Light Bearing

by Ben Woollard

  “Looks like that wound’s not doing too well,” Theo said, looking at the bloody rags were still wrapped around my shoulder.

  “It’s nothing serious.”

  “You should let me take a look at it. I’ve got some herbs in the cellar that should be able to help prevent infection.” I told him I would be happy to have him do what he could, and for a minute we all sat silently.

  “Listen, I wanted to thank you two for helping me. I know I don’t deserve it after everything I’ve been, and done.”

  “Don’t say that,” Sam said. “You’ve been given a chance to make things right. You’re life can finally begin.”

  “I don’t know. It’s hard for me to look at it that way.”

  “Well that’s how it is,” Sam said matter of factly. “We’re all being lead, Franz, it’s just some of us take longer to figure out where we’re heading.” He stared out the small window as if looking at something far off over the horizon. “Everything has changed now, the past week may as well’ve been decades. I see things clearer now than I have before, and the path ahead is opened despite the blood it took for me to see it. Theo,” he said, turning away from me, “do we know anyone in Linhof who might be involved in UCG resistance?”

  ***

  The next day Sam took me to speak to someone by the name of Sheldon Matthers, a settler he knew who him and Theo thought might have some connections to the resistance that had been forming against the UCG. We walked down the road to where his homestead was. I felt a bit nervous about the possibility of UCG troops looking for us, but Theo had given me some of his clothes to wear, and I hoped that it would be enough to keep me disguised. He had also bandaged my shoulder with some of the herbs that were stored in their cellar, and my arm now hung in a new sling.

  When we arrived at the homestead where Matthers lived, an old woman answered the door and told us that he was down at a place called the barhouse, so we kept moving down the road until we came to a long commons building filled with people drinking, eating and talking loudly to one another as they warmed themselves in the place’s atmosphere. Sam looked around and we headed towards a table in the corner where a young man sat drinking by himself.

  “Sam! What’s going on, man?” he asked as we approached.

  “Not too much Sheldon, how’re you?”

  “Nothing much to complain about, who’s your friend?”

  “This is Franz Thompson. Franz, Sheldon Matthers. Mind if we sit down?”

  “Not at all, I was just hoping some company might show up, it’s been pretty slow round here today.” We sat down at the table with him and he offered to get us each a drink, which we both declined.

  “Sheldon, I’m wondering if you might know anything about the rumors that’ve been going around lately. People say you might be involved with a counterforce against the UCG.” Sheldon’s gave us a serious look, losing all his careless affability. He grew grave and looked around the room before leaning in and whispering to us.

  “That depends on why and what you want to know there, Sam.” He looked at me suspiciously as he said this. “That’s not the sort of thing you bring up in casual conversation, if you know what I mean.”

  “I know what you mean, and I’m not trying to be casual. We all know the UCG’s corrupt, but there’s more to it. Franz here used to be part of them.” I nodded hesitantly to confirm this, noticing the way Sheldon’s eyes glared at me, anything resembling trust now completely gone from them.

  “And why shouldn’t I get up and leave this conversation right now?” Sheldon asked. “If you’re so quick to admit that to me, I can only assume you’re desperate to gain my trust.”

  “Look,” I said, trying to defend myself. “I was as close as you can get to Shilk, I know everything about how things are run there. He holds all the power, everything goes through him. They’ve got entire systems set up to make him seem as if he’s a god, and everyone buys into it. They see him as some kind of benevolent father leading civilization back from the abyss into a golden age. But it’s all bullshit. Shilk is using slave labor to provide resources to fuel the UCG, and everyone inside the city is beginning to pick up on it. And there’s more: Shilk himself is just a puppet.”

  “A puppet of who?” Sheldon asked, his tone still mistrusting. I glanced at Sam, who nodded at me to continue.

  “They’ve got the Singular’s Device.”

  “You mean it’s real?”

  “Yes. I’ve seen it myself. I’ve had it used on me. Something changed with it once the Singulars collapsed, though. It doesn’t unify people anymore, it connects them to something else, some kind of personality of being that lives in the void created when whatever the Singulars were building failed. That’s what has control over Shilk now, although in a sense their goals were always more or less the same.” Sheldon looked skeptical, and for a moment I wasn’t sure that he had believed me.

  “And this... thing they connected you to, if you are telling the truth, it… what? Just lives inside your head?”

  “It’s more like it has access to you, but in a sense that’s right.”

  “You know that sounds insane, right?”

  “I can vouch for him, Sheldon.” Sam said. “I know the kind of things The Device can do; I saw the Singulars use it on people, and I saw what happened when what they were trying to accomplish all collapsed. So did Theo. It’s not a lie, I promise you.”

  “And if you are telling the truth,” Sheldon said after considering it for a moment, “how do I know that it’s not still in there, listening to everything I say?”

  “Sam got it out of me.”

  “Really? Is that true, Sam?”

  “It is. I don’t know how, Sheldon, honestly, but I know I could do it again. You just have to trust me. Listen, Franz here knows where The Device is, he knows everything about how the UCG operates. We’ve talked it over, and I’m sure that if we can get to The Device, I’ll be able to disconnect whatever force it’s plugging people into.”

  “You know that for sure?”

  “W-well... no, not exactly.”

  “Then what makes you think it’s even possible?”

  “It’s a feeling I’ve got. We only need your help to get into the city and to The Device. If I’m right, and we can sever the connection Shilk has with whatever comes through it, then everything in the UCG get’s crippled, if I’m wrong, then at the very least we can destroy The Device and keep it from connecting anyone else.” Sheldon crossed his arms, frowning.

  “This connection, whatever it is, that you’re talking about, that The Device gives to people, could it be used by us?”

  “No chance.” I said, horrified by the idea. “What it connects you to doesn’t care about any of us; it has its own agenda. Everything the UCG is doing might seem from the outside like it has an ultimate purpose for security, or solidarity, or whatever, but I promise you anything led by that creature in Shilk’s head only wants more suffering. I saw it, man. It lived inside of me, tried to tear me apart when I left. I felt everything it felt, and I’m telling you: it wants to see us suffer, it wants us to kill and enslave each other, it enjoys those things. That’s its end. We can’t work with something like that. It has to be killed, there’s no other way.”

  “Okay, but I still don’t know how you think you’re going to be able to kill it.”

  “You just have to trust me, Sheldon,” Sam said again. “Please, we need help on this, and you and the rest of the resistance are the only ones we can come to.” Sheldon was nodding slowly now, and I hoped that what we said had made a good enough impression on him.

  “Alright,” he said. “I’ll talk it over with some of the people I know, and I’ll see what can be done. Meet me tomorrow night at my ‘stead, it’d be better if we didn’t discuss these things in public.” We shook hands with him, and he got up to leave.

  “You think they’ll help us?” I asked as we walked back along the road.

  “I think so. As far as I know the resistance hasn’t d
one much except initiate a few skirmishes with Gov patrols, but they must be looking for something bigger. Things are starting to pass a point of no return, and if things are gonna change, they have to change soon, otherwise we’ll all be buried. Like you said, it wants to see us die and suffer. We have to stop it, Franz, nothing else matters.”

  “I know,” I said, “but do you really think that you can stop something like that? How would you even go about trying?” Sam stared off into the tree line like he was looking for something among the tangled evergreens and bare branches of the thicket.

  “I just know that I can. I don’t know how I know, but I do, the same way I knew how to cut it out of you. Something in me tells me that’s what I have to do, and when I’m there I’ll know how.” We walked along snow piled up along the roadside, filling up the ditches. Above us the clouds moved, forming and reforming as we went.

  ***

  We went to Sheldon’s homestead the next night, and when we knocked he came out right away.

  “I’ve been waiting for you two,” he said, and led us, a lantern held in his hand, into a shed behind the main house of the property. We went into the building, Sheldon hung the lantern on a hook, and we sat on small benches in the dusty room. “The rest of my family doesn’t like me talking about these kinds of things, you understand.” Sheldon rolled and lit a cigarette, puffing on it, contemplating for a minute before speaking.

  “I’ve talked to the others,” he said. “They’re skeptical, but they’re willing to hear you out. I told ‘em everything you told me, and they say that if your sure you know where The Device is, then they’re willing to help you, but they’re not willing to risk themselves for a long shot, so the amount of help you get might be minimal. I’m talking a few volunteers at most. Nobodies gonna be forced to follow you two, and nobody’s all that eager to launch an attack direct on Columbia and Shilk while we’re still vastly under-armed and outnumbered.”

  “Any chance that we might be able to talk with them?” I asked.

  “Yeah, except they don’t want to meet in town. I told ‘em they should wait out in the woods while I met with you. If you want, though, I can take you to them now. I should tell you though, the group we have is small, and we haven’t done much in the way of actual resistance. The different groups are scattered, working independent. We know it’s a problem, but there’s no real way to communicate, so as it is we’re just one of many gatherings of rebels. I don’t have any qualms about admitting that, but if you think we have a chance at really hitting the Gov as hard as you say, then we’re with you.”

  “Doesn’t matter how small you are,” I said, “we need your help if we’re gonna get in there. Even if we take out Shilk it won’t be the end of the UCG, and truth be told I’m not sure if that’s what’s best for everyone. I don’t want to destroy the Gov, but rather make a better one. I want to make that clear to you and to your group: I won’t help destroy it all entirely, but Shilk has to come to an end, and the creature that lives inside him must be stopped.” Sheldon nodded.

  “I think we can agree. Our protests aren’t with the Gov itself but with their actions. All we want is to live unbothered by the pangs of hunger when all our food’s been taken to feed the people in the city, and not to be afraid at night that riders might come upon our ‘steads and tear us from our houses.”

  “Sounds like we’ve got ourselves all in agreement, then,” Sam said. “Take us to the others, Sheldon.” We got up from our wooden seats and Sheldon grabbed the lantern from where it hung on the post. We left the small shed to walk out towards the darkness of the woods that lay behind the homestead. We walked for a long time before anything appeared out of the darkness of the trees around us. The first thing I saw was a subtle glow of fire flashing through the slatted spaces, and as we got closer I began to hear laughter and the sound of voices.

  We came into the clearing where ten or fifteen people stood, mostly men, but with few women among their ranks. They were standing around enjoying each other’s company, and I couldn’t help but feel that they didn’t seem to be the types that could wage a war against the fully trained and indoctrinated soldiers that worked within the UCG. When they saw us, however, they became quiet, and there faces grew serious. I glanced at Sam and saw the same tranquil expression that always seemed to dominate his features. We came into the full light of the fire and Sheldon introduced us to the group, although he didn’t give us their names. At least they have it thought out to that degree, I thought.

  “Okay everyone,” Sheldon said, as if addressing a town council, “I’ve already told you what’s been proposed, now it’s time for us to talk it out and see what kind of action, if any, we can agree to. Does anyone have anything to say?” A woman in her early middle years stepped forward to speak.

  “I do: I still struggle in believing that someone who once belonged to the UCG would be so quick to turn on them. How do we know he’s trustworthy?” The others nodded as she said this, and I felt that this must be the main concern with all those who were gathered there that night. I stepped forward to speak out in my defense.

  “Listen to me,” I said. “I know that it might be hard to believe or understand, but I promise you I’ve just as much reason to want to see the end of the corruption that’s festering inside the UCG as you do. It’s true that I was raised within their structure, that I was taught to fear nothing more than another collapse and to see my leaders as divine, but I’ve had all that torn away from me. I’ve seen into the workings of Shilk’s mind, into the evil that’s living there. I have lost my family, my relationships, everything that ever mattered was taken by Shilk and his insanity, and I went along with all of it because I still believed. But no more! There might have been a time when I could have still believed in him, felt that he was not beyond redemption, but when I was hooked into The Device, I saw the winged form that sits, even now, behind every action that the UCG takes. Trust me when I say that no one besides Shilk has the power. The cabinet squabbles with each other and try to have some say, but they do nothing except serve as scapegoats to keep the people unaware. I know where The Device is, and Sam says that he can kill whatever it connects those who undergo it to. If we succeed, then Shilk will have lost his greatest weapon, and there will be a chance to tear him down.” Everyone around the fire was silent, until another voice spoke up.

  “But how is Sam gonna accomplish what he says? What proof is there that such a thing is even possible?” I looked at Sam, his expression still calm and placid.

  “I can’t explain to you how I know that I can do such a thing. But let Franz stand as evidence. He told you himself that he was connected to the same evil that lives inside of Shilk, and it’s from this evil I was able to free him. I won’t lie and say I understand how it is I can do these things, only tell you there are forces higher than we know, but they can be called to use when the moment’s right. I’ve seen these forces, I’ve become one with them in the lowest moments of my life, and from them I’ve been made anew, and it’s from them I’ve been given this gift: to burn away what The Device has grown inside it’s victims. I can’t prove this to you except to show you evidence of its working; Franz himself is that evidence.”

  “It’s true.” I said. “Sam found me when I was sure that I would die, bloody and starved. He cut out the creature that had been implanted in me even as it tried to take control of everything I was and make me kill him. I don’t claim to understand it, but everything that Sam has said tonight is true.” The people around the fire murmured to one another, and I felt that the tide was beginning to shift away from skepticism into more favorable opinion. Now Sheldon spoke up again, directing his words to everybody present.

  “We’ll put it to a vote. Who here’s in favor of helping how we can to accomplish what these two propose?” There was more murmuring, and then people began to put their hands up, and I saw that all but a few were in agreement that they should help. “And how many are against?” Five hands were raised. “So it’s decided.
Those who want to help will do so. The others are free to leave. We should discuss just how we plan to do this.”

  The discussions took place over the rest of the night, and well into dawn. We decided that the sooner we acted the better; the UCG might begin to suspect something. We planned that in two days we would go to the outskirts and sneak into the city under darkness. Laying down to sleep the next afternoon, I stared up at the oaken ceiling and thought back to everything that had happened in the year, and it all seemed a whirlwind the meaning of which was forever elusive to me.

  Chapter 13

  The city was glinting subtle in the distance from where we crouched behind rubble on the hills atop the outskirts. Everything around us was dark and we could hear the hum of generators coming off the buildings further in. The first concern was getting into the city, and after that things would only get more difficult. We had Sheldon and the others with us, ten in total, everyone armed with blunt weapons, knives, whatever the settlers had on hand that would give us some kind of fighting chance if we were discovered. The barricades were larger than when I’d left, but still there were gaps between them, and we watched to see what the best opportunity might be.

  We’d been keeping track of the patrols and when the opportunity presented itself the first group, three of our total six, including me and Franz, dashed out from where we were hidden and ran until we could hide in the buildings on the other side of the no man’s land. It took another half hour before the rest could make it over safely, and we continued through the darkened streets in groups of five, doing our best to watch each other’s backs. We almost ran headlong into a Gov patrol, but managed to duck into an alley last second, allowing it to pass us. Franz led the way, though it seemed he was struggling to find his way in the dark.

  Tensions were high for all of us, and despite the confidence I had in what I was meant to do, I still felt anxiety pricking at the insides of me. We ran through the gloom of Columbia, all the lights of the homes we passed were off, everybody probably cowering inside in fear. No one walked the streets except patrols, and we darted between alleyways in avoidance of them. Despite our best attempts, we ran headlong into one. Luckily we caught them by surprise and knocked them down with clubs and pipes and drug them into an alley and hid them behind a trash pile in hopes they wouldn’t be found.