“Yep.” And that’s all he says. Sammy pops open the trunk and Cole quickly unloads my bag before slamming it shut again.
“You’re welcome,” she whispers as I continue to sit frozen in place.
“I haven’t thanked you for anything,” I mutter furiously.
“You will.” Then she winks before unclasping my seatbelt. “Now get the hell out of here. I’ve got places to go and people to see.”
Sending one last glower in her direction, I slip from the car and watch silently as she backs out, pulling away with a roar of her engine. I’m left standing next to Cole in the darkened driveway.
“You want to come inside for a bit?”
Feeling stupid for just showing up like this, I force my lips into a smile. At least I hope it looks like one. “Sure.” Ten minutes tops… and then I’ll call a taxi if I have to. Cole leaves my bag out on the porch before taking me in through the front door. Stopping in the kitchen, he hands me a bottle of water before I follow him silently up to his room.
Once there, Cole sits down on the arm chair which is situated in the corner of his room as I gingerly sit on the edge of his bed. For just a moment we stare at one another before I jerk my gaze from his. Yeah, I’m definitely going to kick Sammy’s ass when I get her out on the ice. This is terrible. After a moment or two, I shoot to my feet, unable to bear the awkward tension that has fallen over us.
“This was a really bad idea on Sammy’s part, could you please just drive me to the dorms now?”
He stands too, his brows sliding together in confusion before he closes the short distance separating us. “Do you really want me to take you home, Cassidy?” He pauses, his serious gaze searching mine. “Because I don’t want you to leave.”
My lungs feel as if they are being squeezed by a vise as I stare at him. Finally I shake my head feeling completely out of my element. Being here feels… wrong… or right… I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know what I’m feeling. There are too many emotions churning within me to even try separating them.
Very slowly, almost as if he’s giving me a chance to pull away, he draws me into the warm circle of his arms. And because I’m weak and I really do like him, I give in before laying my head against the hard muscles of his chest. His heart thumps a steady beat beneath my ear as he presses a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
“I don’t want you to go,” he murmurs against my hair.
I squeeze my eyes shut finally admitting the truth. “I don’t want to go.”
His arms tighten around me. “I’ve missed you these past few days.”
I can’t stop myself from asking the one question that has been burning a hole in my brain. “Have you been avoiding me?” Even as I hesitantly ask the question, I know what the answer will be. But I want to hear the words fall from his lips.
For a long moment he says nothing but in that silence is the answer to my question. Finally he sighs, “It just seemed like maybe you needed some time to sort things out. I was just trying to give you some space.”
I guess the funny thing is, after the appointment with Dr. Thompson and then the visit home, maybe I had needed some time to straighten things out in my head. To sort out my feelings for him. And somehow, without me saying the words out loud, Cole had sensed it as well.
Knocking me out of my thoughts, he asks, “Do you still need more time?” Again he kisses the top of my head. “Because I’ll give it to you. I promised that I wouldn’t push you and I won’t.”
I think about how much I missed him. More than I had thought possible. Slowly I shake my head. “No,” I lean up on the tips of my toes until I’m able to reach his mouth. “I don’t need any more time. I want to be with you.” And once the words are out of my mouth, I know they are the truth. I want to be with Cole. I’ve been miserable without him. Lonely in a way I hadn’t realized I was.
The corners of his lips tip up against mine. “Good because I want to be with you, too.” His mouth slowly opens over mine and before he’s able to make a move, I make one first. There’s a surprised noise that rumbles from deep within his throat as his arms band around me again. My heart speeds up as I continue sliding my mouth over his. We kiss for a few lazy moments before I pull back to lick and nip at his mouth. And he lets me do it. He lets me be the aggressor. Which feels… oddly empowering.
I’m the one in control of what we’re doing.
I’m the one deciding how this will unfold and play out.
Instead of being scared or nervous, it feels good. It feels right.
“Cassidy,” he whispers harshly against my lips, “you have no idea just how much I want you.” The low rumble of his words arrow straight to my core.
And suddenly I feel very powerful.
“Stay with me tonight.” Instead of answering, I take his lips, my tongue playing havoc with his as he makes that deep guttural noise within his throat again. “Even if we do nothing more than this, I just want to hold you in my arms.”
My heart thaws at his words. Melting from the deep freeze that has encapsulated it for almost a year.
Cole isn’t like the guys I knew before. He isn’t going to hurt me. Not deliberately. If anything, I’ll be the one hurting him. I’ll be the one trying to escape our intimacy when it becomes more than I can deal with.
It’s messed up. I’m messed up. Deep down I know I don’t deserve Cole Mathews. But God do I want him. I want to hold onto him for as long as I can. I want him to somehow heal the broken pieces within me.
Is that even possible?
With my lips still pressed against his, I whisper into his mouth, “I want to stay. I want…” my husky words falter and even though I’m scared, I still push them out, “I want you.”
Breaking our kiss, he pulls back, searching my eyes. “Are you sure, Cassidy? We don’t have to sleep together.” Then he clarifies even though I know exactly what he means. “We don’t have to have sex. I can wait. We can wait until you’re ready.” Leaning down, he brushes a lingering kiss across my lips before murmuring against them. “This is more than just sex between us… you know that, right?”
Yeah… I do.
I think I always knew it.
But hearing him actually say the words out loud melts the last of the ice within me. His words sweep away all the doubts that have been fluttering around the sharp edges of my mind.
Pausing, he says quietly, “At some point you’ll have to tell me what happened.”
My body tenses as his words wash over me. Thin tendrils of anxiety thread their way through me, making my chest feel tight and just a bit achy.
“Not tonight. But soon.” His eyes continue holding mine. “You can’t keep pushing me away when you get scared.”
Oh God, can I do that? Can I really regurgitate everything that happened? And then wait for him to accept or reject me?
It’s a frightening prospect.
But what other choice is there?
I want, no need, to give us a real chance.
I want Cole. I want this to work between us. And the only way that can happen is if I tell him the truth.
Full disclosure.
“Yes,” I whisper thickly. My belly twists itself into a series of complicated knots as I think about doing so.
Almost as soon as the word is out of my mouth, he captures my lips before picking me up and carrying me to the bed. Gently he lays me down before moving over me. Kissing me. That’s all he does. His lips slide softly against mine until I’m almost drunk with the taste of him.
If I’m going to do this, it needs to be on my terms. And so I push against the hard muscles of his chest until he pulls back, questions brimming in his golden brown eyes.
“Change your mind?” There’s a raspy edge to his voice. But still, I know he’ll stop if I need him to.
Smiling, I shake my head. “No.” Instead of explaining what I want, I push him back against the mattress until he’s the one lying flat before I carefully move to straddle his hips. With my heart gallopin
g, I stare down at him with my hands splayed wide across his chest. Have I mentioned just how much I love his chest? It’s so thick and broad. Firm and powerful. Just like him.
I think that’s what I like most about Cole. He’s so big and strong but there’s this tenderness to him. A gentleness. A goodness you don’t always find in people. At least I haven’t found it in the guys I’ve been with.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs as his eyes rove slowly over my features.
Feeling oddly shy, I tease, “I’m already in your bed, you don’t need to tell me that.”
Smiling, he shakes his head. “You know, I saw you that first day in psychology, sitting way up in front. I couldn’t help but watch as you took notes… you were so serious. Listening so attentively. Like everything the professor had to say was so important that you didn’t want to miss a single word of it. I wanted to talk to you then but I chickened out.” His laugh is oddly self-depreciating. “And I chickened out every day after that too until I saw you at that party. I watched you with Alex and then suddenly you were pulling that girl over and then the others joined you and it was the funniest thing to watch. But it was you who I couldn’t take my eyes off of. Instead of yelling at Alex, you just stood there with a little smirk on your face. That was the moment I knew I had to meet you.” The corners of his mouth tip up as he chuckles at the memory. “And I’d already had a beer or two, so I was feeling pretty confident.”
It boggles my mind that Cole wouldn’t feel enough self-assurance to speak with me. It’s just me, for God’s sake. And he’s… I mean, he seriously has to know how girls look at him… he can’t be that oblivious. Leaning down, I take his mouth slowly with my own before admitting, “I thought you were beautiful, too.”
“Beautiful?” He pretends to frown. “Not ruggedly handsome?”
Smiling, I shake my head. “Nope… beautiful. Gorgeous.” Then I add so he doesn’t get a big head, “I thought for sure you’d turn out to be a douchebag.”
He laughs out loud at that. “A D-bag, huh?” He scratches his chin. “Yeah, you did try to blow me off. Quite a few times, now that I think about it. Luckily I’m persistent.”
Leaning down, I kiss his lips softly before straightening to meet his eyes again. “You are the furthest thing from a D-bag.” I take a deep breath before admitting, “I really like you. A lot.”
His lips curve with my soft admission before he unleashes those killer dimples of his. “I like you a lot, too.”
Still sitting up, I suddenly pull off the long sleeved shirt I’m wearing. His eyes hold mine before gradually dipping to my still covered breasts. It occurs to me that I’m wearing just a simple white bra and underwear. Not even a matching set. I didn’t exactly plan this but maybe it’s for the best. Because what we’re doing feels right. But I want Cole to think I’m sexy. And what I’m wearing could never be misconstrued as sexy. It’s functional. At best. I might just need to invest in some pretty under things. It’s kind of a giddy thought. I’ve never dressed or undressed for a guy before. But the look in his eyes says that what I’m wearing doesn’t matter.
Very gently he reaches up, cupping my breasts through the thin white material edged with just a bit of lace. His heated gaze slides up to meet mine. “You are absolutely beautiful, you know that? Just… so beautiful.”
Without another word, I reach behind my back, unclasping the hooks before the whole thing springs apart. My bra slides down my arms, uncovering my breasts. And even though a voice in my head prods me to cover myself, I don’t. I keep my hands at my sides as his eyes skim downward before his hands cup my naked flesh. I toss my now discarded bra onto the floor as he squeezes and kneads my flesh. Leaning up, he captures one pebbled nipple between his lips before sucking it deeply into his mouth. Ribbons of warmth slowly slip through me. A strangled noise falls from my mouth as he suckles my breast, tormenting me as his fingers continue caressing the other peaked tip. Gasping, heat arrows straight down between my legs, making me throb and ache with a restless need I’ve never experienced before.
Finally, when I can’t handle a single moment more of his exquisite torture, I lean down, taking his mouth with my own. Never has it felt like this before. Almost like a slow burn licking its way through my body. Heating all the cold dark places inside that I never knew existed before this very moment. All this touching and caressing… Tongues and teeth scraping and tasting. Eager hands and mouths exploring. Teasing out the sharp claws of need until I think I might just explode with the feelings that are roiling and building within me.
But I want to feel so much more of him. Sitting up, I work his t-shirt up and off his body until he’s lying beneath me just as bare chested as I am. In my mind, I imagine us intertwined, our naked chests pressed against one another and I have to bite down on my lower lip to stifle a groan as that erotic image burns its way through my brain.
And he seriously thinks I’m the beautiful one?
I almost snort as the soft pads of my fingers slowly trail over all his hard bunched muscles before I flick one of his flat male nipples with my fingers. He growls in response. It’s nothing more than a low rumble summoned from deep within his throat. In answer, a hot shaft of desire shoots straight down to the pulsing throb between my legs.
No, he is definitely the beautiful one here.
Probably the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen. My eyes trail after my eager fingers as I find a large tattoo that must start on his back before wrapping its way around his ribcage. Gingerly I trace the intricate ink pattern as my eyes fly up to his.
“This is a surprise.” My gentle fingers continue stroking over him.
He shrugs but something darkens in his eyes. Whatever the reason for this tattoo, it’s important. “I had wanted one for a while but my mom wouldn’t let me get it until I turned eighteen. I think she was holding out hope that I might change my mind. So I waited and got inked on my birthday. A present to myself, I guess.”
It’s hard to see in the low light but I know without a doubt that it’s something I’ll inspect more closely in the daylight. Actually, I want to inspect all of him more closely in the daylight…
Leaning down, I trace the tip of my tongue over the dark ink. He groans. “Very, very sexy,” I whisper against his ribs.
“Then I’ll get a couple more,” he murmurs as my mouth continues to slide over him.
I shake my head. “I like it because it’s so unexpected.” I can’t resist lapping at him with my tongue. “A lovely little surprise.”
Hissing out a harsh breath, he suddenly shifts his body. As he does, I feel the hardness in his jeans as it rubs against me and I whimper in response to the thickness I’m now all but riding. My fingers fly from the tattoo on his side to the button on his jeans. I flick it open and lower the zipper as my eyes hold his.
“Cassidy,” he whispers roughly, “We don’t have to take this any further. We really don’t. You need to be sure about this.”
My fingers stroke over him and he winces as if in pain. “I am sure. I want this. I want you.” His words only make me want him more because if I changed my mind right now, he’d be fine with it. He would gather me up into his arms and hold me close until morning. And I love that about him.
Okay, so maybe he wouldn’t be totally fine with it but he wouldn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t ready for either. And that makes him damn near perfect.
I tug at his jeans before he quickly takes over, sliding the thick material down his legs before kicking his feet free of the denim. And then he just lies beneath me in a pair of black boxer briefs that hug his hard thigh muscles.
My breath catches as my eyes roam leisurely over him. With the guys I’d been with before… there had never been an opportunity to just sit and look my fill. This is an entirely new experience. One I’m enjoying. I can’t believe just how gorgeous Cole is. So damn sexy. My breath actually catches in my throat at the sight of him beneath me.
Thoughts I never expected tumble through my mind
. Because I want more than anything to lick every single inch of him. And I want to feel every single inch of him inside me… filling me up. My belly hollows at the thought of him buried deep inside my body.
His fingers slip to my jeans, popping the button free before peeling the zipper and sliding the material down my hips. Standing over him, I straddle his body with my legs as he quickly pulls the denim free so that only my panties remain covering me. I watch as his eyes dip to my plain pink underwear before he slowly leans up, pressing a delicate kiss against my throbbing center. His eyes hold mine as he gently pulls the thin fabric down my hips until I’m totally bare.
I sink down until his thick length is nestled against me. I moan, unable to resist stroking him with my wetness. His hands fall to my hips, grasping them as I move against him again. Ribbons of sensation slice through me as my head falls back. My slippery heat soaks the material of his boxers. There is something so erotic about being on top of him like this. My wet flesh against his covered hardness. His hot gaze pinning mine. His warm strong fingers gently biting into the soft naked flesh of my hips.
“You have absolutely no fucking idea just how much I want you right now,” his words are nothing more than a low rough scrape.
I don’t want to stop. It feels way too good. Already something is building within me. Over and over I slide against him. A little hissing sound escapes from between his tightly clenched lips as I continue rolling and flexing my hips.
One hand slowly slides from my hip to the apex between my legs. I gasp as he runs a finger gently between the cleft of my overly sensitive flesh. Without a word, I widen my thighs so that he is able to stroke my wet aching lips. A long low keening groan slips from my mouth as he continues to pet me.
“Oh God, I think I do,” I finally pant.
How is it possible that he’s capable of giving me so much pleasure? We haven’t even started to have sex yet and I feel so close… I don’t want it to end. I seriously can’t imagine the actual act feeling better than this. Because in my experience, it hasn’t.
Leaning forward, I stroke my hands from his rock solid abdomen to his chest and then back down again. It doesn’t surprise me that he has a six pack. Cole works out religiously. My fingers trail over the elastic band of his boxers before I snap them lightly against his flesh. And I have to practically pant out the words because of the way his fingers are stroking over me… Not once does he dip his finger inside me and I’m all but dying for him to do so. Dying for him to fill me.
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