by D. S. Murphy
“But he was murdered! Didn’t you want to find out who killed him, and why?”
“There are many people who don’t like our kind, who are afraid of what we can do. Giving reporters a reason dig around in our affairs is not encouraged.”
I could see the headlines in my mind, young witch murdered.
“The truth is, I don’t know what really happened that night, and I don’t know why your mother fled.”
Just then the front door opened and Colin poked his head into the house. “That’s enough history,” he called. “It’s my turn. Let’s go before we lose the light.” I got up to follow him outside, but Morgan gripped my arm and held it tightly.
“My grandson seems to have taken an interest in you, but I can’t allow him to throw his destiny away or be tempted by the likes of you. Too much is at stake.”
“The likes of me?” I asked.
“You’re merrow, like your mother. I can smell it on you. But then, maybe it’s because I knew your grandmother so well. We were… friends, in a sort of way. She made me promise to protect her daughter. I didn’t expect her daughter to start dating my son. Of course that caused problems. I convinced my husband not to tell the other families a merrow was living among us. When the truth came out, he was disgraced. Not many alive today have ever seen a true, full-blooded merrow. Ethan has never seen one, so he doesn’t recognize you for what you are. But it would be better if you tell him yourself. And soon… or I will.”
***
My heart was pounding as I walked outside. Why would Morgan tell me so much about the Tuatha Dé if she knew what I was? And why didn’t she attack me? At least I knew that Ethan hadn’t told her about Sebastian…yet. Ethan made me cover my eyes with my hands and led me around the side of the house, guiding me by the elbow. After a short walk he told me to open my eyes. We were standing next to an old wooden barn. Two horses were saddled next to it and Ethan was holding the reins.
“I thought you said an ordinary date,” I said. “A human date. I was expecting coffee. Maybe dinner and a movie. But horses?”
Ethan gave me a lopsided grin. “Can’t a guy try to impress a girl?”
“Whose are these, anyway?”
“Our neighbors, but we take care of them all the time. This one is Nancy,” he said, pointing to a white horse with brown patches. “That one is Buttercup.” I laughed as Buttercup nuzzled my shoulder; his coat was yellow-gold and he had a white marking on his forehead.
“He’s just looking for sugar cubes,” Ethan said. “Sometimes I keep them in my jacket pocket.”
Ethan helped me onto my saddle and we started out slowly, following a path through the trees. I’d done a little riding in summer camp in the states, but I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing. Ethan and Nancy took the lead and Buttercup followed along behind them. I held the reins loosely, trusting the horse to know the way.
The narrow path climbed through a rocky slip between two large boulders, then dipped into a narrow canyon between two cliff faces. The grass was bright green and there were standing stones here, like at Beaghmore, but more haphazard. It was less of a circle and more of a loose gathering of megaliths.
The energy was palpable and I felt the hair on my arms stand on end, charged with static electricity. Inside the canyon it was eerily quiet, broken only by the soft trickling of invisible streams dripping down the canyon walls and the sporadic bird call. Trees rose from the top of the cliffs, making a canopy overhead that made the light fall in speckled patterns.
“What is this place?” I asked.
“Temhair falach. The first seat of kings. The original meeting place of the Tuatha Dé. Where the first covenants were signed, and the revolution against the merrow was planned. Here the twelve families came together and plotted war, led by Lugh and Nuadha. This location was a prized secret. Later there was also a public, conspicuous Temhair the king ruled from, but all the real business was done here, far away from public eye, a site no enemies could discover.”
We rode through the canyon until the ground narrowed again, and the path appeared before us in a crack between the steep walls. The trail curved several times as it wound uphill, then came out on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. The view was so beautiful it took my breath away.
Ethan hopped off his horse, then reached up and helped me dismount, catching me by the arms as I fell off Buttercup awkwardly. Not far away a yellow blanket had been spread out with a picnic basket.
“Look what we have here,” Ethan said, pulling out some bread and cheese, then a couple of paper plates.
“You planted all of this? Does this usually work on girls?” I asked, sitting next to him.
“Every single time. Actually, we should hurry,” he said, checking his watch. “I’m bringing another date up here in an hour.”
I punched him on the shoulder and made sandwhiches, then watched the sun go down over the ocean, until just a sliver of light was left. As I watched the fading light illuminate the purple and pink clouds, I allowed myself to enjoy the moment. I’d never been treated this way before. Wooed. It was nice. And the truth was, I liked being with Ethan. He was fun to be around, and he made me laugh. It was nice to pretend I was just an ordinary girl on a normal date.
I was so distracted by my thoughts, I didn’t see Ethan lean in until his lips were on mine. I didn’t pull away, not at first. His breath was hot and salty, and I could feel his heart racing. I realized Sebastian’s never does that. It’s always steady, smooth, like a lighthouse beacon. Then I was imagining what it would feel like to kiss Sebastian, and that’s when I realized how wrong this was.
I pushed Ethan away gently. He was everything I wanted, but could never have. The normal life was as much a fantasy as swimming off into the sunset with Sebastian. It might be safe, and practical. It might be perfect. But it wasn’t what I wanted. It was what I wanted to want, but didn’t.
“It’s Sebastian, isn’t it?” Ethan frowned. “You’ll never be happy with him. You’ll never know whether or not it’s real.”
I realized I was putting Ethan in the same position. He still thought I was just a girl. A human girl. He wouldn’t feel the same way about me when he learned the truth. He’d always be questioning his attraction to me.
“I like you, Ethan. If I could choose, maybe I’d choose you. I’d love to be normal, and live in a little cottage, and grow old with someone. But I can’t help the way I feel about Sebastian… or what I am.”
“Wait, what? How are you not normal?” he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.
“My grandmother, Phyllis. The men in town say she was uncannily beautiful. That her voice was mesmerizing. Aedan found her washed up on the beach.”
“No,” Ethan said, his eyes widening. “It can’t be.”
“My mother Branna, she started going through changes when she was sixteen, just like I did.”
“What are you saying,” Ethan said slowly, his muscles tense.
“If Sebastian is a monster, if I can’t be sure of my feelings around him… then I’m a monster too. I’m part merrow. I never knew until recently, I never knew anything.”
Ethan buried his face in his hands. He looked like he was going to be sick.
“So you see, the feelings you have for me; they may not be real either.”
Ethan clenched his fists and I thought I smelled smoke. For a moment, I was afraid.
“I don’t believe it. Maybe it’s just something he told you. You have to be human. I’d know if you weren’t.”
“But I’m not. Not totally.”
“How do you know? I mean, for sure?”
I didn’t have any merrow superpowers like Sebastian. I could sometimes control salt water, but rarely on purpose. I could move a little faster than normal, but not at the supernatural speed I’d seen other merrow use.
“I know,” I said finally, “because Aedan told me. I swear it’s the truth.”
“You let me enjoy this whole stupid date, thinking I had a chance. For what?
Just to learn more about the Tuatha Dé? Trying to probe our defenses before your people attack? That’s pretty twisted.”
“It’s not like that,” I said, putting my hand on his. “I’m not with the merrow. I really am trying to stop them. And I do like you. I like spending time with you. Just… not in that way.”
He pulled his hand out of my grasp and stood up, scowling.
“Stay away from me. Don’t ever talk to me again.”
33
I’d ruined everything. I should have kept my secret longer, to pump Ethan for information. He was the only one in the Tuatha Dé who was at least on speaking terms with me. Now, as far as I knew, he was my mortal enemy.
When I asked for a ride back to Portballintrae, he said why don’t you swim home? It took me two hours to walk to Aedan’s. A misty drizzle made my clothes damp and soon I was shivering in the cool evening air. I’d lost Ethan without learning anything new, and after my run-in with Morgan, now I was sure the Tuatha Dé knew exactly who I was. Even if Ethan didn’t come after me personally, someone in the Tuatha Dé probably would—my blood was just too valuable for them to miss. Ethan’s silence had been the only thing protecting Sebastian, but after his reaction to me, I didn’t know if our deal was still on. What if he told his family, and they went after him? Or what if Ethan tried to take out Sebastian by himself, the way he’d planned to earlier? I dialed his number to warn him, but he didn’t pick up. I was secretly hoping he’d come drive me home, but after three missed calls I left a message.
“Sebastian,” I said, trying to keep my teeth from chattering, “I don’t know if Ethan will keep your secret anymore. If he doesn’t, they might come after you. You’re not safe. Be careful.”
I thought about calling Aiden, but his leg was still pretty weak and I didn’t want him driving. And Jackie or Patricia would ask too many questions. So I walked.
When I finally got home, my legs were rubber. I filled the tub with warm water and bath salts, and made myself a cup of hot tea with ginger and lemon. Then I dove under my blankets. Miscreant surprised me by jumping up on the bed with me. He’d never been very friendly, but now he purred as I ran my fingers through his thick gray hair. I tried to keep my eyes open, hoping to get a response from Sebastian, but I finally gave up and let myself fall asleep.
The light was still dim when I woke up the next morning. I stumbled over to my typewriter. My brain was in a fog when I got home yesterday, but it was clear now, and the clarity made me anxious. There was so much to do. First I chronicled, on my invisible diary, everything that had happened in the last few days. I hadn’t been ready to process it all, but now it came out in a torrent of words. Ethan hitting on me at the bonfire, the attack, the police station, Sebastian telling me why he ran away, my run in with Trevor…
Trevor. I realized suddenly I hadn’t told anyone about Trevor yet. I was the only one who knew the identity of Bedelia’s killer. If I told Ethan that he was a merrow, maybe he’d still honor our deal and keep quiet about Sebastian. I wanted to kick myself for not doing it sooner. I hoped it wasn’t too late—Ethan was hot-headed, he could have gone after Sebastian or told his family immediately. I texted Sebastian, even though it was early in the morning.
Need to talk. See you at school?
Then I made a to-do list.
1. Tell Ethan and Sebastian about Trevor.
2. Tell friends about the merrow.
3. Find a way to stop the apocalypse.
My list was stupid, and I knew it. But it was better than having no plan at all. I didn’t want to think about what the Tuatha Dé would do to Trevor, but he needed to be stopped. I had to tell someone, and they were the only ones who would believe me and understand. Unfortunately it didn’t really solve anything: Ethan would still hate me, and Sebastian still had to leave. Which left me isolated and alone. When I moved to Ireland, Jackie, Patricia and Derry had been my support group. I missed being able to talk to them. And if the world was ending, I needed allies. Keeping secrets from them had been killing me, especially since the bonfire, when they knew something weird was going on and that I was hiding things from them. I didn’t have to tell them about Ethan or Sebastian—those weren’t my secrets to tell—and I didn’t even have to tell them that I was part merrow. But I could tell them something.
I felt marginally better with this decision, even though I was pretty sure, without Ethan’s help, a group of ordinary high school kids probably had no chance of stopping a merrow invasion. But still, four heads were better than one.
I put on my school uniform and applied some makeup. I didn’t need it, since my skin looked flawless already, but today I wanted to look confident and powerful. I added dark mascara, eyeliner and eye shadow, then some dark red lipstick. It was a touch glamor and a touch Goth, but I hope it said don’t mess with me. My first day of school, I’d been worried about my appearance. I’d wanted to cover up. But now, with the uniform showing off my legs, I almost made it look as good as Patricia.
I opened my desk drawer looking for an accessory, and my fingers trailed over the mementos I’d gathered since my parent’s death. The red ribbon of my last performance, Bedelia’s blue ribbon, and the strand of pearls Sebastian had given me. And then there was Travis’s flowers. I’d almost thrown them out at school, but they were pretty—small purple and yellow wildflowers. I wondered if he’d picked them himself. I brought them home and left them on my windowsill to dry them. Now they were dead. Like him.
I took three of the long stems and wove them into a braid, then tied it around my wrist like a friendship bracelet and added the rest of my collection. It looked silly, but I didn’t care. I was done caring about what people thought of me. There was too much at stake, and too much had already been lost.
My first step was to get the photograph of Trevor from Derry, so I could show it to Ethan and Sebastian. I knocked on his door an hour before the bus. Liam answered. His face blanched when he saw me, like he’d seen a ghost, but then he blinked a few times and held the door open wider.
“Clara, hi—come on in, I almost didn’t recognize you with all of this.” He gestured to my face.
“Sorry to show up so early, I just needed a word with Derry.”
“He’s upstairs in his room, let me just see if he’s up. You want some breakfast?”
My stomach growled in response and he laughed.
“Just come next door to the pub when you’re finished talking.”
Derry came downstairs a few minutes later.
“Well this is unexpected,” he said when he saw me waiting.
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to you.”
“You might want to stop at Jackie’s next. She thinks you’ve been avoiding her. I told her to give you time, we all handle grief in different ways.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t here to talk about the bonfire.
“I plan to talk with her and Jackie today at school. I’m sorry if I’ve been… distant. I went to Travis’s funeral two days ago. I think I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I’m a planner. I like to identify problems and fix them.”
“But you can’t fix this,” Derry said.
My chest tightened. Derry’s statement was a simple truth that I’d been avoiding. Seven dead kids, not including Bedelia. And my parents—gone forever. Not coming back. Unfixable. Derry’s eyes softened and he pulled me into a hug.
“None of this is your fault, Clara. It’s not your responsibility.”
Was I trying to control the uncontrollable? Should I just give up? I pulled away and got control of my emotions before the tears started spilling.
“Maybe it’s not my fault, but that doesn’t mean nothing can be done. Those killers are still out there. And I think I know who one of them is.”
Derry’s eyes widened in surprise, but then narrowed again.
“And you came to me first? Why not go to the police?”
“I don’t know where he is, or where he’s staying. But you have a picture of him on yo
ur phone.”
It took a second for my meaning to sink in.
“No way. That’s impossible. Trevor would never—”
“What. Hurt people? But he’s already hurt you, right? What if he’s planning to do to you what he did to those other girls? What if you’re his next target? I can’t let that happen.”
“Where are you getting this from anyway, you don’t even know him!”
“He was also at Trevor’s funeral. He basically admitted it. And then he punched me. Ask around at school, I’m sure people are talking about it. A dozen people saw, including Father Murphy. Look, all I need is that picture.”
“What are you going to do with it?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I lied. “Not right away. I mean, if he’s innocent, if he didn’t kill Bedelia and the other girls, then there’s no need to worry. But if he did, he needs to be stopped. Maybe he knows the guys who attacked the bonfire. You and I didn’t go to the police earlier, like Jackie wanted us to, and look where it’s gotten us.”
“You’re saying this is my fault?”
“Of course not. I’m just saying we need to stop waiting for bad things to happen to the people we care about. I’m saying we need to do everything we can to keep each other safe. You’re one of my best friends here, and I think you might be dating a serial killer. What would you do in my situation?”
Derry looked like he was going to argue, but then his shoulders sagged. “Fine,” he said, reaching into his pocket for his phone, “but just the picture.” I got a notification on my phone that he’d sent it to me.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Derry said. “Let the police handle it.”
“Do you have his phone number? Or know where he’s staying?”
“He’s changed hotels twice since I met him,” Derry said, shaking his head. “He calls me from the lobby when he’s in town, but I think he travels a lot.”
“Next time he calls,” I said, “don’t meet with him. Promise me.”