His very gentleness made Jane wish to cry.
‘I am just tired,’ she said hastily. ‘The shock of the last few days…’
‘Of course.’ For some reason she thought that he sounded as though he did not believe her. ‘Jane, if there is anything wrong you must tell me-’
There was a step on the path and then Sophia’s voice said gaily, ‘I beg your pardon, but Lady Verey fears Jane will take a chill sitting out here in the dusk! She asks that you both come in and join us in the drawing-room.’
‘Of course,’ Alex said again. He stood back to allow Jane to precede him and she was very conscious of his regard as she stepped past him. She did not know whether to be glad or sorry for Sophia’s intervention, but she did know that, sooner or later, she would have to tell Alex the truth.
Chapter Fifteen
Ambergate, drowsing in the June heat in the middle of its water meadows, seemed just as it had always been. After a whirlwind four weeks that had seemed to comprise of nothing but social engagements interspersed with dress fittings, Jane felt like collapsing into its peacefulness and never waking again.
Life had changed so much as a result of her engagement. She was the recipient of more invitations than there were hours in the day, fêted and courted, her company and opinion sought on everything. It would have been enough to turn her head were she not isolated in a growing misery that seemed to blot out all else. It seemed that the more sought after she became, the more she felt distanced from Alex. It had begun with their conversation on the day after her rescue from Samways and each new day seemed to push them a little further apart.
In public, Alex was an attentive suitor, forever seeing to Jane’s comfort, introducing her to new people, guiding her through the minefield of social contact that inevitably awaited the lady he had chosen as his wife. In private-but there was no ‘in private’. Now, when their betrothal might have allowed them a little latitude, they never met alone. Alex never took her driving and did not even call in Portman Square to see her. Jane felt as though they were drifting further apart at the very time they should have been seeking to be closer. Alex had become once more the enigmatic stranger of their first acquaintance, and Jane felt that she had barely managed to glimpse beneath the surface before he had withdrawn from her.
She could not understand it. He was so kind to her when they were in company, so concerned that she should not feel overwhelmed or out of her depth. It seemed that he did care for her, or at least cared that she should be happy. Yet there was no sign of any deeper emotion, nor even a sign of any of the passion that had flared between them in the past. Jane contemplated the idea of an empty, indifferent relationship with Alex and found the thought intolerable.
Her feeling of isolation seemed magnified by the cruel contrast provided by Simon and Thérèse, and Sophia and Philip. Both couples were so blissfully happy and in love that Jane could hardly bear to be near them. Philip was a changed man, relaxed and laughing, watching Sophia with adoring eyes. Simon and Thérèse were still in the first flush of love, their affection tinged by a sense of wonderment. The delight experienced by all her friends, plus their conviction that she should be feeling the same as they, left Jane more lonely than ever and very afraid that her marriage to Alex would be a hollow sham.
On the night before they left London for Ambergate, Alex had hosted a dinner for the family at Haye House. Sophia, her face flushed with excitement, had regaled everyone with the tale of the Eve of St Agnes.
‘So Jane and I agreed that we would put the legend to the test and I went to bed without any supper and did not look behind me, just as the tale demanded, and I dreamed of such a very handsome man!’ She turned glowing eyes on Philip. ‘So tall and fair, and so very much like Philip!’
There was general laughter.
‘And what did you dream of, Jane?’ Alex asked silkily, an intent look in his dark eyes. Jane looked away.
‘I did not dream that night, sir.’
The smiles of the others faded as they sensed the constraint between the two of them, but Sophia was still so buoyed up with the astonishing felicity of the story coming true that she had not seemed to notice.
‘Oh, Jane! How can you say that? When you dreamed of Alex-’ she blushed a little to use the name of her future brother-in-law ‘-and now you are betrothed to him! You see! It must be true!’
Jane smiled a little at her friend’s vehemence. For a moment she forgot the ring of faces around her, Alex looking at her with the same watchful intent as before. ‘The truth of it is, Sophy, that it was the real Alexander Delahaye I saw and no dream! He was visiting Ambergate that night. I peeked around my bedroom door and saw a man in the corridor-a man I thought seemed all darkness and shadows, as though he had stepped straight out of the legend…’ She paused. ‘I was very young and he looked quite stern and frightening, yet curiously compelling to me. Oh, I thought him handsome! And I went back to bed and he stalked my dreams that night…’ Her voice trailed away as she suddenly became aware of the silence around her and how far she might have given herself away. Then Lady Eleanor Fane stirred and said approvingly, ‘A charming story, child!’ And she realised that everyone had taken this as the proof that she was head over ears in love with Alex.
Henry Marchnight clapped him on the back, grinning.
‘You’re a lucky man, Alex!’
‘Why, so I think,’ Alex said expressionlessly, his eyes never leaving Jane’s face.
The party had broken up early, for they were all to make the journey to Ambergate the following day-all but Alex, who declared that he had business that would keep him in London for a little longer. Jane’s spirits had sunk to such a low ebb that she wondered whether the business could involve Lady Dennery. She had no reason to suspect so, but doubt and jealousy gnawed away at her.
Returning to Ambergate had brought with it some kind of solace. Whilst Lady Verey and Lady Eleanor plotted and planned to make it the biggest and most impressive wedding that the county had ever seen, Jane wandered across the fields or sat in the gardens, looking at the mellow old house where she had lived all her life. Even this, Jane knew, would change on her marriage. She would become the mistress of half a dozen fine houses and Simon and Thérèse would take possession of Ambergate. Lady Verey was already cheerfully contemplating a move to Amber House, the Dower house at the end of the drive.
Jane traipsed back to the house just as dusk was falling. It was two days before the wedding and she could hear the voices of Lady Eleanor and Lady Verey endlessly extolling the virtues of orange blossom and white lace:
‘We will ask dear Jane when she returns. Where has the child got to? I declare, she hasn’t eaten all day! It isn’t natural, this indifference to her own wedding! Why, both Thérèse and Sophia are aux anges, but Jane mopes about as though we were planning her funeral!’
Jane paused in the hallway. She felt too miserable to want any supper and the temptation to seek refuge in her room was overwhelming.
The grandfather clock struck ten. Lighting a candle, Jane trod softly up the stair. She reached the corner at the top and turned down the shadowy passageway. She heard a door open below in the hall, but did not look behind, and once in her bedroom she undressed quickly, blew out the candle and jumped into bed.
Sleep eluded her. For a while she tossed and turned, dozing, her mind full of images of Alex. She heard the rest of the house preparing for bed and then silence. Jane’s stomach suddenly gave a loud rumble.
With a sigh she slipped out of bed, reached for her wrap and stole downstairs to the larder. There was half a chicken, some fresh bread and a new pat of delicious butter out on the slab and suddenly she felt ravenous. When she had eaten as much as she could, and washed the whole of it down with a beaker of milk, she felt much better. Picking up her candle again, she retraced her steps into the hall and back up the stairs.
The moonlight was very bright. Somewhere deep in the woods, Jane heard an owl call once, then again. The treads of the stair
gave softly under her feet. Suddenly, although the night was warm, Jane gave a shiver. There was the creak of a floorboard behind her and she hesitated. She had a strange conviction that there was someone following her, but it seemed nonsense. She had heard no steps and there were always strange noises at Ambergate, which was a very old house indeed.
There was an unexpected breath of wind and the candle flame guttered, then went out. Jane spun around. This time, she was sure that there was someone behind her, but the whole of the stairs were in shadow. With a little muted squeak, Jane shot down the passage and reached the shelter of her bedroom doorway. Her curtains were not quite closed, allowing a pool of silver to dapple the floor. She turned to shut the door against whatever restless spirits seemed to be abroad that night, but as she did so, a figure slid through the doorway and a hand touched her arm, warm and very much alive.
‘Jane?’
‘Alex!’
Jane was so relieved that her ghost was, in fact, real that she was almost annoyed with him.
‘What ever are you doing here?’
‘I could not sleep.’ Alex leaned against the door jamb, surveying her from head to foot. ‘Nor, it seems, could you?’
‘I was hungry,’ Jane whispered, putting the candle down on the chest and wondering whether he intended to stay there for long. ‘Lady Eleanor is only two rooms away. We must take care not wake her up.’
‘Then I had better close the door,’ Alex agreed, suiting actions to words.
This had not been precisely what Jane intended. She wondered what on earth Lady Eleanor would think if she knew that her godson was in Jane’s bedroom, for all that they were supposed to be marrying in a few days’ time.
‘I did not even know that you had arrived from Town,’ Jane said, still whispering. Alex lit the candle and turned to face her. He was still fully clothed, in casual but elegant garb, and his gaze, as it travelled over Jane, only served to emphasise her own state of undress. She jumped quickly into bed, burrowing her cold toes under the covers, watching with deep misgiving as Alex sat down on the side of the bed facing her.
‘I arrived whilst you were out this evening,’ he said, still looking at her. ‘I was hoping to see you, but when we realised that you had come straight up to your room, I thought that I would wait until the morning. But then I could not sleep and decided to take a walk, as it was such a clear night. It was as I was letting myself back in that I heard a noise and realised that I was not the only one abroad.’
He took Jane’s cold hands in his.
‘Jane, I know that there is something wrong. You must tell me what it is. Your mother was saying only this evening that you are pining for something, and I knew even before we left London that there were difficulties. Is it that you are sad to be leaving Ambergate? It will be a wrench for you, I know, but I am sure that you will always be welcome here. And you will have a new home of your own.’
A huge lump seemed to be blocking Jane’s throat. She thought of the familiar warmth of Ambergate and the imagined cold vastness of the Delahaye estates, and shivered.
‘I do not want a dozen houses of my own!’ The words burst from her. ‘I do not want to be a Duchess and have people bowing and scraping, people I know would not care a rush for me if I were plain Miss Verey! I want none of it!’
Alex had gone very still. His face was in shadow. He still held her hands and his grip had tightened, though Jane made no attempt to pull away. Her eyes, bright with tears, held his defiantly.
‘What do you want then, Jane?’
‘I want you to love me!’ Jane wailed, bursting into tears as she finally admitted to the root cause of her misery. ‘I want you to love me as much as I love you! That’s all I have ever wanted and without that the rest is not worth a penny!’
Alex let go of her hands abruptly and pulled her into his arms. Jane was too unhappy to resist and for several seconds she just cried against his chest whilst he murmured endearments into her hair. Then, recalling what she had just said, she pulled back and glared at him.
‘Oh! You are forever making me say things that would be better unsaid! How dare you?’
Alex did not reply. He turned her face up to his and kissed her. His lips were very gentle, teasing the corners of Jane’s mouth with a featherlight touch before raining a path of tiny kisses along the sensitive line of her jaw and the soft skin of her neck. Jane shivered again, but not from cold. It was fortunate that she was already sitting down, she thought hazily, for the burning sweetness that was coursing through her blood made her tremble.
‘Alex-’
‘Shh! If you make a noise, Lady Eleanor will hear you and doubtless be scandalised!’
‘Oh!’ In her strangely weakened state, Jane felt herself fall back against her pillows. Alex leant over her.
‘And I do love you,’ Alex continued, his words muffled against her throat. ‘My darling Jane, I love you so much I would have thought it was utterly obvious to everybody!’
‘Oh!’
‘Is that all you can say?’ Alex smiled wickedly down into her dazed eyes. ‘I am used to far more accomplished repartee from you, my love!’
His mouth captured hers again and Jane lay back against the yielding pillows with a little sigh. She reached out to him, sliding her hands over the firm muscles of his back beneath his jacket, feeling the heat of his skin through the linen shirt. It was delicious and intoxicating and entirely improper.
Jane was aware that her nightdress, high-necked and virginal as it was, constituted scant barrier against a determined approach, and already Alex’s deft fingers were unfastening the laces, brushing the flimsy cotton aside and drifting gently over her exposed skin. As he traced the curve of her breast, Jane arched in pure pleasure, digging her fingers into his back. Improper or not, she certainly did not want him to stop now.
‘Jane, we must stop this now if I am not to break all the rules of hospitality and seduce you in your brother’s house!’ Alex’s voice was hoarse, his eyes glittering with a desire that could not be hidden. ‘God forgive me, I never intended it so, but I can scarce help myself!’
He removed himself to the end of the bed, very forcibly. ‘I need to talk to you, Jane, but this is evidently not the time and the place since talking is not uppermost in my mind! Now, do you still doubt that I love you?’
Jane could feel herself smiling in the darkness. ‘No…’
‘And I shall not show so much restraint on our wedding night, I promise you!’
Jane drew the covers up to her chin. She felt warm and happy and very much loved. ‘I should think not, your Grace!’ she said primly.
They met at breakfast, when both behaved as though the previous night’s encounter had never occurred. Thérèse noticed that Jane could not meet her fiancé’s eyes, but her rosy colour and slight smile suggested that she was in no way displeased to see him. After the meal they escaped from company with indecent haste and strolled towards the walled garden.
‘Why did you ever imagine that I did not love you, Jane?’ Alex asked. There was a certain expression in his eyes that made Jane feel suddenly breathless and, as she remembered the events of the previous evening, the colour came into her face again. Her doubts seemed so foolish now, in the bright light of day and secure in the knowledge that Alex loved her. Yet at the time they had seemed horribly real…
‘Well, first there was your pledge to your grandfather-’
‘What of it? I am sure that I am pleased to fulfil his wishes, but I would not let that dictate my marriage!’
‘Oh! But that cannot be so! You said that our marriage would be a neat solution!’
Alex looked rueful. ‘I did say that, I know! It is partly correct, of course, but it hid the most important truth, which was that I had wanted to marry you myself almost from the first moment. It took me a little while to realise, for I was not accustomed to seeking the company of women-’ He broke off. ‘Why the reproachful look, Jane?’
‘I did not wish to bring Lady Dennery�
��s name into this,’ Jane said, mock-sorrowfully, ‘but it seems I have no choice! If you did not seek her company, then how would you describe your conduct?’
Alex laughed. ‘Very well, I concede I made a bad mistake there! She threw herself at my head and I-well, I was trying to distract myself from the curious hold you appeared to have over me! Needless to say, it did not work! But,’ he added hastily, ‘she was never my mistress!’
‘Hmm!’ Jane looked severe. ‘I believe she had her eye on your strawberry leaves!’
‘They will look nicer on your head, I think!’
Jane tried not to smile. She had not yet finished her inquisition. ‘There is a more serious charge against you, however. What of your love for your wife?’
‘For whom? I collect you mean for Madeline? Yes, I suppose I should tell you about her.’ Alex stopped smiling and Jane felt her heart start to race. Now, she was sure, he would be honest with her and tell her that no matter how much he loved her, he had never ceased to care for his beautiful Duchess. He gestured to her to sit down in the rose arbour.
‘It’s true that I loved Madeline very much when I first married her,’ Alex said. ‘She was beautiful and I was young and not very wise. Even when matters started to go awry between us I kept hoping that I might yet make all well, that I might make Madeline love me again. It was a long time before I realised.’
‘Realised what?’
Alex shrugged. ‘Why, that Madeline was incapable of loving anyone except herself. She had nothing to give; she wanted more and more, until she was insane with greed. Greed for riches and power and love, but without paying any price in return.’ He shook his head. ‘It was then that my love, which had been twisted out of all recognition, finally died.’ He looked up suddenly to meet Jane’s sympathetic gaze and took her hands in his. ‘I told you once not to pity me, did I not? That was not because I had any feelings left for Madeline, but because I had already started to care for you! It was not pity I wanted from you, Jane, but something far stronger!’ His voice dropped. ‘And more passionate!’
Miss Verey’s Proposal Page 24