by Tillie Cole
I lowered my head at the female who was keeping me whole. I pressed a kiss to her head. “Are you okay, zolotse?” she whispered brokenly.
I nodded without words. All three of them were staring at me like I should react. Truth was, I didn’t feel anything. I had a list of events that had happened in my life, but it didn’t feel like my life. I felt like Zaal and Anri were strangers to me.
I was still 221.
I wasn’t Zaal.
Talia sat up further, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Zaal?” she asked again, but my eyes drifted to the staircase leading to the bedroom I’d been sharing with Talia. There I was happy. I had her and she had me.
Here, I was lost, numb. I didn’t know who I was meant to be. I didn’t know the family I used to have.
Talia made me someone. I was her Zaal.
But alone, I was nothing more than a number. Than Master’s dzaghii, his dog.
Lifting Talia in my arms, I placed her on the seat and got to my feet. “I am tired,” I said. I walked toward the door.
“Zaal?” Talia called, and ran up behind me. I turned and she pressed her small body against my chest, questions swimming in her eyes.
I lowered my head and pressed my forehead to hers. I breathed in her scent and felt warmth flood through my body. Since I had awoken drug free, I had needed her as much as I’d needed the old drug. But right now, I needed to be alone.
“I need to rest. I need. I need…”
“To be alone,” she said, finishing my words.
I pressed my lips to her forehead and said, “It is not because I do not want you. It is because I need to think I—”
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You go and sleep. You’re still recovering and today has been a lot for you to take in.”
I headed to the stairs, but turned back to Luka and asked, “Zaal is my first name. What was my family’s name?”
Luka’s eyes shot to mine. Tensing his jaw, he stated, “Kostava. You are Zaal Kostava from Tbilisi, Georgia. You and Anri were the heirs of the Kostava clan, a Mafia family.”
I soaked in those words and I wrapped my mind around that name, Kostava. Zaal Kostava.
Leaving Talia in that room took more strength than I ever could imagine. She was a part of me now. As I walked up the stairs to the bedroom, my hand felt empty without hers clutching mine.
I walked into the room and stared into the emptiness. My pulse raced and my palms began to sweat. Being alone again brought memories of being back in a cell. I fought the urge to go back downstairs.
I wanted to remember and rest.
I needed to find out who I really was.
Remember exactly how Master had taken my life from me. Exactly what he’d done to my twin brother and me.
I strode to the mirror hanging on the wall and stared at my reflection. My black hair ran down over my shoulders, my skin was marked with scars and marks. Then I looked to my face and I remembered what Luka had said. I had a twin. Anri. We looked exactly alike.
Then I looked to my left cheek and the three moles beside my eye. One, two, three. One, two, three, the little girl’s voice sounded in my head. I could almost feel her little finger tapping at my skin.
A sister. My sister. Dark eyes and dark hair, clutched in my arms.
My heart sped up as I tried to remember more. But nothing else came. That was all I had to give, for the moment.
Going to the bed, I removed my hooded sweatshirt and climbed under the comforter. I closed my eyes, Luka’s words echoing in my head: he killed them all. Massacred your family … right in front of your eyes …
And my name … Kostava. You are Zaal Kostava from Tbilisi, Georgia. You and Anri were the heirs of the Kostava clan, a Mafia family …
Chapter Fourteen
Talia
My strength drained as Zaal walked out of the living room and up the stairs to our bedroom. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Our bedroom, I emphasized in my head. Because that’s how it was for me now. It may have only been weeks, but it was weeks of days full of just him and I. I’d taught him about life. I’d showed him the sun, but he’d shown me true freedom. He’d shown me what it was to feel wanted, needed, vital to someone else’s happiness.
A deep sigh sounded behind me. I knew I had to face Luka and Kisa. Luka’s face was stone when he’d seen me be affectionate with Zaal. I hadn’t told Luka he’d changed. I had lied to my brother repeatedly when he’d called in to check on Zaal’s progress.
And I’d done it on purpose. I’d wanted Zaal to myself. Just for once, I’d wanted to have something that wasn’t Bratva owned.
Zaal was mine.
In this house he wasn’t a Kostava. I wasn’t a Tolstaia. We just were.
Inhaling a long breath, I slowly turned to see Kisa and Luka staring at me. Luka’s expression was stern, but Kisa’s was sympathetic.
Silently, I moved toward them, then sat back in the large sofa cushions. Luka’s gaze was cold. Shaking my head, I said, “Just get it over with, Luka. You’re disappointed in me. You think I’ve lost my fucking mind.”
I caught Luka shift on his seat in my peripheral vision. “I am pissed, Talia,” he said. I raised my eyebrow at how much he sounded like my father. Betrayal of my family now ran through my blood—I got it. I went against the golden rule—never betray the family.
Then Luka added, “But not because you’re with him. But because you led me to believe he was unchanged. I’ve been going crazy, believing that he was gone in the head with whatever fucked-up drug they’ve pumped in his veins for twenty years. For weeks I’ve been preparing to come back here and kill him, because I thought it was better than leaving him living as Jakhua’s monster. I owed Anri that much. His brother would be better off dead than alive, as nothing but a mindless killer.”
I swallowed at Luka’s answer. Kisa cast me a smile as Luka threaded his hand through hers. I instantly felt guilty, my readiness to argue with my brother vanishing to dust.
I ran my hands down my face and groaned. “I just wanted him to myself, Luka. He was weak and so lost. In fact, I thought he’d died. I’d been watching him on the surveillance footage and could see his gradual change. He was first feral, then weak, then nothing. I thought the cold-turkey drug detox had been too much too soon. But then I went down to see him. I don’t know, so he wouldn’t be alone, I guess. The change in him, God, it was night and day. On the drugs he was an animal, attacking the guards left, right, and center, pacing the same patch of floor like a pit bull. But when the drugs were gone, he stayed slumped against the wall, his sad green eyes staring at nothing. He was so broken, so lonely and lost…” I cleared my throat, remembering him bound, dirty, and matted, in chains.
“I couldn’t leave him.” I flickered my gaze to my brother and Kisa, then added, “And then he responded to me. He trusted me, and we’ve grown close.” A smile curled on my lips. “He’s beautiful. Inside and out.”
“Oh, Talia,” Kisa said softly. I met the eyes of my best friend. “You love him,” she said. My lips parted to argue the case. But as a pair of jade green eyes drifted through my mind I couldn’t … I couldn’t deny Zaal, couldn’t deny the impact he’d had on me.
Kisa rose from her seat and came to take me in her arms. I hugged her back, but as she pulled away I could see concern all over her beautiful face. “You don’t approve?” I asked. Kisa held my hand.
She shook her head. “Talia, I’m not one to judge. I loved your brother my whole life. You know this. But through grief and duty to the Bratva, to my papa, I was claimed by Alik Durov.” Her eyes fell and she shook her head. “But Talia, you know that my father and your father won’t accept your being with a Kostava. Under any circumstance.”
I glanced to Luka, who was watching us. “Luka?” I asked. He ran his hand down his face.
“Kisa’s right. They won’t accept it. He’s not Russian. He’s Georgian. Worse still, his family murdered one of our own.”
Devastation cut through me. I lowered m
y eyes. “So you’re saying all I have with Zaal are the next few weeks until I have to return home?” Neither of them said anything in response. But it told me everything I’d asked. To them my situation was hopeless.
But quite frankly, I didn’t give a shit what anyone had to say.
Standing, too consumed with concern for Zaal, I decided to go to bed. I refused to accept that I had limited days with Zaal, but if somehow I lost the fight to keep him in my life, I wasn’t going to waste a single second.
I released Kisa’s hand. She got to her feet. “Talia,” she called after me, sympathy for my situation lacing her voice.
“It’s okay, Kisa,” I said in comfort, throwing her a smile. “I’ll be fine. Because what other choice is there? We’re Bratva women, stern Russians who brush anything off. I’ll work it out. I always do.”
Kisa’s eyes closed and opened only to showcase the pain she felt for me. I glanced to Luka, who had his hands in his hair. “You’re just lucky you found your soul mate at birth.” Kisa’s eyes sought out her husband and that love, that breathtaking connection they shared pulsed between them. “And that when he was lost, he returned to you.” My stomach gripped in envy and I added, “Where for me? Because I’ve fallen for the enemy, I get to cherish him, hold him, then am expected to let him go all because the great Volkov powers that be don’t approve. Question is, how the fuck do you live knowing the person meant solely for you is still out there living and breathing without you by their side?”
Luka got to his feet and I stilled. Since he’d returned, Luka had made no attempt to hold me. He’d never showed any emotion toward me. I watched him approach. Kisa stepped back, a floored expression on her face.
Warily, Luka stood before me, rocking uneasily on his feet. Shock filled my veins as his big arms lifted. Unable to hold back my gasp, Luka wrapped them around me and brought me to his chest.
I held him. I held my big brother and took solace in his embrace. I’d missed this. As kids we were so close. He’d hold me all the time. For the first time since he’d returned, it felt like maybe, just maybe, my brother, my childhood hero, was rising from his darkness once again.
I soaked in his warmth and whispered sternly, “Luka, I believe it was meant to happen. Even if it won’t be welcomed.”
Luka pressed a kiss to the top of my head and rasped, “What was meant to happen?”
“Everything,” I said back. “Your journey brought me Zaal. He’s shown me what real love is.”
Luka’s hold tightened. I felt Kisa’s hand on my back. After a few more seconds, I withdrew from his arms. Luka was watching me with concern.
Subconsciously I reached for my necklace. I ran my hand over the Tolstoi name and laughed a humorless laugh. “You know, babushka gave me this as a talisman to find my true love. It was dedushka’s. He gave it to babushka before he left for that trip to Moscow, as a way to keep him close to her heart until he returned.” I caught the gold of the necklace glinting off the beaming sun shining through the window. “I wonder what she would have said knowing that the love I found was the son of the man she hated most.”
Unable to take the pain this knowledge brought, I whispered a brief “Good night,” and dashed up the stairs.
Quietly, I cracked open the door, to see Zaal lying fast asleep on the bed. His huge body seemed to dwarf the king-size bed. My chest clenched in pain. He was mine. Every fiber of my being had claimed him as mine. My heart, my soul, my spirit. At this point, I didn’t give a fuck what anyone else thought.
I stripped off my clothes, careful not to make a noise. Zaal was lying on his back, his long black hair hanging over his pillow. His muscles relaxed as he slept. He looked so peaceful. I hoped he would get the rest he craved.
Attracted to him like a magnet, I snuggled into his side, the heat of his body instantly warming me. My head lay on his chest and I listened to his steady breathing. It soothed me. Suddenly, as if needing to touch me, even in his sleep, Zaal slid his arm over my shoulder and pulled me close.
As I closed my eyes, I remembered everything Luka had told Zaal tonight. And I felt sick. His history was so sad, so violent. A wave of protectiveness embraced me, and lifting my chin, I stared up at Zaal’s handsome face.
His eyelids fluttered in sleep, and running my finger down his stubbled cheek, I whispered, “Zaal Kostava, you’ve stolen my forbidden heart.”
Chapter Fifteen
Zaal
“Boys, come here!” Papa’s voice called Anri and me in from the garden. We looked at each other and smiled. I set off running, sprinting through the long grass.
I was fast, but so was Anri. I could hear him running behind me, picking up speed. I laughed as we rounded the corner and our house came into view.
Grandmama was sitting on the porch. She started laughing as she saw us approach. I pushed myself harder, then Anri was suddenly at my side. We looked at each other and started laughing. We both reached the porch at the very same moment.
I stopped in front of Grandmama. She put down her tea and started clapping. “My boys!” she exclaimed, and opened her arms for us. Both Anri and I ran into her embrace. She kissed us both on the head.
Footsteps sounded behind us and Grandmama pushed us back. Papa was waiting at the door and called us over.
We ran to Papa and he smiled wide. “Come with me, boys.” Papa led us into the house and through to his office.
A tapping on the wooden floor seemed to follow us. When I looked around I saw that Zoya was running our way, dressed in a pink dress and clutching her white stuffed toy rabbit.
“Sykhaara!” she shouted with a giggle, and jumped into my arms. Anri reached over and ruffled her hair. “Where are you going?” she asked. Papa leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.
“I have something for your brothers,” Papa said proudly.
Zoya’s face lit up. “For me, too?” she shouted in excitement.
Papa shook his head. “Leave me with your brothers. And if you’re good, I’ll take you to town tomorrow and buy you anything you want.”
She nodded her head. I placed her on the floor. She ran back to Mama who was watching us with proud eyes as she fed our baby brother and sister.
“Anri, Zaal, in my office.”
We sat in Papa’s large office, on the sofa opposite his chair. Papa sat down in his black chair, smoothing out his expensive suit as he did so.
“Anri, Zaal. When I was your age, my papa controlled our clan. The Kostavas have always been strong. We’ve always been feared and we always will be.
“But years ago I made a decision for our clan that took us from Moscow and brought us back to Georgia. I issued a command that many took offense to and it cost us our standing in Russia, and with the rest of the Vor V Zakone.
“I still stand by my decision, but it’s no secret it has damaged this family’s reputation. This is our home. Georgian blood runs through our veins. But in order to rule strong, we need to be back in Moscow. And we need to claim our slice of New York, too.”
We both nodded, listening to every word our papa said. He spoke of our clan all the time. He spoke about regaining our place in Moscow after the murder of our rival’s boss. Mr. Jakhua, another Georgian boss, and my papa were always in meetings. They always planned to overthrow the Volkov Russians. My papa hated the Volkov Russians. He said they were greedy and needed taking out.
Anri and I hated the Russians. Papa taught us how to hate them.
Papa leaned forward. “When I was eight, I began listening in on business meetings of the family. You are both eight, and there’s no better time to start than now. You’ll learn the family business, then when you’re older and I’m gone, you’ll both rule our clan.” Papa smiled and sat back proudly. “Two male heirs. I have two strong young men to carry the Kostavas back to greatness.”
Anri elbowed me in the side. I smiled as he nodded in pride.
Papa stood and opened up his safe. He pulled out two black boxes and gave one to each of us. Papa sat b
ack down and pointed at the boxes. “All the men in our family get one at your age. It’s tradition.” He waved his hand. “Open.”
I carefully opened the box at the same time as Anri. A gold necklace sat on a bed of velvet. I ran my hand over the emblem and Papa leaned forward. I looked up and he pulled his necklace out of his shirt collar.
“It’s the same as mine. My father had one, too.” A smile spread on his lips. “Be proud to wear them. You’re the future of this family. You’ll fix my mistakes.”
Anri stood and clutched his necklace to his chest. “We will get revenge for you, Papa. When we’re older we’ll take back Moscow for you. We’ll take New York.”
I stood beside Anri and did the same. “We swear it, Papa. We’ll make them all pay.”
Papa stood, and with a hand on each shoulder, asked, “Who will you destroy?”
We took a deep breath, and recited three names we knew by heart, “The Volkovs, Tolstois, and Durovs.”
Papa smiled and threw his arms around our shoulders. He led us out of the door. Mama and Grandmama rushed over to help us put our necklaces on. They beamed with pride. My mama stepped back and put her hands to her mouth. “My sons,” she beamed, and ran her hand over the necklaces on our necks.
“Dinner. We celebrate!” she said, and scooted us all out into the yard.
Anri pulled on my arm and we snuck into a doorway. He laid his hand on my shoulder and said, “We are strong. We must remain strong to be the heirs Papa wants us to be.”
“I will,” I replied, “we will,” and Anri put his hands on my cheeks.
“We’re brothers, Zaal. Until the end. We’ll always be together. We’re stronger together.”
He gripped my hand and we walked toward the table. The whole family was there. Two seats were free at the top of the table beside Papa.
Zoya saw us coming and ran toward us. She jumped into my arms. “Zaal! Can you sit beside me?”
I nodded my head. As the eldest brother, Anri sat beside Papa with me next to him.
“Come,” I said to Zoya, and sat her down on her seat. I slid in next to Anri. Papa made a toast. The servants brought the food.