by Liz Johnson
NINE
The weight of the wrench in her hand was too much, so Jess dropped it to the floor. She could barely hear the clatter for the ringing in her ears. Her entire body shook as she stared at the man sprawled on the floor. He was tall and lean, and smelled like a distillery explosion.
And he wasn’t moving. At all.
Oh, God. Please say I didn’t kill him.
But she couldn’t get her arms and legs to move in order to check for his pulse.
She’d hit him in the head with all she was worth, but now what?
Her legs shook so badly that she couldn’t keep herself upright any longer. She would have hit the floor if a strong arm hadn’t slid around her waist and pulled her against a wall of solid muscle.
Although her instinct to fight kicked in, she didn’t have the strength to do more than push at the hand on her hip. She couldn’t even muster a scream.
“Hey. It’s me. You’re okay.”
Will.
She sank against him, wedging her head beneath his chin and trying to soak up every ounce of his strength. His other arm twined around her waist, and she let him hold most of her weight, her legs still refusing to do their job. His shoulders lifted and fell in a steady rhythm, each exhalation fluttering her hair.
But her hands still trembled. The feeling of the wrench had been branded against every finger as it connected with the intruder’s skull.
Will rubbed her back, the heat of his palm slowly easing the tension there.
“Shhh.”
It wasn’t until he said something that she realized she’d been babbling. Incoherent gibberish at best. But in her mind, she heard the accusations as if they rang through a bullhorn.
You killed him. You killed him. You killed him.
“It’s all right.” Will’s hand moved from her back to her arm, soothing from shoulder to elbow. “Everything’s okay.”
But it wasn’t. Nothing was okay. She’d heard the crack as the wrench had landed. She’d watched the intruder fall to his knees, crashing against the unforgiving floor. He hadn’t moved since.
Even though she’d had no other choice but to defend herself, she’d killed him.
And she would have to live with that.
Will leaned away and looked into her face, his thumb brushing at the moisture pooling below her eyes. “I’m so sorry that you were scared. But he can’t hurt you now.”
A sudden sob caught her off guard and seemed to open the floodgates. “I—I think I k-killed him. He hasn’t moved since I hit him.”
Will’s grim expression broke with a hint of a smile. “You didn’t kill him.”
“Yes, I did.” Panic laced her words, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach to keep herself from flying apart, since Will wasn’t doing the job anymore.
He caught her eye and shook his head with deliberation. “He’s still alive.”
Was he right?
Peeking behind her, she looked at the prone form. With the toe of his shoe, Will gave the man’s leg a little shove. The intruder let out a groan as sweet as any sound she’d ever heard, and Jess let her chin fall all the way forward, weakness again overcoming her.
Fear and relief apparently both sapped all her strength and threatened to send her toppling to the floor.
“Feel better?” Will’s voice held a hint of teasing, his eyes glinting in the sliver of moonlight coming through the open door.
She wanted to slug him in the arm, but mostly she wanted him to hold her again, to hang on to her until she didn’t fear anything else.
Whether he could read her thoughts on her face or he wanted the same thing, he pulled her back into the circle of his arms.
“I thought I was going to have to…” Her hands slid over the taut muscles at his waist until they met in the back. “I thought I’d have to live with it. With the knowledge that I’d killed someone.”
“I know. It’s a hard thing to carry through life.” His words rang with a pure knowledge of the truth. Will knew what he was talking about, given his career choice. “But you don’t have to carry anything from this. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were great.” He gave a little chuckle as he smoothed her hair. “In fact, I think I’ll talk to the CO about adding wrenches to our weapons inventory.”
That made her laugh, too. And the humor helped release much of the tension that had been building in her neck and shoulders. In its place she felt a strange sense of uncertainty—a tugging in two directions.
She wanted to stay this close to Will forever, listening to the murmur of his heart and the tempo of his breathing. It was familiar and everything she’d dreamed it could be.
But equally as strong were the memories of him disappearing. The unanswered calls and messages. The pages of emails that were never replied to. She’d driven by his house eight times before getting up the nerve to knock on the door, terrified that Sal would answer and she’d have to face him again.
Telling Sal she couldn’t accept his promise ring—that she didn’t want to marry him—had nearly sucked her heart out of her chest. He was such a kind man, just a year older than her. He’d had such beautiful dreams for their life. A house near the beach. Three kids. Two dogs. Dinner together around the table every night. A quiet life.
It had all sounded so wonderfully stable, so fantastically secure.
But she didn’t love him.
Oh, how she cared for Sal. But after a year of dating, she’d realized he could never be more than a dear friend. A trusted confidant.
But she’d had those things with Will, too. So she’d known what she shared with Sal wasn’t enough to build a life together. But the Gumbles had been just like family for six years. And breaking Sal’s heart, refusing his proposal, meant that some things would have to change. If she said no, family dinners around the Gumble table would be awkward, at best. Time with Will at his home would always be tense. Abuelita’s hugs would be strained.
Saying no would change everything Jess loved about her life.
So she’d contemplated saying yes. Jess had taken Sal’s ring with a promise to think about it.
That night, she’d sat in Will’s little Toyota, a block from her house, and showed him his great-grandmother’s diamond.
“Did you say yes?” Will’s eyes were so narrow that she couldn’t make out any of the chocolate brown usually filled with laughter.
“No.”
“Then why do you have the ring?” She didn’t need to see his eyes to feel their accusation.
Her stomach lurched, and she covered her face with her hands. “I just couldn’t tell him no. I said I’d think about it.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she hiccuped against the spasms racking her chest. “What was I supposed to say? We’ve been dating almost a year. I don’t want to hurt him.”
Looking across the center console, she willed his hand to reach over and hold hers, but it stayed on his jean-clad leg, balled into a tight fist, the muscles in his forearms tense and sharply defined. His eyes looked straight forward through the windshield to the Gugenburgs’ mailbox. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his skinny neck.
“Say something.” She hated the way panic took over her voice.
“He’s my brother.” His tone was flat and cold, and she shivered in the warm May air that filtered through the open windows. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. Just…something.”
Will shoved a hand through his unruly hair. “I don’t know what to say.” His other fist bounced on his knee next to the steering wheel. “I mean, I want you to be happy. And Sal, too. So if you think marrying him will make both of you happy…”
“No.” Though quiet, her word sliced through the car like the Jaws of Life.
“Jess, what do you want?”
“I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to make things weird between me and your family, and I don’t—”
Will held up his hand and looked her right in the eye. “That’s what you don’t want. What do you
want?”
She wiped away the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “I want everything to stay the same between us.”
“Why would it change?” The knuckles of his fist turned white as his jaw worked hard to get the words out.
“Will you still be my best friend if I marry Sal?” Her lungs cried for air as she waited for Will’s reply.
His face twisted with a pain she couldn’t pinpoint, but he inhaled sharply through his nose and said, “It’s after your curfew. I should get you home.”
“Will you pick me up in the morning for school?”
“I’ll be there.”
But he hadn’t. That night had been the last time she saw Will, through tears and smeared mascara. She had whispered a good-night and run up the steps into her father’s waiting embrace.
Now she could hear Will’s heart thumping steadily beneath her ear, his comfort more powerful than any she’d known. What was this connection that drew her to him, while her head screamed warnings of the dangerous undertow?
She couldn’t afford to be sucked under, to believe he was by her side to stay. It would only bring a broken heart, and she could ill afford another one. After her mom left, and her great-aunt Eva moved away, Will had bruised what little was left.
Still she held on to him, let him brush away her tears with even strokes of his thumb and soft words of encouragement. Pressing her nose into his neck, she breathed in his scent. He smelled of earth and mud and hard work, and she tightened her hold around him.
With a crooked forefinger, he tilted her chin until she had no choice but to meet his gaze. She let out a little gasp as he ran the pad of his thumb over the corner of her lip.
His other hand rested in the hollow at her waist, holding her gently in place.
Not that she was pulling away.
Her feet had grown roots, her eyes only able to focus on the dim outline of his lips. His jaw tightened for a long moment, pulling them taut. Then he relaxed but not into a smile.
Every vein in her body thrummed as he leaned closer and closer. Every inch seemed a mile, far too long before he’d reach her. But when he did, it was a perfect fit.
The war between her head and her heart forgotten for the moment, she pressed against him, wishing she could bottle that moment and save it for a lifetime. She was safe. She was home. And her heart was whole, if only for a second.
The softness of his T-shirt under her hands and the silkiness of his lips on hers effectively wrapped her in a cocoon of joy.
It was everything she’d always known it would be. Gentle and wild. Soft and full. Tender and untamed.
It was also making her heart swell so much that she had to pull away to catch her breath.
Leaning her forehead against his shoulder, she gulped for air as he let his arms drop to his sides. At a loss for words, she said the three words that always came back to haunt them. “You left me.”
“I know.” The regret in his voice was nearly tangible, and she waited for him to go on. He hadn’t explained why he’d gone, or told her what a terrible mistake it had been. She’d been telling herself for years that she didn’t want or need his excuses, but after that kiss, with her knees still trembling, she knew she’d been wrong.
Say something. Anything. Tell me why you left.
Just say you wish you’d stayed.
Long minutes ticked by, in a pregnant silence. Each second twisted the knot in her stomach more, until she thought she’d be sick.
And then he spoke. “You should get some sleep, and I should take care of our guy.”
Not the words she had hoped to hear.
Stepping back, she kept her head bowed and her eyes closed. It was easier not to see him leave again.
*
The unconscious man sprawled on the floor looked skinny, yet as Will scooped him over a shoulder, he grunted under the weight. But the unexpected strain as he carried his burden out of Jess’s room was a welcome distraction.
He offered Jess a soft good-night and bolted for the door before he did something really stupid.
Like fall to his knees, beg her to forgive him for his cowardice and plead with her to be part of his life again. Forever.
Oh, kissing her hadn’t been a smart move. He’d known that the second before their lips touched. But he was tired of caring about making the smart decision. He just needed to have her in his arms, even for just a taste of perfection. To smell the sweetness of her hair and remember without regret how good they’d been for each other.
In her uncertainties, he’d been certain. In his stubbornness, she’d stayed levelheaded.
They balanced each other. Always had.
And the spark that he’d wondered might be there…well, there was no denying it now. Her touch was lightning and rain in one, setting him on fire and soothing him in the same moment.
He lumbered down an alley, weaving between buildings until he reached the far side of the big house. His passenger groaned when Will stepped into a deep hole, and he jammed his shoulder into the man’s gut just because he was ticked off.
At this cartel. At the unknown men who were watching them. At himself.
At the fact that he could never kiss Jess again.
Will slung the man to the ground at the base of a building, and his back thudded against the wall.
Squatting in front of Jess’s would-be attacker, Will glared hard into the slack-jawed face. But he didn’t see the narrow chin, patchy beard or crooked nose of the man in front of him. He saw Sal, bags beneath bloodshot eyes, shoulders sagging after a sleepless night. Sal with his untamable hair and rakish grin on the day Will had come to pick him up from the county lockup.
Will had crossed his arms, leaned against the hood of the car and tried to look casual as Sal sauntered down the police station steps. “How was it?”
Sal shrugged. “They won’t be selling season tickets anytime soon.”
Swatting his big brother, Will said, “Seriously, man. Why’d you do it?”
Sal sat on the car and tilted his face toward the morning sun like a man who had been in solitary confinement for a year instead of in a cell overnight.
“You’re an adult now. This is on your permanent record.”
Sal nodded slowly, several ripples popping up on his forehead. “I guess so.”
Will pushed an elbow into Sal’s side. “So? Why’d you take the rap for me?”
Identical brown eyes locked in a silent stalemate. “Because Dad wasn’t kidding when he said one more run-in with the cops and you’d be going to military school next year.”
Searching for the right response, Will glared at his crossed arms. Sal was right. His dad had made the threat clear. It didn’t matter if Will’s juvenile rap sheet was made up of minor vandalism infractions. One more trip home in the back of a cop car and Will was bound for Texas and the Trident Military Academy, a private institute for young men. The headmaster was a retired navy SEAL and an old friend of their father’s, and the school was supposed to be…intense. To say the least.
“You may make me want to pound you into the ground sometimes, but you’re still my brother.”
“You think I couldn’t hack it at military school?” Will asked, as casually as he could manage, wondering what his brother really thought of him. When Sal looked at him, did he see nothing more than a reckless screwup, the way their father did?
“If you wanted to be there, I think you’d do just fine. But if you were sent there as a punishment? With Dad’s friend riding roughshod over you every day? It wouldn’t end well. I want better than that for you. Besides, Jess would kill me if I let you get sent away. For some inconceivable reason, she likes having you around, and I like having her around.”
Will chuckled. That was the understatement of the century. His brother had been head over heels for Jess for at least a year. Everyone knew it.
Sal had taken the blame for an inappropriate message spray-painted on an overpass and saved Will from the military academy. It was just one of a d
ozen times that Sal had saved him over the years and it had cemented in Will’s mind the knowledge that he could never repay his brother. So he’d vowed to get his act together. At least until he was done with high school.
The unconscious man’s head rolled, and he let out a low groan, bringing Will back to the present and the anger still boiling just beneath his skin.
It didn’t matter how many times Will kissed Jess. She would never be his, because Sal deserved better. Even eighteen-year-old, selfish Will had known that. Twenty-eight-year-old Will, who had learned what brotherhood meant from men like L. T. Sawyer and Rock Waterstone and Luke Dunham, was sure of it. They laid down their lives for their SEAL brothers every day, and they’d taught him to do the same.
Will just had to get Jess out of here in one piece, and then he could forget about that kiss. And walk out of her life.
Until then, he had to know who this guy was. It was too dark for Will to be certain he could identify the intruder in the light of day. He could think of only one surefire way to keep the thug on the radar.
With a quick pop of Will’s fist, the guy cried out, his head bouncing off the wall at his back before sagging to the side. The black eye would be easy for Jess and him to spot.
A grin crept across Will’s face.
And it felt pretty good to give, too.
TEN
Will followed Sergio into the lab the next morning, his stomach a strange jumble of uncertainty. He’d dreamed of Jess during his short respite, but the smooth perfection of her profile in reality made his dream seem two-dimensional and black-and-white.
She was already at work, measuring teaspoons of white powder into a metal bowl. Her eyes didn’t leave the measuring spoon, and she didn’t pause to greet him.
“Morning,” he said.
She gave a curt nod by way of reply, all the time mouthing the count of her measurements.
She looked about as eager to engage with him as he was to spend another muggy night in this pit.
Instead of addressing the elephant in the room, he slipped his apron over his head and snapped his gloves into place. “How can I help?”