by Tillie Cole
Kisa urged me to move with her hand, and I stepped forward.
* * *
My heart thudded as I walked to the back room. My head was spinning with the news.
I was going to be a father. Kisa was carrying our child.
A feeling of deep peace washed through me at the thought of seeing my love full with our baby. And my heart felt free. Free now that Kisa had accepted the man I was. She’d accepted all of me.
Completely.
Without judgment.
I was free.
Walking into the back room, I began undressing. Throwing my stifling shirt and dress pants to the floor, I moved to the closet and opened the wide doors. Only three things were waiting behind this wood—my black sweatpants, my dark gray hooded sweatshirt, and my bladed knuckle-dusters. The three things that defined the man I’d fought so hard to hide. The man I’d been since I was fourteen, and the man I could no longer deny.
Reaching for the hangers, I removed the pants and slid them on my legs. I removed the hooded sweatshirt and slipped it over my arms, zipping up the front.
My head looked up at the final items left in the empty closet. My fingers tensed and my blood pumped with excitement. Adrenaline merged with the anticipation of the fight, with anticipation of the kill, of bringing death to Jakhua.
Lifting my clenching hands, I pulled out the cold pieces of steel and ran my fingers over the sharp pointed blades. With breath held, I slowly slid the knuckle-dusters over my fingers and breathed. My eyes closed as my fingers curled into fists and the sense of being home coursed through my veins.
I walked back toward the living room when I caught sight of me in the mirror hanging on the wall. I stopped dead and stared at the man looking back at me.
This was the man I knew—Raze.
This was the man I held in my heart. This was me, the fighter, the one who maims. Slaughters. Kills.
Opening the door, I walked down the hallway and into the living room. Kisa was sitting on the couch. When I entered the room, her lips parted.
I stood still and watched her with wary eyes. Kisa got to her feet, looking beautiful in her black shirt and tight jeans. Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders, and her blue eyes captured me.
She stood before me, her sweet scent washing over me. A smile pulled on her pink lips. Her hands reached out and smoothed down over my gray sweater. Her hands moved down to my hands and over the spikes of my knuckle-dusters.
She huffed a laugh. Her bottom lip trembled.
“Solnyshko?” I whispered, not wanting to see her cry.
She flicked her eyes up to mine, and said, “I didn’t realize until this very moment how much I’ve missed you looking like this.”
My chest tightened. Kisa stepped closer again until she was flush to my chest. Her hands lifted and ran through my hair. “The man that with just one look I knew was my soul mate brought back to life … miraculously brought back to me.”
I lifted my hands to wrap around her waist, and her head tilted to the side. Her fingers ran under my eyes. “All you’re missing are the smudges of eye black.”
I shook my head. “I’m not trying to hide who I am anymore. I know I’m Luka Tolstoi.”
Kisa nodded, fighting her tears, but her hands lifted to my neck and she placed my dark hood over my head. “No,” she whispered, and ran her finger softly down my cheek. “Like this, you’re Raze.”
“Kisa,” I rasped, my throat now tight.
“Shh,” she soothed. “Go. Go and stop Jakhua. Go and bring Zaal back to Talia, back to us all. He belongs here. With us.” I stared at Kisa, unmoving. Then her hand took mine and she pressed it against her stomach. “And fight for us. Stop Jakhua for the safety of our child. For our little family, you have a reason to come back to us now, lyubov moya.”
I leaned forward and kissed Kisa’s mouth, whispering against her lips, “I always had a reason, Kisa. You’re the reason. You’ve always been the reason. You will always be the reason.”
I tasted Kisa’s salty tears as they dropped to my lips. With one final kiss, I pulled away and walked to the front door.
Just as I was about to leave, Kisa’s voice called from behind, stopping me in my tracks. “Luka.” I turned my head to see her standing in the middle of the room watching me leave. Then just as I was about to return and take her in my arms, she smiled affectionately and said, “Raze hell, baby.”
Expelling a sharp exhale, my chest filled with fire at those familiar words. I pounded out of the door and straight into Mikhail’s waiting blacked-out van.
The byki in the back were all sitting calmly, waiting for my orders. As the passenger door shut, Mikhail pushed a rifle into my hands. I looked up to him, and he said, “As much as you scare the fuck out of me with those bladed ’dusters in the cage, I hope you know how to work one of these. The warehouse cellar where the Jakhua cunt hides out is gonna be filled with guards with rifles. You ain’t gonna get much of a chance to fight these fuckers up close.”
I wrapped my hands around the rifle and said, “Don’t worry about me. Worry about getting yourselves out alive.”
Murmurs sounded from the byki in the back of the van. As Mikhail started the engine, he turned and said, “I’ve worked for your papa now for fifteen years.” I looked at him and he was looking right back at me.
“Never, not once, in all the jobs we’ve been sent on, has the knayz or a pakhan fought beside us. Alik Durov fought in the Dungeon. He murdered on these streets for nothing more than he was a sick fuck. He treated our men like dogs, disposable soldiers for his amusement. But you, sir, you fight alongside us with pride, as a brother in arms. You give us pride for the Volkov family, and for our position in New York.” He glanced back to the watching now-silent byki, and said, “You’ve led us in every way since you came back. And every one of our brothers here, and the rest of the Bratva soldiers, would follow you straight into hell.” Mikhail shifted in his seat and added, “You’ll be the best pakhan we’ve ever had someday, sir. And I’ll be proudly standing by your side. We all will.”
Emotion clogged my throat at the brothers’ faith in me, and I shared their pride. As I felt the steel of my ’dusters on my hands and the rifle sitting in my lap, I finally knew. I knew this was the life I was made for. The battle, the violence, the years of killing in the gulag, and brother to my thieves in law.
I was the motherfucking knayz of the Volkov Bratva.
And I wouldn’t fail tonight.
I wouldn’t fail until I wore the name pakhan in my heart. I wouldn’t stop until I made us the strongest, most feared Mafia in all of New York.
I took a long deep breath.
I was finally fucking home.
Chapter Twenty
Zaal
Darkness.
Back in darkness.
I hated the fucking darkness.
The chains hung tight and heavy around my wrists and ankles. And the cell was freezing cold.
I didn’t know how long I’d been back here in this hell, but it was long enough to miss the sun. It was enough to miss the light.
My stomach churned in pain. I had to close my eyes and breathe through my nose when I thought of what I missed most.
Talia. My Talia.
Anger filled my chest when I thought of her hanging off the chains, bloodied and beaten, with Jakhua holding a knife to her throat.
She was so strong. Begging with her eyes not to exchange my life for hers. But that was never a possibility. My heart, my heart would never survive losing her. It was full for her. I would take the drugs to keep her safe.
Talia would be safe.
The sound of a guard entering the cell pierced through the dark. Footsteps approached me. A bright light suddenly flared. I flinched away from the flash of white.
“Get up,” the usual guard hissed, speaking in my native Georgian tongue. “Master wants to see you.”
“He’s not my fucking master,” I snarled. The guard stepped back as I got to my feet an
d approached the door. I could see the fear on his face.
He was weak.
I held out my hands, but the guard didn’t move. “I will not move,” I said. “Do what you came to do.”
The guard hung back. I could hear the rattle of the keys in his shaking hands. Fury took hold, and slamming my hand against the metal bars, I roared, “Do it!”
The guard jumped into action and unlocked the door. I held out my hands. Gripping the chain he led me down the dank hallway and to a dark room at the end. My skin pricked as flashbacks rushed into my brain. Needles, pain, screams … Anri … Anri …
The guard pulled on the chain. He threw open a door to a room. Suddenly, everything was familiar—the narrow bed, the straps that tied me down, the single light hanging from the roof, and the smell. The smell of chemicals, of the drug, the drug they pumped into my veins, the drug that made me forget.
I didn’t want to forget.
I didn’t want to forget long golden hair, a pair of brown eyes and that smile. Talia’s smile.
Someone entered the door behind me. I knew it was Jakhua. I could sense him. I could see his face in my mind as he ordered the death of my family. I could clearly hear his voice as he ordered his guards to shoot, and I could see that look of satisfaction on his face, as he told the guards to leave my family in a heap against the wall, slaughtered and piled up like culled pigs. And I remembered his face as he strapped my brother and me down, and pumped us full of liquid rage.
“Get him chained to the wall,” he said from behind me. The guard pulled me by my chains, doing as instructed.
I hung from the wall. Jakhua ordered, “Tighter.”
The guard pulled on the chains. I gritted my teeth as my arms stretched so wide that my arm muscles burned.
I breathed through my nose; in and out, in and out, trying to dull the pain. Suddenly, two feet stood in front of me. Fueled with venom and hatred, I raised my head, and met the eyes of Jakhua. His face contorted with fury as I met his eyes. Pulling his arm back, he slammed it straight into my stomach. But I didn’t react. I didn’t even flinch.
Redness spread on Jakhua’s face. Gripping me by my hair, he wrenched back my head and spat, “You fucking dare to look me in the eye. You.”
My eyes never moved from his, and I hissed, “I remember. I remember, everything.”
When the cunt didn’t react, I said, “I remember you walking into our country house. I remember you killing my family. I remember being brought to you. Remember being tied down to a bed, along with my brother. I remember you experimenting on us. Injecting us, beating us, forcing us to fight as children. Forcing us to kill others, to learn to be savage. I remember you tying us to the wall, just as I am now, hitting us until we called you master. Beating us until we forgot our own names.”
Jakhua stepped back and smirked. “And here you are again. Back chained to my wall. About to call me Master once more.”
I pulled on the chains holding my arms as anger pumped scalding blood around my veins. “I’ll kill you,” I spat. Jakhua stilled.
“In a matter of minutes you’ll be back on the drug. In a matter of days, after being chained to this wall, you’ll be bowing at my feet, like the fucking dzlieri you are.”
Gritting my teeth, I couldn’t stop the furious roar that burst from my lips. But Jakhua just stood there, looking at me like I was nothing, like the dog he believed me to be.
“I’ll kill you for murdering my family. I’ll kill you for taking my brother from me, and I’ll fucking kill you for taking her from me!”
Jakhua laughed. He walked to a table. He picked something off it—a chain—and walked back toward me. “So, you finally remember Anri?”
I froze. I watched him circle the bed in the center of the room. He’d mentioned my brother … the brother I barely knew, only fractured memories visiting my dreams at night.
I stayed silent as Jakhua planted his feet before me. “Funny. When I had him sent to the Arziani gulag, when he was screaming for you to help him, you didn’t say a thing. You watched him with blank eyes. Eyes under the control of my drug.” He leaned in closer. I could smell smoke on his breath, the distinctive scent from the cigars he always smoked. “You looked right through him as he begged you to see him. Didn’t react as he whispered in your ear, and you didn’t even shed a tear as he was dragged from the room screaming your name, and you never saw him again.”
At his words, my head ached, a sharp pain striking through. My eyes closed, and I could see it. I could see Anri fighting a guard to get to me, he was older than the other memories I had. His body was bigger, his hair was longer, and the tattoo, he had a tattoo. My eyes widened, and I gasped for breath. 362. I could see the number 362 in black bold letters across his chest. And his face, his face as he begged me to see him, to fight the drug, and I … I …
My heart squeezed in my chest as I remembered his words, his final words to me. Suddenly, pain ripped across my chest. I looked up to see Jakhua had struck me with the chain.
I would kill him.
Klavs. Klavs. Klavs. I repeated in mind, trying to set the order in my subconscious for when the drug took hold. With every blow, I forced myself to commit important things to memory. Talia cleansing me. Talia stroking my hair. The feel of her palm on my face, and her telling me she loved me. That her heart was full for me.
“You are … for me. No other male. Just me. And me … for you. This is my, ‘I love you.’ These are my words from my scarred soul. They are not borrowed words, but words from my full heart, and my heart only.”
Talia sobbed as I leaned down to kiss her soft, wet mouth, repeating,
“You are … for me, you are … for me…” Then Talia holding my face and whispering back, “I am … for you, Zaal … eternally. I am forever … for you…”
The blows kept coming as I kept circling the cherished memories through my head. Then he stopped. Opening my eyes, my chest raw with chain marks and blood, Jakhua stood before me, sweating and panting. His dark eyes were burning with rage. I knew it was because I didn’t react.
I wouldn’t. When he pulled me from Talia I died inside. I would never give him the satisfaction of seeing me weakened by his hand. I would resist until I couldn’t resist anymore.
Jakhua slammed the chain to the ground. I watched him wipe his sweating brow, then saw the door open.
Every muscle tensed when a man in a white coat walked through. My heart began to race when I saw the needle in his hand. My body shivered. A cold sweat broke out on my body. It was as if my body remembered what was coming.
Jakhua pointed at me and gave the order, “Do it. The sooner that dog is under the better. I need him to kill. I need him doing everything I command without hearing his fucking mouth.”
I thrashed on the chains as the man drew closer. I snarled and roared as he flicked the needle. The chains grew tighter. I shook with the tension on my arms.
Just as the man held the needle to my arm, gunfire exploded down the hallway. Jakhua snapped his fingers at the guard and the guard ran from the room, rifle held in readiness.
My hands fisted. I stared at the door. My heart pumped as the sounds of screaming reached my ears. Jakhua reached for his gun. He scurried to the back of the room. The man in the white coat dropped the needle on the floor, and the glass bottle holding the liquid smashed into the floor.
Crashes and the sound of bullets ricocheting off walls flooded the hallway just beyond the door. I pulled on the chains, and I thundered a roar. I bellowed and bellowed, wanting the fight to come to this room.
I searched for Jakhua. His eyes met mine. My lip curled and I saw the blood drain from his face. My stare was a promise. A promise that if I got free, his life would be mine.
I would kill him. I glanced to the man in the white coat cowering in the corner of the room. I would fucking slaughter them all.
Jakhua pointed his gun in my direction. I saw in his face his resolve to kill me. I pulled harder on the chains, using my feet for purch
ase. I needed to get free. I needed to kill. I couldn’t miss my chance to kill the fucker.
I wanted revenge.
I wanted his blood on my hands like my family’s was on his.
As he pulled back the safety on the gun, rapid fire sounded just outside the room. Jakhua dropped his gun as the door burst open. I smiled. I smiled as he pathetically fumbled for his gun.
Men spilled into the room. I tried to recognize them, but all were dressed in black, holding their rifles before their faces, aiming them right at Jakhua.
“Mine!” I thundered, causing some of them to avert their attention my way. “He’s mine!” I snarled, just as another man entered the room, a man wearing a hood over his head, bladed knuckle-dusters dripping with blood on his hands.
Then he turned to face me, and I relaxed.
Luka.
Storming forward, Luka pulled back his hood and met my eyes. He turned to one of his guards. “Get him the fuck down!”
A guard ran toward me. Pulling something from his pocket, he worked on the lock. The chains pulled on my arms, but my gaze locked on one man. One man cornered in the room. One man who needed to die. Slowly. Painfully, by my hands.
The sound of a shackle opening hit my ears, and one of my arms dropped free. Blistering fire surged through my arms and the blood filled my muscles. Then the second shackle was unlocked. Both of my arms were now free.
Rolling my neck and shaking out my hands, the chains that had owned me most of my life dropped to the floor. I stared down at the pile of metal on the ground. My chest constricted. I was free.
My eyes shot to Jakhua.
I was almost free.
Luka’s eyes followed my gaze and he lurched forward with his fist held high. Reaching out, I gripped his wrist pulling him to an abrupt stop. Luka’s eyes met mine. I shook my head and growled, “He’s mine.”
Luka’s jaw clenched as though he was fighting the need to take Jakhua himself. I released his arm and said, “He killed my family. Anri was my blood. The cunt is mine to kill.”
Luka stared at me in silence, but eventually he nodded and said, “You’re right. He’s yours. Make the fucker reap what he sowed.”