edge.
I tried to breathe. I couldn’t go inside like that. I’d scare the shit out of her. Ash didn’t respond to confrontation. Aggression made her retreat every time. Besides, she didn’t deserve that. It was my fuck up. I needed to rein it in. Every part of me screamed to barrel through that door, to get to her and fix this shit, but I held myself back on the front porch.
The memories were still swirling. I could still remember one of the deans escorting me from the cafeteria. They asked for an explanation, and I gave them one. They asked for an apology, and I refused. They asked if I understood I had taken things too far. I told them they could go fuck themselves if they thought I wasn’t standing up for my girl who wouldn’t do it herself. That was what turned the two-day suspension into a week.
It didn’t matter to me. Yelling at those bitches, earning that suspension, got me the greatest fucking gift I’d ever been given.
A one-week suspension meant I was barred from school grounds, effective immediately. Assholes wouldn’t even listen when I explained I was Ash’s ride home. As my legal guardian, Gunner got called in. The dean wasn’t exactly thrilled when his response was to tell me I’d done good. I left about an hour before school let out. Gunner stuck around to get Ash, having insisted they send a note to one of her classes to let her know about the change of plans.
I was hanging around the clubhouse when she got there. She and Gunner walked in nearly an hour after school let out. He took her for fucking ice cream while he knew I was waiting. Whether that was to check in on her or bust my chops, I didn’t know. Probably both.
Ash ran right to me and threw her arms around my middle. Damn if that didn’t make me feel like a king. Having Ash close always did.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice muffled against my chest.
“What are you talkin’ about, Firefly?” I asked.
“It’s my fault you got in trouble.”
Hell no.
She was not going to think that shit.
I grabbed onto her arm, having to pull a bit to get her to release her hold on me—which made me feel even better. I led her out back where we could be alone. Bikers were nosy fuckers and we didn’t need an audience.
I’d had words with Indian after I got back. I told him straight up what had been happening and promised if my threat hadn’t put an end to it, I would see that it didn’t go on. He thanked me for watching out for his girl, not that he needed to. I promised him I would a long time ago and I’d be doing it with or without that promise as long as she let me.
Outside, Ash threw herself against me again. I let her do it, thinking I could get used to that. I gave her a minute to hold me, twirling my fingers through her blonde curls. Her hair was so fuckin’ soft, I couldn’t help but touch it when I got the chance. She never seemed to mind.
“Was Gunner mad?” she asked after a while.
“No, babe.”
She stepped back a bit to look up at me. Those blue eyes of hers were round and bright—too bright. She was on the verge of tears. “Really?” she asked, her tone worried.
I cupped the side of her face, making sure she paid attention to how serious mine was. “I promise. Once he heard why I did it, he was glad I did.”
Her eyes moved away from mine, her chin pushing down against my hand. I didn’t release my hold. Ash knew I didn’t like her hiding from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
She shrugged. She was pulling back in the only way she could by not speaking. I gave her a look that told her that shit wasn’t going to fly.
“I don’t know,” she sighed. She tried again to step back and since I could see her mulling over her words, I let her make that play. It took her a while before she went on. “I guess I never wanted to think about it when I was with you. You didn’t go to school with us, so you didn’t know them. You didn’t know what they were saying to me. When I was with you, I could pretend it wasn’t happening.”
I didn’t like it, but I could accept it. Wasn’t like I could change the past anyway.
“Why didn’t you tell me once I transferred?”
The fear and worry in her eyes was not something I liked seeing. The fact that she didn’t answer me, I liked even less.
“Were you afraid I’d believe them?” I asked, hoping like hell that wasn’t it.
Ash just shrugged again.
Fuck.
“Dammit, Ash. How could you even think that?”
Her head went down, her beautiful face disappearing behind her security blanket of curls.
“I just couldn’t stand it if you thought of me that way.”
Her words hurt to hear. It hurt to think she even worried about that for a moment, let alone weeks. Still, I heard what she wasn’t saying and saw the opportunity I’d been waiting for.
“Why?”
“Why?” she echoed.
I didn’t say anything else, just waited for my answer.
She gave me one, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. “Because you’re my best friend.”
“Is that all I am to you?”
Her head came up in surprise. “What?”
I wanted her to say it. I wanted her to admit she hadn’t thought of me as a friend any more than I had of her. I wanted it, but I was tired of waiting.
I took two steps closer until she was pressed to my chest again, thrilled when she didn’t retreat. Without a word, I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and kissed her.
It was perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. Her lips were sweet, soft, exactly like I’d been imagining for years.
No, they were fucking better than that.
It killed me to pull away from them, to end that kiss, but I did.
“I don’t think of you as just a friend, Ash.”
She stared up at me, her pink lips—ones I was dying to get back to kissing—parted slightly, her wide eyes blinking like she was dazed.
“You gotta give me something here, babe,” I pleaded.
Then, my girl—my beautiful, incredible fucking Ash—gave me something. Lifting up onto her toes, she pressed her lips to mine.
That was it, everything I needed. It was the only thing I would ever need. Ash in my arms, giving me her sweet kiss…still, she gave me more.
Pulling back only an inch, her words whispered across my mouth. “I don’t think of you as just a friend either.”
And that was it. That was how Ash and I began. From that day, she was mine and I was hers. I swore nothing would ever be able to change that.
Until something did.
I lost her, a fate I never could have imagined. For nearly five years, I had to get on with life without her in it.
Until she came back.
For whatever fucked reason, I’d convinced myself that was it. She’d left. She’d gone off and had Emmy. She’d kept that beautiful little girl from me. I was pissed, more pissed than I could ever remember being, and I was done.
Until Cami told me Ash took off.
I hadn’t really known what the fuck I was doing when I jumped on my bike and sped over there. It had been instinct—pure and simple. T
aking care of her was engrained in me, down to my soul.
Standing there with the memory of Ash’s first kiss in my head, I knew.
I was moving through the house then, my feet carrying me right to her door. I had the clarity of mind to knock instead of barging in, but I was about to lose patience when the door opened. There, in an oversized Disciples’ supporter tee she’d worn to bed for years, her eyes slightly reddened from tears, was my Ash.
Mine.
“Go away, Sketch.”
Not a fucking chance.
I backed her into the room. She fought it until I muscled my way passed the doorframe. She threw up an arm and turned her back to me, walking away to put space between us. I shut the door and flipped the flimsy lock on the knob for good measure.
“What do you want?” she snapped.
“I didn’t fuck her.”
Her body locked up for a moment before she could hide it.
“Good for you.”
“Ash,” I called.
“I don’t care if you fucked some slut.”
“I didn’t recognize her. Not ‘til Cami said something. But I didn’t fuck her anyway.”
“Sketch, just get out. I don’t care.”
She could throw attitude all she wanted, I wasn’t going anywhere.
“If I’d realized who she was, I wouldn’t have fucking touched her at all. I would have thrown her ass out.”
Ash didn’t even respond that time. She just turned to glare at me, her arms crossed and hip popped out. She was a work of fucking art.
“Doesn’t matter, though. I threw her ass out once I realized I couldn’t fuck her. Didn’t matter that I had no idea who she was.” Still nothing from Ash, so I went on. “I couldn’t fuck her, Firefly. I couldn’t have her when she wasn’t you.”
That got through. The nickname her dad had given her as a little girl caused the crack and my confession imparted the shattering blow.
Her first retaliation was anger.
“You expect me to believe you haven’t fucked any club sluts since I’ve been gone? Are you kidding me?”