by E. L. Todd
“No, I’ve never had the hotts for any of them. How would you feel if I did?”
“I wouldn’t care.”
“Yes, you would,” he snapped. “Don’t sit there and act like you wouldn’t.” He gave me a dark stare before he began to pace again.
“Axel, just calm down.”
“Calm down?” he hissed. “I just found out the woman I love wanted my best friend first. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Axel, nothing happened. Not once did we talk about it. We literally had no interaction.”
“But that’s not the point. You wanted him in your bed—not me.”
“There was no competition, Axel. You weren’t around.”
“But we got together just a few weeks after that. I’m basically a rebound.”
I wanted to scream because this was so ridiculous. “You’re overreacting.”
“Maybe. Or maybe you just don’t get it.” He marched around me and burst through the front door.
“Axel!”
He kept going, determined to get away from me as quickly as possible.
Betrayal
Axel
“Open the damn door.” I pounded my fists as hard as I could.
The door finally flew open. Hawke stood in his sweatpants. His hair was messed up like he’d been rolling around in his bed. He was shirtless and sweaty. “What the hell is your problem?”
I barged in without being invited. “My problem? You’re my problem.” I pushed him hard against the wall.
Hawke collided with the wall but didn’t retaliate. His eye showed the blood rage pounding deep inside him. “I’m going to let that go because you’re upset about something. But touch me again, motherfucker, and I’ll make you regret it.”
“Marie. She wanted you first.”
His anger disappeared instantly, replaced by confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“You used to come into The Grind all the time and she had a crush on you. She wanted to ask you out but Francesca got to you first.” I watched his expression, trying to figure out if he knew anything about that.
He kept a stoic expression.
“You knew she was into you.”
“Axel, it was a long time ago.”
“I can’t believe this…” I took a step back, feeling sick to my stomach.
“Look, nothing happened. She never asked me out and I never asked her out. I’d had my eye on Francesca from the beginning. No offense to Marie, but she didn’t stand a chance.”
“But she wanted you…before she wanted me.”
“And you haven’t wanted other women before Marie?” he asked incredulously. “Are you five?”
“It’s different. You’re my best friend.”
“It was just a crush, Axel. She thought I was cute and that was the extent of her feelings. She can barely stand to be in the same room as me now. She doesn’t look at me like that anymore. The second Francesca and I started talking Marie forgot about me.”
I still felt like shit. “How did you know she was into you?”
He put his hands on his hips. “I don’t know…she’d stare at me a lot. Anytime I would order she was always quiet, giggling at anything I said. Stuff like that.”
Hawke and I looked nothing alike, so the fact she was attracted to him made me doubt my appearance. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall.
“Axel, don’t be like this.” He came closer to me when he knew I’d calmed down. “You’re reading way too much into it.”
“How would you feel if Francesca wanted one of your friends before she wanted you?”
Like always, he changed the second she was brought up. “I wouldn’t like it at all. But I would get over it. Because what she and I had was much stronger than the physical attraction she had for someone else. There’s no reason to be threatened by me, Axel. What you guys have is real. You guys love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. How could you possibly care about any other guy Marie has ever been with? You’re the man she loves.”
Despite those emotional words I was still angry. I felt betrayed, like someone stabbed me in the back. I didn’t expect to be Marie’s one and only, but I thought she only noticed me and not my best friend. “I’ve got to go…” I turned back to the door. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”
“Axel, come on.”
I kept walking. “Good night.”
He followed me into the hallway. “Let it go. You’re upset over nothing.”
My shoulders slouched and felt a million times too heavy. I was sick to my stomach. I felt like my arms and legs had been ripped off. Everything hurt. It was as if Marie cheated on me even though she hadn’t. It felt like my world had ended.
***
I steered clear of Marie as much as possible. I didn’t answer her phone calls and I didn’t go back to my apartment because I knew she had a key. I ended up checking into a hotel room with a suitcase.
I wasn’t ready to talk to her.
She left me voicemails and text messages, all of which went unanswered. Most of the time I just deleted them without knowing what they said. By the end of the week I was still upset. I felt wounded, like someone jabbed a knife into my lungs.
By the end of the week she stopped calling. Maybe she got the hint that I needed some space. Suffocating me with her apologies wouldn’t change the way I felt. But I didn’t know what could change the way I felt. If it were anyone else but Hawke it might have been different. He was the good-looking playboy all the girls were interested in. I thought Marie only noticed me—and not him.
Francesca’s shop was about to open and I knew I couldn’t ignore her forever. She needed my help as well as my support. If I missed that opening day I’d regret it forever.
I called her the night before the big day.
She answered it coldly. “What do you want?”
I knew whose side she was on. “Is everything ready for tomorrow?”
“Yes.” She was giving me the cold shoulder—bad.
“Do you need me for anything?”
“No.”
“Frankie, come on. I want tomorrow to go over well.”
“And it will. Now if you excuse me, I should go.” She hung up before I could get another word in.
I lay back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling.
Finished
Marie
We were over.
I thought everything was great and perfect, but then we had to hit that bump in the road. Axel was upset over something that happened before we even slept together, so it was impossible for me to change it. And it was unfair to hold it against me.
But I still felt guilty for hurting him.
He disappeared off the map. He never went back to his apartment, and he never answered my phone calls or messages. It was abundantly clear our relationship was over. It was beautiful while it lasted, and I never expected to be the reason it wouldn’t work out.
Caught me by surprise.
Despite the pain I was in I put on a bright smile for Francesca. Her shop was opening and I wanted to be as supportive as possible. Today, my pain was irrelevant. Her biggest dream was coming true.
I arrived at the shop at seven in the morning with a cup of coffee in my hands. Francesca was having her grand opening, cutting the ribbon for the cameras that had been scheduled to appear—thanks to Hawke. I didn’t expect Axel to be there. Normally, he would be there in a heartbeat. But since I was there I knew he would stay away.
The workers were already inside, perfecting the final pastries that would be for sale as soon as the doors opened. Customers hovered outside, waiting to get their cups of gourmet coffee. I stood off to the side, witnessing all of this as another bystander.
That’s when I spotted him.
Axel was on the side of the entryway, wearing a suit and tie like he planned to go to work after the grand opening. His eyes were on me and he watched me intently. His expression was unreadable.
I looked away, refusing to make eye contact with him. He dumped me coldly over something so stupid. Yes, I was attracted to Hawke at one point but that didn’t make me a bad person. I stepped aside and let Francesca have him because I knew they should be together.
But he wouldn’t let it go.
Axel walked around the crowd, slowly coming my way.
I didn’t look at him, sipping my coffee and waiting for Francesca to cut the beautiful yellow ribbon tied between the doors.
When he came to my side the air changed around both of us. I felt the tension in the air, the anger as well as the sorrow.
Without looking at him I said, “Today is about Francesca. So, whatever you want to say can wait until another time.”
He stood beside me, his hands in his pockets. “I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. It was childish and stupid.”
I never expected an apology. He seemed too upset to see reason.
“I shouldn’t have ignored you like that. It was wrong.”
There was nothing else I could do besides forgive him, so that’s what I did. “I forgive you.” I sipped my coffee and kept watching the crowd. They seemed anxious to get out of the sun and into the cute bakery.
Axel grabbed my coffee and tossed it in the garbage.
“Hey!”
He turned me toward him. “I’ll buy you another one. But right now I want you to look at me.”
“Why?” I pulled my elbow out of his grasp. “What’s there to see?”
“You accepted my apology but it doesn’t seem like you mean it.”
“I do mean it. But what do you expect me to do? Smile and hug you?” When people broke up they steered clear of one another. I was only making an exception right now because it was Francesca’s big day.
“Yes, actually.” He cupped my face with both of his hands, touching me just the way he used to. “I just got jealous and let it get to my head…it was stupid. I’ve never been in a relationship before so I’ve never experienced jealousy. Now that I know what it is I recognize it. It was wrong of me to hold that against you. Actually, it was stupid. I want you to know I’m sorry and I learned from my mistake.”
I felt myself melt at his touch—like always.
“I understand if you’re still mad at me. I shouldn’t have ignored you like that. That’s what I’m most sorry for.”
Feeling his cold rejections stung. Of course, it did.
“Baby, do you forgive me?”
“I don’t know…you just broke up with me.” How could I sweep that under the rug—again?”
His eyes narrowed. “Broke up with you? What are you talking about?”
“When you ignored me for a week straight I could only assume.”
He closed his eyes and sighed like he was in pain. “No…that’s not what that was. I just wanted space. Marie, even if you cheated on me I wouldn’t leave you. That makes me pathetic, I know. And please don’t cheat on me now that you know that. But it’s the truth. Baby, I’m never going to let you go again—no matter how angry I get. I’m sorry for scaring you.”
I was relieved I misred him.
“Please tell me you’re still mine.” The sincerity in his voice broke my heart.
“Always.”
He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, releasing a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I broke my promise to you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Axel, it’s normal for couples to fight in relationships. It happens. So don’t promise something like that. But you can promise to work it out with me—every time.”
He opened his eyes again. “Yeah, I guess that’s a better compromise.”
I cupped his face and kissed him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He kissed me again before he pressed his lips against my forehead. “So much it scares me sometimes.” His arms wrapped around me, forming steel cages, and he held me into his chest.
“It scares me too.”
“Hey, if you guys are done I’m going to open my bakery now.” Francesca stood holding an enormous pair of scissors. She was giving us both the stink eye since we were making out on the corner.
“Sorry.” I grabbed Axel’s hand and we joined her in front of the doors. Axel grabbed the ribbon and made sure the tension was tight so she’d have an easy time cutting it. Once the shot was timed with the photographers she cut the rope.
And The Muffin Girl finally opened.
The Next Step
Axel
I was grateful Marie forgave me and my little tantrum. I got upset quicker than I meant to, and then everything came pouring out. Before I knew it, I was waist deep in shit. She could have broken it off with me and had every right to.
But she didn’t.
Like every Sunday night, Marie packed all of her dirty clothes and shoes into her duffel bag. It was a ritual we practiced every single week. She prepared to return to the apartment she shared with Francesca and I’d be sleeping alone most of the week until the weekend returned.
I hated it.
“Baby, don’t go.” I grabbed her by the hips and dragged her back to bed. “I hate it when you leave.”
“I hate it too.” She lay underneath me on the bed.
“Then stay.” Every time I said goodbye it was actually painful. I wanted to share everything with her—share my life. My hand fisted her hair and I kissed her, doing my best to seduce her.
“Axel, I need to do laundry and get ready for work.”
“I have a washer and dryer.”
“But I have other stuff to wash—like my bed.”
“You don’t even sleep in it.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then let me come over.” If I had to get up an hour early to make sure I made it to work on time, then so be it. It was worth it.
“Francesca is still there.”
“Kick her out. She has a job now.”
“She’s welcome to stay as long as she wants.”
I growled under my breath.
“Babe, I know this sucks. But it’s not the end of the world.”
To me it was. “The best part of this relationship is having you by my side every second of the day. How am I supposed to sleep if you aren’t with me? It’s just not the same.”
“I know but we have other responsibilities.”
“Who cares?”
“And I can’t get much writing done when I’m here.”
“Then we’ll turn the spare bedroom into an office. You can work here whenever you want.”
“Like you’d let me. You’d be kissing my neck and feeling me up the whole time.”
I smiled. “Like you wouldn’t like that.”
“I would like it. That’s the problem.”
I was tired of begging her at the end of every week. When she said I was clingy she was dead on. I was clingy—with her. She made me happy and I didn’t want her to be anywhere else but here. Was it that strange?
She moved from under me then returned to her feet. “I’m sorry, Axel.”
I didn’t like it when I didn’t get my way. “Let me walk you.” I didn’t like it when she walked home alone in the city after dark. Even if she took a cab or stuck to well-lit areas it made me uneasy.
She didn’t object to that—which was smart.
***
I walked her to her door and prepared for the dreadful goodbye. “I had a great time this weekend.”
“Me too.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested them on the small of her back. We went out to dinner and for some drinks on Friday night, and then we went to the movies on Saturday. Today, we just lay around the house and made love nonstop. But now the weekend was over. “I want every day to be the weekend.”
“I think everyone does.”
I cupped her face and gave her a soft kiss. Whenever our mouths touched I felt alive, like I could do anything. It invigorated me with life and passion. I’d never kissed another woman and felt that way before.
She pulled away and rubbed her nose against mine. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
She got the door unlocked then walked inside. She gave me a quick wave before she shut the door.
I stood there, staring at the peephole. My hands moved into my pockets and I felt the ache in my chest the second she was gone. Now I would return to my empty apartment, the one I shared with no one, and I would tried to get some sleep despite how futile it was.
And then I realized how much I didn’t want to do that.
I’d rather sleep outside her door than go home alone.
I didn’t have a problem being on my own. But once I felt that connection with Marie I never wanted to let go. I wanted to be near her always. When I came home from work I wanted her to be there.
I always wanted to be there.
I opened the door and walked inside, not thinking about my actions before I did them.
Marie and Francesca were talking in the living room. Marie was standing at the back of the couch, and she turned to me when she realized I walked inside without knocking. “Axel, is everything okay?”
“Knock, asshole,” Francesca snapped.
I came closer to her, ignoring both of the things they just said. “Move in with me.”
Francesca covered her mouth and gasped.
Marie stood there in shock, her eyes wide.
“I know it’s a little fast but I don’t care. When I come home every day I want you to be there. I’m tired of seeing you pack up your things just to return to this apartment with Francesca. I’m tired of sharing you. Please move in with me.” This was the perfect solution to all my problems. It was too soon for me to propose but this was doable. A lot of couples moved in together before they got married. Marie and I never talked about it, but I knew she was the woman I’d spend the rest of my life with. “Francesca can have this apartment and you can just move your stuff to my place. You’re there all the time anyway.” It made perfect sense.
Francesca stared at Marie and waited for her to give an answer.
Her silence unnerved me. Was this something she wasn’t ready for? Did she have doubts? Was it because of the fight we had a few weeks ago? “Baby?” If she said no I’d be hurt. But I’d do my best to mask the pain on my features.