The two men looked at her expectantly.
“You both claim to be too old to do anything. I think this is because for you ‘doing’ means either fighting or diplomacy. I would like to try and offer something else. So my question is—if you could do something towards this cause without leading an army or winning an election, would you commit yourselves? I know I would.”
Sir Cedric and the admiral exchanged glances.
“Cedric was right,” the admiral said. “And you came to the correct conclusion as well. Cedric and I had discussed what could be done and gave up after a while. Then he suggested we pay you a visit and review the situation. Because we do feel that if we could do something, we would. Cedric thinks you may come up with an idea we hadn’t thought of. And now I think so too. Please continue.”
Anne looked into both their faces. She was convinced they were both sincere. Let’s give them a bit of drama, she thought.
“Hitler’s pants,” she said.
“What was that?” “I beg your pardon!” “Excuse me!” “Could you repeat that?” The men exploded with comments. Anne smiled and let the consternation die down.
“I apologize for jumping to conclusions,” said the admiral with an embarrassed smile. “I thought you just said ‘Hitler’s pants.’”
“I did,” Anne said quietly.
Silence…. Then Anne went on.
“Imagine Adolf Hitler, leader of Nazi Germany, standing on a terrace of one of those gigantic squares with millions of devout followers watching every move he makes, listening to every syllable he utters, the newsreel cameras grinding away. Imagine him raising a fist in the air to emphasize a point. Imagine his pants dropping at that moment.”
Sir Cedric chuckled. “I say, that’s quite a bizarre scene.”
“Even more so if his underwear was pink and flowery,” guffawed the admiral.
“Or if he didn’t have any on at all!” The two men laughed long and loud. Anne frowned, but she couldn’t hide the smile on her lips. She waited until their merriment subsided.
“Now imagine you were one of those millions in the crowd watching him. Or a German in some other city hearing about the incident by word of mouth or by reading it in the paper. Or even a non-German but a sympathizer of the Nazi regime. What would you think?”
“That he’d made an utter ass of himself!” the admiral said.
“Far more than his maniacal ranting and gesturing!” Sir Cedric added. “I think I’m beginning to see where this is going, Anne.”
“I hope so,” Anne said. “Don’t you think his prestige would have been severely damaged? Wouldn’t his influence on the masses be markedly diminished? Isn’t it just remotely possible that the course of history would have been altered?”
“Very likely,” Sir Cedric said. “Quite dramatically, too, in hindsight.”
The admiral shook his head.
“This is all well and good from an academic point of view, Anne,” he said. “But you’ve described an illogical incident—or accident—that only has entertainment value. Therein lies the humor. Somewhere deep inside all of us is that feeling of relief that something comical happened to someone else and not to us. And many accidents, sometimes even deliberately designed as pranks, cause laughter in the viewer at the expense of the victim. But no one could have engineered Hitler’s pants to fall or Stalin’s moustache to catch fire. That’s patently impossible.”
“I think you used the right word, Admiral,” Anne said. “Prank. No, I’m not thinking of that kind of practical joke, but I lack a better word for what I’m about to describe. Listen, gentlemen, the pants and the moustache cannot be engineered because we cannot turn back the clock. But I think that with the appropriate planning certain things definitely can be engineered. I don’t know how—you gentlemen are far more experienced than I am in solving these kinds of problems. I only know—in fact I’m certain—that these insane leaders can be made to lose face in the most embarrassing of circumstances, thereby losing their credibility and their leadership.”
“Are you saying that we—” Sir Cedric began.
“I don’t know if it’s ‘we’ or someone else,” Anne blurted out. “Not by terror or propaganda, not by force, and not by sanctions or by diplomacy. I’m looking at the end result. The tyrant is so publicly shamed that his leadership is compromised, perhaps even toppled. He will become an outcast, perhaps even have to face an uprising against him.”
“How?” Both men asked the question together, and smiled guiltily at each other.
“Well, thanks for not torching the issue right away, gentlemen.” Anne sounded pleased. “I don’t know how. It’s still a jumble of ideas. Perhaps interfering in an important ‘speech to the nation.’ Or messing up their computers. I wouldn’t have the faintest idea of how to even begin such an operation. Over to you two now….”
The three of them sat in silence for several minutes. Anne got up quietly, turned on the electric kettle and returned to her seat. Sir Cedric got out a small notebook and was making a few marks in it with a pencil. The admiral gazed at the ceiling as if planning a second Sistine Chapel. He suddenly stood up, cleared his throat and glanced at Sir Cedric, who gave a small nod.
“Anne, my dear, not only are we not ‘torching’ your concept—I, for one, endorse it. Your earlier question of commitment to the cause was very appropriate. I find myself agreeing with the fact that something can be done—at least, brainstorming for applicable ideas seems to be the next step to take. Creative thinking, you know….”
Sir Cedric was grinning from ear to ear as he, too, stood up.
“If I know you, Patrick, you’re already scheming jamming traffic, energy disruption, disabling weaponry and so forth. And by subterfuge, sir—no violence involved. We need to work out these ideas—and I have a feeling it won’t be easy at all.”
“Yes, yes, of course,” muttered the admiral, his thoughts obviously elsewhere.
A piercing whistle came from the kettle.
“How about a nice cup of tea?” asked Anne, getting up as well. “I can’t believe I just said that—I sounded like a matron in a British sitcom.”
They all laughed, and Anne served tea and chocolate cookies. Between mouthfuls she said:
“I see that we all need more time to think about this. Why don’t we meet again in a few days’ time? We could meet in London sometime next week, and I’ll combine it with a visit to my children and parents in Reading. Okay with you both?”
Excerpt from article in Governments Today,
by Reginald Koffey
… Tyranny has to do with the internal affairs of a nation: it has to do with how a leader and a people interact. Lately, however, it has to do with its foreign policy as well.
There is a long list of tyrannies on our planet: we can begin with Ahmadinejad’s Iran, Castro’s Cuba and Kim Jong-il’s North Korea and easily continue with unsavory candidates such as the military dictatorship in Pakistan, Azerbaijan, Uzbekistan, Kuwait, or Oman. Maybe Myanmar, Morocco, or Colombia, too.
There is an anti-tyranny crusade led by the USA. It would seem, however, that this crusade suffices in waving banners and rattling sabers instead of actually mounting their steeds and going into battle….
FOUR
This was the first time Anne had visited Sir Cedric’s flat in Knightsbridge. It wasn’t huge but it also wasn’t tiny. A confirmed bachelor, Sir Cedric had a comfortable living room and bedroom, but he also dedicated two additional rooms to his den, where he kept all his paperwork and computers, and his laboratory. It was a diminutive laboratory, naturally, but Sir Cedric could test out some of his laser designs before taking them to the fully equipped laboratory in Kensington. He often referred to it as his “pet lab,” deliberately teasing his dog-loving friends.
The flat was spotless, of course. Sir Cedric had a lady housekeeper who came in every day to do everything another man might expect a wife to do—mainly pick up after him. That and clean up, cook meals, make the bed, and keep th
e larder and bar well stocked. Sir Cedric readily confessed that he was the world’s most untidy person when it came to anything beyond his personal appearance. In self-grooming he had no peer. He used the most expensive soaps and lotions, visited his barber every week, and possessed a wardrobe of immaculate sets of business suits and shoes. Of course, it was the maid’s job to see that all these were in order before they were needed, and Matilda did a pretty decent job of it, according to her employer.
When Anne arrived, both men were waiting for her with drinks in their hands. After the welcoming embraces and niceties, they sat down and looked expectantly at Anne.
“What?” she asked, somewhat flustered.
“We’re waiting for new ideas from you,” said Sir Cedric. “Patrick here and I have had our heads together for hours on end since last we met at your place. And here’s what we came up with: nothing!”
“Well, let’s phrase that a bit more accurately, Cedric, shall we?” the admiral said and turned to Anne. “To all intents and purposes he’s right—nothing. But that’s because we’ve dismissed several options and ideas as impractical.”
“Like what?” Anne asked.
“Well, it would be very nice to stop a military parade in its tracks, wouldn’t it? That would suit our purpose just fine. So how do we do it? We thought of digging trenches, of sabotaging the lead vehicle, of painting the tanks pink and even stupider variations. Sorry, Anne—there’s no way it can be done.”
“Or,” Sir Cedric interjected, “jamming communication lines. This would only work if we could somehow tap into them and have Mr. Dictator say ridiculous stuff when the multitudes—and the press, of course—are listening. And, also, keep the ‘competition’ from repairing any damage we inflict in time to save their lord and master. To rephrase Patrick’s words—can’t be done.”
“Isn’t that just like the male chauvinists you are.” Anne smiled to show she was not admonishing them. “Because you can’t think of a solution you assume it cannot be done. When I had a problem I couldn’t solve, I looked for other people to assist me in the solution. In fact, I recall turning to two very specific gentlemen for advice on how to continue. In fact, they are right here. Come on, my dear fellows, isn’t there anyone you could ask ‘how do I stop a parade in its tracks’? Well, maybe not, but you could ask leading questions. As long as you know who to ask!”
Sir Cedric faced the admiral with a very sad face. “Patrick, I’m afraid we have just been scolded. We have shirked our duty and taken the defeatist attitude. We should be tried by a jury of our peers and found guilty of negligence and sloth. As penance we should serve….”
“I think I understand your drift, old boy.” The admiral’s eyes were sparkling. “You’re quite right, Anne. I suppose we didn’t go into further inquiries because we would seem a bit odd, if not downright ridiculous. After all, this is not our usual line of occupation or even interest.”
“It is now,” Anne said. “Why don’t we all prepare a list of candidates for discovering information that would help us? I’m already considering approaching—”
“Hold on just a minute, Anne, please.” The admiral raised a hand. “There’s a point I’d like to make and a proposal to follow it. It just dawned on me, with your help, Anne, that our attitude was all wrong. I mentioned the fact that we’d look ridiculous. Cedric even went through a mock condemnation of our shortcomings … these all point to the fact that we’re not taking ourselves seriously enough. No wonder we were reluctant to open ourselves to outsiders. So here’s what I propose: here and now the three of us establish an alliance, some kind of partnership or association, with the purpose of finding and developing ways and means for limiting the power of dictators without resorting to violence or politics. We could thus, I hope, make a mockery of them and cause them to lose their following. The result being, we all hope and pray, the thwarting of any dastardly plans these bastards had up their sleeves.”
“Now isn’t that something!” breathed Sir Cedric. “An association, my word! Like some kind of triumvirate or conspiracy thing. Patrick, you’re right—this will make us take things seriously. I’m all for it. And I’d like to nominate Professor Anne Dupré to head this newly created order.”
“Hear, hear,” smiled Admiral Stone. “I solemnly promise to undertake any task she presents me.”
“Hey, gentlemen,” Anne protested. “Why me? I’m no activist. And I have no managing experience.”
“Because, dear Anne,” Sir Cedric said, “you’re one hell of a smart lady and we know you to have been one for quite some time now. Furthermore, you’re the one who emphatically stated that something needed to be done! And in addition, you’ve come up with ideas and directions that none of us ‘activists’ had ever thought of. And, I believe, they are all feasible given adequate preparation.”
“I really don’t know. I’m a history professor, for God’s sake …”
Admiral Stone added: “I imagine that in the future we’ll need an experienced leader to direct operations and stuff. But you’ll be our chairperson, our policy maker, and what you say goes. As to the association that has no name yet—we’ll need to decide exactly how we operate. We all realize we’ll need more people involved, but none of them would know the whole picture behind this involvement. Well, perhaps some of them, at a later stage.”
“Who, for instance?” Anne asked.
Sir Cedric responded: “Offhand I wouldn’t name names without due consideration. But in general I would say we would need to consider scientists, politicians and financiers. Patrick?”
“Makes sense to me,” the admiral said. “We’d possibly need a professional work crew at some time in the future. What about staff to run the management chores? I mean taking minutes of meetings, establishing a computer database, setting project timetables, charting plans against results, you know—regular office stuff.”
Anne stood up. “I don’t think keeping records is a good idea. At least not now. It’s just the three of us and things could evaporate tomorrow as easily as they came into being today. Let’s keep it this way until necessity forces us to change our views.”
“Point taken,” the admiral said. “No office. Anything else?”
“Actually, yes,” Anne said. “I really don’t like the idea of involving politicians. I have no proof, but my gut feeling is that there isn’t a single one of them who would put our cause before their own self-promotion. So I move to drop politicians from our agenda. Agreed?”
“Personally,” Sir Cedric said, “I’d drop politicians from a flying airplane, let alone our agenda. I think we can do without them for now, at least until we think of a really desperate reason to involve them.”
Anne had never felt anything like this before. Certainly, it was very flattering to be praised by these two eminent gentlemen, but the responsibility they expected of her was a substantial burden to shoulder. This was no job for a teacher who loved her profession and dedicated most of her time to it.
“About this chairperson thing …” she began but her voice shook. She stopped, pulled herself together, and began again.
“Look, fellows, this is a very heavy responsibility you’ve hoisted on me. If I reject your nomination I would be denying everything that I believe in on tyranny. On the other hand … oh, hell. Yes, I accept, and thank you both very much.”
There were calls of “good girl” and “we’re counting on you” from the two men. Anne calmed them down.
“But before we make our plans for what steps to take next, there is something important that I would like to make very plain.
“This association must be kept a total secret. Not a soul outside ourselves is to know what we’re up to. If we do not disband right now, then it is understood that no individual among us may back out in the future. We might decide, the three of us unanimously, that we’re closing up shop—but until such time we’re all dedicated to each other implicitly. I sincerely believe that if the authorities ever got wind of what we’re doing they�
�d put an end to it immediately. Not only would we probably find ourselves in a legal predicament, but it is also my belief that no one else will be there to pick up where we quit, leaving the world to continue its march toward disaster.
“We’re all going to assemble a list of contacts to approach. We’ll convene again and discuss the merits of each candidate. If he or she seems eligible he—oh, hang this gender thing—will need to be recruited. Each one of them should be aware only of the immediate involvement in their own expertise and nothing beyond. I’m afraid that recruiting is going to be an extremely delicate matter. If our candidate does not respond to our approach he may tell others, and that would jeopardize our entire project. I have nothing to suggest along these lines, and I hope you’ll come up with something.”
“Now let’s put our intended targets up against the wall, as it were.” Anne smiled. “I nominate the Al Qaeda leaders, and the Iranian president—in fact, they may even be in cahoots. Anyone else?”
The admiral was smiling in admiration. “Well said, Anne! Right. I was thinking of the North Korean president, the Cuban president, the Venezuelan president, and their like.”
“That’ll do,” said Anne. “Now we need ideas for methods of operation. It’s a blank slate now, but that’s where our contacts might—what am I saying, will—provide us with the solutions. I personally hope we can tackle North Korea and Iran first—they seem to me to be the most dangerous. So let’s set out our homework for next time: besides providing a list of potential contacts, please think about methods of humiliating the targeted tyrants.”
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