“You saved me, Jesse. Back there on that boat. Now it’s my turn to do the same for you. Before it’s too late.”
He stood there shaking his head.
“What about our plans?” he said. “Our new life together? You and me, remember? This is our time, Craigers.”
“No, Jesse. It’s not our time,” I said softly. “Not like this. Not with you in one world and me in another.”
He took a step toward me and held out his hand.
“Come on, let’s go,” he said. “Let me show you how good it can be.”
But I stood my ground, not moving.
“I’ll make you some dinner and we’ll sit by the pond. We’ll watch the sunset and listen to the owls call to each other all night. Please, Craigers. Let’s go home.”
I saw his ghostly eyes fill with water before he turned away, looking up at the sky. I moved closer and took his hand, trying to hold back my own tears.
“You can’t make me go,” he said. “I’ll never leave you.”
“Of course you’ll never leave me.” I placed his hand over my chest. “You’ll always be right here.”
He stared at me, his face pale.
“You stayed here all these years for me and I’ll always be grateful for that, Jesse. But I can’t let you get trapped. I’d never forgive myself if that happened, if you lost your chance to cross that river again. I won’t let you do it. I won’t.”
I pointed at his tattoo, barely visible now. But Jesse refused to look at it, dropping his eyes instead, and in that moment I knew what Samael had told me was true.
“We can’t be together in this world anymore,” I said. “You have to go. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. If you really love me, Jesse, you’ll walk into that light today.”
He turned his back on the mountain and looked toward the city.
“I understand what you’re saying,” he said. “I really do. But let’s try it my way, just for a week or even a day. After that, if you still feel this way, we’ll come back up here and I’ll…”
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“No,” I said, the tears spilling down my face. “If we go back now, I’ll never have the strength to do this again. I’ll never be able to say goodbye.”
He looked stunned.
“Goodbye? How can we say goodbye?”
“Because we have to, Jesse. Because it’s the right thing.”
He wrapped his body around mine and we stood there crying for a long time, holding each other tight in the dewy morning sun, swaying in the soft breeze like two reeds tangled and bound together forever.
CHAPTER 73
After a while we parted and he stared at the mountain.
“Do you see the light?” I said.
He nodded.
“Yeah, it’s right above the summit, near Dead Man’s Plunge. Remember that run?”
“Of course,” I said. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. It was crazy.”
“It wasn’t so crazy. I was born for that run, and everybody knew it.”
“The way I remember it, the guy at the lift didn’t know it. He didn’t even want to let you up there because he thought you were too young.”
“Shows you how much that guy knew,” Jesse said. “Because I nailed it.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I love this mountain,” he said quietly. “It was up here that I realized that I had fallen in love with you.”
“Here? No, I think you fell in love with me back in the fourth grade. Maybe you just didn’t know it at the time.”
“You’re right. I’ve always loved you, Craigers. Since the beginning.” He sighed loudly. “We were just a couple of goofy teenagers coming up here to snowboard. How did all this happen?”
“I don’t know, but I miss those times when life was so easy and simple.”
Jesse let out a weak chuckle.
“Well, I don’t really know about easy and simple. We were in high school, after all. You’re forgetting about Amanda and Conner and all those nasty girls and sweaty boys. And what about those game day jitters, worshiping the porcelain gods?”
“Yeah, you’re right. High school was never as easy as it should have been.”
He looked at me.
“You know, I can tell you the truth now,” he said. “I didn’t think you’d make it. I really didn’t. Not with all that darkness closing in around you. But here you are, standing strong, like some kind of hero. It’s a hell of a thing, what you did.”
I smiled.
“I’m just an ordinary girl who got lucky.”
“You’ve never been ordinary, Craigers,” he said, a light glowing in his eyes. “Not ever.”
Then he looked at the ground.
“What?”
“I just wish I could have held up my end,” he said. “I killed you that day. I want you to know that I wouldn’t change any of it, none of it, except for that one moment when I hit the gas and killed—”
I put my finger to his lips.
“It was an accident, Jesse. People make mistakes. That’s part of life. It’s time to forgive yourself.”
He nodded but still wouldn’t look at me.
Clouds rolled in, casting the mountain in shadows and light.
“All right, I’ll go, Craigers,” he said, finally meeting my eyes. “But just so you know, I’ll be waiting for you on the other side. In the meantime, you take your time, live your life to the fullest, maybe do some living, and snowboarding, for the both of us.”
I smiled, biting my lip. Fat tears streamed down my face, dropping into the dust at my feet like an August thunderstorm.
“You’re the greatest love I’ve ever had, Jesse,” I whispered. “Ever.”
He bent down and kissed the tears away and then kissed my lips one last time.
“I love you, Craigers.” He smiled at me and gulped. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later then.”
I took in a deep breath.
“See you later, Jesse.”
I watched him walk toward the mountain, and then he disappeared into the soft summer light, gone from this world forever.
CHAPTER 74
I cried all the way down the trail and deep into the night.
Later, as I sat by the pond alone, staring up at the dark sky with a broken heart and a bottle of frozen vodka, I thought about life.
I wanted to always remember how fast things could change, sometimes in a blink of an eye. I wanted to learn to appreciate things in the moment.
I took a long sip, and then another, letting the heat burn and scar the back of my throat. I watched the moon sink out of the sky, inhaled the sweet air, and listened to the owls calling to each other across the black night.
It was the owls that started my tears again.
It would be a while before I could stand strong in this world without Jesse. He had been by my side since that day when Mrs. Turner paired us together to work on a report. We stayed like that all through elementary, middle, and high school, all through basketball and soccer, all through the ghosts and dark spirits.
I didn’t know how to live without him.
I told myself that just because he had moved on and was somewhere else didn’t mean that he was really gone. I thought of my mom and how even though I had never seen her as a ghost, I sometimes felt her around me.
Maybe it would be like that with Jesse, too.
There came a time when the tears stopped. I was cried out. My swollen eyes didn’t have any more liquid and my heart was numb from the pain. I rested my head back on the chair and looked up, wondering if Jesse was there somewhere looking down.
And then I picked out a star and said a prayer for him.
David was right, the old me never would have written off love.
The old me knew that it was the only thing that mattered and that it was forever. Eternal. That no evil or darkness could ever take it away.
Love never died, no matter what.
&n
bsp; Jesse taught me that.
CHAPTER 75
It wasn’t until the end of September that I was ready to get back out on the road.
On a crisp early morning, I packed up and got on my motorcycle, riding east into the sun as the cool air of the spent summer brushed against me.
I would take my time getting there, collect my thoughts so the words were right when I saw him.
I loved Ty and not a day went by when I didn’t think of him, but I still hadn’t called. I could never find the courage to punch his number. And then I realized that maybe what I had to say was best done face to face.
I’d tell him I was sorry and that I hadn’t meant to hurt him. I’d tell him about some of the things I had done when I was out there and the things I saw. And then I’d tell him I was sorry all over again.
I wasn’t expecting anything in return.
Just saying the words would be enough.
I took it slow and found comfort in the small things. The vast Oregon landscape, the vibration of my motorcycle rumbling beneath me. The wide open road, where everything seemed possible.
CHAPTER 76
After I got some gas and coffee, I pulled back out onto the highway.
That’s when I saw it.
A figure walking along the side of the road, holding what looked like an instrument case.
CHAPTER 77
The first time I saw him I was hoping that it was just my eyes playing tricks, like waves coming off the pavement on a hot day.
And I thought that again the second time.
But after I passed him a third time, my heart raced as the chills ran down my spine.
I didn’t know who or what he was, only that he looked similar to the figure that I had seen Samael talking to in the shadows on more than one occasion.
There was no point in running.
I pulled over by the side of the road overlooking a valley with a small river that stretched out toward the hills.
I took in a deep breath, stepped off the bike, and waited.
CHAPTER 78
I waited for a while, but he never came.
When I turned back around, my breath caught in my throat.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, dropping my helmet. “Oh, my God.”
CHAPTER 79
I fell to my knees as my fingers stroked the tall green grass, touched the pink and red flowers, watched the purple dragonflies dance through the golden weeds, saw the light hitting the silver water.
I saw it all.
In color.
Every single color.
When I looked up at that blue sky, the tears started. It was just like before, like the last time I had seen it all those years ago.
And it was as beautiful as ever.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
I don’t know how long I stayed there by the side of the highway, soaking in the beauty. But when I got back on the motorcycle, heading toward my dreams, the sun was already high above me, shedding light and hope on everything.
The End
A Note from Jools Sinclair
Dear Fans of the Forty-Four Series,
Writing a book is an enormous task, akin in some ways to crossing a vast ocean in a very small boat.
A very small leaky boat.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to sail solo.
I was incredibly blessed to have by my side an awesome crew, Team Forty-Four, aka Mr. Jools, LJ, and Meg Muldoon. I would have surely capsized many times over without their editing, plot suggestions, character analysis, proofing, and moral support. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I know that without you, there would be no Forty-Four series.
I’ve also been crazy fortunate to have the world’s greatest fans. It blows my mind to know that Abby Craig has touched your lives as much as she has mine. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.
Now a few words about the future…
I hope you will be happy to learn that Abby Craig lives! She’ll be starring in a new series tentatively entitled The Abby Craig Mysteries. Each book will be a stand-alone and follows Abby’s adventures now that she’s finally accepted her gift and is open to wherever it takes her.
I’m also excited to report that I’m collaborating with a few of my favorite authors this year. Emily Jordan and I are currently working on the next Rose City Novella, featuring Kate Craig. And because I was feeling the need to lighten up just a tad, I’ll be writing some cozies with Meg Muldoon. Our first book is called Ginger of the West: A Broomfield Bay Cozy Mystery.
Release dates will be announced as we get closer.
Finally, I’d be grateful if you would leave a review for Book Thirteen (and the other books in the series) at Amazon. Reviews have become so important in the book business, especially for indie authors like myself.
The Forty-Four series has been an incredible journey.
Thank you all for coming along.
Love,
Jools
Books by Jools Sinclair
Forty-Four
Forty-Four Book Two
Forty-Four Book Three
Forty-Four Book Four
Forty-Four Book Five
Forty-Four Book Six
Forty-Four Book Seven
Forty-Four Book Eight
Forty-Four Book Nine
Forty-Four Book Ten
Forty-Four Book Eleven
Forty-Four Book Twelve
Forty-Four Book Thirteen
Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-5
Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10
The Road Not Taken (An Abby & Jesse Short Story)
Whiskey Rain (A Rose City Novella)
Available on Amazon.com
To hear about new books first, join the New Book from Jools Sinclair Mailing List.
About the Author
Like her main character, Jools Sinclair has a house in Bend, Oregon. She is currently on the road, working on what comes next.
Learn more about Jools Sinclair and the Forty-Four series at… JoolsSinclair.com
Praise for Forty-Four
*****
A FANTASTIC novel! 44 was just about impossible to put down once I started. From the very beginning, there was an air of mystery that kept me on the edge of my seat… I highly recommend this fantastic novel!
The Caffeinated Diva
*****
Everything from the setting, to the time frame, to the characters, was beautifully developed. This book is truly a gem and I highly recommend it. It literally took my breath away.
Avery’s Book Review
*****
Sinclair sucked me in like a vacuum cleaner sucks up dirt. She brings mystery, love, and friendship to the book and weaves a lovely tale.
Just Another Book Addict
*****
IMPRESSIVE! 44 is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and will take readers by storm. With so much information in such a small book it will impress readers to the detail and depth in so few pages. The conclusion will take your breath away. Don’t miss you chance to check out this amazing story.
The Book Whisperer
*****
Fantastic, edge of your seat thriller. A MUST READ! It twists you about and as soon as you think you have it all figured out, throws you for the final loop with an ending that will break the hardest heart.
Wormhole
Forty-Four
Forty-Four Book Two
Forty-Four Book Three
Forty-Four Book Four
Forty-Four Book Five
Forty-Four Book Six
Forty-Four Book Seven
Forty-Four Book Eight
Forty-Four Book Nine
Forty-Four Book Ten
Forty-Four Book Eleven
Forty-Four Book Twelve
Forty-Four Book Twelve
Forty-Four Box Set Books 1-5
Forty-Four Box Set Books 1-10
Also from Jools Sinclair…
Who says you can never go home again? Go
back to high school with Abby and Jesse, back to a simpler time, back to where it all began... before that fateful day on that icy mountain road that would change them both forever.
It's almost Thanksgiving and the biggest game of Abby Craig's life is just days away. But before she can focus on scoring goals, she has to help Jesse solve a mystery that's been haunting the school's basketball team for the last fifty years. Meanwhile, her boyfriend Conner is proving to be a whole different kind of distraction. Will Abby be able to juggle it all or will her junior year end up being a real turkey?
This heartwarming short story is a prequel to Forty-Four, which has been downloaded by more than half a million readers. The Road Not Taken is approximately 10,000 words long.
Whiskey Rain: A Rose City Novella
To hear about new books first, join the New Book from Jools Sinclair Mailing List
Forty-Four Book Thirteen (44 13) Page 15