“Are the fucks really necessary?” Lucah asked.
“Oh, come on. You’re perfectly happy to use it whenever you want,” Rory said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Lucah sighed and then smiled at her. “Yeah, I guess I can’t be the fuck police.”
“Fuck the police,” Ryder said. I didn’t know the details, but he’d definitely had his fair share of interactions with the law, which probably didn’t help in the job department.
“A-fucking-men,” Rory said, raising her glass. She’d broken out the wine, but Ryder had declined and gone with soda instead.
“Fuck yeah,” I said, raising my glass. The guys joined us and we all clinked our drinks together.
Lucah and Rory took the dishes to the sink to rinse them off, and I got out the gelato and bowls.
“Hey, LJ, remember when we used to eat ice cream out of the container and Mom would freak out?” Ryder asked. I almost laughed at the nickname Ryder had for Lucah.
Lucah didn’t turn around when Ryder said something to him, but his back stiffened. Both their parents had died in a fire, and I knew it was a sore subject for the both of them. More so for Lucah since he took on a lot of parental duties with Ryder, even though both of them were grown.
“Yeah,” Lucah said softly. “I do remember.” He and Ryder shared a look, and then the moment was over.
Rory cursed as she accidentally dropped a plate and Lucah sprang into action, making sure she didn’t cut her foot on any shards while Ryder got out the vacuum. The two guys cleaned up as Rory and I watched.
“Man, I should drop plates more often. This is great,” Rory said, patting Lucah on the back. “Thanks, Mr. Blythe.”
“No problem,” he said, throwing the broken plate bits into the trash as Ryder put away the vacuum.
“Thanks for everything again. I’ll buy you a new plate,” Rory said. I waved her off and said it was no big deal. I didn’t have a complete set of plates anyway.
“A game. Let’s play a game,” Lucah blurted out.
“Yeah, sure. We could do that. Cards Against Humanity?” I said. It was one of our favorite games to play together and was a guaranteed good time.
I had the feeling Lucah didn’t want me and Ryder to be alone much and was trying to be sneaky about it.
“Oooohhh, I love that game,” Rory said. “It makes me feel like a terrible person, but it’s so good.”
I got down the cards, and we headed to the living room. “Does anyone want coffee?” I asked, then I went to make some. Ryder came to “help” me.
“I think I can handle it,” I said, firing up the new machine. I’d splurged on it because it made the best coffee I’d ever tasted.
Ryder got down the cups and placed them on a tray. “I know. I just wanted to give you a hand anyway.”
Lucah and Rory were talking quietly, their heads close together. Hers a honey blonde, his carrot red. They were such a pretty couple.
“Well, thank you,” I said.
“You’re fucking welcome.” He grinned at me and I had to smile back.
“So, how’s the apartment?” I hadn’t seen the place, but reading between the lines, it was probably a dump. He couldn’t really afford anything decent in the city.
“It’s an absolute shithole, thanks for reminding me.”
“I was just making conversation, Ryder.” He didn’t have to be a dick about it.
He sighed. “Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. I’m not very good at thinking about what I’m going to say before I say it. But I’m working on it. I’m working on a lot of shit.” I could tell. He was trying.
“The place is . . . it’s a place to crash and not much else. But at least I can afford the rent without a roommate, and I don’t have to worry about someone showing up at my door and offering me stuff. I haven’t told anyone where I moved.”
I had no idea who Ryder used to hang out with and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“That’s good,” I said, and the air filled with the scent of fresh coffee. I filled the cups and Ryder helped carry the tray over to the coffee table. I followed with creamer and a plate of little cookies I’d made a few days ago. I’d been in a baking mood for some reason lately.
Lucah handed out the cards and we started playing. Soon enough we were all laughing and having a raucous time. The game went long into the night, and by the time Rory was declared the winner, I was ready to fall into bed.
“Well, we should get going,” Rory said, poking Lucah, who gave her a look.
“One more round?” he asked hopefully.
“Christ, you can leave us alone together. For fucks sake,” Ryder said, tossing his cards in the box.
Lucah just sighed and got up. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Thank you for dinner, Sloane. If you want a break tomorrow, I’d be happy to order out.” I didn’t want a break from cooking, but I was craving sushi from my favorite place.
“That would be great,” I said.
Rory followed Lucah out the door. “’Night, guys,” I said. The door closed, and then it was just me and Ryder. I expected him to get up, but he pulled out some of the cards and started shuffling them, doing fancy tricks.
“Where did you learn to do that?” I asked, watching the cards fly from one of his hands to the other.
“Here and there.” He held one card up then moved his hand and made it disappear, then it reappeared with a snap of his fingers.
“Bravo!” I said, clapping my hands.
Ryder shrugged and put the cards back. “It’s no big deal. Something I used to do when I was a kid.”
I got up and took the empty cups to the kitchen, putting them in the dishwasher.
“Sloane?” Ryder said, and I nearly banged my head on the counter in surprise.
“Yeah?” I straightened up to find him watching me with a weird look on his face. I had no idea how to read that.
He opened his mouth to say something and then changed his mind. “Nothing. Have a good night. I’m going to head home. I have to work in the morning.”
I nodded. “Sure, yeah. Me too.” This was a strange way to end the evening, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Okay, yeah. Well, goodnight,” he said again. This was awkward.
“Bye,” I said, and he headed out the door.
Weirdness.
I woke in the middle of the night thinking about Ryder. Well, specifically thinking about Ryder’s bod and how much I wanted to see all of it again. And touch it too. I hadn’t really gotten to do that last time.
Getting up, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My body was hot and I was sweating. I turned the heat down and went back to bed, hoping to wipe the memory of naked Ryder from my brain, at least for the next few hours so I could get some sleep.
It didn’t work.
Despite being tired, my brain was awake and alert most of the night and wouldn’t stop thinking about Ryder. I’d try to think about something else, something soothing, and it would inevitably lead to him. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that he occupied so much of my brain space. I needed that space for other things. Non-naked things.
In the morning I was not a happy camper. I almost felt bad for the people who had to work with me. I had two cups of coffee before going in, just to get myself functioning normally. Apparently the coffee wasn’t a miracle working because Inari immediately noticed.
“Whoa, are you okay?” Way to sugarcoat it, Inari. Thanks a lot. I glared at her. “I’m sorry! But you don’t look like your usual self,” she said.
I’d tried to put on extra under-eye concealer and had done a bold red lip to take the attention away from my tired eyes, but apparently it hadn’t worked as well as I’d hoped. I even had my favorite flippy black skirt on that made my legs look like they went on forever and that hadn’t even helped.
“I just had a bad night. Couldn’t sleep.”
Inari seemed confused. “But I thought that was normal for you.” My non-sleep habits were legendary at my
studio.
“True, but I need at least four hours to be human. I probably got one.” If that.
“I’ll get you some coffee,” she said, and dashed away to the small kitchen in the corner of my studio. I needed to get a better coffeemaker in here, but I didn’t want to fork out a ton of money for something that my interns would probably break in five minutes.
As everyone filed in, they gave me one look and scurried away, getting right to their tasks. Man, I must really look like shit. I went to the bathroom and was horrified by my face in the mirror. Just one night of poor sleep and I looked like I could audition for The Walking Dead. The makeup hadn’t done what I needed it to do, so I swiped some more under my eyes and hoped for the best.
Ryder was really messing with my life.
I decided to spend my afternoon working on Rory’s dress. I had a million other things I should have been doing, but I needed to do something non-work related.
“What’s that?” Inari asked as I started pinning fabric to one of my dress forms. This was my favorite part of designing. Yes, I liked having an idea and seeing the end product, but watching it take shape and draping the fabric was the best.
“It’s for Rory.” My friends were well-known in my studio, and everyone knew their measurements in case of a fashion emergency.
“Nice.” I was using a bit of practice fabric I had kicking around.
“What color are you thinking?” she asked.
“I’m not sure. What do you think?”
Inari had met Rory a few times when she’d come to get other dresses fitted for various events. Having friends with rich parents who were often involved in charity work meant we all needed plenty of cocktail and formal attire.
“What about a rich blue? Like cerulean?” she said. I loved the names for colors. Chartreuse, oxblood, taupe, bistre.
“Mmmm, that would look really nice. And Lucah has blue eyes, so that would definitely work,” I said. Thinking about Lucah’s eyes made me think about Ryder’s eyes. Damn. I’d gone nearly ten minutes without thinking about him.
“And what were you thinking for the skirt?” I showed her the design.
“It’s going to be spectacular. Really amazing,” Inari said. Technically, since she was my assistant, part of her job was to kiss my ass, but I knew when she was sincere.
“Thanks. I really think she and Lucah will like it.”
“Need any help with it?” Inari asked. One of her favorite things ever was to go fabric shopping. I couldn’t blame her as it was one of my top five favorite things to do as well.
“Maybeeee,” I said, drawing the word out and giving her a smile.
“Please take me? Please?” She clasped her hands in front of her face and pouted. If I didn’t like her so much, I would have wanted to slap her.
“I suppose,” I said with a heavy sigh, as if she was asking me for a giant favor.
“Yes! You’re the best.” I wasn’t, and we both knew that.
“Okay!” I said, raising my voice so everyone would hear me. I sometimes climbed on the table to really make a point, but that didn’t seem necessary at the moment.
“I’m going out with Inari. Kelly is in charge. She will report back to me. And don’t think I’m above putting cameras in this place to make sure there aren’t any shenanigans. I’m watching you.” I took two fingers, pointed them at my eyes then pointed them around the room and made eye contact with each and every one of them.
Kelly gave me a “don’t make me be the bad guy” look, but I just shrugged. That was what you got for being in charge. You got to tell everyone else what to do, but then you also had to be the one who yelled at them when they didn’t do what they were supposed to be doing. Them’s the breaks.
Inari was practically bouncing over getting out of the studio for the afternoon. “Do you mind if I grab a new foot for my serger while we’re out? And I need some bias tape, more black lining, and some fabric glue.”
“As long as you use your own money and not mine,” I said. “I won’t tell anyone you used work time for personal business. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble. I hear your boss is a bitch.”
We both laughed. It was true. I was a bitch.
The trip to the fabric store proved fruitful. They finally had some of the fabric I’d had on backorder for months. It was like damn Christmas. I almost leaped across the cutting counter and kissed the woman when she told me my fabric was in the back and that she’d bring it out so I could tell her how many yards I wanted cut.
Inari also found what she wanted and then some.
We were both loaded down and had to take a cab back to the studio. Everyone was quiet when we returned and I soon figured out why. There was a guy staring at the wall where I hung my sketches, his hands clasped behind his back, his head turned to the side.
“Who let him in?” I asked, dumping my load near the door. It was so heavy, and my arms were killing me. I should probably work out more or something. You never think about fabric being so heavy when it’s in the store.
No one would make eye contact with me, and Ryder finally turned around and smiled at me.
“Don’t blame anyone. I let myself in,” he said. I tried not to react to him, but it was a losing battle. I couldn’t fight my attraction to him any more than I could make the earth rotate backwards.
“Oh, do you have a key here now, too?” I asked. What the hell was he doing here? How did he even know where this place was?
“No. I just have my ways.” He looked over his shoulder at Vivien and winked. She giggled and dropped the glass of water she’d been holding. That figured. Ryder could pretty much get anything he wanted, anytime he wanted. Curse his sex appeal.
“Well, why don’t we go into my office?” I motioned with my hand and everyone watched as Ryder followed me through the door. He was quite the spectacle, and clearly enjoying every moment. Before I closed the door I turned around and glared at everyone who had been staring at Ryder’s ass. “Get back to work,” I snarled.
I slammed the door and turned to face him. “So, to what do I owe this honor?” He wasn’t paying attention to me. He was staring at the picture of me and Rory I had framed on my desk. It was from college and during a really bad hair phase for me.
I flipped the picture over to get his attention.
He snapped his eyes up to my face and smiled again. “This is a nice place you have here. And minions. You have minions.” He strolled around the small room, looking at everything. Ryder really had a problem with boundaries and personal space. And locks and doors.
“Um, yeah. But I’m pretty sure they’d be insulted if you called them that, so let’s just keep that between us.” He turned around.
“Are you done stalling in telling me why you’re here?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to see you. Got out of work and I was thinking about you, so I just decided to come by. See where you worked.”
It sounded so logical when he put it that way. “How did you know where to go?”
“Um, I listen when you talk? You told me where it was, remember?” Not really. I couldn’t even remember that conversation, but clearly he had.
He smirked. “Guess I have a better memory.” I had a great memory. But sometimes I got distracted from what he was saying because I was too busy staring at his lips or his eyes or his chest, or his everything. Hard to concentrate on the message when the package delivering it was so nice to look at.
“Yeah, well,” I said. Lame.
“Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get something to eat. I know it’s early, but maybe we could have tea or something. Be fucking British for a day.” I wasn’t a huge fan of tea, but when it involved Ryder, I was game.
“Um, yeah. I guess. I have a ton of work to do, and I can’t be gone too long, but sure.” I tried not to sound too eager.
He treated me to a slow smile that did things to me.
“Fucking fantastic,” he said.
It was obvious, when I opened th
e door to my office so Ryder and I could leave, that everyone had been eavesdropping. The room was silent and no one wanted to make eye contact. Guess I couldn’t blame them. If an amazingly attractive man had showed up for someone else, I’d be intrigued. Especially since Ryder had that . . . thing. That edge of danger that you were wary of but fascinated by at the same time. It wasn’t just the scars and the tattoos and the way he walked, it was just . . . him.
I didn’t make an announcement, but I gave Inari a look before Ryder and I headed out the door. She was going to want full disclosure later.
“So, how was work?” I asked as we rode the elevator down to the first floor. My studio occupied the fifteenth floor of what used to be an old warehouse building. The rent was crazy expensive, even though the building was rundown, but I loved the wide open space and floor to ceiling windows. It wasn’t in the best neighborhood and you couldn’t find a decent cup of coffee for at least three blocks. Still, it was mine and I’d started my career here. I would always have mad love for this building.
“People come in, they eat, I take their dirty plates, I wash them. It’s a whole fucking cycle. But it makes me a productive member of society, whatever that means.”
I snorted. I’d thought the same thing myself. “I have no idea. Makes you sound like a bit of machinery instead of a person. A cog in the capitalist machine.” We reached the first floor and headed out the door.
“I don’t want to be a fucking cog, thank you very much,” he said.
“Me neither.” He looked up and down the street. “Where can you get a cup of tea around here?”
I made a face. “Tea? No idea. We’re going to have to walk or take a cab,” I said.
“Psh, let’s walk. Walking never hurt anyone. Unless you’ve got a broken leg or something.” Was he babbling? He kind of seemed nervous. “Sorry. It’s hard being sober.” Ah, so that was it. I had no idea how many times I’d interacted with him when he’d been high. Probably most of the time. But his personality couldn’t be that different when he was sober.
Dark Surrendering Page 4