by Noelle Adams
“Sounds good to me.” She smiled up at him and then, to his pleasure, leaned over so her arm was rubbing against his slightly. “Should we try to say hi to Cali? Would we even be able to find her?”
“We can give it a shot. That would be nice.” He was relaxing now, feeling a lot better, more pleased than ever because she genuinely wanted to make an effort with the girl, even though she had absolutely no reason to.
Martha was busy trying to corral her kids, but Keith was still sitting lazily and finishing a soda. He would have been drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette, but he wasn’t allowed to on school property.
“Was football a big thing at your high school?” Keith asked Allison.
“No,” she replied, pushing her hair back behind her ears. “It wasn’t. Soccer was the big sport for us.”
Keith nodded slowly and put down his empty can. “Where did you go to school?”
“A private school in Charlotte. It was very…snooty.”
“You’d think they would have done football, then,” Keith said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Allison smiled. “Who knows what they were thinking?”
“You should have seen old Rob on the field in his day.”
Turning to him in surprise, Allison asked, “You played football?”
Before Rob could reply, Keith snorted, “You mean he hasn’t trucked out all his old trophies to impress you? He played football and baseball and ran track. He thought he was a real superstar.”
Rob shook his head and murmured to Allison, “It was a small school in a very small town. A lot of kids did multiple sports.”
“You didn’t want to continue in sports, then?” she asked.
He gave a half shrug. “I wasn’t good enough. I played some in college, but it wasn’t a very good team.”
“Don’t listen to him. He was pretty good. Tell him to show you his trophies,” Keith said lazily.
“Would you shut up?” Rob told him. He turned back to Allison. “I wasn’t good enough to really do something with it. I’m better off doing what I do.”
The crowds were clearing out now, and Rob spotted a little blonde coming up the steps toward them in a cheerleading outfit.
“There’s Cali,” Allison said, waving at the girl with a welcoming smile.
Cali waved back, but her face was sober as she approached them.
“You were great out there,” Rob said. “You’re the best on the squad, aren’t you?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know.” She looked from one of them to the other. “Thanks for coming, but y’all might want to get scootin’ now. Mom’s been drinking and she saw you here together. She’s not a happy camper.”
Rob felt his stomach drop. Just when things were going so well, Dee would have to show up to ruin it. He could just imagine the scene she would create and how embarrassed and awkward Allison would feel about it.
He met her eyes.
“Do you want to leave?” she murmured.
“It’s not a bad idea, unless you want to—”
“No. We can go.” She stood up and gave Cali a one-armed hug. “It was great to see you out there, Cali.”
Rob clapped Keith on the back and called goodbyes to Martha and Mitch. Then he took Allison’s arm and guided her down the steps. He kept a sharp lookout for Dee and didn’t see her as they quickly exited the field and then hurried back to the sidewalk, headed for their houses.
“Sorry about that,” Rob muttered, stewing with anger and embarrassment.
“It’s fine. I totally understand why you don’t want to have a public showdown with her. It’s too bad she’s so…difficult.”
Allison didn’t sound upset, but she had to be thinking about what a mess his personal life was, how frustrating it would be if she started to date him and had to put up with an ex-wife like Dee.
Rob wanted to kick himself for hooking up with Dee in the first place. What the hell had he been thinking?
He’d been so sure that a woman who needed him as much as Dee did would never cheat on him and make a fool of him like Maria had.
Dee had never cheated on him, but she’d made a fool of him just the same. Now he was stuck with her, and he’d never be completely rid of her, since they lived in the same small town.
He wanted Allison to think it would be easy and natural to get together with him for real, for her to not see any complications. She had her own messy divorce to deal with. She didn’t need to have his too. There had to be some way to make it clear to Dee that the two of them were completely over.
He stewed about it all the way back to their street, until he remembered he should have been better company to Allison. “Sorry,” he said, rubbing his face and trying to get himself together so he could be what she needed. “Didn’t mean to space out on you.”
“It’s fine,” she replied softly. She placed a gentle hand on his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He did want to talk. He wanted to pour out all his troubles and worries and take comfort in her. But that was the last thing he should do. She must already think he was a disaster just waiting to happen. He wasn’t going to let himself feel like a fool again, particularly not with Allison. “I’m fine. It’s really nothing. Just…annoyances.”
She dropped her hand. “Okay.”
Damn it. She was pulling back. She was still standing close to him on her driveway, but he could feel her retreating internally. It was like she was further away than she’d been just a moment before. “I’m sorry about all that before,” he said quickly. “She’s not normally such a pain. We shouldn’t have had to run away. I just thought it would be easier…”
“It’s no problem, Rob. I just want you to be able to talk about it with me, if you want.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He tried for a seductive smile. “I’m doing just fine. Now, if there’s something else you want to do besides talk…”
She usually responded to that particular look and tone, but she just gave him an almost bittersweet smile. “I’m actually a little tired tonight.”
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it! Things had been going so well, and now they weren’t. “We don’t have to have sex. If you just want to hang out, I’d be up for that.”
She hesitated but then shook her head. “I think I’m just going to take an early night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She stretched up to kiss him on the corner of his mouth. “Good night, Rob. Thanks for taking me.”
He took her face in his hands and kissed her full on the mouth, making sure not to use any tongue or make it too deep, since she’d already said she wanted to part ways for the night. “Thanks for coming. I’m sorry it got messed up at the end.”
“It didn’t get messed up. It’s not about that at all.” Her big eyes as they gazed up at him were still slightly wistful, poignant.
He wanted to ask her what it was about, but she was already walking away. He watched her until she’d unlocked her door and then closed it behind her.
He wanted her desperately.
After his bleak reflections about Dee, he needed her desperately too. Even more than sex, he wanted to hold her in his arms and take comfort in her tonight. But he couldn’t burden her with the weight of all that mess. He wasn’t going to feel like someone else was controlling his life, turning him into someone he didn’t want to be.
Not again.
Tomorrow he would have to start making up ground.
But tonight he was going to sit on his couch with a six-pack and stare at the TV, trying not to think about what he didn’t have.
—
When she got back into her house, Allison felt like crying. She wasn’t even sure why.
She’d wanted Rob to open up to her and lean on her a little. He was always the strong shoulder for her to lean on, and she wanted to be that occasionally herself. She knew rationally that she hadn’t even agreed to date him publicly yet. She hadn’t even committed to a real dating relationship, so she had no
grounds to be disappointed that he was still holding back in a significant way.
She still did, though.
Seeing him open up would help to assure her that she wasn’t being the clingy, dependent person she didn’t want to be. Maybe then she’d feel safe enough to take another step.
She went into her bedroom to change clothes, and after she had, she idly lifted the lid of the box in which she kept all of Rob’s napkin notes. On top was the one from today. At the bottom was the first one he’d written her.
She started to read through them, being careful to keep them in order. Instead of making her smile, as they normally did, they caused the knot in her chest to keep deepening.
It was clear from these notes that Rob liked how she looked. A lot.
It was also clear he liked to have sex with her.
While the early ones seemed to indicate he appreciated more about her, the later ones were almost all focused on her appearance and sex.
Maybe that was all he wanted from her. Maybe that was why he didn’t want to open up and be authentic.
She stared blindly at one of the notes from last week. I’ve never seen any other girl as beautiful as you. R. She’d thought it was so sweet when he gave it to her, but now it made her feel kind of sick.
That was what Arthur had said to her when they first started dating. Not the same words, but the same sentiment.
She shook the thought away, knowing it was irrational. Rob wanted her for a lot more than her looks. Being with Rob was different from being with Arthur. Any hesitation she sensed from him was probably her own fault, for not being able to jump in with both feet. She was just overreacting. She wasn’t going to get hung up on this and get depressed about nothing.
She returned the notes to the box and closed it firmly.
She was just about to go to bed when there was a knock on her door. Blinking, she went to look through the peephole. No one should be at her door at this time of night.
She swung the door open when she saw it was Rob on her front stoop, his face twisted slightly as if he were feeling something strong. “What’s the matter?” she asked, stepping out of the way to let him inside.
He stepped in. “I’m sorry to just come over like this. I can’t help feeling like something was…wrong between us before.”
She knew exactly what he was talking about. He’d recognized when she’d withdrawn emotionally because she was so disappointed about his not opening up to her about Dee. She was rather embarrassed about her reaction now, so she tried to downplay it. “Nothing was wrong, Rob. I’m just tired.”
To prove she wasn’t upset, she ushered him into the dining room, where they both sat down in the chairs at the card table where she had all her jewelry materials spread out.
He drew his brows together, his eyes never leaving her face. “Are you sure? I’m really sorry about that whole thing with Dee. I don’t want her to get in between us.”
“It’s not that. It’s not her.”
“Then what is it?”
She felt vulnerable and exposed with his eyes on her so intently. She dropped her gaze to stare down at a little tin of shiny beads. “It’s…” She’d been about to say it was nothing, but she stopped the words before they came out.
She wanted Rob to be honest with her, so she needed to be honest with him. “I…I’d like you to be able to tell me things about her, about how you feel, and I was just a little…disappointed when you didn’t earlier. But it’s really not a major issue.”
She darted her eyes up to see his expression, and she saw a brief flicker of both recognition and anxiety on his face before he gave her a little smile. “Okay. I get it. But there’s really not much to tell.”
“I think there is.” She was nervous about saying even that much, and she knew he felt pressured when she saw his reaction.
He cleared his throat. “Well, we’re not even dating so that other people know about us. How much soul-searching do you really expect?”
He was trying to play the question off as casual, almost teasing, but she wasn’t deceived. He meant it. And she suddenly felt angry and incredibly guilty—both at the same time.
Despite what he kept telling her, he wasn’t happy with the way things were between them.
“So you’re not okay with still taking things slow?” she asked, trying not to sound as emotional as she felt.
“I’m okay if that’s what you need.” He was saying the words but didn’t look like he meant them. And she knew it for sure when he continued, “But it’s been more than a month now. Why are you so afraid to even go on a date with me?”
Now she felt defensive on top of everything else, like he’d caught her doing something wrong. “I went with you tonight.”
“After I assured you it wasn’t really a date.”
“So all this time you’ve been…annoyed that I wanted to take things slow?”
“No, I haven’t been annoyed. I understood. But I would have hoped by now we could…” He trailed off, as if he’d just realized what he was saying.
“I thought we were making progress,” she said, her voice rather raspy as she fought back a few tears. “All I’ve ever been was a trophy wife. I’ve never been in any other kind of relationship. I…I wanted to make sure it was…right before we went to the next step. But I thought we really were making progress.”
Rob reached out to put a hand on her arm. “We were making progress. We are. I’m sorry I brought this up at all. I haven’t been unhappy.”
“But you want us to go public with this?”
His mouth tightened and he glanced away. “Well, yeah. Is that so unusual? To want everyone else to know we’re together? To know that we’re not just…playing around?”
She was absolutely horrified at the idea that he believed she might just be playing around with him, that he might think she was like his ex-wives and only using him for what she needed. She was still terrified that they didn’t really have enough of a foundation for a real relationship—that she wasn’t the kind of woman Rob was really looking for—but she couldn’t let him believe she was just stringing him along.
“Okay,” she said, almost choking on the word. “Okay.”
He straightened up. “Okay what?”
“We can go out. On a date.”
“So…you’re ready?”
“Y-yeah. I think so.”
“I’m not just pressuring you into it?”
She did feel slightly pressured, but it wasn’t because Rob was being mean or selfish—the way Arthur so often had been. Rob was right. If they were in this relationship, then she should be in it for real.
She never wanted him to think she was just playing around with him.
“No. I think I’m ready.” She smiled at him, although her hands were shaking a little.
He reached out to take her hands in both of his, and he held them in a warm, strong grip. “It’s going to be okay, Allison. You don’t have anything to be afraid of with me.”
She could tell he meant it. She believed him. It was impossible not to believe that he genuinely cared for her, wanted to take care of her.
She was safe with him. And it didn’t matter that she still felt a flicker of anxiety that she was caving in to the wishes of another man because she was afraid of standing on her own.
Chapter 9
The following Saturday Allison woke up at about eight o’clock in her own bed.
Rob had come over the evening before. They’d had dinner and some quiet sex, since both of them were tired, and then they’d fallen asleep together fairly early. But Rob must have woken up before her and gotten up, since he was no longer in her bed.
She thought over the last week between them, ever since they’d decided to go public with their relationship last Saturday, and she decided that things were going fine.
They’d had a good week. Both of them seemed happy. On Sunday they’d gone to a movie at the closest theater—thirty minutes away—and there hadn’t been anything unnervi
ng about it. She’d started the online class she was taking at the community college, and Rob had been very supportive, which was quite sweet.
Today was her twenty-seventh birthday. She felt a little bad about not telling him.
It hadn’t actually crossed her mind very much. Arthur used to do huge, extravagant gifts for her birthday—usually jewelry—and the memory still left a slightly bitter taste in her mouth, since his gifts had always come with strings and expectations of appropriately expressed gratitude. But now that it was actually the day, she realized that Rob would feel bad if he found out he’d missed her birthday.
She didn’t want him to feel bad. About anything.
She was just getting up to grab her phone to send him a quick text—telling him what day it was and saying she was going to fix her own birthday dinner but he was invited, so he wouldn’t feel any pressure to do something at the last minute—when the sound of a text chirped out in the quiet house.
Snatching her phone up, she saw the text was from Rob. Come outside.
She frowned in confusion and glanced at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, and she just wore a tank top and a pair of cotton pajama bottoms. But she was presentable enough for stepping outside, so she ran to the door.
Rob had backed his truck into her driveway. The truck bed was filled with a huge pile of pretty red mulch.
Her mouth fell open, and she stared speechlessly as he got out of his truck with an adorable grin.
“Happy birthday,” he said. “This is your present.”
“You got me mulch?” she choked, so overwhelmed she could barely get the words out.
His grin faltered just a little. “I know it’s not very romantic, but I thought—”
Before he could finish talking, she’d stumbled down the front steps and run headlong into his arms. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, bracing himself against the impact.
“Thank you,” she mumbled against his T-shirt.
“You’re welcome. This is really good stuff. It will last a long time, and it won’t attract bugs. I thought we could do your beds tomorrow, if you want.”