Tess shook her head and removed her jeans.
“All of it,” Brooke said. “There are no twins wandering in here tonight.”
Tess complied and climbed into the bed beside Brooke. “Better?” she asked.
Brooke pulled Tess into her arms and released a long, contented sigh. “Much.”
“Thanks,” Tess whispered.
“For what?”
“This.”
Brooke caressed Tess’s back. “I wish I could make it better,” she confessed.
“You do,” Tess promised. More than you know, Brooke—you do.
CHAPTER FIVE
Saturday
Brooke held Tess tightly. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.” She felt Tess nod against her.
Tess broke the embrace and smiled at Brooke.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Tess nodded. She was relieved that Brooke would be going home to the twins. At the same time, she was dreading being apart from Brooke and their children. And, Tess appreciated the moral support of Brooke’s presence. She felt that she needed to stay with her parents for a few days. She wasn’t sure what compelled that need the most. Her mother seemed to be doing remarkably well after her surgery. Tess could tell that Mary was feeling some pain and a good deal of discomfort, but her mother was moving well and insistent on doing as much as she was allowed. Tess also had realized that her mother had no desire to discuss the inevitability of future treatments nor her thoughts, feelings, or fears about any of it. It didn’t surprise Tess. Mary Sinclair had learned years ago to shut up her feelings and tuck them away. Tess had hoped that if there was a silver-lining to her mother’s illness, it might be a breakthrough to Mary’s underlying emotions. So far, that had proved a distant hope.
“Tess,” Brooke took Tess’s hand. “Give her a little time.”
Tess nodded. How much time? It’s been more than twenty years. “You should go,” Tess said.
“I’ll call you when we land.”
Tess nodded again.
“I love you.”
Tess smiled genuinely. “I love you too.” She watched Brooke climb into the rental car and let her gaze fall on Ethan in his car seat. She waved at them both, feeling a palpable sense of loss as Brooke pulled the car out of the driveway. Tess inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly. Now what?
***
“Gram?” Davey called for Rebecca’s attention. Rebecca turned and smiled. “When is Brooke coming home?”
“Grandpa is picking her up at two.”
“Can I go with him?”
“I’m sure Grandpa would love the company.”
Davey spooned some cereal into his mouth. “Gram?”
Rebecca chuckled. “You might want to swallow that before you start asking questions.”
Davey wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sorry.”
Rebecca winked at him.
“Dani thinks Grandma’s going to die.”
Rebecca took a deep breath, tossed the towel in her hand onto the kitchen counter, and took a seat across from her grandson.
“Is she?” Davey asked.
“Davey,” she began gently. “All of us are going to die.”
“Yeah, but not for a long time.”
“I hope not,” Rebecca agreed. “Your grandma is a tough lady,” she told him. “You’re asking me if I think she will die because she has cancer.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I don’t know,” Rebecca answered honestly. “I think you need to stop worrying so much about what might happen to any of us.”
Davey frowned. “Gram?”
Rebecca raised an eyebrow.
“Is Mom scared?”
“Your mom is concerned,” Rebecca replied.
“Yeah, ‘cause her brother died.”
“I’m sure that’s part of it,” she agreed. “She loves your grandma. She doesn’t like to see anyone she loves feeling badly.”
“Is Grandma really sick?”
“I’m sure she has felt better,” Rebecca said. “But from what Brooke said she is doing quite well. Don’t worry so much.”
“Why? You all are.”
From the mouths of babes. “I guess we are,” she admitted. “But not because any of us expect something bad to happen.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
Rebecca chuckled. Got you there. “No?” she questioned. He looked at her doubtfully. “Well, how about that time you had to go to the hospital?”
Davey cringed.
“No one thought you were going to die,” she told him.
“Mom was scared.”
“Your mom was worried that you were scared and that you were sick. She doesn’t like to see you hurting.”
“I know.”
“And, that’s why she’s worried about your grandma. She wants to make it better, and sometimes there isn’t much we can do to make that happen.”
“She makes it better,” Davey said.
I wish she was here to hear you say that. “She does. She loves you.”
Rebecca was surprised when Davy smiled rather than winced at her words. He was worried. Rebecca suspected that in Davey’s case, he was more worried about his mother and sister than he was about his grandmother. Davey was incredibly intuitive. She had noticed that in Davey immediately. He wasn’t only sensitive in a reactive way. Davey sensed the emotions of others. Tess was the same. There was no doubt in Rebecca’s mind that Davey was concerned about his grandmother. Despite their squabbles, Davey and Dani shared a deep emotional bond. And, they were both completely in love with their mother; understandably so from Rebecca’s perspective. Tess loved her children and it emanated from her. She was their rock. And, Tess endeavored to be that—to be both strong and nurturing. She had been forced to be those things early on in her life. Dani’s feelings had bubbled to the surface quickly this week. Tess had done her best not to wear her fear and pain in front of the twins. Despite Tess’s attempts to quell her children’s worries, Davey had picked up on his mother’s anxiety. He had a need to try to make it better for his mother and Dani.
“Worried about your mom?”
Davey shrugged. “She was sad.” He sighed. “Now she’s alone.”
Ahhh. “She’s not alone,” Rebecca said. “She has your grandpa and grandma there.”
Rebecca noted Davey’s trepidation. Intuitive. She suppressed a sigh. There was no denying and no hiding the strain that existed between Tess and Mary Sinclair. No matter how much effort Tess invested in shielding her children from that reality, the strain was palpable. Deep hurt and resentment existed in Tess’s heart. Rebecca guessed that the tension had been easy for Davey to feel. Tess’s longing for her mother’s acceptance and more importantly, her affection was far greater than any animosity she harbored. That deeper longing was not something as easily recognized.
“Why don’t you give her a call?” Rebecca suggested.
“Mom?”
Rebecca nodded.
“She’s busy with grandma.”
“Something tells me she would be happy to hear from you.” Rebecca almost laughed at the hopeful expression on Davey’s face. She turned and retrieved her phone. “Call your mom.”
***
Tess placed a cup of tea on a tray for her mother. “How are you feeling?”
“Not bad,” Mary said. “You don’t have to wait on me; you know? I lost my breasts, not my feet or hands.”
Mary’s words felt like shards of glass cutting through Tess. To Tess’s ears, it sounded crass. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t mind.”
Mary nodded and took a sip of her tea. “How was Brooke? I’m sorry, I didn’t get up in time to see her off.”
“She’ll be happy to get home to the kids, I think,” Tess replied with a smile. She was sure that Brooke missed Dani and Davey. Brooke had been reluctant to leave without Tess. Tess made the case that the kids were out of school, Rachel still had a great deal of potential upheaval
to face, and that having Ethan in the house when her mother needed to rest might not be best for anyone.
“That baby got big.”
That baby? Let it go, Tess. “He has,” Tess agreed. “He’s got quite the personality,” she said lovingly.
Mary nodded but made no comment.
“He’s completely attached to Davey lately,” Tess offered. “And, Davey loves it—doesn’t hurt that it drives Dani crazy either,” she laughed.
“So, the kids like having a baby in the house?”
Tess shrugged. “Most of the time,” she said.
“I thought they might be jealous—losing so much of Brooke’s attention.”
Tess’s gaze hardened slightly. Losing Brooke’s attention? “I don’t think either of them see it that way. We’ve done our best to balance our time with all of them. That’s part of the reason I wanted her to go home.”
“Oh?”
“Davey has a game on Monday night. He’s starting as pitcher. I know how much he wants Brooke there.”
“What about you?”
Tess shrugged. “I’m sure he likes me to go. Brooke is the one who has fostered that talent. She tries to take him to practice as often as she can. I think he sees that as their special time, to be honest.”
Mary sipped her tea silently.
“They’ll be glad to have her home, even if they pretend they’d rather we were both away.”
“Rebecca is with them?”
“And Brad,” Tess said. “Which they love. But, this wasn’t a planned absence. I think they’re both worried about you and having Brooke there will help with that.”
“What did you tell them?”
“The truth,” Tess said. “Without all the details.”
Mary sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t have told them.”
Tess was stunned. “I had to tell them,” she said. “They’re not toddlers anymore. They pick up on everything. If I kept this from them, they’d eventually find out and then they would feel I lied to them.”
“Well, sometimes you have to let them be mad so that you can protect them.”
Are we still talking about my kids? “Protect them from the truth?” Tess asked cautiously. “I don’t think that’s the answer.”
“Well, you don’t agree with me on a lot of things.”
Tess sighed. “Mom, what is this about?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that this isn’t about me telling the twins about your surgery and treatment. What is this about?”
“Just what I said. They’re children. They don’t need to deal with this.”
“This? You mean the fact that you have cancer?”
Mary made no reply.
Tess sighed again. “If that’s what you mean, then you’re right; we don’t agree. Sickness is part of life. So is change—even death. Just because you’re a child, that doesn’t protect you from any of those things. Lying or hiding it won’t protect them from it. It will just undermine their trust in me and Brooke.”
“So, she agrees with you?”
“Brooke? Of course.”
Mary nodded. “I assume you two have talked about all of this?”
“All of what? About your diagnosis or about the twins? Of course…”
“About what it means,” Mary tried to clarify.
“I don’t think I am following you.” Nothing new there.
Mary set down her cup and looked at Tess. “Have you thought about what you would do? You make some good points,” Mary conceded. “About telling the kids. What would happen to them if it were you?”
Tess’s eyes grew wide. Me?
“Or what about that baby? What if something happened to Brooke?”
Tess felt as if she had been punched in the gut. “I pray that never happens,” Tess said. She steadied herself. “God forbid anything ever happened to Brooke, I would do my best to comfort all of them and to guide them all through that. I’m certain she would say the same.”
“Yes, but what about the reality. If something happened to you, what would happen to the kids?”
“They’d be with Brooke.”
Mary’s expression was unreadable.
“Why? What did you think would happen?”
“They do have a father—all of them, I assume.”
Tess had to take a moment to remind herself that her mother was recovering from surgery. Two days and you are pressing this? I thought we were past this.
“I just wonder if you are being realistic,” Mary said. “Sometimes, things change. You said that yourself.”
“Not that,” Tess replied evenly. “Brooke and I are married. We are both clear on what that means. If I didn’t believe that she loved Davey and Dani as much as I do, we wouldn’t be married, and we certainly wouldn’t have had Ethan.”
“I’m not questioning that Brooke loves the kids.”
Mary’s response surprised Tess. “Then, I’m not sure I understand what you are questioning.”
Mary sighed. “They have fathers, Tess. Whether you want to admit that or not; they do. What happens when they want their fathers or their fathers want them? Have you thought about that? No one expects this.” Mary gestured to herself. “Not even when they get to my age.”
Tess bit her bottom lip. There was some truth to what her mother was saying. No one expected to find out they had cancer—not really. But Tess had learned to expect the unexpected or at least, not to be shocked by it. She and Brooke had endeavored to cross every “t” and dot every “i” where their children’s welfare was concerned—all their children. Tess had never chosen to dive into these waters with her parents. It seemed to her that now she had no choice.
“Brooke and I have made arrangements—legally speaking—should the unimaginable ever happen.”
“Legal arrangements? Tess…”
Tess held up her hand. “Yes, Mom, Ethan has a biological father—a donor; a donor who we agreed upon; a donor who has been quite clear that he does not wish to be Ethan’s father. Ethan has two parents on his birth certificate: Brooke and me.” She noted her mother’s surprise. “I have never discussed any of this with you because frankly, I didn’t want to argue with you about any of it. But since you raise the point as a concern,” Tess paused and took another deep breath. “Brooke and I have been pursuing adoption for the twins for the last year. We’re close to making that happen. It hasn’t been easy. I had to find Daniel. He’s their father and legally he still has rights, should he want to exercise them.”
Mary seemed to be taking everything in.
Tess continued. “I don’t know if I’d say its fortunate, but he doesn’t care to exercise those rights.”
“You talked to him?”
Tess nodded sadly. It had taken her three months to locate Daniel Medina. And, it had taken another three weeks for him to agree to speak with her. When they finally did speak, Tess had found herself feeling both grateful for his response and sickened by it at the same time.
“He’s married,” Tess said. “With a one-year-old son. His wife doesn’t know about the twins and that’s the way he wants it.”
Mary shook her head. “That could change…”
“No, it won’t,” Tess said. “And, believe it or not, I don’t take any pleasure in that and neither does Brooke. Neither of us enjoy the fact that he disregards the twins. It’s hurtful to them. Although, neither of them seem as concerned about his feelings at this point as both Brooke and I have been.” Tess shook her head. “We both have to remind them that they are loved. That’s our job.” Tess looked at her mother and took a deep breath for courage. “He’s signed all the necessary papers for us to proceed with the adoption. It should be legal by the end of the summer,” Tess said. “So, you can rest easy about the kids—all three of them. At least, you can as far as who will care for them if the unthinkable ever happens. That doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t need the support of everyone that loves them. So would Brooke or I.”
Mary considered Tess’s
words. “I hope you’re right.”
“You hope I’m right?”
“Tess, I just worry. It’s so much to deal with on its own—losing someone you love. Three kids? Caring for children that aren’t yours? It’s…”
Tess pressed down her anger. “Do you mean that the twins aren’t Brooke’s or that Ethan is not mine?”
“I’m just saying…”
“Don’t say anything,” Tess stopped her mother’s thought in its tracks. She picked up her mother’s cup. “Do you need anything else?”
Mary shook her head.
Tess stood to leave. She handed her mother the remote control for the television. “I’m going to go see what we have for dinner.”
Mary watched Tess leave and closed her eyes.
Tess felt the cup as it tinkered against the saucer in her hand. The trembling in her hands paled by comparison to the knot in her stomach. She set the cup in the sink and grasped the counter as a wave of sobs broke forth, nearly sending her to her knees. Will she ever just accept me?
***
Davey waited for his mother to answer. “Maybe she’s busy,” he said.
Tess took several deep breaths and lifted the phone to her ear. Please, don’t let this be bad news. “Hello?”
“Mom?”
“Davey?”
“Are you crying?”
Tess sat down at the kitchen table. She’d expected to hear Rebecca’s voice on the line. “I’m all right. How are you?”
Rebecca watched Davey closely as his conversation with Tess played out. His lips had turned upside down into a worried frown and his eyebrows nearly met in the middle. Uh-oh.
“Mom,” Davey addressed Tess. “Is Grandma okay?”
“Grandma is doing okay, Davey; I promise. She’s in the other room right now watching TV.”
“Then how come you’re crying?” Davey challenged his mother.
He’s not going to let this go. “I think I’m just a little tired,” Tess said. “And, I miss you guys.” She decided to try and change the course of the conversation. “What are you up to today?”
“Nothing,” Davey replied. “Gonna go with Grandpa to get Brooke later.”
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