by Marie Harte
“I thought you explained them just fine when you agreed I was a whore who’d tried to trap you with a baby. Remember?”
He flushed. God, why was she saying all these things? She thought she’d gotten past it all.
“Please, Joey,” he said quietly. “This isn’t about you and me. It’s about Brandon. Our son.”
Rage filled her. All the sacrifices she’d made while he’d partied and gone off to school, getting his dream job, his dream wedding. Everything she’d had to endure as a female of “loose morals and standing” while the boy who’d browbeaten her into giving up her virginity had come out the hero. What a crock of shit.
“You know what? I want to be mature about this,” she said, her voice even, doing her best to keep it together. “I want to be a good mother. Do you know what I told my son about his father when he asked?”
Felix looked pained as he shook his head.
“I told him his father was sick. Because only a very sick person could deny his child. You didn’t want him back then.” She pointed at him, dying to sink her finger into his chest, his skull. “You threw him away.” Her eyes blurred. “You hurt me, and I could have gotten over that. But you threw him away too. None of it was his fault. So you took your moneyed, entitled ass away to school and didn’t give ‘your’ son a second thought. I bathed him. I changed him. I fed him. I paid for it all and never got a moment’s peace because my family was always there to remind me of what a mistake I’d made. But I have a precious little boy because of it. Me, not you. You signed away your rights years ago. And you got off scot-free. No money, no responsibility.” She did poke him then; she couldn’t help it. “That’s the way you wanted it. I played it your way a long time ago.”
She poked him again. And it felt so good. “Felix?”
“Yes?”
“Fuck off. He’s my son. Not yours.”
He looked shocked at the end, but she felt too scared and elated to care.
Except as she walked away, she heard him loud and clear and knew it wasn’t over.
“Not the way I wanted it, Joey. Not at all.”
She hurried back onto the field, praying he’d leave. She was shaking, and she hated that she’d let him get to her. Felix Rogers, golden athlete, Mr. Popular. She’d been right there with him through his senior year. Then she’d quietly dropped out of school to have and raise his baby while he’d pretended nothing had happened. The student body still treated him like a god while she’d been designated the school whore.
Hell. The only reason she’d slept with the boy she’d thought she’d loved was because he’d kept pressuring her. She’d wanted to wait, but Felix had wanted more. And truth be told, their kissing and heavy petting had been exciting.
She watched Brandon, now playing on defense, deflect a shot at goal with a nice kick back to his offensive line. He turned to wave at her, to make sure she’d seen, and she waved back, her thoughts a tangled mess.
That blond hair. Just like his fath—like Felix.
In her defense, she hadn’t been a complete idiot to date Felix. Back in the day, Felix had been a real keeper. He’d been polite to her parents, gorgeous, so nice and fun to be around. Everyone liked him, and it hadn’t hurt that his father was on the rise in politics or that they came from money. Not that she’d cared one iota about his family’s finances. But it had been interesting to note an unspoiled, caring rich kid for once. Until he’d knocked her up and reverted to type.
For six months they’d dated. She’d been a sophomore, he a senior. She’d been in love. He’d been so great to be with, and she’d thought he’d loved her too. He’d been her first, but the sex had been lacking. At least for her. Felix must have known he’d been a dud, because he’d been skittish about having sex again after that. They’d continued being boyfriend and girlfriend, and he’d treated her like gold.
Until she’d missed her period. The pregnancy test proved positive. He was scared, wanted her to have an abortion. But she couldn’t do it. She’d loved Felix, and though it was much earlier than she’d hoped to have a child, she wanted the baby. Then before she knew it, he was out of her life, she was out of his and out of school not two months later.
It being high school, everyone knew her business and started taking sides about who had done what. She’d tried to trap him with a baby. She was a whore. Half the football team had done her. Through it all, Felix remained tight-lipped. Never saying a bad word about her, but not saying a good word either. She’d tried talking to him until his mother had point-blank told her to go away and never come back.
She couldn’t remember whose idea it had been to sign away Felix’s rights to the baby, but in any case, he’d signed the paperwork. Refused to look her in the eye and broke her heart all over again. Not wanting her? Crushing. Not wanting his own child? A true blow to her already-fragile heart.
And now he thought he could just come walking back into her life, into her son’s life? Fuck him.
The f-word blazed like a torch. Her parents, J.T., even Del asked her what was the matter, but she just smiled through her teeth and lied about an unhappy customer she had to deal with. There was time enough to factor Felix into the equation. But she needed to make sure she protected Brandon first and foremost.
After his game, she took him out for ice cream, alone, having promised her parents they’d join them soon enough. In the ice-cream parlor, she constantly looked around to make sure Felix wasn’t near.
“Mom?” Brandon eyed her with puzzlement. “Are you okay?”
She laughed, forcing herself to act normally. “I’m fine, sweetie. Just got word of an unhappy customer from Tonya at work.”
“Oh. Here.” He pushed the cup of rainbow sherbet at her. “Have some of this. You’ll feel much better.”
She looked from his smiling face to the sherbet and felt the tears form. “I love you so much, you know that?”
He flushed. “Aw, Mom. Stop being mushy. You can have it all if you want.”
“No. Just a taste.” She took a bite from his spoon, then handed him back the treat.
And as she sat waiting for him to finish, she wished she had Lou to lean on. His powerful presence seemed like a shield against all things bad. After all, she’d felt nothing but good around him since accepting him into her bed, into her body.
And into her heart?
Oh God. Not now. She could barely handle dealing with Felix.
Yeah. Fuck you. So clever. She groaned. All the F-you’s in the world wouldn’t keep the senator’s son from her door. She should know better. Despite her poor taste in ex-boyfriends, she had a head on her shoulders.
If she wanted to deal with Felix, she needed to take control. Figure out what he really wanted, talk to him like a mature adult, and handle this. Before he took it upon himself to intrude on Brandon’s life. She put her hand in her pocket, fingering his crumpled business card.
Of course he’d become a successful lawyer. Money, looks, charm, and he wanted his son.
But if he could give Brandon the male support—not financial but emotional—of a father Brandon lacked, wasn’t that more important than hurt feelings? So long as Felix didn’t treat Brandon like dirt or change his mind about wanting him after meeting him. Then she could and would kick him so hard, he’d never sit down again without regretting his treatment of her boy. And she’d laugh about it.
Right. Okay, that was what a good mom would do.
She nodded, her mind made up. “Brandon, time to go. I have a few things to do. And I think you and Grandma need some bonding time.”
He grinned. “She’s going to take me bowling. If I win, I get five dollars.”
“A sucker’s bet. You know Grandma is in a league.” She shook her head.
He started crying, right there in the shop, and she gaped. “Brandon?”
The tears dried up, and he laughed. “Ha! See? C
olin taught me that. Now when she wins, I’ll just cry, and she’ll buy me pizza. Maybe even beer.”
Joey couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, con man. You try that. Let me know how it turns out for you.” Because even her real tears hadn’t been enough to get her mother to forgive her, not for a very long time.
“I’m so sad. Forever crying and crying… Oh no…” Brandon sputtered and tried to cry again. But his tears had dried up.
She snorted. “Come on, Brando. Time to go home.”
“Who?”
The Xbox generation. She sighed. “Never mind. Grab your coat.”
Chapter 16
Becky shook her head. “I told you he was back in town.” They sat across from each other at Becky’s kitchen table Saturday evening, munching on a tray of decadent cookies Becky had picked up from NCB. Lou was right. Their new baker was fabulous.
“I know.” Joey sighed as she ate another cookie, no longer feeling guilty for leaving Brandon with her mother. Considering her mother had all but thrown her out of the house to have special grandma time, she didn’t know why she bothered with regrets anyway. “Has anyone ever told you that you have too much junk food around the house?”
“What can I say? I only eat like this when my love life sucks.” Becky wolfed down a chocolate chip cookie. “But at least my ex-baby daddy isn’t in town to shake me down for my kid.”
“Thanks so much for putting that into words I can understand,” Joey said drily.
“I aim to please.” Becky washed down the cookie with a glass of milk. “Ah. Well, what do you plan to do now that you’ve finally told Felix to fuck off?” Becky started laughing. “I’m sorry. I feel for you. But I have to know. What was the face he made when you said that?”
Joey mimicked the shock he’d worn, and Becky snorted milk from her nose, which Joey found hilarious. The laughter eased some of the nerves making her head swim.
“God.” Joey started on a snickerdoodle, stress eating and trying to give a crap. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Whoa. Before you get all melodramatic and the-world-is-ending on me, why not see what he wants? Yeah, okay, he totally deserved the fuck off. I agree. He walked away smelling like roses, while you got big as a house and were painted the town whore. Sorry, high school whore.”
“I’d feel a lot better if the word whore stopped being thrown around. I had sex one time and got pregnant. Not like I was rolling around with everyone.”
“I know. I just think it’s funny to call you a ho. You’re about as buttoned up as a girl can get.”
She had to say it. “That’s not what Lou thinks.”
“Go, Team Joey.” Becky high-fived her. “So you and the mechanic have been bumping uglies. And you’re loving it.”
She nodded, her face hot, but she needed to talk about it with someone.
“Does he know about Brandon yet?”
“No, and I’m thinking maybe I should tell him.”
“Because it’s more than bumping uglies. Now you want to stare at that ugliness all the time? Talk to it? Laugh at it?”
“I’m confused. When did I ever say he’s ugly?” Joey frowned. “Lou is seriously good-looking. Like, makes-you-stop-in-your-tracks hotness.”
Becky groaned. “No one ever gets my analogies. Not the fourth graders, the first graders, and not my twenty-five-year-old best friend.”
“Twenty-four.”
“Whatever. My point is you are falling for this guy, and can I just say…I knew it. You don’t do casual sex, Joey. You never have.”
“So?”
“Don’t get defensive. That’s not a bad thing. It’s who you are. You commit. You’re into more than just loving and leaving them. Unlike me. A sexual Mata Hari.”
Joey shook her head. “Sorry, again not getting the comparison. You’re saying you’re a sexual spy?”
“I was going for sexual assassin. Like, I kill because I’m so dang good in the sack. Yes? No? Never mind. Just realize it’s okay to be you, Joey. You spend so much time trying to make your parents happy, Brandon happy, Stef happy, then you forget about making you happy.”
“Not always. I mean, I did what you said. I enjoyed myself with Lou.” A lot. She fanned herself.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like there’s nothing wrong with wanting to date the guy you’re banging. Or not banging,” she grumbled.
“Oh, Trent still away?”
“No, he came back. But I learned he’s mega religious and a prude too. All that sexiness wasted on a priest.”
Joey choked on her sip of milk. “What?”
“I saw him ‘in uniform’ the other day. Man, talk about throwing me for a loop. I’ve been avoiding him since. I don’t know. Seducing a priest just feels wrong.”
Joey tried not to laugh at her friend’s misery.
“It’s awful, because I really liked him. Like, we have stuff in common. He’s a terrific person.”
“Wait. He lives here. Not at a church. Are you sure he’s a priest?”
“I think it’s some kind of nondenominational thing. That’s why he’s normally dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. Teasing the female population, letting us think we might be able to get lucky. God. And no pun intended there.”
Joey stifled a laugh.
“Yep. Mr. Sweatshirt and Jeans, hence me confusing him for a guy who can have sex.” She growled. “What a tease!”
“Ah, okay. Though pastors can have families, you know, and—”
“That whole helping-his-grandmother bit, him acting like he wanted to see me when he got back. What’s up with that?”
“Maybe he can have a relationship. As I was saying before you rudely interrupted, some religions let their pastors marry, you know.”
“I don’t care. I just can’t. I was raised Roman Catholic. A priest is a priest. Gah. I mean, come on. If we ever did get together, I’d be thinking anal beads, he’d be thinking rosary beads. It would never work.”
Joey started laughing and couldn’t stop.
“You laugh at my misfortune. You are a whore. A sympathy whore.”
Joey caught her breath, still smiling despite her crappy situation. “Okay, that analogy I understood.”
“Well, gee, I’m one for three tonight.” Becky studied her as they looked at the remaining cookies on the tray. She chose a sugared soccer ball. “In honor of Brandon, I’ll take this one.” She bit into it and groaned. “So worth the five extra pounds I’ll have tomorrow. So tell me this. You and Lou. Do you have stuff in common?”
“I think so. He loves his family. He’s loyal. He’s a hard worker.”
“And he likes having sex with you, obviously.”
Joey sighed. “But he doesn’t want children.”
“Oh, wow. You had a talk about kids already?”
Joey explained how Lou had told her. “Like he was warning me or something. I think he knows I’m really into him. I didn’t mean to be. I just can’t turn off my feelings while we’re together. And today, after seeing Felix, I kind of wanted Lou there. I just had a feeling he’d make everything better. He has this sense of strength and stability about him.”
“But he doesn’t want kids.”
Joey groaned and put her head in her hands on the tabletop. “I know.”
“Well, maybe you guys can date and not have a permanent ending. I mean, just because he knows you have a child doesn’t mean you’re angling for a new daddy for Brandon. Are you?”
“No.” Definitely not.
“And then you still have Felix to deal with.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “I don’t want to lose Lou. He seems to really appreciate me for me. I kind of need that support right now.”
“So don’t tell him about Brandon.”
“But now it would feel like I’m lying.” So confusing. “
Before, I didn’t know Lou that well. And we were just, I don’t know—”
“Horizontal barn dancing? Hitting skins? Shaking the sheets? Waxing some ass? Bonking the—”
“I get it! We were just having sex, okay?”
“Oh, sorry. Just didn’t want any confusion there.”
She glared at Becky, who wasn’t trying too hard not to laugh. She sputtered with her own amusement. “Stop making this funny. I’m stressed.”
“But now you’re smiling. Okay, continue.”
Freakin’ Becky. Joey chuckled, then cleared her throat. “When Lou and I were new and casual friends, him not knowing about Brandon made sense. Now it feels like we’re more, and I want him to know me. All of me.”
“So tell him.” Becky could not seem to make up her mind.
“But what if he leaves?” Hearing herself say that, Joey cringed. “Oh man. I’m not thinking about protecting Brandon anymore. I’m thinking about protecting me. How did that happen?”
“Um, it’s called being normal? You’re too good a mom to ever let a man get between you and your son. Not Lou, not Felix, not anyone. I say tell Lou the truth about why you have to leave early or skip Saturday quickies.” At Joey’s look, she amended, “I mean, Saturday ‘luncheons.’ Then meet with Felix and find out exactly what he wants and why he’s back. After you hear him out, then you might have reason to panic. And hey, you want me there with you when you meet him, let me know. I’d love to tell him to fuck off too. He totally did you wrong.”
“I know. Thanks, Becky.” She moved around the table to hug her best friend. Unfortunately, that left her far enough away from the remaining molasses cookie. They both eyed it before Becky grabbed it and stuffed it into her mouth.
“Mine,” Becky said around the giant cookie, looking like a squirrel storing acorns in her cheeks.
“Ugh. You can have it.”
Becky removed the crumbled mess and licked the one piece she could have shared. “You sure?”
Joey grimaced. “Um, yeah.” Inspired by a bit of humor herself, she added, “And this is why you’re in dating hell with the priest. Not sharing cookies.”