Choice

by Gary Stringer

  For a moment, just for a moment, the snow and sand parted and he could see, in the distance, an elf with whom he was acquainted: Revered Daughter Calandra, the elven form of Callie the silver dragon. She was standing right in front of the Seventh Door, otherwise known as the Door of Death.

  `Death's Door` was a common expression on Majaos for one who was dying; few realised it was an expression rooted in truth. Callie stood literally and metaphorically at Death's Door. Once through that Door, there was no way back, and even if he ran, Phaer knew he couldn't reach her in time to stop her.

  There was only one chance. A huge gamble. The voices couldn't advise him on this; it was his decision. All or nothing. If he committed this act, either both he and Callie would live, or both would die. Alternatively, he could turn back now, choose life for himself and allow Callie to walk into death.

  “I can't do that, dammit!” Phaer yelled out loud. “Not when I've come this far!” He quickly sheathed his swords and hurriedly shrugged off his backpack, holding it in one hand as he fished out a long coil of rope, all the while ignoring the fish and the frigid water. After putting his pack on his back once more, he concentrated on tying one end of the rope securely around his waist. The other end, he attached to one of his swords. In the real world, he knew there was no way his rope could be long enough to reach as far as he needed it to. In the real world, he realised, he didn't even have any rope in his pack. But this wasn't the real world. Here, he had to impose his will and choose to make the rope exactly the right length. If he doubted, it wouldn't work. If his will wavered, the rope would vanish and he would be swept away by the water, carrying him through Death's Door and taking Callie with him.

  Focussing on what he had to do, he threw the sword like a javelin, where it hit the Sixth Door and anchored itself firmly in the wood. Then, taking a deep breath, he dived, plunging into the water. The freezing temperature threatened to knock the air from his lungs, but he fought to retain it and hold his breath. However it turned out, one way or the other, this wouldn't take long. Caught up in the strong current, he hurtled towards the Seventh Door:

  Towards death.

  Chapter 13

  A moment later, Phaer felt the impact of bumping into Calandra. She crashed into the water, but Phaer's elven reflexes caught hold of her and held fast, quite literally holding on for dear life. Right on cue, the rope pulled taut and halted his momentum, just this side of Death's Door. With a great effort, the ranger managed to stand and pull Callie to her feet, hauling them both, breathless, onto the bank.

  Both Doors promptly vanished when they left the water, leaving continuous walls as far as the eye could see, though Phaer could feel the rope was still anchored. To traverse between life and death, one had to follow the river. They were OK on the bank, but if they moved much further, the river would vanish and they may never find it again, lost for eternity. Lateral distance had no meaning here: there was only forwards and backwards.

  “Phaer?” Callie asked tentatively, or as tentatively as one could in a Force Nine gale. “Is that you?”

  “Yes, I've come to get you, take you back to life.”

  “What life?” she demanded. “I'm a crippled dragon! Through that door is Paradise. There I can fly again.”

  “Yes Callie, you can fly again, but back on Majaos. That boyfriend of yours has gone to great lengths to get you help. Are you really going to throw it away?”

  “Loric is not my boyfriend,” Callie protested.

  “Then how did you know that's who I was talking about?" Phaer teased. "Look, we can't talk here. Come with me, at least back through the Sixth Door. The weather's not so bad there.”

  Callie nodded her agreement. “But only as far as there.”

  “OK. Now, hold on to me and I'll haul us back up the rope.”

  Returning to the river, together they made their way back through the Sixth Door, Phaer retrieved his sword and then they relaxed for a moment on the bank.

  “Whew!” Phaer breathed. “That was hard work.”

  “Pretty exhilarating though,” Callie replied.

  “It's alright for you, I was the one doing all the heaving and pulling. You were just along for the ride.”

  “I thought elves - real elves, not like me had more stamina,” Callie jibed.

  Phaer was indignant. “Hey, I could carry you upstream again right now, if I wanted to. All the way through the Fifth Door.”

  “It's OK, Phaer, I was only joking,” Callie soothed, but the ranger was having none of it.

  “If you were a real elf, you'd realise that was a serious insult you just made.” “Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.”

  “No, an apology isn't enough,” Phaer huffed. “You've insulted my honour and according to elven code, I have to either fight you-”

  “Phaer!” Callie gasped, “What are you saying? I can't do that, you're my friend!”

  “-Or,” the half-elf continued, “you can offer me a fair chance, a test to prove my stamina to you.”

  “Well that sounds OK. What test can I set?”

  “I think the best thing would be if you challenged me to carry you upstream through the Fifth Door to prove it wasn't an idle boast.”

  “And then?”

  “Then you admit you were wrong, applaud my show of stamina and I forgive you.”

  “Well...OK, I guess one more Door won't hurt. Right, do it. Prove your stamina to me.” So Phaer began to carry Calandra upstream. When he got about halfway to the Door, he threw his sword with unerring accuracy, so it embedded in the wood with a resounding thud. That made the going a little less treacherous.

  Together they stepped through the Fifth Door into the muddy wasteland.

  “I wouldn't recommend sitting on the bank in this zone,” Phaer advised, “some of those muddy patches could act like sinkholes and pull us under. I'll just anchor us here for a bit. Hold on.” Having removed his sword from the Fifth Door, he concentrated and willed the next target to him. He pulled his arm back and threw his sword forward. It cut through the air, traversed the entire length of the zone and stuck firmly into the Fourth Door.

  “Ah,” he remarked.

  “What is it?” Callie asked.

  “I've just realised: The only way I can get my sword back is to go upstream and get it.”

  “So?”

  “So I've just said you can't leave the river because of the mud and I can't leave you here because you'd have nothing to hold on to. You could get swept away.” “Oh dear,” Callie whimpered. “I don't like the sound of that. I want to walk into Paradise, not fall into it.” She gasped, “What about Father Patrelaux waiting on the other side? Suppose I couldn't stop myself and, well, knocked him over!”

  “It wouldn't be the greatest first impression to start eternity,” Phaer agreed, careful not to smile at the image.

  “No, it wouldn’t. OK, I'll just keep holding on to you. You can pull me upstream - that is if you've still got the strength, obviously. I'm sure you must be getting tired.” “I don't believe it!” Phaer exclaimed. “I just told you about insulting my stamina, and now you question my strength! Just you hold on tight. I'll show you strength - I'm taking us all the way through the Fourth Door!”

  And so he did, Callie clinging on all the way.

  “It's a bit better here, isn't it?” Callie observed when they stepped beyond the Fourth Door.

  Phaer shrugged. “It's OK. It gets a lot better, though, if you keep going.”

  “Well, I'm not sure I want to go that far. We could just rest here for a minute and then I'll be on my way to Paradise and you can go back to your life.”

  “If that's what you want, I won't get in the way this time,” he promised. “You understand I had to try?”

  “Yes, it was very sweet. Thank you. But really, I'll be happy once I get to Paradise.” There was silence for a moment, before Callie remarked, “That was a very impressive shot you made back there. Showing off just a bit, were you? I bet you're glad you hit the mark - you'd h
ave looked a bit silly if you'd missed while trying to be so clever.”

  Phaer nearly exploded. “Trying to be clever? Are you suggesting it was a fluke?”

  “Oh come off it, Phaer! Nobody could make that shot! You just got lucky.” “Lucky? Dear gods, what is it with you today? First it was stamina, then strength and now you're questioning my ranger’s skill! Right, I'm going to throw this sword again and then so help me I'm going to drag you upstream if I have to, to show you where the blade has stuck into the wood.”

  “No, Phaer, I didn't-”

  “Come here!” He ordered, cutting her off.

  Calandra could see he was angry, so she complied. After all, going through just one more Door wouldn’t hurt. She watched in amazement as Phaer threw his sword straight as an arrow, into the Third Door. She still half believed it was some kind of trick, an illusion, but when he carried her up the river, and she saw the blade, she was convinced. When he removed his sword and placed her hand in the dent it had made in the wood, she was doubly so. She was too awestruck to protest as he led her through the Third Door and into the field beyond.

  Phaer didn't bother with the sword and rope for this zone. Now that the water was warm, the sun was shining and no nasty critters tried to bite his toes, he wasn't worried about slipping and falling in.

  Callie was so caught up in the wonder of her surroundings, being so much like the forest home of her hatchling days that she didn't even notice that he was gently leading her all the way to the Second Door. “This is so beautiful,” she whispered. “I never noticed when I came in.”

  “That's because you were so focussed on death. It blinded you to the splendour of these early stages that are supposed to remind you of the beauty of life.”

  As a half-elf, Phaer was as much at home in the forest as any silver dragon, so he managed to keep Callie distracted long enough to reach the Second Door.

  “Anyway, if you think this looks good,” Phaer said, “you should see what's through here!” He rapped the Door with his knuckles. “Do you want to look?”

  “Yes please!” Callie enthused. She was no longer of any mind to protest as her friend led her through the Second Door into the very first zone.

  The bright colours, sharp sounds, and powerful odours of nature, of life, had her transfixed.

  “It's...it's...” She struggled to find the word. “It's Paradise!” “No,” Phaer contradicted her. “It's not Paradise, it's life. This whole place is a representation of the boundary between life and death. To get through Death's Door, all you have to do is let the river take you. Drown yourself in it and let it sweep you away to Paradise.

  “Death's easy; life is hard.

  “It's a constant struggle for survival, just as we had to struggle every step of the way to get to here.” He pointed to the First Door. “Through that Door is life. Only therecan Aqua heal you.”

  “Aqua?”

  “The Elder Dragon of Water.”

  “Loric's quest!”

  “Exactly. I told you before: That boyfriend of yours has gone to great lengths to get you help. Are you really going to throw it away?”

  “And I told you Loric is not my boyfriend," Callie insisted. "Still," she added with a smile, "I would like to see him again."

  “So go and see him.”

  Callie hesitated. “Will I really be able to fly again?”

  Phaer held up a warning finger. “I told you, this isn't Paradise, this is life. There are no guarantees. Aqua will do his best and he is confident he can do it, but it's a risk. It's a gamble. That's what life is. Every day, every minute, every choice we make is a gamble. We use our experience to guide our decisions, but we don't know for sure what will happen or how things will turn out, but that's the whole point! That’s life!

  “Not long ago,” Phaer continued, “I went on what I knew would be a suicide mission to warn my people of the impending doom of Niltsiar's return, knowing full well that they were part of that same darkness. I was afraid of what Niltsiar would do to a magically Dead half breed like me, so I chose death and dressed it up as nobility. It was a mistake. Thankfully, our friend Bunny saved my life at great risk to her own. She chose to risk her life because she valued mine. In some cosmic way, I hope I've returned the favour.”

  Callie was still hesitant, prompting Phaer to ask, “What’s holding you back? It’s not just about your injury, is it?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Well you’re not denying it, for a start. But even if a paralysed dragon is unheard of, spine injuries in general are routinely healed. You’re a cleric, you know that better than I do. You talk about wanting to fly again, but you denied yourself flight for a long time. It’s like you so much want to be a dragon but you’re scared of it at the same time.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, child!” Calandra shot back, angrily. “I’m not scared of being a dragon, I just don’t know if I-” She caught herself, unwilling to go on, but Phaer pressed.

  “Don’t know if you what?” She didn’t reply, but the ranger could tell she wanted to. She just needed one final push. “Come on, Callie,” he encouraged. “I can wait here all day if I need to.” Then in response to one of the voices, he amended,“Oh, apparently I can’t wait here all day. The longer we wait, the faster the river will flow until moving against the current will be impossible.”

  “How do you know that?” Callie asked. “In fact, how are you doing any of this?”

  “Truthfully, I’ve no idea. I’m trying not to think about it. Anyway, don’t change the subject. We’re talking about your death wish.”

  “It’s not a death wish. I just don’t know if I…”

  “Go on,” Phaer said. “Just say it.”

  “…deserve it!” Callie blurted out.

  “Deserve what?” Demanded Phaer, incredulously.

  “To live as a dragon...or even to live at all.”

  “Why in the world would you think that?”

  “Because I keep abandoning my friends.”

  “Why do I get the feeling there’s a story attached to that?”

  Callie nodded.

  “Tell me,” Phaer said, gently.

  Hanging her head and with tears in her eyes, she told him all about Ellie. “I suppose you’re going to tell me you think I’m beating myself up over nothing and I shouldn’t feel guilty about it,” Callie said, finally.

  Phaer shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what I think and I’m not about to tell you what you should feel, but the way I see it, you made friends with a mayfly and you weren’t prepared for the consequences.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Mayflies only live a day or two. Their lifecycle is fascinating, but I’ve never watched the whole thing. I keep meaning to, but something always happens to distract me. Fortunately, I’ve never grown attached to one.”

  “Are you saying I shouldn’t get attached to people?”

  “No. You’ve tried that. Tried hiding yourself away in a Temple of Light surrounding yourself with longlived elves and heavenly concerns. How did that work out for you?”

  “I felt peaceful, contented. It was…good.”

  “And yet you left.”

  “To help Ellie-I mean Eilidh!”

  “Ah, now I see. You thought that by helping Eilidh, you could `make amends` for Ellie.”

  It wasn’t just the name that was similar. Many times, as they travelled together, there was something about Eilidh that reminded her of her friend from long ago and Callie couldn’t help but stare. Both had a way of staring reality in the face with an unflinching gaze, seeing both the world and themselves for exactly what they were. That was what gave Ellie’s art its vital quality. Callie quietly envied such awareness. Ellie had painted a reality more beautiful and more alive than the world most people knew, and yet it was reality. Eilidh saw that same reality and was fighting to save it. In many ways, her two friends were very different people, but every now and then there would be something in Eilidh’s
voice, in her words or in her manner, and suddenly it was like Ellie was alive once more. She just had to help Eilidh. It was something she simply needed to do.

  “But I failed. I abandoned her, too.”

  “If you want to look at it that way, so did I,” Phaer said. “The question is, what are we going to do about it?”

  “What can we do?”

  “Well, we can give up and die, abandon her permanently, or we can do everything possible to get back to her. Help her save our beautiful world from Niltsiar and the chaos monsters. Although as things stand, I think you have a better chance of that than I do.”

  “Why’s that?” “On the other side of Life’s Door, an expert healer is waiting to help you. All I have waiting for me is pain. Unbearable, excruciating, immobilising pain.”

  “What you talking about?” Callie demanded.

  “I’m dying, Callie…and I don’t have long.”

  “Dying?Phaer! Why? What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve no idea. All I know is I’m into my final moments of life.”

  “And you used the last moments of your life to try and save me?” Callie was incredulous.

  “At least I had a chance to save you. There’s nothing I can do to save myself.”

  “What about this healer dragon?”

  “Can’t help me, apparently.”

  “But Phaer, you can’t just give up!”

  “Why not? You did!”

  “Forget about me! This time I amchanging the subject. We’ve spent enough time talking about me. I want to talk about you. I want to help. There must be something!”

  “Well, Aqua did say something about getting me back to Eilidh.”

  “Then that’s what we do! We get you back to her.”

  Callie stood and pulled Phaer to his feet alongside her, but he immediately slipped out of her grip. “No you don’t,” he said. “I won’t have you doing that.”