Brooke loved her friend. She really did. Grace had been there for her for so long, but Grace was also working off her own guilt over what had happened two years ago, and she sometimes smothered Brooke as a result. Yes, Brooke had definitely had some bad moments and she’d leaned on her friend way too much.
But not this time. This time she wasn’t letting Grace worry that she had a duty to charge in and fix everything. That she owed Brooke.
“No, please don’t. I’m fine…” She met Cade’s gaze. He’d folded his arms over his chest and stood there in silence. “I have someone with me. It’s okay.”
Grace didn’t say anything for a long minute. “Who? Is it anyone I know? Do you have a boyfriend you haven’t told me about?” That last was said jokingly, as if it couldn’t possibly be true.
Brooke sighed. “It is someone you know. Cade Rodgers is with me, Grace. He’s not going to let anything happen.”
“Saint? You have Saint with you? Oh my God, are you dating him?”
His code name was Saint? She didn’t think she’d caught that before. “Not really, no. We’ve talked on the phone a few times. We’re friends.”
“Oh sweetie, there is no way in hell that man—any of these alpha-male protector types, really—is capable of merely being friends. Be careful, okay?”
“I am careful, Gracie. Cade is here and you don’t have to worry.”
“I’ll worry anyway.”
“Don’t. You know what he’s capable of because you have Garrett.”
“I’m not worried about his ability to protect you, Brooke. I’m worried about his motivation for doing so.”
She didn’t break eye contact with Cade. It was like he gave her strength, and she needed it more than she realized. Hers had been missing for far too long.
“I’m not. Now stop worrying and let me make my own decisions, okay? Even if I crash and burn, it’s time I started living again.”
Grace sighed. “You know I love you. I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I know it, bestie. I love you too.”
* * *
Brooke ended the call with Grace and set her phone on the island beside her plate. “Well, that went fabulously.”
He recognized sarcasm when he heard it. “She mad?”
Brooke shook her head. “Not mad. Concerned.” She tilted her head as she studied him. “Why do they call you Saint?”
He let out a breath. Of course that would have come up. “A few reasons. I’m not a serial dater like most of the guys. I don’t chase tail when we’re out at the bars together and then brag about getting laid. I call my mom regularly, and I also take calls from her even when it’s inconvenient—and when I was a kid I wanted to be a priest.”
Her eyes bugged out at that last one. It didn’t surprise him because that’s what usually happened when he mentioned it.
“A priest?”
“Yep. Don’t worry, I’ve gotten over that notion. A little sin doesn’t bother me at all these days.”
She still looked surprised. No wonder, considering the things they’d texted to each other. Priests didn’t have thoughts like that. Or shouldn’t anyway.
“Wow, I wouldn’t have thought that.”
“Nobody ever does.” He took her plate and set it in the sink. “I never knew my dad. My mom was a single mother, and she raised me and my sister the best she knew how. She worked two jobs and struggled for every scrap. The best part of our week was mass. I loved the pageantry and all the solemnity. Mostly I loved the look of peace on my mother’s face when we were in church. So I thought that’s what priests did, and I wanted to be one.”
He’d been a pious kid for a few years, but like with most things, the luster wore off. He hardly ever got to mass these days. And when he did, it was usually when he went home to visit and took his mother to church.
“I just can’t imagine how you went from wanting to be a priest to doing, well…” She was clearly struggling.
“To shooting people and blowing stuff up?”
She nibbled her lip. “Yes. One is a pacifist and the other isn’t.”
He thought about what he was going to say next. And then he decided what the fuck, he was just going to say it. “My mother worked hard to raise my sister and me, like I said. She cleaned houses, took odd jobs, whatever she had to do to keep the money coming in. One of those jobs was as a cashier at a twenty-four-hour convenience store. One night a man came in—drunk, high, doesn’t matter which—and put a gun to her head. He told her he wanted all the money, and he wanted a piece of her while he was at it. He took the money and raped her.”
Brooke gasped, and he wondered if he should have said anything at all. But it was too late now. He was all in.
“Do you know what Mom did? She endured it. The guy passed out and she called the cops. She didn’t miss a day of work, just kept on going.” His lungs filled with all the helpless anger he still felt when he thought of his mom going through that. “She kept going to church too, but it was somewhere around that time I realized prayer and sermons weren’t going to protect me and mine unless I learned how to do it myself. So I did. Not that I knew what she’d really endured, because she didn’t share that until years later, but I knew she’d been robbed and I knew I wouldn’t let it happen ever again.”
Her eyes glittered. “I’m sorry, Cade. Your poor mother.”
“She would tell you herself not to feel sorry for her. To my eyes, she never spent a moment thinking about it after that night, but I know it’s not true now that I’ve grown up. I know those late-night tears, the tipsy evenings where she drank a little too much wine, were a direct result of what happened. She pretended not to be affected, but it was a lie.”
Yeah, he knew he was subtly pushing her with this story, but maybe she needed to hear it. Because Brooke wasn’t telling the entire truth about what had happened to her either. Not that she’d been raped, but she’d certainly been abused somehow. She was balling all that stress up and trying to contain it, but one day she’d blow if she wasn’t careful.
“She sounds amazing.” Brooke dropped her gaze. “I should be more like her.”
He put his fingers under her chin and tipped it up. “No. You’re you, angel, and that’s the only person you need to be. People process trauma differently. Mom’s way was no better than yours. It still took a toll.”
She shook her head angrily. “I’ve been letting what happened rule my life for two years now. I just want to be normal again.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. “And then yesterday happened, and I felt like I was being sucked down into the whirlpool again. Just one moment and boom, I was back in the nightmare. All because I took Max out for a walk at that specific time.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He wanted to gather her in his arms but thought better of it. She might not welcome that much contact, and he didn’t want to scare her. “But you shouldn’t dwell on the timing. You can’t change it. You also can’t change someone’s decision to kill. It happened—and if you’d been home, maybe you’d have heard the shot and come out of your apartment before the killer was gone. Then he might have killed you too.”
Her face was pale. “You’re right. I know you are. And I’m not letting fear win this time. I’ve got Max, and I’ve got you. That’s a lot of badassery right there.”
He grinned. “Sure is. We’ve got your six, angel.”
“I appreciate that.”
He loved that she knew what that was without asking. He returned to the sink to wash her breakfast dishes. What he really wanted was to keep touching her silky skin, but he didn’t want to live in a state of perpetual arousal. Washing dishes was best. Except there weren’t many, and he was left with nothing else to clean up.
“More coffee?”
“Yes, please,” she said, and he refilled her cup, adding cream for her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She took a sip. “You know, I thought it would be more uncomfortable to have you here… but it
’s really not.”
“That’s good. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
She smiled. “You can sext me from the guest room.”
He snorted. “Not happening, angel. No eggplants and pussycats while I’m here. They don’t compare to the real thing, and I’ll know the real thing is a few feet away playing with herself while I tell her all the dirty stuff I want to do to her.”
“You do have a dirty mind, Cade Rodgers with a D. I’ve gotten a few vicarious thrills from your texts.”
“Baby, you have no idea how thrilling it could be if you’d let me do those things to you for real.”
“I’m going to, Cade. Soon.”
Chapter 10
Brooke’s heart hammered against her ribs. Yes, she’d just committed to sex with this man. For real. But she wanted it, and she intended to get there as soon as possible with him. He did things to her insides that made her warm and tingly. He also made her feel safe and protected.
Would it all change if they had sex? Possibly, and that’s what scared her. But, right now, the drive to be with him was strong. Shockingly strong, because while she’d missed sex over the past couple of years, she’d never actually had the desire to do it with anyone.
Until now. And oh my stars how she wanted it.
Cade grinned that sexy grin of his. “You just let me know when you’re ready, angel. I’ll take care of the rest.”
There was something comforting about that idea. Letting him take charge and take control while all she had to do was feel. It was also frightening since the last time a man had been in charge, she’d had no say in what happened to her.
Tell him.
She bit the inside of her lip. Yes, she needed to tell him, but she wasn’t quite ready for that yet. Soon. Her turmoil must have shown on her face because his expression grew serious.
“I mean that, Brooke. When you’re ready. If that means an hour from now or a month from now, I’ll still be waiting.”
“And if it means a year from now?” Because she had to ask. Not that it was going to take a year, but what if Cade wasn’t as serious as he pretended to be? Shouldn’t she know that now?
He blew out a breath. “I’m not gonna lie. It won’t be easy to wait a year—but if I have to, then I have to. Just don’t shut me out now that we’ve progressed to actual conversations, okay? If you try to take this back to text only, that will be a big problem for me.”
He made her heart wallow in warm fuzzy feelings. “I’m not taking you back to text, Cade. Though I can’t promise never to send you a dirty emoji.”
“I look forward to your dirty emojis, angel. Though not today.”
“No, not today.” Because she didn’t think she could handle that either. Sexting him when he was in her condo? No way.
“You want to get out of here for a little while?”
Her heart thumped. “What do you have in mind?”
“I need a change of clothes. Thought we could ride over to my place so I could get some things.”
She loved how he didn’t push her to talk about her experience or to move forward faster than she was comfortable with. He told her about his mother, set it out there for her to examine, and then moved on. He was patient and calm, and he managed to gift some of that calm to her.
“Sounds like a plan.” She had work to do, but she could get to it later. And maybe getting out for a while would be a good thing.
“You want to take Max?”
“That would be nice, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t or I wouldn’t have asked.”
Some people wouldn’t want the dog hair in their car. But Cade didn’t seem to care even though he had a big, beautiful truck with a black interior that was about to get haired up. Brooke sighed. Was it possible to fall in love with a man you hardly knew?
Stop being silly. It’s lust.
Yes, it was definitely lust. But she also liked him a lot. Maybe she needed to be careful about that though. Because what if she started liking him too much and he didn’t return the feelings? Sure, it was fun now, but it was still new. What about when it wasn’t? Or when he got sick of her insecurities?
“How about we grab lunch while we’re out? I know a place near the bay where we could take Max.”
“That sounds amazing,” she said.
“Then get your purse and your dog, angel. Let’s get started on our fun-filled day.”
* * *
Two hours later, they were eating lunch at a little restaurant by the bay. They sat on the deck overlooking the water, and Max lay at Brooke’s feet and watched the sailboats glide by. It was a warm day in spite of it being late September, and the sun shone down overhead. They sat at a table beneath an umbrella and ordered shrimp and crab cakes along with slaw and french fries.
The food was delicious, the setting perfect, and the company gorgeous. Brooke told stories about her marketing clients, laughing and using her hands to illustrate a point. Cade sipped his water and watched her. She was beautiful with her baby blues and her long blond hair. Her smile was infectious, and he found himself smiling more than he usually did. Because she made him want to.
Of course, there was a low-level humming in his veins, a spark and sizzle of attraction that wanted to roar into a flame—and would with the right incentive. He was mindful of what she’d said earlier, when she’d asked if he would wait a year to have sex with her. The question had shocked him and challenged him.
Because he wanted her now. He could wait, but how long? How long?
As long as it took was the answer that came back to him, especially sitting here with her now, listening to her talk about sperm stress balls and sperm pens and sperm mouse pads. She laughed about sourcing those things for a client, and he laughed with her.
A breeze blew in softly from the water, ruffling her blond hair. She tucked a stray piece behind her ear and stabbed her fork into her crab cake. She didn’t miss a beat as she ate and talked and dealt with her hair.
He thought of all the guys in HOT who’d gotten married lately. Hell, even the colonel had tied the knot. Cade had always thought he wanted that, but he’d never found anyone he’d remotely want to spend that kind of time with.
And he couldn’t say that Brooke was any different really, because they’d been together in person for less than twenty-four hours. But she was funny and sweet and vulnerable without being helpless. Brooke was anything but helpless, no matter what she thought.
She knew her foibles and she fought them. That was more than many people could claim. But she also sold herself short over them.
“Well, I think I’ve exhausted the topic of sperm. What do you have to talk about?” she asked.
Cade stole one of her french fries. “Nothing as interesting as sperm.”
“But you’re familiar with the topic.”
“Intimately.”
Brooke rolled her eyes. “I see what you did there. Niiiice, Cade Rodgers with a D.” She nibbled a fry. “We’ve talked about a lot of stuff through text. But not everything. I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend, though I don’t actually know that.”
“Do you really think if I had one, I’d be jerking off to your dirty texts?”
“Maybe. Some people are kinky that way.”
“Yeah, and what did I tell her when I spent the night with you last night?”
“Mission planning,” she shot back.
Cade shook his head. He had to give her points for that. “Good one, angel. Yeah, I could have done that. Hell, I could have a wife and six kids stashed away somewhere—but I don’t. Too much trouble to try to sneak around.”
She propped her chin on a hand and gazed at him. Damn, she was pretty. “I believe you. Just had to tease you a little bit.” She sighed. “Okay, that’s not completely true. The truth is it’s something I’m a little paranoid about. I dated a guy for eight months and I thought we were getting serious, but it turned out he really did have a wife and kid stashed away. He spent the week working
in DC and took the train to New York every weekend. He told me he was spending time with his elderly parents, but of course he was going home to his wife.”
Cade wanted to punch the guy for her. “How did you find out?”
She frowned. “His wife came to DC to surprise him one day. She’d left the kid with his parents, who weren’t all that elderly, and taken the train down. I answered his apartment door while wearing his shirt. We’d ordered food, you see…”
“Ouch.”
She nodded. “Yep, it was awkward. She lost it, of course. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem all that pissed at me. It was him she took her fury out on. So, yeah, I locked myself in the bathroom, threw on my clothes, and got the hell out.” She gave him a look. “I didn’t really think you had someone, by the way. Grace would have told me. I guess I sometimes still feel pretty ashamed about what happened. I could have just told you without the drama, right?”
He reached for her hand across the table and squeezed softly. “You told me, angel. That’s all that matters.”
She squeezed his hand in return. “I’m full of drama and weirdness, Cade. You should really rethink this whole thing. Even when I try to be normal, drama finds me. I attract it like a magnet.”
He didn’t believe shit like that for a second. But she clearly did. “I’ve thought about you a lot. And I’m right where I want to be.”
She still didn’t try to extract her hand. Her touch was electric, singing through him like a living current. He could only imagine how good it would be if they were pressed together with nothing between them but skin.
“You’re too good to be true,” she said. “Do you know that?”
“No, I’m not. I’m just really, really patient when I want something. And I definitely want you.”
Her pretty features clouded. “I’m nothing special, Cade. You’ll be disappointed if you think so.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
She shrugged and dropped her lashes over her eyes. “Well, don’t say I didn’t tell you when the time comes.”
HOT Angel_Hostile Operations Team_Book 12 Page 8