by Herta Feely
How does the ending of novel differ from the real life event of Megan Meier?
To find this out, you must read the novel.
Discussion Guide
Q: Why does Phoebe decide to defy her mother’s restrictions and go to Adams Morgan with her friends? Was it peer pressure or something else? Does she ultimately feel that not telling her parents the truth about it only compounded the problem later on?
Q: Has your child ever been bullied or cyber-bullied? How did you deal with it?
Q: The “mean girl” syndrome is a well-documented behavior among girls. Why do you think girls behave this way?
What about boys? How do they engage in bullying behaviors? Do bullying behaviors vary between genders? If so, why do you think this happens?
(http://girlsleadership.org/blog/what-motivates-mean-girl-behavior/)
Q: Who is a “mean” girl among the adult women in the novel?
Q: As an adult, do you know some “mean girls” among the women in your life or have you ever been the target of a mean girl’s bullying? Have you ever been a mean girl yourself?
Q: Whose parenting style do you prefer? Sandy’s or Isabel’s? Are there elements of both that you identify with or do you feel that neither character is a good mother?
Q: Is Isabel right to say that “trust” is essential in a mother’s relationship with her daughter? With her children, male or female?
Q: Isabel once told Phoebe: “There’s no point in lying, I’ll just find out anyway. Mothers always do.” Is this true? Is she talking about intuition or about keeping close tabs on her? Should a parent try to know everything about their child’s life, or is that too invasive?
Q: Should girls resolve their own differences without adult interference, as Isabel had tried to do?
Q: Ron chastises Isabel for being overly worried about their daughter. Do you agree with him? Is there such a thing as worrying “too much” about your child?
Q: Ron also feels that Isabel is further alienating Phoebe by punishing her too severely. Is he right? If so, what would be a more appropriate punishment/consequence? What could Ron have done differently?
Q: Do parents tend to take on certain roles, that is, one tends to be stricter and often the disciplinarian, while the other is more passive and/or more lenient?
Q: Isabel questions her own tactics in trying to discipline her daughter. This internal conflict stems, in part, from her fears about Phoebe cutting herself again. How does a parent continue to provide limits and parental supervision when a child exhibits self-destructive behavior?
Q: What does Isabel not understand when she says to Ron that they are being held hostage by Phoebe’s cutting?
Q: What do you think about Isabel reversing course and deciding to allow Phoebe to attend the dance after all? Do you agree with her rationale?
Q: Lorraine Blau, Emma’s mother, tells Isabel that parents don’t really have control over the choices kids make each day once they leave the house. Do you think this is true? What are a parent’s obligations to keep a child out of trouble? What responsibility do children have in the choices they make online?
Q: How can one instill good judgment in a child? Does Phoebe have good judgment? What about Emma and Jessie? Would you allow your daughter (or son) to hang out with these two girls, knowing what you know about them?
Q: How should a parent go about discouraging their children from hanging out with unsavory characters? Or with children who they know are a “bad influence”?
Q: It’s pretty obvious what Sandy does wrong in the story, but what about the things she does right? Are there any? In what ways is she a sympathetic character?
Some additional questions you might want to ask yourself:
•What are the signs or symptoms of bullying, self-harm, and/or suicidality?
•Are you aware of resources available in your community that can help in case a son or daughter experiences a bullying-related situation? Who can be of help? Who else might have helped Phoebe?
•Why do you think youth are using the Internet to cyberbully?
•As a parent, what is important to know about online social media platforms and networks?
•How do I know if my child is bullying others? What can I do?