‘Morning girls.’ She smiles. It’s almost a purr, like she’s been licking the cream she’s been given. In her hands is a medium sized cardboard box. ‘I thought you might need these things you left in the office.’ She looks from Mirelle to myself and to the rest of the office staff, who peer at her like they’re little chicks and she’s the mama with the food.
‘Why, thank you.’ Mirelle raises herself up and comes to take the box off Jo. At five feet eight, she towers a few inches above Jo and stands like The Shard, tall and glistening. Beautiful, but with an implied danger. She turns her back on Jo and returns to her desk, leaving Jo standing in the midst of the office like a lone skittle.
‘So did you have a nice Christmas?’ she asks me.
‘Amazing, thank you,’ I beam. ‘Anyway, I must get on.’
The skittle wobbles, but rights herself. ‘Okay well I must get back. Mr. Smith has lots for me to attend to today.’
We ignore her, concentrating on the office bustle and she walks out of the office. I can see her reflection in the office window and catch her stumble as her heel turns over on the lino floor. Not quite the exit she’d have planned for herself.
The other women look at us, expecting some retort, but we say nothing. We carry on typing although the typing is actually furious emails between myself and Mirelle as we work out what we will do.
Andi tells us she needs to see us at four so we know we have little time.
We leave the office at lunchtime. Mirelle is armed with the Dictaphone and we head for Jo’s office.
‘Hi there.’ Mirelle walks in. ‘We thought we’d catch up with you over lunch.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Jo looks up, shrugging her shoulders. ‘I have lots to do, I’m afraid. With you two not being in here it’s very busy though I’m sure I’ll be able to cope. I’m going to talk to Andi about getting some of the more menial tasks—such as photocopying—delegated back through to the general office.’
‘Yes, about that,’ says Mirelle. ‘What exactly is your game here, Jo? We thought we were your friends?’
‘I’m sorry… I’m not sure what you’re getting at?’
‘Oh, come on. Andi told us you were the one who informed her about what happened at the party. You know that was Smithy’s doing. Amber should have that job, not you. She’s been doing it for ages now and she’s good at it too.’
‘I’m sure Amber will get sorted elsewhere. She doesn’t even have to stay here, do you?’ She smiles sweetly. ‘Of course, it may prove difficult for you to keep working here, Mirelle, should the rumours about you and Smithy gain substance. Perhaps you should look around too, or consider agency work like our Amber here.’
Mirelle takes a step forward and I move in front of her. ‘I don’t get it, Jo, what did I do to upset you?’
‘You took my job. When Karen left, that post should have been mine. Instead, it’s given to a bloody temp—a temp!’ Spittle sprinkles the air with her fury, like acid rain. ‘Then I’m forced to share an office with Smithy’s floosie. He and I got on well together, but of course, once your legs gave an open invitation, it was like I didn’t exist. Well, now I’ll be rid of both of you and I can be a sympathetic ear for him. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to leave.’
It’s at that point that a large beep comes from Mirelle’s pocket. Oh shit.
Jo’s eyes ice over with malice. She gets up and grabs hold of Mirelle, who loses her balance and falls, steadying herself with her hands against the wall. Jo grabs the Dictaphone, holds it aloft and holds down the clear all button.
‘You crafty little bitches. You have more intelligence than I gave you credit for, though obviously not enough.’
The door we left ajar widens and Andi and Smithy step through.
‘Though it would have been added evidence,’ says Andi, ‘I think we heard quite enough. Our investigation is almost concluded. If you’d like to gather up your things, Jo, and contact your Union representative if you have one, I’ll see you in my office.’
Jo shakes. I’m unsure whether it’s with nerves or rage. She grabs her coat and bag and storms out of the room. Andi follows her.
We’re left in the room with Smithy.
‘Well, I do believe I’ve learnt a lesson about shitting on your own doorstep,’ says Smithy. ‘I think I’ll stick to the wife.’
We look at him and all smile.
‘Do you think you can carry on working for me?’ he asks me, and then to Mirelle adds, ‘and with me?’
‘Yep, I’m sure I’ll be able to resist though it’ll be difficult.’
He nods his head and leaves the room.
Mirelle looks over to me. ‘Thank goodness you decided to invite those two.’
‘They needed to hear it direct from the horse’s mouth.’
‘Nah, donkey, she’s an ass.’
We bundle up Jo’s stuff and drop it off in the general office, and with that, our office becomes the best place to work.
Chapter 33
Karen
I don’t leave until Wednesday afternoon, but my suitcase is packed and on the spare room floor. Most of my personal belongings are boxed, too. Next I prepare my dinner party.
The Christmas decorations I bought are cleared and packed in bubble wrap as I am determined to celebrate every Christmas from now on. No more Scrooge-like behaviour. Every day should be celebrated and I can now see that Christmas is not reserved for those with small children, but a time to be surrounded by those you love, or perhaps even drinking a cocktail on one’s own on a beach. As long as happiness is involved, who cares?
I lay out a silver vinyl tablecloth that compliments the blue of the cupboards. It brings to mind glistening surf on the water where the sun hits. I place circular navy blue rattan place mats and pale blue napkins, encased within a silver napkin ring with a blue crystal jewel. At each place setting, instead of their name, I have written out the New Year Resolution they made at Amber’s. With specially designed scissors I’ve given the cards a scalloped edge and written on them with silver pen to carry on the theme.
I didn’t know what music to play as a backdrop so I settled on Michael Bublé. While in the supermarket I bought a couple of his CDs in the hope that some mellow tunes will set the tone for the evening.
The evening's menu is written out on the same card and displayed at the end of the table. I’ve enjoyed using my organisational skills for something other than car parts. Amber called to tell me what had happened with Jo. I’m glad it’s all sorted. Jo should be ashamed of herself, but then who am I to question the motives of the unhappy?
I look at my menu, I’ve sprinkled table confetti around it. Little champagne flutes and, of course, I’ve bought some of the real thing. Now all I need to do is get dressed and await my guests.
Karen’s Farewell Dinner
Starter
Prawns in a Marie Rose sauce with asparagus tips and basil drizzle
(Accompanied by a huge silence.)
Everyone is seated as I serve the first course. Shoes are left in the hallway, despite my insistence they keep them on. First drinks are poured. Amber is driving and asks for a coke. Steve is staying and has hit the beer with Adrian. I am therefore the only person drinking the Pinot Grigio that I bought specifically to complement the fish starter.
If Michael Buble were here, I’d kiss him. Well, I’d probably kiss him anyway, but right now he’s providing the only voice among a tinkling of cutlery and glassware. He’d get frenched too.
‘So, Amber, what do you think will happen to Jo?’ I ask.
‘I’m not sure. I don’t think she’s committed a sackable offence, just been a bitch. She’s been told to join the general office for the time being. I hope they don’t think that with time she can come back and work with us.’
‘I’m sure they won’t do that. Did they say anything about your job?’
‘Yes, the interview is next Monday. Mirelle went and flirted with the Human Resources guy and apparently I’m the only
candidate, so unless I make a complete tit of myself, I’ll have a permanent job by next week.’
‘Something else we can raise a glass to,’ adds Adrian.
We raise our coke, beer and wine and make a toast to a possible permanent job.
Main
Lamb tagine served with spicy couscous and vegetables.
(Served with a warmer atmosphere)
As Steve has shown he is going to behave and has talked long and fondly about his job, relations around the table begin to thaw and we chat companionably about the future. I get everyone to re-read their New Year’s Resolution.
‘Okay, so I resolve to not be so impulsive and to think before I act.’ Amber laughs.
‘Why, what did you do that’s been impulsive and wrong?’ says Adrian.
‘Well, erm, I guess thinking about it, not a lot really. I suppose it’s more that I thought about changing my mind over the kid thing with Will, but then his actions scuppered that and I jumped straight into something else.’ She looks at the floor, rather than at Steve.
‘Or you just tried to please your husband and then went off the rails as a consequence of what happened to you? Give yourself a break, Amber. I’m not saying your resolution isn’t a good one, having a permanent job isn’t impulsive. It’s responsible. But other than that, I think you deserve some fun.’
‘I’d not thought of it like that. I am prone to doing daft things, though.’
‘Yes, but isn’t that a personality trait, rather than behaviour? You’re not going to change yourself. Anyway, we all like you as you are.’
‘Aww thanks,’ Amber says blushing.
‘It’s true.’ I add, ‘You’re lovely as you are.’
‘I’d better not comment,’ says Steve. There’s an awkward silence but then he winks and we all laugh.
‘Well, I’m certainly doing mine,’ I say, reading, ‘I resolve to do more travelling this year.’
‘You lucky thing, a month in the sun,’ says Amber.
‘I’m so looking forward to it,’ I say and then bite my lip. I don’t want to rub Adrian’s face in it.
‘Karen, it’s fine. We’ve got to move past this,’ he says. ‘Well. I resolved to make changes. So I’ll have a glass of wine now, Karen, instead of a beer.’
‘Right, well finally it’s mine,’ says Steve. ‘I resolve to be honest over the next year, to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I’ll start tonight.’
He stands and lifts his beer glass, tapping the top of it with his fork. ‘As you know I’ve had a difficult time this year coming to terms with my pending divorce. However, I would just like to say how much I admire my sister, Karen, and her soon to be ex-husband for the amicable way they are dealing with their separation. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, Ade, but it’s a testament to the strength you have both individually and together that means you are doing this with humility and grace. Also,’ he turns to Amber, ‘I behaved like an idiot this past month or so. Pretending to be someone I’m not in order to impress a woman who belonged to someone else. I pursued you knowing you were married and as someone who was cheated on, that wasn’t the right path to follow.’ He sighs. ‘I get that there were too many things going wrong between us, Amber, but I want you to know that I’m sorry for how I behaved. So I’m going to spend some time on my own before I risk my heart again.’
‘Oh, Steve, my silly big brother,’ I say as I walk over to him and give him a large hug.
‘Gosh we’ve all had quite the year, haven’t we?’ says Amber. ‘I hope the next proves a happier time for us all.’
We all nod in agreement.
Dessert
Trio of chocolate and raspberry mousse, lemon tart and sticky toffee pudding,
Served with crème fraiche
(Accompanied by a Toast)
Next I bring out the trio of desserts to the accompaniment of mmmm sounds. I then walk back to the kitchen and bring out a bottle of Moet et Chandon.
I pour out four glasses, watching the fizz jump out of the glass and hand one to each of my guests.
‘Now I know you two are primarily beer drinkers and you, Amber, don’t want much with driving, but I insist on a proper toast for my speech.’
‘Okay,’ they all chorus. ‘Speech, speech.’
‘Stand up then, like I did,’ says Steve.
I rise to my feet.
‘First of all, I’d like to say that at the beginning of the year, I could not have anticipated I would be at the end of my marriage and ready to start a different chapter in my life. Adrian, you know that I will always love you. You have been a huge part of my life and I will miss you being there for me.’
Adrian’s eyes fill with tears. Amber goes over and puts her arm around him which I am grateful for.
‘Steve, you have always been my rock, my big brother, and I’m sorry you’ve had to endure heartache yourself this year. But I suggest you leave women alone for now and, um, get another dog? You could travel less?’
‘I don’t know, it’s a big commitment, but it’s something to think about.’
‘Amber. The strangest thing was the way you came into my life, by taking over my job. I’m so glad now that I was made redundant and that however strangely, it brought you into my life. I enjoy your vivacity and your impulsiveness. In fact, I’m hoping some of it rubs off on me. I’ve spent far too much time being careful, I need to go out and be a little more reckless.’
She laughs. ‘We need to trade a bit. Give me some of your calm and you have some of my storm.’
‘Deal,’ I say. ‘So thank you all for coming. In less than an hour, we’ll be welcoming another year. I hope it’s a prosperous one for everybody.’
We raise a glass and cheer.
‘To Karen,’ shouts Amber, ‘Bless her, and to all who ride in her.’
‘To Karen,’ say Steve and Adrian, both looking at Amber and no doubt wondering like I am how she’ll ever be anything but herself.
Coffee
The dishes are piled in the dishwasher and Adrian has made everyone a drink. He heads off to the back garden. He says it’s for a breath of fresh air, but this must be so hard for him. Perhaps he’s gone to get away from his horrid soon to be ex-wife. I wonder about going out and hover near the back door.
‘Here, let me,’ Amber says and slips through the doorway.
Steve and I watch the celebrations on the television as it builds up to the climax of the New Year. Crowds are gathered near Big Ben and the London Eye. It’s eleven fifty-eight.
‘Go tell the others,’ I ask Steve.
He shouts them and they head back inside. Amber’s cheeks are pink from the cold. ‘Is it time?’ she asks, her voice rises in excitement.
‘It is.’
We all stand together as it counts down.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
We hug each other. Wish each other a Happy New Year. Join arms and sing Auld Lang Syne. Amber goes to get her coat as the fireworks go off on the television screen. It's later Steve will tell me how he caught Adrian and Amber kissing on the back doorstep. How fireworks hadn’t only gone off in London but had exploded here, in the hearts of a lovely, but lonely couple in Stockport.
Meaning I could leave with a free heart and mind.
Chapter 34
Amber
One Year Later
I often think about that night, New Years Eve. The night that changed everything.
31 December 2012
I headed outside to lend Adrian a shoulder to cry on. His wife was leaving him and had essentially thrown a party to celebrate the fact. As I walked out of the door, I expected a broken man. I didn’t expect to see him stripped to his tee-shirt hefting a large water feature and throwing it down the bottom of the garden. I ran down, expecting to calm rage.
&
nbsp; ‘Thank fuck for that, always hated that bloody thing. She found it dead relaxing. It made me want to pee all the time.’
‘Are you okay, Adrian?’
‘I’m fine, but I’ll be better tomorrow when Karen leaves. I don’t mean to sound awful, but I want to get on with my own life now, and it’s difficult when she’s around.’
My mouth is open and must convey my shock.
‘Amber, our marriage was over a long time ago. Neither of us wanted to admit it, that’s all.’
He sits on the garden bench and I join him. We chat about our hopes for the New Year. We don’t realise how long we’re outside.
‘Jeez, it’s five to twelve, come on, let’s go and celebrate the New Year.’
‘Do we have to?’ I ask. ‘I’m quite enjoying it out here with you in the fresh air.’
‘Yes we do, come on.’ He grabs my hand and helps me up. I glance at our hands together as we approach the back doorstep. He sees me look at our hands.
My eyes meet his and then…
His mouth is on mine and sparks fizz deep in my belly and other places. He is warm against the cold. Then the door opens and Steve is there. He looks shocked, then shakes his head, tells us it’s nearly time.
I’m embarrassed but go in the house and we celebrate the New Year. Then I get my coat. I need to leave. Two minutes before my resolution I kissed my friend’s husband.
Now I’ve resolved to think. My thoughts tell me to go home and consider my actions.
I keep touching my lips with my fingers all the way home.
31 December 2013
I stuck to my resolution. We took it steady Adrian and I. Dated slowly. Made sure we were for real and not rebounding after the end of our marriages. He sold his house and took out a six-month rental, ten minutes’ walk away from my house. We both got divorced.
Last month we moved in together, into my house.
Journey to the Centre of Myself Page 23