Olivia took a deep breath as the dreaded memories of her confinement flooded her thoughts. “The room was always dark. There was no light, no world outside for me to see. I used to just imagine I was outside among the living. I imagined that this child growing inside of me was yours and that you would rescue us and we would disappear to a place where Daughton and our parents could not find us. I lived for that dream. As the days went on, and you never came, I started to realize there was no hope. I was trapped in there -- no one could see me and no one cared. Every morning a thermos of blood would come down the chute in my prison and I would sit there in the dark all day. I lost track of time. It felt like I was down there for an eternity. I could not see past the darkness and it consumed my mind. I lost touch with reality. My mind started to fade. I was succumbing to madness just like humans did. Vampires are not immune. Solitary confinement can drive any creature into permanent darkness. Kaden helped me come back to reality. The labor pains struck me intensely one day and I snapped out of the fog. I could see clearly again. I screamed for someone to help me, but no one came. I gave birth alone to Kaden in the dark. Two months later, Daughton appeared in front of my cell, proud to see that I had given him a son. He released us both. Kaden was born afraid of the darkness. He always needed light.”
Lucian reached to embrace Olivia, but Olivia slid further down the couch away from Lucian’s comforting arms. She would not allow herself to feel such comfort. She knew she did not deserve such support, considering what she had tried to do.
“My head was still not ok. I wanted to protect my baby. I loved Kaden instantly and I needed to ensure he was safe from his father. I almost did the unthinkable. He was so tiny and fragile. I thought I could protect him by letting him go. I snuck out the house and fled to the nearby cliffs. I made a fire. I stood there with Kaden in my arms watching the flames. I started to approach the fire thinking that I could end this now for me and for Kaden. I rationalized that the initial pain would be worth it as we would be spared a lifetime of torture at the hands of Daughton. The fire was a sure way that we could both die and still be together. I walked toward the fire. Kaden cried in my arms, but then he started to embrace the flames. He was fascinated with them. As the flames started to heat our skin, the pain so intense, I leapt away from the fire. My skin was burned, but there wasn’t a scratch on Kaden. He didn’t cry. He just stared at the flames. He absorbed the flames. That was a sign. Kaden was meant to survive.”
“He is a child of fire,” Lucian acknowledged.
“Yes, and I almost killed him.”
“Olivia, you were not in your right mind at the time. How could you be, considering how that monster kept you caged like a beast for all that time? No vampire could stand that torture, especially considering you were with child.”
Olivia would not allow Lucian to assuage her guilt. “There’s no excuse for what I tried to do. The fact remains that I nearly killed my son. I could blame it on my madness, but it doesn’t matter. I will never forgive myself for it. That’s why I have to help him now. I have to prove his innocence and make things right for him. Maybe a part of him still remembers what I did.”
This time, Lucian reached for her hand and would not allow her to pull away. She would accept his comfort. She needed it regardless of her determination to punish herself. “He was just a baby, Livy. I’m sure he does not remember -- and even if he knew the truth now, he wouldn’t blame you. I bet he would understand what drove you to that point. He would forgive you.”
“Like you have?” Olivia mocked. “You still hate me. You hate the fact that you want me despite hating me. I don’t blame you, Lucian. I betrayed you and my son. First the betrayal by a lover and then the betrayal by a mother. I am guilty of both crimes.”
“Help me understand why you did it. Tell me the truth about why you married Daughton.”
Olivia wanted to unburden herself by revealing the entire truth. There could be no progress for any of them if the future was mired with lies of the past. Before she could utter another word, the door flew open and Kaden entered.
He instantly focused on his mother’s haunted eyes. She looked so lost and troubled. He would give anything to lift that pain. Maybe this news would help. “Cori just called. They have a lead that may help with my case. We need to get back to Julian’s house.”
Olivia’s eyes instantly filled with hope. “That’s great news. Let’s go now.”
Lucian reached for Olivia and whispered in her ear, “We will finish this conversation.”
“Yes, Lucian. We have to, for both our sakes.”
Chapter 10
Olivia sat in her room waiting for news of Corinne, Julian, and Lorenzo’s arrival. She had revealed so much to Lucian, but there was so much more he needed to know if there was any hope of forgiveness. For so long she had wanted to tell him the truth, but feared he would reject her words. Now, there was nothing left to fear. He might hate the truth, but he would hate the lie even more. She had to tell him everything once this ended. If there was any hope for a future, the path would begin with an absolution, and then honesty. With that, their love could prevail. Now their love was buried in deceit, and only she could free it.
She no longer feared the truth of the past, but feared the truth of the present. As she twiddled with the toxic leaf in her hand, she thought about how she would reveal this truth to Lucian. There was also the reality that it might be too late to save her.
Olivia had denied her dependency on the drug for weeks. It did not matter at the time. She had no intention of living past this investigation. She wanted closure and then she wanted her permanent sleep. She needed to make sure all would be well without her before she left. Now things were different. She never expected Lucian to come back in her life, and certainly never imagined that they could have a future together.
Their bond might not be fully completed, but the love was still there. Although he might not be ready to admit the words, she could see the love in his eyes and the desperate battle he waged to fight those feelings. She couldn’t help but believe they had a chance to succeed if they could be rid of all the secrecy. If only she could atone for this last sin before it was too late.
She mixed the leaf in her goblet and drank it down. Briefly, her pain intensified, but then numbed. She took enough just to ease the discomfort, but not enough to bring on the sleep her body craved. There was still too much to do, and no time for rest.
Olivia cursed the day she ever discovered this drug. She had been so desperate for relief from the nightmares that left her paralyzed with fear every day. Soon she ceased sleeping, but that weakened her even more, to the point where she could barely function. Other than her need for blood, she might as well have been human, for she had hardly possessed any of her vampire gifts. Vampires did not need a lot of sleep, but they still required some to recharge their abilities.
Desperation led her to make this costly mistake. Against her better judgment, Olivia went to see a sage with skills in alchemy who specialized in drugs for vampires. She never trusted sages, but she had no other option. She could not go on in that state. She asked other vampires if they knew of a sage, and most mocked her for considering this. Sages were treated like gypsies or soothsayers. They were a source of jokes and banter, and relegated to the pits of the societal food chain.
Their medicinal abilities were rarely needed as vampires did not get sick. The fact that sages could create drugs that could impact the usually impervious vampire made them a threat. Threats were usually disposed of or isolated. For sages, it was easier to treat them like lepers than to embrace their unusual skills.
Olivia’s search for a sage took months and eventually came down to the internet. She Googled several alchemists located in San Diego and San Francisco. The first two in San Diego were self-proclaimed love potion experts. Both were completely human and did not have any trace of sage in them. The third alchemist was definitely sage. She was an older woman who looked like a century-old human. Her body was wr
inkled and she seemed incredibly frail. She looked like a harmless old lady, but Olivia could sense the presence of the sage despite the woman’s attempt to mask her scent. Olivia had wondered why this woman made no attempt to look younger like most sages, but she figured her older look made her seem more trustworthy. That was her best weapon.
This woman had seemed like an innocent grandmother and Olivia could not help but feel comfortable around her. She trusted this woman with her secrets and this woman promised her the relief she sought. As Olivia looked at the box of leaves, she realized that this woman played on her emotions. Olivia needed someone to care about her and this woman took on the persona of the mother Olivia had always wanted. She had provided Olivia with the relief she had needed -- at least that’s what Olivia had believed at the time. Now she was addicted.
“That’s right, Olivia. You’ll never be free of this. You don’t want to be free of this.”
No, Olivia did not want to be free of this drug. It gave her peace when life gave her pain. It gave her the family she always wanted. It gave her Lucian, his love, his trust, his forgiveness. It took away the harsh reality and allowed her to escape into the life she could have only in her dreams.
A knock on the door startled Olivia. It was Lucian. Olivia hid the drug and allowed him to enter. He opened the door and surveyed the broken headboard and torn sheets. The memory of what caused this destruction inflamed the desire he was trying to suppress. “I owe you a new bedroom set.”
“Well, I believe we were equally responsible.”
“Yes, cara. I think it was our mutual passion that led to this destruction.”
Olivia sought to satiate the desire burning in her but she was not sure if Lucian felt the same urge. His eyes reflected passion, but after what they discussed at Reysa’s club, would he still allow himself to have her?
“Has anyone heard from Corinne?” Olivia asked, trying to fight the overwhelming need.
Lucian approached her slowly with that devilish grin that always caused her to melt. “She called again. She will be here shortly. I told her whatever news she has had better be worth the wait. She told me to go to hell but Lorenzo assured me they had worthwhile news.”
Olivia giggled. “I wish you and Cori could get along better.”
Lucian shrugged. “It’s not Cori’s feelings that concern me. I owe you an apology for my behavior at the club. I’m usually more in control of my emotions, but lately I have been a wreck. I’m not dealing with all of this very well. Being this close to you, but still so far away, is unbelievably hard.”
Olivia was startled by his admission. “Then come closer,” Olivia beckoned. Lucian walked over to Olivia until he was close enough that she could feel the heat of his skin. “How can you be so warm? We’re creatures of cold, yet I always feel warmth radiating from you.”
“It’s desire, cara. It’s what you do to me. It’s what you have always done to me. You heat my blood with my need for you.” Lucian traced his lips from her jaw to her chest. His light kisses were causing Olivia to ache for him. She urged him closer, but he continued to tease with his light touches. His hand slid down her stomach to the top of her pants. She trembled as he undid the button and zipper as her pants pooled at her feet. He used his claws to slice her lace panties in half, letting them drop to the ground. “I can smell your desire, cara.” He stroked her as Olivia clutched his shoulders, claws digging into his flesh. “I can feel how much you want me.”
“Arrogant ass,” Olivia quipped.
“Should I stop?” Lucian joked, knowing that nothing would stop him from taking her.
“Stop and I swear I’ll kill you.”
“That’s my feisty Livy. As you wish, mi amor -- I will not stop, but I will taste you.” Olivia stiffened. “If you cannot offer me your blood, then I will have your sweet honey.” Before Olivia could catch her breath, Lucian was on his knees, his tongue tasting her.
“I will have my taste as well, Lucian,” Olivia promised before she submitted to Lucian’s lethal tongue.
Lucian paused to look into Olivia’s eyes so dark with desire. “I will never deny you.” He continued his assault on Olivia’s flesh until she erupted. She barely had a moment to recover before he had his fill of her again.
Several passion-filled hours later, Olivia lay contently in Lucian’s arms as he plucked several feathers out of her silky tresses. They were on the floor of her room, the bed no longer able to support them as they managed to split it in half. “I think we should get you a metal bedroom set next time. Wood is not strong enough.”
Olivia hesitated, but then asked the question she needed answered. “A new bed for us, or just for me, Lucian?”
Lucian did not respond, but his silence was all the answer she needed. She tried to pull away, but Lucian held on tight. “Don’t leave, Liv.”
“I need to get dressed. Cori will be here soon.”
“Yes, but I need you to understand something first. I don’t want to hurt you, at least not any more. I didn’t expect this to happen for us. I came here to solve this case and to get closure with you. Rather than closure, we’ve opened the door again to us and I’m not sure I want it closed again, but I don’t know if I’m ready to walk in either. I don’t know what I want and what all this means. I’m completely and utterly confused. We still have so much to talk about before we can contemplate a future. I still need answers. I still need the truth from you. I can’t promise you anything right now, but I can tell you that I can’t just walk away from this, from you again.”
“Lucian I love you. Always.” Olivia placed her finger on his lips. “I don’t need you to say it back. I just need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. I’m sorry for so much, but I can’t change the past. I will be honest with you and tell you everything when we have time, but that won’t change anything. If you can’t forgive me, you won’t be able to trust me or love me. Without those things, we don’t have a future. I can’t live with your hate or even worse, your indifference. I survived living that way with Daughton because he meant nothing to me. You’re everything and for you to feel that way for me would kill me.”
Lucian reached for her hand and gently kissed each of her knuckles. “Indifference presumes I never cared for you, and you must know that’s not true. There is such a fine line between love and hate -- and for us, we have crossed it many times. I loved you with every ounce of my being since I was a child. But that love turned to hate when you betrayed me. Every day when I imagined you with him I hated you even more until it was as strong as the love I had felt for you. I came here expecting to feel the same, but I don’t hate you, Livy. I just cannot offer you more right now. I’m sorry. I need time to figure out my feelings. You were right. If I can’t forgive you and learn to trust you then I won’t be able to fully love you the way you deserve. You deserve to be happy, and if not with me then…” Lucian could not finish that sentence. There was no way he could handle Olivia being with someone else again. She was his. He would kill any man that touched her again. Despite his primitive possessiveness of her, could he possibly make her happy? She had suffered much at the hands of Daughton Gaspard. Could he love her enough to help her overcome that pain?
“If not with you then with no one,” Olivia confessed. “I will never love another and I will never be with someone I don’t love again. I did that for too long. I would rather be alone. I don’t want you to force feelings for me out of some sense of pity or duty. You owe me nothing, Lucian. I hurt you. I broke us. I have no right to ask you to accept me again, but I still hope you can.”
“I hope so too, Livy,” Lucian replied as he pulled her face to his and kissed her again.
II
“I’m finally here. I know you’re all so excited to see me.” Corinne strolled into Julian’s study with Lorenzo close behind and Julian much further back. Everyone had gathered waiting anxiously for whatever news they might have. They were not sure what to expect with Corinne. Her flare for the dramatic could
mean that she cracked the case or had nothing much to offer at all. Olivia feared the latter. They needed a solid lead soon, or else Kaden’s time was up.
“Cori, what have you found out?” Olivia asked impatiently.
“For one thing, I would make a hell of an investigator. I’m like the vampire FBI. I can get answers out of anyone and find info others cannot. I think we should start a vampire FBI and I should lead the charge. I’m that good. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m really that good.”
“You’re amazing, Aunt Cori,” Kaden snipped. “Now can you tell us what your amazing abilities discovered?”
“I don’t like your tone. You should thank me for working so hard to find the real killer so that your sorry ass doesn’t get fried by Lucian’s gang.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to be so grateful about, since you haven’t told us anything other than the fact that you’re great,” Kaden barked, his nerves clearly on edge.
“You really need to lighten up, Kaden.”
“Lighten up? I am being accused of murder, there are a bunch of people wanting me dead, we have no solid leads, and you’re playing games. How do I lighten up?” Reysa reached for Kaden’s arm, her touch instantly easing his rising temper.
“Look blondie, I don’t know if you can tell, but we’re all a little tense here,” Reysa snapped. “If you have some good information, can you do us all a favor and get to the point sooner rather than later?”
Everyone’s attention focused on Reysa, who was standing at Kaden’s side. She had remained in the background with her jaguar Alejandro who had joined the group shortly after their arrival to Julian’s house. The cat had demanded to be with Reysa during this investigation. In order to appease him and her other overprotective friends, she allowed Alejandro to accompany her. It was either him or Christian, and after witnessing Kaden’s reaction to him earlier, she thought best to keep them separated. Alejandro was the safer choice. As usual, he had not left her side.
Lover's Betrayal: Misfits of the Lore Series Page 20