by Drew Elyse
“Fair enough,” Stone answered.
“I’ll ride,” Roadrunner volunteered. Not surprising.
“I’m in,” Slick added. “Be there to get us in without signs of entry if we need to sit on it.” Slick’s dad was a locksmith, taught him the trade. There wasn’t a thing he couldn’t get in or out of with the right equipment.
“Me,” Jager put in.
“Done,” Stone finished.
I threw nods to each of the brothers. They knew what their task meant to me. Slick had a pregnant wife and a kid at home. Volunteering to ride out told me he knew exactly what I was feeling.
“As if this wasn’t all fucked enough,” Stone went on, “we still gotta talk about Barton.”
Tank spoke up then. “Got another envelope.” He threw a thin stack of papers down on the table, nodding from me to them.
Another picture of Ash, same as the first set we got, which I’d finally seen. If I weren’t mistaken, it was one of the original images. Definitely her walking to work in uniform, so it wasn’t recent. I flipped through the next couple shots: each of the club’s garages, one that looked to be Gauge and Ham’s backs as they rode through town, and then another of Ash. The final image was the same one from the first mailing, the one where she was looking in the direction of the camera. This time, there was a different message scrawled on it.
Don’t get used to having her around.
Fuck that.
I threw the pile down. “We’ve gotta shut this shit down.”
Tank responded, “Got word from the Bastards, their intel says Barton met with the Italians. Looks like he’s scrambling. He wouldn’t even risk that shit if he could avoid it. His soldiers are defecting. Officer Andrews says he’s got two in custody, one started singing. Bastard is desperate. He hasn’t got much protection, but that makes him fuckin’ risky.”
“You think he’ll go kamikaze instead of disappearing?” Gauge asked.
“With that fucker, we can’t be sure,” Stone said. “Light lockdown, starting now. The women don’t go out unprotected.” He looked to Gauge and Slick. “I’d encourage you both to move your families here or to the farmhouse. More bodies on sight to keep everyone safe. Your call.”
Both men gave chin lifts, acknowledging the offer. My guess, they’d be convincing their women to do it. I would if Ash and I lived somewhere else.
“Until this shit blows over, everyone is carrying at all times. I’m not letting anyone get hurt because we underestimate the risk. Everyone’s armed, even in houses.”
I was going to have to do the gun talk with Emmy. She was young, so she wouldn’t understand the full scope of what guns could do, but she needed to understand they were off limits. None of the brothers were stupid enough to leave them out and they knew how to use the safety, but it wasn’t the sort of shit I was taking any risks with.
“Alright, we’re done here,” Stone announced. He banged his old, worn gavel against the table before putting it back on its shelf on the wall. The brothers started moving around. A couple got to picking up the fallen pictures. I waited, because I knew what was coming.
Roadrunner came my way. I stood, but let him approach.
“Is she okay?”
“It’s tough for her, this coming back up and now knowing all the brothers will know. She’s strong, though. Getting through it.”
“Don’t want you to get offended when I say this, ‘cause I know you’ll do it, but it’s my job with Indian gone,” he said. “Take care of her.”
I wouldn’t get offended by that. Anyone else told me to take care of Ash, as if I weren’t doing that already, I’d be pissed. Roadrunner didn’t need to explain, I knew he felt that way.
“I always will,” I swore.
He didn’t say anything else. I knew he was still struggling to keep it together. If it were anyone else, I’d feel sorry for Jackson. Roadrunner was on a warpath and nothing was going to stop the man. Since it was Jackson he was after, I felt like grinning for the first time in days.
That asshole was as good as mine.
Ash was sitting beside me on the couch, her legs up and across my lap. We were still at the clubhouse, hanging out with Gauge, Cami, Slick, Deni, and Ham. The girls had been hanging out while we’d been in church. Slick and Gauge were no more into the idea of leaving their women or kids at home than I’d been.
When the meet was over, I went right to Ash. It was going to be uncomfortable for her, the guys all knowing what had happened, and I was ready to get her and Emmy out of there if she needed it. She’d decided we should stick around and I wasn’t sure whether I should have been surprised or not. My warrior.
We’d hung around with everyone for a few hours at that point, calling out for pizza, which Emmy was thrilled about. We were all in the main room while Levi, Cami and Gauge’s son, and Jules, Slick and Deni’s little girl, were both asleep in one of the bedrooms. Emmy was on the ground, drawing. Luckily, I had some colored pencils stashed in my room at the clubhouse. Sure, they were actual art supplies, not a kid’s box, but I didn’t give a fuck. My princess liked to color, she could use anything of mine she wanted. If she broke them, I’d get more.
“You okay, Deni?” Cami asked.
We all looked over to see Deni looking uneasy and Slick rubbing her back.
“Morning sickness,” she explained. “It’s not bad, just a little queasy.”
“It’s seven o’clock at night,” Ham pointed out.
“Morning sickness is a bad name. It comes when it wants,” Deni explained.
Ash spoke from next to me. “Yeah. When I was carrying Emmy, I got it twice a day, like clockwork.”
“Really?” Deni asked. “That sucks.”
Ash nodded. “Yeah, and it went way past the third month. I got it for most of my pregnancy. Every day, once first thing in the morning, again in the afternoon. It wasn’t so bad, though. I was working, so it was nice that it was at least regular. I got through it before work, then took a break when it came back.” She shrugged like it was no big deal.
I didn’t feel like it was no big deal. Ash had been sick nearly the entire time she was carrying Emmy, and worse, she’d had to work through that.
Not wanting to have the conversation with everyone around, but not being able to sit on it, I asked, “You worked the whole time?”
She looked embarrassed, and I hated that even more.
“Well, I only got so much time off and I really needed to put money away before Emmy arrived. I wanted to have as long as possible with her after she was born.”
My arm went around her hips, yanking her closer, nearly sitting her in my lap. I leaned closer to her to edge the rest of the room out. “Next time, I’ll take care of you. You worked so hard for Emmy, and that makes you a fucking amazing mom. Next baby, I’ll take care of you both.”
She moved into me, laying her head on my shoulder. I settled back into the couch, feeling better. Dwelling on the past wasn’t going to do us any good. Ash was incredible. The way she sacrificed for Emmy was beautiful, even if it fucking hurt. In the future, I’d make it better.
I noticed Cami and Deni were throwing approving looks my way, but chose to ignore that. I only needed one woman’s approval…well, one woman and one little girl.
Speaking of, Emmy was headed our way. She climbed up onto the couch next to me and leaned in close.
“Daddy, I forgot what door was the potty,” she tried to whisper, but it was loud enough for the whole room to hear. Ash’s body locked up against me.
I pointed to a door across the room. “That one, princess.”
“Okay.” She smacked a kiss on my chin and ran off to the door.
Once it closed behind her, Ash whispered, “Daddy?”
Admittedly, I’d planned to wait on that. I hadn’t expected Emmy to use it again so soon, particularly in front of Ash. I couldn’t care that she did, though. Ash and I were together again, moving forward. Emmy was going to call me daddy at some point, I was fucking thrilled she
was ready and rearing to do it already.
“I am,” I told Ash, like it was nothing.
“Did you tell her to call you that?”
Not in so many words, but I hadn’t discouraged it either. “No.”
“Has she said it before?”
“Once. She asked if I was going to be her daddy because she wanted me to,” I explained.
Her eyes got big and she was blinking fast, trying not to cry. I expected her to say it was too soon, that we should stop Emmy from saying it. I expected this to turn into a discussion we’d have to have later without an audience because she’d get worked up.
What I got was, “You sure know how to charm Thomas girls, huh?”
Fuck. Yes.
It was a deflection, but one she used to avoid admitting she loved that our daughter was calling me daddy.
“Doesn’t matter, you’ll both be Davies girls soon. But I’ll try to keep charming you.”
She gave a little smile and I kissed it off her lips.
Oh yeah, I’d fucking won.
“Emmy, this is Doc,” I introduced my girl to the oldest standing Disciple.
“Hello, doll face,” Doc greeted her.
Emmy took him in, then said in a very serious voice, “You look like Santa.”
I barked out a laugh. Oh man, that was brilliant. Anyone else said that to Doc, they’d learn a lesson. Emmy said that to him and she got a grin beneath the scraggly beard that was getting more white all the time.
“And you’ve got a dwarf name,” Emmy went on.
Doc and I were both laughing then, causing Emmy to giggle. “Does that make you Snow White?” he asked.
“Yes,” she agreed.
“Then who does that make me?”
“Dopey!”
Damn. “That’s cold, sweetie.”
I set her down on the couch with a game I’d downloaded on my phone and motioned with my head for Doc to step into the other room with me.
“You get what you need?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he answered. “I think I know why this is necessary, but I’m wondering why you couldn’t go in and do this?”
“Ash doesn’t want to have her tested. She’d rather not know. I can’t really get Emmy there and back without Ash finding out, or without Emmy telling her about it after,” I explained.
“Then I gotta ask, you think maybe you oughta not do it?”
I had thought that. I thought I’d just let it lie, and then I thought I shouldn’t. I’d gone to bed next to Ash every night and woke up with her every morning to get Emmy out of bed. I’d spent the time I could with them when club business and work didn’t take me away. Since the night I’d dropped the argument about paternity testing, I’d rethought it more times than I could count.
Then, I’d seen Ash’s face when she heard Emmy call me daddy. There was something subtle in it I didn’t understand until hours later.
We were in bed, nearly asleep. Emmy had been fussy getting to bed and Ash was worried. So, as much as I wanted to get her naked and pleading for me, we’d kept the clothes on. It was a good call, the kind a good mom like Ash would make.
A few hours later, the door creaked open.
Both of us sat up. Emmy was coming in, her lower lip plumped out and quivering, her skin looking pale and her arms crossed over her stomach. I was on my feet in a second, but Ash was already at her.
“Tummy hurts,” Emmy had muttered.
Like some kind of fucking superhero, Ash scooped her up and got down the hall to the bathroom. I followed after them. Ash barely got her there before Emmy was sick. I’d gone through a lot of shit over the years, been in fights I lost, but that shit didn’t hold a candle to watching my little girl get sick. She started crying, and I swear to God, I would have killed to make it stop.
Once it was over, Ash cleaned Emmy up and brought her back to the room. I got everything set in case my princess was sick again, then tucked them both in. My plan was to leave them, even though it destroyed me. Before I could, Emmy reached her little arms out.
“No, Daddy. Need you.”
Christ.
There was no fucking way I could deny her that. I lay down, pulling both my girls into my arms. Emmy snuggled into my chest, but didn’t move out of her mother’s hold.
“Love you, Mommy. Love you, Daddy,” she’d said in a small voice as she fell asleep.
That’s when I saw it. In the light drifting from the closet we left on for Emmy, who was afraid of the dark, I saw longing in Ash’s eyes, the kind of longing I knew. It was the longing you felt when you were sure you’d never get what you wanted. I felt like that for four and a half years. Seeing that expression gave me the answer I had been looking for.
So, I called Doc and set it up.
“Ash needs this,” I explained to Doc. “She can say whatever she wants, but she isn’t really accepting Emmy is mine. She isn’t letting this go. She wants so badly for Emmy to be my daughter, but she’s caught up in this idea that it’s about the DNA.”
“What if you don’t find out what you want to?” he asked.
“I won’t tell her. I don’t give a fuck what that test says. Emmy’s mine, either way. If it were about me, we wouldn’t be doing it. This is about seeing if I can help her. I want her to be able to move on. Maybe she can do that without knowing, but I think part of her will always struggle if she has this doubt.”
Doc measured me, the way he always did. “You really sure you can live with that knowledge?”
At the surface, no, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to find out Emmy was mine. A few weeks ago, the first night Ash was back, I might not have been able to deal with it.
Now, I knew Emmy. I loved her. She was my daughter and nothing could change that.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“Alright then,” he said.
He turned his back to me, snapping on gloves and getting out what he needed. Doc was an actual doctor. Well, he had been. No one knew the story of what took him away from the practice. He didn’t talk about that shit. Didn’t talk about himself much at all. What we all did know was his medical knowledge made him a fucking blessing. He could patch us up, and he could literally dismantle a human being.
He came back to me. “Test is simple. Gotta swab the inside of your cheek, then Emmy’s. I can’t do the actual test here. Don’t have the lab. Friend of mine is gonna run it so we don’t have to deal with the turnaround time on a lab meant just for running these tests. Also eliminates a paper trail if this doesn’t turn out well. No records. Your names won’t even be attached.”
“Good.”
I had no idea how the information could get back to Ash, but I wanted to avoid that at all costs.
“Open up,” Doc instructed, then ran the swab inside my cheek. He put the swab into a vial with some liquid in it. “That’s it, just need to do the same to the little one.”
We got Emmy swabbed, which she did without any question. I wasn’t surprised, but I was glad. If she’d been more curious, she might have said something to Ash. I didn’t need that, at least not for a few days, until I could get the results back.
I was planning to get us out of there and head back to the farmhouse when Stone stopped me.
“Sketch, need a minute.” He knelt down to accept the hug Emmy was reaching her arms up for. “How you doin’, honey?”
“I’m good. I get to be with Daddy today,” she replied.
“Oh, yeah? Where’s your mom?”
“At home,” I supplied. “Someone got sick last night and Ash didn’t sleep well worrying. I made her take it easy, brought Emmy with me.”
Stone looked away from me the second the word “sick” left my mouth. “You not feelin’ well, little one?”
Her head tilted, her curls spilling to the side. “I had tummy trouble.”
“You’re okay now, though, right, baby?” I asked.
“All better,” she agreed.
“Good,” Stone said.
“Can you hang out for jus
t another minute, princess?” I asked Emmy.
Her hand came up right away. “Game?”
At some point, I was going to stop being such a pushover with her. “What do you say?”
She brought out that damn pout in retaliation. “Pease?”
She was messing with me. I didn’t care. Fuck it, her mom could be the one who laid down the law. I handed over my phone.
Stone and I stepped a few feet away before he spoke fast in a low voice. “Roadrunner checked in. No sign of Jackson or Penelope at the address. They sat on it for a day, then got in. No one’s there. Definitely Penelope’s place, though. Mail and shit all addressed to her, food recently restocked. They’re keeping eyes on it now while Jager tries to get more intel. He just managed to get into her accounts from the info he found in the apartment. That’s why he called to update. She does anything on credit or debit, he’ll know and be able to get her.”
“Any sign Jackson’s been there?” I asked.
“Men’s clothes and shit around, but nothing they could find with his identification. Could be him, could be she’s got another guy shackin’ up there. Jager’s still researching Jackson to see if he can catch a break. Most likely, getting a hold of the bitch will have to be step one.”
I hated the fucking waiting game. Jackson was a ghost if Jager couldn’t find him. If he wasn’t the one staying with Ash’s bitch cousin, I was starting to worry we wouldn’t find him.
“Alright, brother. Thanks for updating me. Just keep me posted when they find that bitch.”
“You’ve got it,” Stone promised.
“Emmy and I are gonna roll out,” I said as a goodbye.
While I carried her to the car, Emmy kept her attention on the game she was playing. The couple times I checked, I was pretty sure she just kept dying and popping back up. I chuckled. She had no clue what she was doing.
As I was getting her in her car seat, my phone started ringing in her hand. She reached out with it, saying, “It’s for you.”