Tess giggled. “I’m sure the cookies are fine.”
“Not really. He wasn’t paying attention. He had the mixing bowl on the table and Ethan dumped all his green beans in the batter.”
Tess laughed. “He didn’t realize it?”
“No, he did, but he just said it’d be like roughage. Whatever that means.”
Oh, Lord. The whole house will be pooping green. “It just means that it’s good for you.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured it was doctor stuff or something.”
“Or something.”
“What are you doing?” Dani asked.
“Me? Nothing much. Spending the day with your grandmothers.”
“Oh.”
“Dani?”
“How is Grandma?”
“She’s feeling better,” Tess said. “She has to do some exercises. She’s outside with Grammy.”
“Oh.”
“Dani?”
“She’s not being mean, is she?”
Tess sighed. “No, sweetie; she’s not being mean at all.”
“I wish you were home,” Dani said.
Tess was surprised. “You just want me to bake more cookies.”
Dani giggled. “Yeah.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“When you come home can we do something? I mean like just you and me?”
“Sure, we can. Did you have something in mind?”
“Nah. Anything is cool.”
Anything is cool? Be nice, Tess; don’t suggest you teach her how to iron. “Well, you think about what you’d like to do and we’ll figure out when to do it.”
“Okay. Hey, Mom?”
Tess forced herself not to laugh. Both the twins tended to call for her attention repeatedly as if somehow, she had skipped out without being noticed. “Yes?”
“Well… I just… Well, I’m glad you’re coming home tomorrow.”
“Me too.”
“Okay. I better go. Ethan’s getting mad.”
“He’s mad?”
“Yeah, he’s totally doing this new thing?”
“Oh? What new thing?”
“He wanted his giraffe last night. I told him to come and get it.”
Ethan had a small toy giraffe that he was attached to. No matter what toy he was offered, if the giraffe was in his line of sight that is what he wanted. Both Dani and Davey had been using the toy to entice their brother to move. She wondered if Dani had finally had some success. “He loves that giraffe.”
“Yep. And, he got it, Mom! He crawled!”
“He crawled?”
“Well, more like he slid on his tummy,” Dani explained. “But he made it! He did it earlier too. He’s trying now on his mat.” Dani laughed. “You should see his face, Mom. It’s all red just like yours when you wanna pop Davey!”
Because I’ve never wanted to throttle you. Tess chuckled. She seldom grew angry with the twins. They did know how to push her buttons—both of them.
“Oh! He did it. Good job, little man!” Dani praised her baby brother.
Tess heard Ethan’s giggle through the phone.
“Hey,” Dani kept talking to her brother. “Momma’s on the phone, Ethan. Wanna talk to her?”
Tess heard Ethan’s giggling more clearly.
“Okay, she’s on speaker. Say hi, Ethan.”
“Mmmmuuu..”
“Mom, say something.”
“Hello, Ethan. I hear you made some cookies,” Tess said.
Ethan started laughing.
“Oh, I know,” Tess said. “Just like your Mommy, huh? Everything has to be green,” Tess said.
Ethan laughed and squealed with delight at the sound of Tess’s voice.
“Yeah, ‘cause you don’t have to eat them,” Dani said to the baby.
“Babababa. Buh.”
“Ba buh to you too,” Dani laughed.
Tess enjoyed listening to Dani and Ethan. Dani was immensely proud of herself for helping Ethan begin to creep a little. Tess couldn’t blame her. Dani had been searching for some way to connect with her baby brother for weeks. Tess and Davey’s short absence had provided the opportunity. It brought a smile to her lips. At the same time, Dani missed her mother. Tess understood. Growing up was a strange experience at times. It was a battle between a need for more independence and a desire to be held close. That never ends.
Mary stepped into the room unseen and listened.
“Mom!” Dani laughed. “He just went off his mat!”
“You’d better warn Brooke that she’ll be chasing him now,” she teased.
“He wants to escape,” Dani laughed.
God, help us all. “He must take after you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You were crawling when you were just a little bit older than Ethan. I mean; you were crawling everywhere. I think you taught Davey.” Tess swore she could feel Dani’s delight over the phone.
“You must’ve been tired, huh?” Dani asked.
“Me?” Tess questioned.
“Yeah. I’m tired and all I’ve been doing is playing with Ethan. Well, there was that diaper a while ago,” Dani shuddered.
Tess laughed. “I had help.”
“Yeah, and now me and Davey can do stuff without you.”
Don’t remind me. “Yes, you certainly can.”
“So, we can help.”
“And, you do help.”
“Oh! I’ll bet you can’t wait ‘til we can drive, huh?”
Drive? Oh, dear God! “I can wait a few years for that.”
“Yeah, but then you and Brooke won’t have to take us everywhere.”
“We don’t mind, Dani.” We don’t mind at all.
Dani laughed. “Ethan found Brooke’s stuffed elephant. Ethan, that’s Mommy’s.”
Tess could only imagine what the scene at home looked like. Brooke had taken the twins to a fair before she and Tess had decided to pursue a romantic relationship. Davey had won the stuffed elephant and insisted that Brooke keep it. It still meant the world to Brooke. She kept Engelbert the Elephant on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the family room.
“I guess, Ethan wants to be friends with Engelbert,” Tess commented.
“No, Ethan,” Dani said gently. “Mommy loves that elephant. Davey gave it to her. Sometimes, he can actually be nice,” Dani said.
Tess covered her eyes and chuckled. God, I love these kids.
“I gotta go mom. Ethan’s eating Engelbert’s ear.”
“That sounded like a tongue twister. Okay, you go so that you can save Engelbert. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.”
“Oh! Wait!”
Tess jumped in her chair.
“Mom said to tell you that she’ll pick you guys up tomorrow—in case she doesn’t get to call later.”
Tess closed her eyes and savored the words. More and more, one of the twins would refer to Brooke as Mom without thinking. Part of it, Tess was sure, was because they referred to her as ‘mom’ to Ethan. Tess also guessed that it permitted them to voice their feelings. Tess loved hearing it.
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“’Kay! Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, honey. Don’t let Ethan run away before I get back.”
“I won’t.”
Tess set down her phone and giggled. “Oh, Dani. You made my day.”
Mary cleared her throat to announce her presence.
“Hey, Mom. Where’s Rebecca?”
“Taking a dip,” Mary replied as she took a seat at the table.
Tess nodded.
“How are things back home?” Mary asked.
“Good. Ethan started creeping,” Tess said. “Dani is thrilled.”
“You’ll have your hands full soon.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Tess?”
“Hum?”
Mary took a deep breath. “They’re g
reat kids—all of them.”
Tess smiled. “They are.”
“You’re a wonderful mother,” Mary said honestly.
“I’ve had a lot of help.”
“How is Brooke?”
“Busy. Rachel left for Michigan this morning.”
“I’m sorry to hear about her father-in-law.”
“Yeah, me too. He was a nice man. Brooke adored him.”
“Are you all heading that way?”
“No. Mike’s dad is from Massachusetts. His mom is the one from the Midwest. They’ll be doing a service back home in a few weeks. I think the kids will be coming to stay with us next week for a few days. Rachel’s got on-call hours and Mike will still be in Michigan.”
“That’s a lot for you, isn’t it?”
Tess shook her head. “Brooke is off for four days next week. This was all just crazy timing. There are two doctors on vacation and Rachel’s situation forced her to step away. That only leaves three in the practice to cover appointments and hospital coverage. That’s why Brooke left when she did. We’ll be fine. I’ve managed two babies before.” Tess smiled at her mother. “And, the twins are a big help now. They love Eli and Devon almost as much as they love their little brother.”
Mary nodded. She stood and made her way to a cupboard in the kitchen.
“Did you need something?” Tess began to get up.
“Sit down, Tess,” Mary gently ordered. “I remember how to make tea,” she teased. “Would you like some?”
Tess’s gaze narrowed curiously. “Sure. Mom, I can…”
Mary put two cups on the counter and filled the kettle. “It’s tea, Tess. It might not be much, but sometimes a mother needs to take care of her daughter—even when she has a daughter of her own.”
Tess smiled. “I’d love some tea. Thank you.”
“It’s just tea.”
No, it really isn’t.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THURSDAY EVENING
Brooke walked into the bedroom to find Tess playing with Ethan on their bed. Ethan was laughing, and Tess was smiling. Brooke had no desire to interrupt the scene. She’d been surprised at Tess’s relaxed nature all evening. They hadn’t had any privacy at all that had afforded them the ability to talk. Dani was full of news for Davy, Tess, and Rebecca about Ethan and all of Grandpa’s foibles. Davey regaled everyone with tales of his day at the water park and how he and Tess had a cannonball contest in the pool. Tess had seemed content to hold Ethan while she listened attentively to all of it. Brooke knew that something had shifted for Tess over that past few days. Tess had told her that. She sensed that there were things on Tess’s mind that she had yet to share. Brooke was trying to let Tess reveal it when she was ready. That wasn’t easy for Brooke.
“Are you going to stand there or come join us?” Tess asked, her attention still focused on a giggling Ethan.
Brooke made her way over and sat on the bed. “I can’t believe he’s starting to crawl; can you?”
“Mmm. Sorry, I missed that evolution. Yeah, I can believe it. Dani was all over the place by this point.”
“Really?”
Tess laughed. “All over the place. She was determined.”
“Still is,” Brooke offered.
“True enough.”
Brooke sighed lightly.
“Want to tell me what is going on up there?” Tess tapped Brooke’s temple.
“Actually, I was going to ask you the same thing.”
Tess smiled. “A lot,” she replied.
“Have any inclination to share?”
“I do,” Tess said. She picked up Ethan and sat him between her legs. “I asked your mom how she and your dad would feel about being with the kids a couple of evenings a week.”
The statement piqued Brooke’s curiosity further.
Tess took a deep breath. “I’d like to take a few classes—try and finish that last year I left behind.”
Brooke smiled. “I think that would be fabulous.”
Tess nodded. “There’s something else.”
“I’m listening.”
“I need to ask you something first, and I want you to know that no matter how you answer, it’s okay.”
“Go on.”
“Do you want to have any more children? And, before you throw that question back at me, I need to know how you honestly feel.”
Brooke took a deep breath. She and Tess had discussed the possibility of adding one more child to their lives numerous times. Those discussions had always been casual talk about possibilities, not concrete plans or even desires that were communicated. Tess was right. Brooke’s inclination was to ask Tess what she wanted. The last thing that Brooke wanted to do was have her desires prevent Tess from pursuing a goal or dream. Honesty had always been at the core of their marriage. Brooke would not change that.
“Yes,” Brooke said. “If it were up to me, I would.”
Tess nodded.
“I’ve always wanted that with you,” Brooke said. “From the beginning. I loved having Ethan. I would love to be the one standing beside you this time, though. I’d love to have that with you.”
Tess kissed Brooke’s lips gently. “Me too.”
“Really?”
“That surprises you?”
“No. I thought you were about to tell me you were thinking about a future career.”
“I am,” Tess admitted. “You look confused.”
“I am,” Brooke chuckled.
Tess kissed the top of Ethan’s head and took a deep breath. “Brooke, I’m almost thirty-three. When Ethan goes into the second grade, the twins will be graduating high school.”
“Don’t remind me.”
Tess grinned. “I don’t want to be changing diapers then.”
Brooke began to understand where the conversation was heading. “You want to try again soon.”
“I do—if that’s what you want. I would love to have a baby with you. More than that, I’d love Ethan to have a sibling close to his age. That’s the truth. In seven years or so, they will all be in school and maybe, maybe that will be my time to try something new. I don’t want to be doing what we are doing now when I’m in my forties.”
“Thanks,” Brooke teased. She was six years older than Tess, meaning she would be doing just that in her forties.
“You know what I mean.”
“I think I do.”
“I asked you because I would have been okay if you didn’t want any more children. Maybe I would have been a little disappointed, but that would have been okay with me too. I needed to know so that I can start to think about what comes after that—after the kids are old enough that they don’t want us around 24/7.”
“Any idea what that might be?” Brooke inquired.
“Some ideas. I know that I want to work with kids. I’m not sure if I still feel called to medicine. Maybe. I think I need to get back in the groove of taking some classes to know where I’m heading. I love being home, Brooke. I do. I love being with the kids. I hate missing anything. I also know they have their path, and so do I. I’m part of theirs and this family is the center of mine. It always will be. There is a me in the equation. I need that too. Maybe that’s good for them to see.”
Brooke kissed Tess on the forehead. “Whatever you want, I will support you.”
“I know you will.”
“Can I ask what changed?”
“I’m not sure that I can point to one thing. Being with my mother this last week, starting to accept the truth about her—about all of us—it made me think.”
“What’s the truth?”
“The truth is all our lives changed the day David died. We all became different people. That’s the truth. Who we were the moment before he took his last breath and who we became that next second are not the same person. My mother disappeared into a shell; afraid of the world. And, that’s how she keeps him close. My father? He painted on a smile. He needed to. He still needs to. Maybe that’s so he can survive through both their pain. I�
��m not sure. Gary? He stays away from planting roots. He needs to move. I think the idea of being in one place reminds him of our family. Inevitably it will fall apart. In that way, he’s like my mom. He just displays it differently.”
“And you?”
“Me? I became the perfectionist.” Tess laughed. “I wanted that family I lost, Brooke. I wanted those dinners at the table, the baseball games, and concerts. I wanted to fold the laundry and get mad at my kids for not putting it away. I wanted to love them and make them know how much I love them.”
Brooke smiled. Tess had painted a picture of exactly who she was and how she lived their life. “They know how much you love them. We all do.”
“I do,” Tess said. “I love you all more than anything. That’s still the most important thing to me. Nothing will ever change that for me.”
“I know.”
“But somewhere along the way, I let myself believe that’s all I could be, and that’s all that could matter to me. And, in that way, I’m like my mother too.”
Brooke shook her head.
“I am, love. I’m afraid. Afraid that if I do anything solely for me, it will all fall apart. It will at some point.”
Brooke’s concerned gaze made Tess chuckle.
“I don’t mean us. I mean that something will happen to turn our world upside down—some loss, some unexpected upheaval. That’s life. I could never leave any of your sides and it would still happen. I have to let go a little.”
Brooke nodded. Tess was right. She also suspected there was more Tess wanted to say.
“I’m not ready to give up being home yet, not full-time. I would like to think there will be a time in the future when I can come home from a job I love and drive the kids to a game. I’d like to think that when they eventually fly, I will still have a place to land. I know there will be you, but…”
“Tess, you don’t need to justify what you’ve told me. I understand. I want that for you. I want whatever it is that will make you happy. I would move heaven and earth to give you whatever you wanted.”
Yes, you would. Tess leaned in and captured Brook’s lips with a reverent kiss. “And, I would do the same for you.”
“You have,” Brooke said. She chewed on her lower lip for a second.
“What is it?” Tess asked.
“You really want to have another baby?”
Best Practice (Special Delivery Book 5) Page 11