by Noelle Adams
“Do you like that?” he asked breathlessly, rolling his hips in a way that made her breath hitch.
“Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Take me the way you want.”
Rob started to thrust then, fast and hard and powerful. She clutched at the sheets and tried to push back against him but couldn’t get much leverage. She felt almost helpless, but it wasn’t scary. He was making her feel so good.
Soon she started whimpering and then crying out when the sensations intensified quickly. She pressed her cheek against the mattress and heard herself babbling out all kinds of things—about how good he was, how hard she wanted him to take her, how much she wanted him to make her come.
Then she was coming, her body clamping down all around his penetration, and she was biting back a scream as the pleasure overwhelmed her. Now she could hear him muttering, “There you go, baby. You’re so good. Let go. Come just like that for me.” And his words were just making it all even hotter.
She didn’t know if the orgasm just lasted longer than an orgasm should, or if she kept having more, but as he continued to thrust, the pleasure kept sweeping over her, and she was making choked sounds as she tried to process it all.
She looked over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of them in the mirror over the dresser, her positioned with her naked ass in the air, Rob taking her so hard that the bed was shaking. And the visual just made her come even harder. She was nearly sobbing into the covers now, her hair sticking messily to her face and her skin covered in perspiration.
Just when she was afraid she couldn’t handle any more, Rob froze without warning, letting out a muffled shout. He ground his hips against her bottom as he made his last jerky pushes.
She turned her head so she could see him come, and then both of them were collapsing to the bed.
Rob landed beside her, rolling over onto his back and gasping loudly.
Allison was gasping just as loudly, but she didn’t even have the energy to turn over. She was sore and exhausted and hot and cold, all at the same time. And she was washed with a kind of sated relaxation she’d never experienced before, as if her body had taken all the pleasure it needed and couldn’t imagine wanting any more.
“Oh God,” she moaned, with great effort turning her face in Rob’s direction.
“ ‘Oh God’ is right.” He scooted a little closer to her and reached out to stroke her hair.
“That was…that was…”
“Beyond words.”
“Right.”
“I can’t believe we…”
“Did that.”
She choked on amusement and finally managed to turn onto her side, reaching out to take Rob’s hand. “I’ve never had sex like that before.”
“Me either.”
“I didn’t even think it was possible to…I mean, I figured it was just in porn or exaggerated sexy books where people could….could…”
“Could what?” Rob’s face was streaming with sweat, but his eyes were focused on her face.
“Could come like that.”
“It probably just takes an exceptionally talented man,” he said.
She snorted. “Hey, I was part of it too.”
He picked his hand up again and cupped her cheek. “I know you were. You were amazing.”
“So were you.”
They smiled at each other. Apparently, they’d finished giving each other compliments because they lay in pleased silence for a long time, until finally Allison started to get cold. She didn’t want to put on her torn blouse, so she grabbed a T-shirt from the laundry basket in the middle of the floor that was always filled with clean clothes.
All of Rob’s dirty clothes were on the floor of his closet, if they made it that far.
She found her panties at the bottom of the bed and slid them on, and then she curled up next to Rob, pleased when he wrapped an arm around her.
When they’d first starting sleeping together, she’d always been nervous after sex because Rob seemed so vulnerable. She’d been afraid he’d start sharing feelings or something, but he never had.
Now she wished he would.
She wasn’t expecting for him to say he loved her. She just wanted to know more about the deepest parts of him, the parts he still kept hidden. It felt like he was holding back on purpose, and she didn’t want him to.
Not anymore.
Things were different than they’d been when she first met him.
It was still fairly early in their relationship, though, so she shouldn’t reproach him for anything. He’d put up with a lot of frustration from her, waiting for her to finally be okay with taking their relationship public, so she had nothing to complain about.
She wanted to say something now, get him to open up a little, but decided it wasn’t the right time. She’d lie here and enjoy being with him.
She let all the remaining tension drain out of her body and told herself that everything was good.
—
Rob had had good sex before. He’d always liked sex, and he’d never been afraid to try new things. But sex with Allison was better than any he’d ever had, and what they’d just done had completely blown him away.
He was hot and tired and really just wanted to go to sleep, but Allison obviously wanted to cuddle, and he had no real problem with that. She’d never been annoying after sex, like some of the women he’d been with. She never wanted to talk endlessly or break down everything they could have done better.
He really wouldn’t mind lying like this with Allison—for the rest of his life.
He was almost asleep when he felt a shift in her body. Not much. Just a slight tightening. “Y’okay?” he mumbled.
“Yeah.”
“Need to go to the bathroom?”
“I’m okay.”
Something didn’t feel quite right with her, although he couldn’t identify what was triggering the feeling. “Tell me,” he demanded gruffly. If something was wrong, he wanted to fix it.
“Nothing’s wrong, Rob,” she said in a clearer voice. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
She hesitated a moment before she finally asked, “So you really haven’t had sex like that before?”
“What?” he asked, lifting his head briefly. He was startled and disturbed by the idea that she thought he was naturally rough in bed and that that was what had upset her. “Do you really think I’m some kind of caveman, going around and fucking random women until they scream their heads off?”
“I didn’t scream my head off.”
“Uh-huh.” He was distracted enough by this to smile a little.
“All right. I might have screamed a little.” She rolled over in his arms so she could lift her head and look down on him. “And I know you’re not some sort of rough caveman. I was just wondering about your past.”
He suddenly realized what she was asking and why she was asking, and his heart started sinking painfully. He’d just been appreciating the fact that she wasn’t like that, that she didn’t have conversations like this after sex.
“You really don’t want me to go into detail about how I had sex in the past, do you?” He tried to make the question light, but it came out a little defensive.
“No.” She sighed. She was sitting up now, with her legs folded beside her. “Of course not. You don’t even have to tell me about the sex. I just want to know something about how things were for you before I met you, and you almost never tell me anything.”
“That’s not true.” His postsex enjoyment was seriously disrupted now. He was annoyed and impatient and tightly anxious underneath that, like something he’d been ignoring was about to be revealed. He stretched out on his back and gave her a cool look. “I talk about my life all the time.”
Something flickered across her face, like she was regretting bringing up the subject at all. But instead of acting on the feeling, she straightened her back and went on. “You talk about school, and your parents, and your job, and all of the friends you have. You’ve never told me
about your past relationships in any detail.”
“I have.” This was going exactly where he didn’t want it to go—as surely as if she’d read his mind and discovered precisely what would make him most angry and defensive. “I told you Marie cheated on me and that Dee was never stable. What else do you want to know?”
“I want to know how you felt about that! I want to know about things you consider mistakes. And the only time you ever talk about anything connected to that is when you’re forced into it.”
“For God’s sake, Allison,” he groaned, closing his eyes and willing her to just drop the subject.
“I don’t think I’m asking anything unreasonable,” she said after a minute, her voice a little wobbly now. She was clearly getting upset. “I’ve told you everything about Arthur.”
She had. Over the last several weeks, she’d told him all kinds of intimate details of her marriage to Arthur. But that was different. It was entirely different.
He opened his eyes to see Allison, sitting on his bed beside him, wearing his shirt, her hair rumpled around her face and shoulders, her eyes huge and sober. She was beautiful and sexy and brave and resilient and so much stronger than she looked.
And she was saying exactly what his mother had told him last weekend. He could hear his mother’s voice in the back of his mind. And Allison’s, right in front of him.
He was trapped, frozen, starting to panic, so he did what he needed to do to get the voices to stop. He snapped, “You’re the one who wouldn’t even go on a date with me until last week. What exactly do you expect of me?”
She froze, completely silenced by his words.
Rob felt a wave of guilt as he watched the emotions slowly process on her face, and he felt like the biggest asshole in history. He’d known exactly where she was most insecure and he’d used it against her on purpose, just to get her to shut up.
“You’re right,” she said at last, the words no more than a breathless gasp. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Shit,” he muttered, starting to sit up. “I’m sorry. Don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset.” She wasn’t meeting his eyes, and she lay back down on the bed, pulling the covers up over her. “Sometimes it feels like our relationship is a little…a little unbalanced. I’m always the needy one, and you’re always taking care of me. But I shouldn’t have pushed like that. I’m sorry.”
Rob’s mind was a torrent of emotions now, and he couldn’t sort them all out. But the dominant one was that he desperately needed to fix this.
He’d told his mother he was treating Allison right, and yet he had completely crushed her just now.
On purpose.
“I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said thickly, reaching over to turn her so she was facing him and then taking her hands. “I’m sorry I said that.”
“It’s really okay, Rob.” She gave him a wobbly smile. “I just want you to be able to talk to me, but I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“Don’t apologize again. You’re right. I should talk to you more.”
Her eyes widened, suddenly hopeful, and Rob gulped back another wave of deep anxiety. What the hell was he doing? He didn’t do this kind of thing. He didn’t show the world his dirty hands, all the mistakes and vulnerabilities and mess in his life.
He definitely didn’t tell Allison. All he wanted to do was take care of her.
She didn’t say anything. Just gazed at him, both of them on their sides on the bed.
She trusted him. He could see it so clearly. She believed he was going to do the right thing.
He wanted to. He wanted for him and Allison to love each other and enjoy each other and depend on each other. He wanted to trust her too.
He cleared his throat. “It’s just…hard for me to…to…” He had to take a jerky breath, so hard was this for him to say.
In the pause between his words, he heard his phone vibrate with an incoming text message. It was two o’clock in the morning, so the sound was unexpected enough to draw his attention.
Allison glanced up to the nightstand too. “You better check it,” she said quietly. “Something might be wrong.”
With a groan, he reached over to grab the phone. When he read the message, he had to smother another groan. It was a buddy of his, letting him know that Dee was drinking herself into a frenzy and that someone needed to come get her before she got in real trouble.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It’s Dee. She’s…she’s in trouble.” He was torn in about a dozen directions at once. He knew he shouldn’t leave now. They’d been having a real conversation, one that meant something to Allison. And to him. Just because he was afraid and vulnerable and feeling out of control didn’t mean he should just run away from it.
He knew it was wrong. Allison was far more important to him than Dee was.
But he also didn’t want to have the conversation they’d been about to have. It made him feel helpless, vulnerable. Out of control.
And he’d tried for so long never to feel that way anymore.
“I should probably go help her,” he said at last.
“Okay.”
He shot Allison a quick look. “I’m sorry. Maybe there’s someone else who could…” He trailed off, because there was absolutely no one else who was willing to help Dee. If he didn’t go, she would probably end up in jail. That wasn’t reason enough to leave Allison now. He knew it, but this was an escape route that he wanted to take.
“No, no. You go help her if she really needs someone.” Allison was sitting up again, and it looked like she meant what she was saying. “I’ll come with you.”
“No!” He hadn’t meant the word to come out so roughly, but there was no way he wanted Allison to witness what was waiting for him.
She pulled back slightly, clearly taken aback. “I just wanted to help you.”
“I know.” He leaned over to kiss her before he climbed off the bed. “I do appreciate it. But you stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m really sorry.”
He found his clothes quickly and kissed her once more before he hurried out of the house.
He was conscious of a little tremor of a feeling underlying all the other ones coursing through him. He knew what it was.
Relief. Relief. That he could go help someone who needed it and feel more like himself.
That he could avoid that particular conversation he’d been about to have.
That he could once again be the person he’d always been.
—
About an hour later he came back home. He half expected Allison to be gone, but she was still in his bed, lying on her side under the covers.
He took his clothes off and climbed in beside her. He paused for a second. She wasn’t speaking or moving, but there was something about her body that made him sure she was awake. He scooted up behind her so he could spoon her.
“Is everything all right?” she asked after he’d wrapped his arms around her.
“Yeah. I took her home. She’s basically passed out, but she’ll be okay.”
“Is Cali all right?”
“She’s visiting her dad this weekend.”
Allison relaxed a little, and Rob couldn’t help but be touched that she’d been worried about the girl.
She didn’t say anything else, though, and after a while it started to worry him.
“Allison,” he murmured. “It feels like you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.”
“I can talk things through with you, if you really want, but I’d rather not do it right now. I’m tired.” The night felt like it was endless. He couldn’t believe they’d had that amazing sex just a couple of hours ago.
“We don’t have to.”
He stroked her belly. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course. I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”
Rob relaxed. She sounded all right. He’d just be careful for the next few days, make sure she wasn’t upset with him. And he’d try
to open up more with her so she didn’t think he was holding back.
Right now, though, he was exhausted, and he really needed to go to sleep.
Allison didn’t say anything else, and Rob was immensely relieved that he could finally close his eyes.
—
The next afternoon Allison walked into Rob’s kitchen to grab some more beers.
Rob had Keith and Mitch over to watch a game on TV. Normally Allison would have been perfectly happy to let him have his guy time while she did her own thing at her house. She was feeling a little uncomfortable after last night, so she would have liked to spend a few hours making jewelry, something that calmed her and made her happy.
But Rob had seemed to really want her to stay, so she’d agreed.
She brought the beers back into living room, which was slightly neater than usual, since Rob had picked up a big pile of stuff before the other men had arrived and dumped it on the floor of the coat closet.
“Thanks, hon,” Mitch told her, accepting the beer she offered him.
Keith just mumbled something incoherent.
She smiled as she handed Rob his beer and was surprised when he reached out to draw her onto the recliner with him.
“You don’t have to bring us stuff,” he said, brushing a kiss against her hair after he’d settled her beside him.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well, you’ve done enough, so just relax and watch the game.”
Allison had no real interest in baseball, but at least she understood it better than football, and it wasn’t like all the action came to an abrupt halt every few seconds. She nestled against Rob’s nice, solid body, enjoying the feel of his arm around her, and focused on the television screen.
She knew Rob still felt bad about the night before. She knew he was trying to be extra sweet today to make up for it. She wasn’t angry, but she was really upset—mostly with herself.
She’d been surprised and hurt when Rob left her last night, but she hadn’t confronted him about it. She’d wanted to, but she’d sensed some sort of block in him—and she’d been sure if she pushed him any further, he would close down on her completely.
She hadn’t wanted that to happen. She’d been afraid of losing him. She’d felt guilty because it still bothered him that it had taken her so long to make their relationship public. She’d gone into panic mode at the thought of life without him. So she hadn’t done what she really knew she should have done.