The notion was so sweet and old-fashioned that she had to smile at him. “Oh, Alex, we’re not living in the dark ages. They’re not going to label me a hussy just because you’re sleeping by my side.”
“They damn well better not,” he growled. “If anyone insults you, they’ll have to answer to me.”
If he was that all-fired worried about her honor, why didn’t he make an honest woman out of her? Sierra wanted to ask him. But there was no way she could get words like that past her lips. He’d probably run backward so fast, he’d hurt himself. And anyway, she wasn’t so sure that marrying Alex would be the right step for her. Even though he spent most of his time with her right now, he was a bachelor at heart. Once he grew bored with her, he’d drift on to someone else. That was the way Alex had always worked.
“Thank you, Sir Galahad.” She pecked a short kiss on his cheek then turned and walked to the door. “I’m going to finish supper. It’ll be ready in five minutes, so hurry.”
He looked over his shoulder at her with an expression hovering between teasing and serious.
“I’m not hungry for food.”
Sierra scraped a forefinger down the length of the opposite forefinger, but her chuckle softened the shameful gesture. “All you lawyers are the same. You have to win, at any cost.”
Ten minutes later the two of them were sitting at the dining table eating the juicy steak that Sierra had broiled on the charcoal grill. Between bites, Alex began to tell her all about his day.
By the time they finished the strawberry shortcake he was telling jokes and laughing and Sierra was relieved to see him relaxed again. He had such a stressful job he didn’t need silly worries about her piled on him, too.
“Okay, now what is this surprise you tempted me with? You said you went shopping today. Was it the lingerie department?” His eyes glinted devilishly. “Maybe something with a garter belt and fishnet hose?”
Her heart was suddenly beating very fast. Not because he’d suggested the two of them doing something erotic together. No, she was thinking about the nursery and whether he was going to view her work as a sign she wanted to keep Bowie on a permanent basis. There was no way she could know exactly how he felt about that prospect. Since the day he’d told child care services that the two of them were engaged and planning a family, he’d not talked about the future with Sierra. Not the far future. But then Alex had always been a person who lived from week to week and the only thing he took seriously was his work.
“Uh, no, sorry. It’s nothing like that.” Her smile was hesitant as she released a nervous little laugh. “If you’re finished eating, I’ll show you.”
“I couldn’t eat another bite,” he assured her.
Sierra rose from her chair and reached for his hand. “Okay. Close your eyes and I’ll lead you.”
He chuckled as he stood and obediently closed his eyes, then placed his hand in hers. Sierra’s heart pounded with nervous anticipation as she led him to the door of the nursery and swung it wide.
“You can open your eyes now,” she said.
She watched his eyelids flutter open and the faint amusement on his face instantly disappeared as surprise took over. He stared at the bright, happy wallpaper, the curtains, the chest and finally the crib with its colorful mobile of bugs and butterflies.
“What, uh, when did you do all of this?”
She followed him as he stepped into the room.
“I’ve been working on it all week. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise.”
He continued to look around the room as though he’d never seen a nursery before. “Well, you’ve certainly surprised me.”
Sierra reached for his hand and twined her fingers through his. “Bowie deserves to have a real nursery. And I wanted it to look nice. I’ll admit I paid a hefty amount for the crib and chest. But hopefully I’ll be using it again, when I have more children.”
Her last two words caught his attention and he arched a brow at her. “More children? Are you trying to tell me you’re pregnant?”
Sierra could feel hot color consume her face. “Why, no. I told you I take an oral contraceptive.”
“Pills can be forgotten,” he said dryly.
His caustic remark hit Sierra hard, but she tried her best not to let it hurt her. Alex had always been frank and sarcastic at times. She’d decided a long time ago that you had to take the good with the bad if you wanted to hang around with Alex Calloway.
“I never forget,” she said in a voice sharp enough to catch his attention.
He looked down at her and suddenly his features softened. “I didn’t mean it that way, Sierra.”
Still stinging from the insensitive comment, she said, “Just to ease your mind, I’d never trap a man that way. And that includes you, Alex Calloway.”
Alex released a heavy sigh. He didn’t know why he’d said such a thing to Sierra. In his heart he was certain she wasn’t that type of woman. But the second he’d laid his eyes on the nursery he’d felt smothered and scared. Now she was probably thinking he was just using her.
Well, aren’t you, Alex?
The inward voice stabbed him swift and deep. Was he using Sierra just for a sexual partner? No. She was more to him that that. But just how much more was a question he was afraid to answer.
“All right, honey.” He slipped his arm around her shoulders and drew her to him. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not like that. Forgive me, huh?”
It wasn’t Sierra’s nature to stay angry for more than a minute or two and she grinned shyly up at him. “You’re forgiven. Now tell me what you think about the nursery.”
Once again his gaze swung full circle around the room. “You’ve obviously put a lot of work into it. And you’ve done a great job. If Bowie was old enough to really see it, I’m sure he’d be goo-gooing with pleasure.”
She laughed softly. “Well, he will be gooing and squealing when he starts pulling up to the side of the crib and looking around at things.”
Walking over to the baby bed, she pointed to the intricately carved posts. “See, the posts are close together so he can’t get his little head hung between them. And these things around the bottom are bumper pads so when he starts rolling, he won’t hurt himself. I looked at one of those portable intercom things, too. So that way if he makes even a tiny noise I could hear him. But they were rather pricey and I’d already spent so much on the furniture I decided I’d better wait until I get another paycheck.”
“Always the practical woman,” he murmured somewhat absently, then, rubbing his fingers across his forehead, he pulled his gaze away from the bed to look at her.
“What does this all mean, Sierra? I don’t think you would have done all of this unless you have long-term plans for Bowie.”
She drew in a long, bracing breath and released it. “I’ve been doing a lot of studying about that, Alex. And—” She paused as she pushed back a heavy swath of black hair from her shoulders and tried to find the right words. “I guess you can tell I’m crazy about Bowie.”
He nodded. “I’d have to be blind not to see it.”
“He—well, he feels like my boy. My own baby.” Her brown eyes turned pleading as she looked up at him. “It’s hard for me to explain just how I’m feeling. But all I can tell you is that I don’t want to give him up.”
He walked over to the crib and, with his forefinger, made an antenna on one of the butterflies bounce up and down. “Why should you have to give him up? I’m sure you can continue to be his foster mother until they find a good home for him.”
Alex’s green eyes were searching her face so intently that Sierra had to break eye contact and her gaze dropped to the blue-and-white checked comforter spread across the bottom of the crib.
Swinging her head back and forth, she said, “Who knows when or if Ginger might show up to reclaim him.”
“You got that letter from her mother the other day. It should have reassured you that the Rollins family isn’t going to stake any clai
ms on the baby.”
Her eyes darted up to his, then back to the comforter. “It did reassure me to a certain point. But I don’t want to take any chances. I’ve decided I want to adopt Bowie.”
He didn’t say anything and suddenly the room was so quiet and tense Sierra was sure he could probably hear the loud beating of her heart.
“Adopt?”
The one-word question came out softly, as though he wasn’t certain he’d heard correctly.
Sierra quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped her hand around his arm. “Yes, adopt. What do you think about it, Alex? Will you help me?”
“Help you?” His features twisted with comical disbelief. “You are kidding, aren’t you?”
Sierra felt a cool wind wafting through the room. It slipped down her spine and sent goose bumps crawling up the backs of her arms.
“No. I wouldn’t kid about something so serious. I’m asking you to help me.”
Suddenly he turned his back to her, threw up his arms, then let them fall with a heavy whack against his sides. “What in hell are you thinking, Sierra? Asking me, of all people, to help you adopt?”
Stunned by the censure in his voice, Sierra stepped backward and swallowed hard. “I—you helped me gain foster care. I thought—I’d hoped you be happy to help make Bowie my baby. Don’t you—care for him, even the least little bit?”
Her question seemed to insult and irritate him even more and through clenched teeth he let out a loud groan. “Damn it, Sierra! Of course I care for Bowie. That’s not what this is about.”
She looked at him, her eyes shadowed with pain and confusion. “It isn’t?”
He whirled back to her. “No! It isn’t! You’re talking about adoption. That’s a big step for anyone, much less a single woman.”
“I realize that.”
He frowned. “You’re young, Sierra. You’ll eventually have children of your own.”
“I hope so. I want Bowie to have brothers and sisters. I’m sure you understand it’s not good to grow up alone.”
“And it’s damn sure not good to grow up believing you’re a real part of the family when you aren’t!”
Like a cold rain, disappointment washed through her. “Oh. So that’s where you’re coming from,” she said with regret. “Well, I’m sorry I asked for your help. But since you are a lawyer and my friend—my closest friend—you were my first choice.”
Sierra didn’t wait for him to respond. She brushed past him and walked out of the nursery. As she hurried toward the kitchen, tears burned her throat, but she refused to give in to them. Alex might think she was a pushover, but he was going to see just how tough she could be.
She was bending over the bassinet to make sure Bowie was still sleeping, when Alex came up behind her and wrapped his hand around her upper arm.
“Come here. We’ve got to talk.”
The hurt part of her wanted to resist him. But the sensible side realized the two of them had to talk. She didn’t want to remain at loggerheads with him. She loved him. She needed his arms around her. She needed his support.
“All right.”
She allowed him to lead her into the living room where the television was tuned in to the weather channel. Sierra didn’t need to see the forecast. She could already predict a brewing storm.
Sierra sat down on the couch and expected him to join her. Instead he stood in front of her for a moment, quietly studying her face, and then he began to pace around the room until she got the impression she was on the witness stand and he was about to cut her to pieces.
After a moment, she said, “I thought you wanted to talk.”
“I do. I’m trying to think of a way to make you understand that adopting Bowie is all wrong. For you. For me. For Bowie.”
She tried not to flinch at his harsh words.
“Why?” she demanded. “How could loving and nourishing a child be wrong? Alex, I don’t understand. You do have a heart and sometimes you even use it.”
He stopped in the middle of the room and twisted his head in her direction. “This is not a time for sarcasm,” he accused.
Her mouth popped open. “Then don’t use any on me,” she snapped.
He appeared to be taken aback by her sudden show of fire and Sierra watched him walk over and take a seat next to her.
“Listen, Sierra, none of this has anything to do with Bowie—”
“I beg your pardon?” she interrupted hotly. “It has everything to do with him!”
His hand came up before she could finish speaking.
“Just wait until I finish, please.”
She glared and he continued, “I love Bowie. You might not think I’m capable of such an emotion, but I am. And, in the long run, I want what’s best for the boy. He needs parents. Two of them. A nice married couple who will see that he’s loved and cared for.”
“I don’t have to be married to give Bowie love and a good home,” she shot back at him. “You and I both know that. Besides, I’m only twenty-eight. I don’t plan on staying single for the rest of my life.”
No quick retort came from his lips and Sierra realized her remark had taken their battle to dangerous ground.
His jaw like granite, he said, “Really. Is that what this is all about? You want the two of us to get married and adopt Bowie?”
She started to scream “No” out loud, but somehow managed to stop the word before it passed her lips. How could she answer no, when he’d just spoken her most fervent wish? Of course she’d imagined her and Alex married with Bowie and more children to go with him. It was a wonderful dream, even though, in the back of her mind, she understood it would never happen.
Her heart aching, she asked softly, “Would that be so bad?”
Cursing, he jumped to his feet. “Hell, yes! I don’t want to be married. I don’t want to have to trust anyone that much. And I sure as hell don’t want to be the one who has to tell Bowie that somewhere out there he has two parents who didn’t want him, who deserted him without a backward glance!”
Pushing herself to her feet, Sierra’s lips quivered as she met his fierce gaze.
“Well, don’t worry, Alex Calloway. Because I wouldn’t marry you even if you got down on your belly and crawled across the floor to ask me!”
His nostrils flared with anger. “I wouldn’t turn myself into a snake for any woman.”
Sierra laughed scathingly. “Turn into? You already are one, Alex. Poison through and through.”
Not waiting around to hear more, she held her head up and walked briskly to the kitchen and began to blindly gather up the remnants of their special meal.
Her plans to surprise Alex had backfired big time, she thought wretchedly. But at least now his feelings toward her and Bowie were crystal clear. There was nothing permanent about them.
She was scraping plates, hoping the simple task would stop her hands from trembling, when she heard footsteps behind her.
Turning, she saw Alex standing in the doorway. A grim look was on his face and slowly but surely she felt her insides dying. “Yes,” she acknowledged.
“I’ve gotten my things loaded into the SUV. I’m leaving.”
He might as well have punched her in the stomach with his fist. It wouldn’t have hurt any more than his blunt farewell.
Wiping her hands on a dish towel, she walked toward him. “You’re leaving?”
He nodded and she couldn’t help notice that he was avoiding eye contact. Maybe this wasn’t any easier for him than it was for her, she thought.
“Well, I guess it’s for the best,” she said soberly. “There’s no sense in us trying to be together when we’re really worlds apart. And I—I’m sorry I said those nasty things to you, Alex. You have a right to feel as you do.”
“I’m glad you understand that much,” he said stiffly.
“Goodbye, Alex.”
“Yeah,” he muttered, then turned on his heel and hurried out of the room.
Just as Sierra heard the front door cl
ick behind him, Bowie started to squirm and cry. As Sierra picked the baby up from the bassinet, she cried along with him.
Chapter Eleven
Early the next morning, Sierra was giving Bowie a bath in the kitchen sink when the telephone rang.
Muttering with annoyance, she ignored the sound until she’d rinsed the baby and wrapped him in a towel. By then the caller had hung up so she laid Bowie on the table to diaper him. She’d just finished that task, when the phone began to shrill a second time.
Quickly she wrapped a thin blanket around Bowie and hurried over to the portable phone on the kitchen cabinet.
“Hello,” she said with a hint of weary exasperation. She’d had one of those horrible nights where she’d not gotten a wink of sleep. With Alex’s leaving, her insomnia had returned big time and she was totally drained from having no rest.
“Oh, you’re there. I had just about decided you must already be at work.”
Her heart sank when she heard her old college friend Gayle’s voice on the other end of the line. Damn, damn. Today was the group’s regular lunch day at the Longhorn. What was she going to do? She couldn’t face Alex. Not today.
“Hi, Gayle. What’s up?” she asked while desperately trying to keep her voice light and natural. Which was a major effort when her nasal passages were swollen from last night’s flood of tears.
“Just calling to make sure you can make it to lunch today. And if you haven’t eaten breakfast yet, then don’t. I want you to try that fudge brownie dessert with me. Remember?”
A fattening dessert was the least of her worries, Sierra thought. “Uh—I don’t know, Gayle. Something has come up.”
“Are you sick?” the blonde quickly questioned.
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“Oh, then it’s work.” Gayle was quick to presume. “Sorry, Sierra. Can’t you get away even for thirty minutes? I wanted to see how things have been going with you since old Chad headed for the hills.”
Sierra nearly choked on something between a sob and a laugh. “Gayle—listen, I really don’t think I can come to lunch today. And it’s not my job that’s causing the problem. Actually I’m on a short leave from work right now.”
In a Texas Minute Page 14