by Boock, Paula
Father Campion gave her a couple of books from his library, one called Meditations on Love and the other essays on the Old Testament that she didn't think she'd bother reading. The final one was a collection of Peanuts cartoons.
"You can get carried away with the heavy stuff," he explained. "And I always thought Snoopy had some particularly interesting metaphysical views."
Louie
Mo wanted them to do another Comedy Club performance to help raise money for the senior formal. At the mention of the formal Louie's blood ran cold.
"I don't think I'll be going to the formal," she said as they walked back to the common room with milkshakes and a filled roll.
Mo's mouth dropped open. "What?"
"Who am I going to take to the formal?" Louie asked, slapping her lunch down on a bench. Her appetite had got slowly better but there were still moments—like now—when the familiar gripe in her belly put her right off food.
Mo's face was like a tragedy mask. "Oh, take your pick, girl. I know lots of guys you could go with."
"Maybe I don't want to go with a guy."
Mo looked blank for a moment, then the shock set in. "You're going to go with Willa?" she said in a whisper. Then with an incredulous grin, "You're going to take Willa! Far out!"
Louie slumped in a chair. "Unlikely Even if I had the guts she probably wouldn't accept."
"Why don't you sort it out, Lou?"
"Can't. She won't speak to me."
Mo slurped the bottom of her milkshake. "So go with someone else. You can't miss the formal."
"We'll see."
It was good to throw herself into another Comedy Club performance though. Working with Mo was like remembering who she used to be, finding she still had the same skills, the same sense of humour, the same rapport on stage with her old friend. Each joke Louie devised and acted felt like a little piece of herself reclaimed. Each ta-daa! on stage felt like a stamping of the jigsaw back in place. It was the only time Louie felt happy, and real.
Occasionally she saw Willa at school, but they rarely said more than hello. At Burger Giant she wasn't sure whether to be delighted or horrified when they were on shift together. Some nights it was better than others. Louie sometimes asked Willa about Cathy, and then felt consumed with jealousy to hear Willa's answers. Willa told her Cathy was in therapy, but looked at Louie strangely, as if there was more to tell. Was Willa seeing Cathy again? She couldn't even think about it.
One thing was interesting: Keith had disappeared from Burger Giant. Kevin had a new four wheel drive, but Joan said he'd got it from a car sales across town—and Keith's name was seldom even mentioned.
Often Willa went out with the others after work, and Kevin liked to tell Louie that Willa was a "real party girl." She hated Kevin's smirk when he said that. Occasionally Louie smelt cigarette smoke on Willa after tea break, and once Louie went outside to say hello to Judas and found Willa having a smoke with Deirdre. Willa looked hard and tarty somehow, as she blew a line of white smoke and stared at her. Louie knew she was looking shocked and priggish. She stammered something and went back inside.
The formal got closer, and the pressure on Louie to go increased. Vika and Mo and Julie were all going in one party and assured her they had a terrific guy called Jeremy lined up for her. Lunchtime conversations in the common room revolved around it almost exclusively. When her mother saw a mention of it on a school newsletter she moved into overdrive.
"We'll have to go shopping, get organised, Lou. Do you want to buy a dress or get one made?"
"I don't know if I'm going."
"Of course you're going, don't be silly. It's the highlight of your year. I met your father at our school formal."
"Not that I was her partner," added Tony from the couch.
Louie sidestepped the issue and had a long, relaxing spa, trying not to think of Willa and the controversy they'd cause at a school formal. As she went back to her bedroom she overheard her parents talking in the living room.
"It's her decision," said Tony, quietly.
"Yes but she'll always regret it if she doesn't go."
"You can't make her."
"She needs a partner that's all."
"Suse, you know why she doesn't want to go."
There was a pause. Then her mother said, "I thought she was getting over that."
There was a rustle of paper and her father didn't answer. Louie's heart thumped.
"The doctor was very good with her you know," Susi continued. "She was sure she'd get over it."
"I don't think she is."
Her mother's voice rose. "What do you mean by that? That we should just accept it? Give up?"
"Look what happened to Cathy Colling."
Her mother made a snorting noise. "Louie's not like her. She's a poor little thing. Anyway, you gave them that free holiday she might come right too."
Free holiday? What?
"The trip won't change anything, Suse."
"Oh don't say that, it's not true. Anyway, it was very generous of you."
Her father sounded exasperated. "Look, I'm just saying Louie might be the same. You can't just bury your head in the sand."
"Well, I'm not giving up yet. She needs our support and help. That's why this formal is so important. It just might be the turning point." She heard Susi sigh. "I wonder whether Carol and Don's boy is going. Stephen. He's a lovely boy I might give Carol a ring tomorrow..."
Louie sped down the hall to her bedroom. This was disaster. Stephen Dingwall was lovely all right—a lovely druggie who supplied half the school and kept axolotyls in his bedroom. And what was that about Cathy Colling? Tony had been in touch with her family? Giving them free trips? That must be why Willa had looked at her so strangely when she asked about Cathy. Oh god, thought Louie, poor Willa. Both me and Cathy bundled off on a holiday to get away from her evil influence. She must hate my parents.
The next morning Louie told Mo she'd like to go to the formal after all, with Jeremy, if he was still free. Everyone was delighted. Susi told her to go downtown and pick out a dress of her choice, Vika and Julie went with her and they spent all evening trying on a multitude of garments. She chose a simple black dress with long elegant sleeves, and tried not to remember Willa telling her how great she looked in her mother's "little black dress."
They had to walk past Burger Giant twice. The first time Louie never turned her head, but the second time she couldn't resist it. Kelly was serving, and behind her Louie just caught a flash of red hair.
Jeremy rang her the next night. He was nervous and nice; he even managed to stutter out how pleased he was that she was going with him. Louie thought he would do fine; and after the formal she was definitely giving him the flick.
Three nights that week Louie worked at Burger Giant. After much angling, she still couldn't get out of Kelly whether or not Willa was going to the formal. Eventually Simone told her that Willa was going to Kevin's party on Saturday night, along with everyone else not on shift.
"Are you coming?" asked Simone.
Lome shrugged. "Haven't been invited. Anyway, I've got the formal."
"But this'll be really late, like after eleven," said Kelly. "It's an open party. Go on, it'll be a blast."
Louie smiled. "Maybe."
"Louie," came a voice from behind. "You've got to come, it's the party of the century." Kevin leaned against the chip warmer and smiled. "Bring your mates. The more the merrier."
Louie flicked close the flaps of a double cheese burger and handed it on to Kelly. "I don't think so, Kevin."
The days leading up to the formal were a complete waste of time. Nobody learned a thing at school, and every available second was devoted to discussion of Saturday night. Vika was having a party afterwards, Louie—incredibly—was offered the car to take them all, Mo had an argument with Dion who refused to wear a suit. Briefly Louie thought how awful the hype must be for Willa and others who weren't going.
But in fact, Louie was in for a surprise. When she,
Jeremy, Mo, Dion, Jay, Vika, Julie and Geoff arrived at the school hall there, immediately ahead of them being introduced to the principal, was Willa. She was with Marcus, the fencing guy Louie had met once, and he was wearing a white tux.
Willa looked absolutely stunning. Louie felt her breath disappear at the sight. She was in a long green velvet dress, and had wrapped her hair in a black and green velvet band, so the red poured out the back in ringlets like flame.
"It will flame out, like shining from shook foil," quoted Louie, overcome.
"Pardon?" said Jeremy, and when she didn't reply he shook hands politely with the principal and her husband.
Mo was instantly by Louie's side. "Are you all right?" she asked her.
"No."
"I didn't think she was coming."
Louie closed her eyes for a moment. "Neither did I."
"Oh, Louie."
"It's okay. I can handle it. I just don't want to have to speak to her."
Mo was wonderful. She was on one side of Louie all night, Jeremy on the other, but still Willa seemed to be everywhere. The dark green with the white tux looked so striking, and a number of people admired them. Louie tried not to watch, but there they were, laughing with Ms. Rosen, talking to people Louie didn't even know, dancing, helping themselves to supper.
Louie danced and talked with Jeremy, trying to distract herself, but she knew she was talking nonsense. Jeremy didn't seem real. He was every bit as nice as Mo had promised, which made it worse. She didn't want to be using this guy to get through the night, knowing she would never want to see him again, but every time she looked at him that's what she saw—someone temporary, almost cardboard, someone she could move around the hall as a sort of shield against Willa and Marcus.
Almost every minute Louie knew exactly where they were in the hall. Then, at one point Louie stopped dancing with Jeremy, stopped and stood in the middle of the hall gazing frantically around. Marcus was talking with one of the band, but Willa was nowhere.
"What's up? You lost something?" asked Jeremy, puzzled.
"Ahh—mmm," stammered Louie.
"Do you want to sit down?" He took her hand and led her towards some seats. At that moment Willa came through the door from the foyer and scanned the room looking for Marcus. Her eyes met Louie's and Louie thought she'd never felt so desperate before in her life. She gazed at Willa, begging her to do something, come over and take her away from all this, but Willa frowned and looked the other way. Jeremy was trying to steer Louie into a spare seat he'd found, and she followed him, her vision blurring with tears. God, I can't cry now!
While Jeremy was getting her a juice, and Mo was trying to distract her with some story about Dena Masons boyfriend Greg being thrown out, Louie followed Willa's every move. The band started up a slow number and Louie watched as Marcus asked Willa to dance. Say no, please say no.
They moved onto the dance floor. Marcus had his arm around Willa's waist, he held her close, his face against her hair, talking. One hand held hers, the other rested on the base of Willa's back and began to slide back and forth very slowly. Louie fixed her eyes on it, feeling every touch through her whole body. She didn't even hear Jeremy ask her to dance.
"Come on, Lou, we'd better go." It was Mo. "Lou," her voice was stern.
Louie looked up. Mo was standing in front of her, but all Louie could see was Marcus's hand on Willa's back.
"Let's go."
Jeremy was standing too, looking at her oddly.
Mo took her arm and pulled her quickly through the foyer to the toilets.
"You've got to get out of here, Lou. You're going to lose it."
Louie felt the tears begin.
"No, don't cry! Don't, please." Mo grabbed a tissue out of her sleeve and dabbed at Louie's face, then enfolded her in a hug. "It'll be all right. Let's just get away from here, eh?"
A couple of other girls were looking on, interested. One of them gave Louie a particularly sympathetic look and said, "Hey, listen, guys just aren't worth it, you know?"
Louie nodded dumbly at her, then looked at Mo and they both burst out laughing. Once Louie had started she couldn't stop the mixture of laughter and tears, and the two other girls lifted an eyebrow at each other and walked out. Louie and Mo collapsed into further hysterics. It was a long time before Louie could control herself enough to actually blow her nose, then Mo helped fix her make-up, they found their coats and bags and headed back out to the others.
"I don't want to go to Vika's party," Louie confessed to Mo.
"That's okay. But can you drop us off there?"
"Sure." Louie paused as they reached the foyer. The dance was finishing and people were already pouring out of the hall. "But what about Jeremy?"
Mo paused with her and scanned the crowd. "Hmm," she said after a moment. "That problem might solve itself." She indicated to their left. Jeremy was leaning against a wall talking animatedly with Dena Mason, who was beaming back to him at about a thousand volts.
"Oh, Louie." Jeremy smiled nervously when they appeared. "I wasn't sure where you'd got to. You know Dena, don't you?"
Louie and Mo nodded and Dena smiled sneakily.
"We used to be in the same cross-country team," Jeremy continued. "Um, Dena says there's a party at her place now. Do you think...?"
"You're very welcome to come," Dena invited them smoothly.
"Thanks," said Louie. "But you know, Jeremy, I'm feeling a bit tired. I'd rather just head home now, though if you want to go on to Dena's, that's fine. Honestly."
Jeremy looked extremely awkward. "Well ... umm..."
"I mean it," Louie assured him. "I'll give you a lift if you like."
"I can give you a lift," offered Dena. "There's plenty of room in my car."
Jeremy looked from one to the other and decided not to angst. "Okay," he shrugged, accepting Dena's offer. "If that's okay with you, Louie, it'd be sweet."
As they left Louie saw two things. One was Jeremy heading towards the official photo corner with Dena Mason; the other was Willa huddling under Marcus's black greatcoat as they hurried across the carpark in the rain.
Willa
Music was already blaring from the old villa on the hill. The front door stood open to the ram, as did the windows, and people were standing under the shelter of the wide verandah, talking, drinking, dancing. Yellow light spilled onto their faces and Willa thought they looked ghoulish.
Inside it was all faces, bodies, cigarettes, glasses, bottles. The music thumped into Willa's ears and she could feel the heavy vibration through the floor, the tinny ringing of the walls. She spotted Kelly and Kevin and they waved. Kevin looked bleary-eyed already.
Marcus found them a spot on some floor cushions and Willa reluctantly joined him. This was the bit she had been dreading most, especially since it was the bit Marcus had looked forward to most. He handed her a can of beer.
"Here's to your one and only school formal," he toasted, then tore off the tab with a pluss.
Willa took her time drinking the bitter liquid, thinking if she kept the can at her mouth, Marcus wouldn't be able to kiss her. Then she lit a cigarette on the same premise. Kevin paraded past them with Kelly blissfully in tow.
He yelled something at Willa over the music. She couldn't understand it. The third time he repeated it right into her face.
"Ya happy?" he screamed. His breath was hot and foul-smelling. Willa nodded to get rid of him. He winked and gave Marcus the thumbs up.
Willa tried to get Marcus to join others dancing in a separate room, but he wouldn't go. She suggested it would be quieter outside on the verandah, but he didn't want to lose their seats. In the end she gave up and let him kiss her. It wouldn't be too bad, and if she let him do it for a while she could go home.
What she hadn't counted on was the effect of another person's mouth on hers. As soon as their lips touched, Willa thought of Louie. Her head was filled with how different Marcus felt; how rough his face, how dry his lips, how big his tongue wallowing in her mo
uth. For a moment she had to fight off nausea, then she screwed up her eyes and concentrated on getting through it. It was quarter to one; Willa reckoned by one-thirty she could ask Marcus to take her home.
Whenever she couldn't bear it any longer, she pulled away, smiled at Marcus and took a breather. She smoked several cigarettes and opened but didn't drink about four cans of beer. If she saw Kelly or Simone she desperately tried to engage them in conversation but sooner or later Marcus would draw her close again, and plant his mouth on hers.
She guessed it was about one o'clock when it happened. Willa was just thinking she could go to the loo for a while and crib a few minutes, when she heard a disturbance. Pulling away from Marcus, she opened her eyes and saw Louie standing in the door opposite, dripping with ram.
Kevin was beside her, smiling and pointing at Willa but Louie didn't seem to be listening. Her eyes were fixed on Willa, her face a death mask.
Willa froze, staring back at her. Louie was still in her black dress, covered by a shabby duffel coat she'd got somewhere, which was heavy and sodden with rain. That and her wild expression made her look strange, a bit crazy. Louie's eyes moved slowly to Marcus. Then her face went ugly and distorted and she stormed across the room yelling something, pushing a woman out of her way. Marcus and Willa stood up together and Willa opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. It was too late. Louie reached them, screamed at Marcus, grabbed him, shoved him, and he fell over.
Willa heard herself yell out Louie's name and then there was a general commotion. Someone tried to grab Louie, Marcus was jumping up off the floor, Kevin was smirking stupidly in the background. Willa met Louie's eyes, streaming with ram and tears. "I can't believe you'd do this," Louie said, then shook herself free and ploughed back through the crowd.