by D. S. Murphy
I didn’t get in.
“We need to talk,” he said. His face was as beautiful as ever. So beautiful it didn’t seem real. But something was different. He seemed on edge. When I hesitated, his brows furled and his lips curved downwards slightly. Had he seen me with Ethan? Is that what he wanted to talk about? I glanced behind me and saw Patricia and Jackie exiting the building. I still wasn’t sure how much I could tell them. Talking with Ethan was one thing—he already knew about the merrow and the threat they posed. But telling my ordinary, human friends what was going on seemed drastic. Would they even believe me? And if they did, could I trust them with Sebastian’s secrets? What if that put him at risk? The least I could do was give him a chance to explain himself.
His shoulders relaxed when I got in the car.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Somewhere private,” he said, pulling out of the school parking lot.
As we drove in silence, I felt guilty about being with Ethan just now. The way he’d touched my hand in the chapel, and how I’d blushed… It’s not like Sebastian and I were officially going out or anything. We hadn’t even kissed yet. But still, the way he was looking at me, and the way it made me feel, I couldn’t believe I’d just agreed to go on a date with another guy.
It only took a few minutes to reach Dunluce Castle. It was still open this time, so he paid for tickets and we went in through the small wooden gate. We passed through the grassy area to the narrow bridge which spanned the chasm separating the castle from the mainland. My heart was pounding as we crossed the wooden planks. Far beneath us another path led to the entrance of the cave below the castle, then forked towards a lookout point directly under the bridge. There were a handful of tourists, but Sebastian led us to the back and through a small arched doorway into the remains of what use to be one of the towers. We had to walk around the winding, circular staircase several times before we emerged in the small room at the top. Parts of the ceiling were gone and about a fourth of the walls were missing, replaced by an iron guardrail. I leaned out over the steep cliff and watched the waves crash against the shore hundreds of feet below us.
“One day, the ocean will reclaim this whole castle,” Sebastian said.
“How can something so beautiful be so destructive?” I asked.
“Nature knows no morality,” Sebastian said. “But if you’re talking about the merrow, we aren’t all evil. What you saw on the beach, that isn’t common. I’ve never seen anything like that. When I was growing up, any kind of violence against humans was forbidden.”
“But not anymore, right? Because of your father?”
Sebastian nodded, but offered no excuse or explanation. All the questions I’d bottled up came pouring out.
“That other merrow—Ajax—he said your father would have made you a commander. He said they came here for you. Those kids died because of you. And he said they’re planning to kill all the humans.”
“I tried to tell you earlier…” Sebastian said lamely, rubbing the back of his head.
“You said some of your family wanted to wipe out the humans, you didn’t say they were leading the charge. Besides, you said it was theoretical. What did Ajax say—they are going to wipe out the human race and reclaim the land like a knife through hot butter—and soon!”
“I didn’t think it would ever really happen.”
“But you would have known if you hadn’t run away. Maybe you could have stopped it. Maybe you could have changed your father’s mind.”
“You don’t know my father. What he’s like…”
“So tell me.” I grabbed his arm and squeezed it with both hands. “Make me understand. Because right now, I really don’t.”
The sun was setting over the horizon now, casting shimmering splashes of orange and pink across the waters. It would have been romantic—the perfect place for a first kiss, in other circumstances. I looked at Sebastian’s lips, then blushed and turned away. I took a few steps back and sat on the ledge of an intact window in one of the remaining sections of the wall.
“The merrow have always been ruled by the royal family,” Sebastian said finally. “They are the direct descendants of Poseidon.”
“The god?” I asked.
“The humans thought so. But he was probably just a very powerful merrow, one who united our race and made the first laws. For some time now, humanity’s ambition has been out of control. Entire species have gone extinct. My father, who is head of one of most ancient bloodlines, thought it was time to stop hiding. We were letting humans destroy the world, and us with it. The king disagreed; we’d had war with the humans before, you see. Thousands of years ago, there was a technologically advanced nation, Atlantis. We were allies at first. But their greed was insatiable. We’d shared some of our secrets, and they were using the technology dangerously. We tried to reason with them, to teach them self-control, but their thirst for power was too great. So the merrow built a weapon so powerful it destroyed the entire continent.”
My head was spinning. Atlantis was real?
“My father thinks we should do it again. Use the weapon, destroy the humans before they destroy us. But the king, he’s older. He was there, he saw the destruction first hand, and he swore never to do it again.”
“My father forced a vote, and most of the council sided with my father, but the king still refused. That’s when the royal family disappeared. Nobody knows where they went or what happened to them. Some say they left to take the temptation away from my father. Only the royal family knew where the weapon was, or how to operate it. With them gone, my father couldn’t really carry out his plans.”
Sebastian leaned his back against the wall. It was getting dark, and I wondered if they’d lock the gates while we were still inside. But I was riveted by Sebastian’s story.
“Once the royal family was gone,” he continued, “my father got more outspoken. He gave these polemic, hate-filled speeches about how merrow were on the brink of extinction. He said humans were a deviation from our own glorious race: we are stronger, faster, and live longer than anything else on this planet. We shouldn’t have to hide at the bottom of the ocean. He started putting troops together, training warriors—something we hadn’t done for thousands of years. When I was old enough, I started training as well. Some of it was fun. I felt like I was part of something, something important. Part of me even believed the stories, about how the humans had butchered merrow, forced us to breed, harvested our blood for power. And my dad was right; the humans were destroying the oceans, anyone could see that. Near any town, anywhere on the earth, the water is full of toxins and garbage.”
“I passed through my training, and my squad took me out. Ajax was one of them. Our first mission. It was a final test, they said. A show of loyalty. And it was simple. Find a human child, and sacrifice him to the ocean.”
The wind was picking up and I shivered. The sky had darkened and Sebastian’s face was in shadow. I could barely breathe, waiting to hear what came next.
“I refused,” Sebastian said. “Instead I went straight to my father and told him all about it. I thought he’d be outraged, or put a stop to it. I was young, and naïve. He laughed at me, and said he’d started the custom. He said a war was coming, and he needed his soldiers to be tough. Loyalty can’t be tested with something easy, he said. It must be something hard, something horrible. He said he had big plans for me—he wanted me to become a commander and lead his warriors into battle. But first, he needed to know he could trust me. He told me not to bother coming home again until I’d killed my first human.”
“So I went up on land—a beach in Florida. It was crowded with tourists. I watched the children running around, laughing and playing in the sand, building sand castles, burying each other. Many of their parents were sitting far away, hardly even watching, reading books or playing on their cell phones. It would have been so easy. I didn’t realize how much power we had over humans, the way they responded to us. I chatted with a few of the mothers. The
y smiled and giggled and fanned themselves. I could feel their lust for me. I talked to some of the children, and they were implicitly trustful, wide-eyed and innocent. One day I made friends with a young woman, a single mother with a young daughter. We played games and laughed. Soon I was giving the daughter swim lessons. All I had to do was let go, and leave the ocean to deal with her.”
I covered my hand with my mouth.
“But I couldn’t do it,” Sebastian said bitterly. He sounded almost regretful to have failed his father. I exhaled suddenly and wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my shoulders.
“I got the girl back to the shore and ran. I stayed on land as much as I could. I went to Greenland for several years. Learned more about the humans. Made friends. And this is what I learned: my father was wrong. The humans didn’t all deserve to die. They weren’t all evil. They needed to be educated, not annihilated. We could reveal ourselves. Live together peacefully. It doesn’t have to be a war.”
“But it’s too late now,” I said. “The merrow will go to war, with or without you. And if you don’t return to your father in three moons, they’ll kill everyone in Portballintrae—Aedan, Patricia, Jackie… everyone. So what choice do you have?”
“And if I go back, they’ll either condemn me as a traitor, or expect me to fight. To help the merrow wipe out the humans. I never thought he’d go this far, but there is nobody left to stop him. Now you can see why I didn’t tell you earlier,” Sebastian said, hanging his head. “I didn’t want you to look at me the way you’re looking at me now. With disappointment.”
Actually, I was thinking I’d been too hard on him. The kids at the bonfire died because Sebastian was shirking his responsibilities, hiding from father. But what else could he have done? At least he wasn’t a cold-blooded killer. I stepped closer to him and took his hands in mine.
“You did what you thought was right,” I said. “You’re not responsible for your whole race, or your father’s actions.”
“So where does that leave us?” he said, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Hope I would have to disappoint.
“You ask that as if we have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“If you don’t go back, more people will die. Because of us. I couldn’t live with that. And if you stay, you’re still in danger.”
“We could run.”
“Run where? For how long? And what would we do—sip cocktails on a beach somewhere watching the collapse of civilization? I don’t want to be with someone who runs away from their problems, who isn’t willing to stand and fight.”
“I am willing,” Sebastian said quickly. “I will stand, and fight against my own kind, if that’s what you want.”
Is that what I wanted? Then we’d both be dead. The thought of Sebastian being killed by his own kind, fighting a hopeless battle, because I told him to made my heart feel like I’d taken it out and stepped on it. More than anything, I wanted Sebastian to live. Even if I couldn’t see a future where we could be together. Maybe letting him go was the only way to protect him.
“So what do we do?” Sebastian prompted again.
“We do what we need to do,” I said slowly. “I need to stay… and you need to go.”
Sebastian turned his head towards the sea, but not before I glimpsed the pained expression on his face. I wanted to comfort him so badly it felt like my heart was breaking, but I resisted. The moon was rising and a handful of sparkling stars peeked out from behind dark gray clouds.
“You know, there’s a legend out this castle,” Sebastian said, turning back to me. “A love story. Lucy and Allen had an arranged marriage, but Lucy fell in love with another man, a dashing youth named Robert. Allan was so crushed, he hung himself. From that rafter.” Sebastian said, pointing to the remains of a jagged beam of wood jutting out of the stone wall.
“Lucy was so ridden with guilt, she lost her mind. She locked herself in this room and stopped eating. Robert was called to comfort her, but in her grief, she no longer recognized him. The more Robert insisted he was her true love, the more she refused him. Eventually, to prove her love for Robert, who was just outside the door waiting for her, she threw herself out this window.”
Sebastian paused for dramatic effect, gesturing towards the crumbling remains of the tower window. I looked again at the near vertical drop and the jagged rocks far below, and shuddered.
“According to the stories, some people over the years have seen a woman in white, haunting the castle and the nearby cliffs, never finding peace. Blinded by her grief, she couldn’t recognize what she really wanted, even though it was right in front of her.”
He paused and let that sink in. It wasn’t difficult to get the point.
“I just wanted you to know, I’m not asking you to change or become anything. I see you. And that’s enough for me. I know there are a million reasons we can’t be together, and you’re right, it’s selfish to pretend they don’t exist. But if it were my decision, I’d put us first and let the world burn.”
***
Sebastian dropped me off at the cemetery at dusk. School was having a bigger memorial for all the students, but I felt I should go to Travis’s myself. I didn’t know why. We weren’t exactly close, but his death impacted me the most. Maybe because I’d been annoyed at his eagerness, or because he seemed so innocent and friendly. Maybe I felt guilty. Attending his funeral was the least I could do.
Sebastian offered to join me, but I could tell he’d rather not go. It seemed disrespectful, to show up and mourn when it was his own kind that put Travis in the ground. I was glad to be alone as I walked through the cemetery. Before the bonfire, I’d been trying to embrace my merrow heritage, but now I was horrified. Is that who we were—bloodthirsty warriors? Travis’s broken body in his penguin costume was seared into my memory. His death just seemed so pointless. So tragic. Those kids weren’t soldiers. They weren’t the heads of the corporations polluting the oceans. They were just teenagers at a Halloween party. They had their whole lives ahead of them. After hearing Sebastian’s story, I couldn’t blame him for running away. What choice did he have—kill that little girl and earn a place by his father’s side? Then where would we be? He could have been one of those merrow on the beach. Instead he was sensitive, kind, generous and loyal.
And wasn’t I just as responsible? I knew that merrow existed, and that they were dangerous. Ethan and Sebastian had both told me as much. Plus I was one of them, at least partially. I couldn’t put all of the blame on Sebastian.
I spotted a group of people standing around a dark coffin and joined them quietly. Father Murphy was standing behind a wooden podium next to a large picture of Travis, set on an easel. He gave me a tight smile. There were a few other kids from school, but they looked younger than me. I tried to identify Travis’s parents among the adults, but there were several that shared his features. He must have had a lot of relatives. Almost everyone was wearing a suit or dress; I felt conspicuously casual in my black sweater and jeans. Father Murphy’s black cassock stood out like a dark pillar against the light gray gravestones surrounding us. A pair of standing funeral sprays of yellow roses and white gardenia added a splash of color to the otherwise grim scene. Their sickly sweet scent turned my stomach.
Father Murphy started the eulogy, but I quickly tuned him out. I couldn’t focus, then I felt bad for not listening. But my mind kept rehashing the same problems, making lists, looking for a way out. Sebastian couldn’t stay here on land with me. His people would keep coming back for him; and somebody else was hunting merrow on land. He wasn’t safe anywhere, but if he stayed here he’d bring more pain and death. He had to leave. And I couldn’t go with him, even if I wanted to. I’d gotten over my fear of the shallow water but still couldn’t handle the deep. Besides, I wasn’t about to let humanity get wiped out. The only solution seemed to be finding the legendary weapons of the Tuatha Dé, if they even existed.
I barely registered that Father Murphy had stopped speaking. Now every
body was singing something, but I didn’t know the words. At first I tried to mouth along, pretending to sing, but that felt stupid. Instead I got the tune and started humming. I felt my frustration and anger for this senseless death spread like black tendrils through the music. Several women—and two men—started sobbing. Even if I was just humming, it still felt like a relief, like I was letting go of all this pent-up emotion, draining it into the people around me.
I didn’t notice the man standing next to me until he pulled out a bright pink handkerchief and handed it to one of the women close to us. He looked familiar. Older than me, but not by much. His suit was high quality and finely pressed. The shine on his shoes was immaculate, despite the soft soil and grass of the cemetery.
“It’s kind of silly to be making a big deal of this,” he said quietly, so that only I could hear him.
I spun to face him, my eyes wide and my mouth open. That’s when I recognized him—the guy Derry was dating. The guy who hit him. He was even more handsome in person, with dark hair and high cheekbones.
“What are you even doing here?” I hissed, looking around for Derry.
“I never miss an opportunity to put on a fine suit,” he smirked.
“Show some respect,” I said angrily. “People died.”
“A few dead kids? This is nothing. It wasn’t even a skirmish. I could kill everyone at this funeral with one hand behind my back. But I’m lover, not a fighter.”
At that moment, I realized two things. Firstly, that Trevor was a merrow. Secondly, I knew with a certainty, deep in my gut, that Trevor was responsible for Bedelia and the other dead girls. He’d courted them, and murdered them. Not for a race war, and not to save his species, but simply out of some kind of perverse, demented pleasure. And now he’d set his sights on Derry. Which meant, the police might soon find Derry’s lifeless body, laid out on a beach somewhere, surrounded with a crown of flowers. Unless somebody stopped him.