by Jess Bryant
“Yeah, Riley, hey, can we get the four-wheeler out?” Robbie’s voice came back a second later. “I want to make tracks in the snow.”
Calling him Dad was definitely a big deal for Jenny’s oldest son however. He refused to consider Riley anything more than a temporary figure in his life and he couldn’t blame the kid. After what his father had put them through, he wasn’t overjoyed with the idea of getting another one. In fact, he’d told him flat out that he didn’t want a father because they always hurt his mom and his brother and hearing the fear and pain in that statement had broken Riley’s heart.
He loved Robbie too. Loved him enough to give him time to come around to his presence in his life. Hoped that with time the boy would realize he wasn’t going anywhere and accept him. Maybe even someday he too would call him Dad.
In the meantime, he’d found that being considered a friend was good enough. Robbie talked to him now which was more than he’d done in the beginning. He let him be part of their conversations and their plans. And anything boy related, sports or ranching in particular, he immediately turned to Riley for the answers.
Still, he knew that the line between friendship and parenthood was tricky so he cleared his throat, “Maybe later. Go put your coats and boots on and we’ll see what we’re dealing with before I decide.”
“All right! We get to play in the snow!” JP yelped and the sound of footsteps echoed down the hallway as he raced back to his room.
“Slow down dude. If you break your leg we’ll have to go to the hospital and then we’ll miss Christmas at Uncle Dev’s later.” Robbie warned loud enough for them to hear as he too marched away.
Once he was sure they were out of earshot Riley snorted, “How is my brother already Uncle Dev and I don’t get Dad?”
“Oh, don’t be jealous. Devin is perfect for the cool uncle position.” Jenny rolled into his arms and smiled softly, “The boys have been calling him and Zach both Uncle for years. They’ve been around them all their lives. Not all that long ago they called you Uncle Ry. Give it time.”
He sighed because there wasn’t anything else to do. She was right of course. She was always right when it came to the boys. He liked to think that was because she had more experience at it than he did and not because she was their biological mother while he was the outsider in their new family unit. She was right and he would get better at it and the boys would see that and they would come around.
He stroked a hand over her belly protectively. He thought the newest addition to the family was going to be a big win for him too. He was giving the boys a little sister after all, which had to earn him some serious cool dad points.
Jenny had married him and taken the West name. He was working on the adoption papers for JP and as soon as it went through, he too would become a West. Robbie hadn’t agreed to anything just yet but he was holding out hope that by the time the baby joined them, they would all be Wests.
“Time is something I have plenty of considering I plan to stick around the next hundred years or so.”
Jenny smiled and kissed his cheek, “Time is something you have infinitely and preciously all at once.”
“Oh wise one…” He teased.
“Yeah and you better get up because they’re going to be back at the door in t-minus four minutes expecting you to hustle.”
Riley rolled upright with a grin, “You’re not coming outside with us?”
“Into the freezing cold? I think I’ll pass.”
He hadn’t expected her to want to run around the yard with them and he didn’t blame her. She’d been tired ever since they found out she was pregnant. And he didn’t want her outside catching a cold or something worse.
Besides, he liked his time alone with the boys. They talked to him more when Jenny let them have what she had dubbed guy time. Once a week when she worked late at the salon, they ordered in pizza, popped root beers and sat in front of the television watching whatever latest action movie Bruce Willis was blowing things up in if it was JP’s turn to choose or a baseball game if it was Robbie’s. It was bonding time and it was just that kind of thing he’d been looking forward to when he realized it had snowed earlier.
Making tracks in the snow as they raced over the land he owned. Building a snowman which inevitably became a snowball fight. Those were things that every dad did with their kids, particularly their sons, and he was looking forward to sharing these seemingly simple, memorable moments.
“Put some coffee on for me?”
“Of course.”
He strolled into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wasn’t surprised when he heard voices coming from his room before he even finished. They’d had a discussion about the bedroom being his private area with Jenny and the boys not being allowed inside without knocking and they’d been good about following the rules ever since. There may have been a close call with some sexy naked time prior but no incidents since. He could hear Jenny yelling through the door for the boys to go back to their room and put on an extra layer even though she couldn’t see them to possibly know they hadn’t bothered with their gloves or hats. Mothers intuition he figured, or just plain common sense. He’d never cared much for his own gloves or hat when it was cold outside as a boy, still didn’t. He’d make sure to grab them off the hook downstairs though just so she wouldn’t glare at him with that same look she gave Robbie and JP.
Sliding into a pair of jeans and then following it up with a t-shirt, a flannel shirt and a sweatshirt, he finally made his way back into the bedroom. He stopped short and smiled at what he found. Jenny must have told the boys they could come inside because JP was standing beside the bed, impatiently fidgeting as his mother helped him button his coat. Robbie had collapsed at the foot of the bed, his long legs swinging absentmindedly, a grin on his face as he teased his younger brother about something.
His family was absolutely perfect. Because they were beautiful. Because they made him smile and laugh. Because they filled his life with purpose, gave it meaning, and because no matter what else he did in his life, nothing would ever compare to the joy and the pride he felt knowing that Jenny called him husband and the boys called him Dad, or would, eventually as the case might be with Robbie.
“You guys ready?”
“Yep.” Robbie leapt to his feet.
“Not quite.” Jenny caught him by the back of his coat, “Give me a kiss.”
“Ahhh Mom.” He whined and groaned but exchanged a quick kiss on the cheek, his face red with embarrassment as he turned and headed for the door, “I’ll get JP’s gloves for him.”
“Thanks.” Jenny called after him while she clearly attempted to hide a smile.
Robbie was growing up and Jenny hated every second of it. He knew, not just because she told him all the time, but because he could see it in the way she still tried to baby him. He refused to hold her hand or kiss her in public, even hugs made him blush furiously. He was the cool kid and it wasn’t cool to hang out with your mom so he was slowly but surely putting more and more space between them.
But times like this, when they were all gathered together, just the four of them, it was easy to see him as the boy he still was, as the boy he should have been if only his father hadn’t been so terrible to him. Friendly and happy and easygoing. He was a good big brother, looking out for JP but never missing the chance to give him a hard time either.
JP got the brunt of Jenny’s motherly love and even now she was hugging him tight since he was the only son that would still let her. Soon enough she would have a little girl to cuddle and kiss as well. Until then, JP would have to deal with all of the heaping piles of love that his mother had to share.
“Mom, let me go now?” JP frowned, shoving his glasses up his face and attempting to squirm free.
“Never.” She pulled him in tight for a hug that made him whine as well.
“Dad! Make her stop!”
Riley chuckled as he watched the little boy attempt to wiggle free. He was still small for his age, hadn’t hi
t his growth spurt like Robbie had, and he looked even younger because of his glasses. Tucked inside his boots and heavy winter coat and with the beanie covering his head, he looked amazingly soft and huggable. He barely resisted the urge to join the melee and instead pointed to the door.
“Release the boy Jen. We have snowballs to throw at his brother.”
“Really?” JP grinned wide, darting away when his mother released him, “I can throw snowballs at Robbie?”
“Of course you can.”
“Now, hold on a second, I don’t think…” Jenny started.
“Not now woman. This is man time.” Riley crossed to her and planted a quick kiss to her lips when she started to frown at his sarcasm. When he pulled back he whispered just loud enough for her to hear, “I’ll keep an eye on them. Don’t worry so much.”
“Dad are you coming?” JP stomped behind him.
“Coming.” He nodded, leaving Jenny in bed alone with a heavy sigh, “If you’re getting up, put on something warm. The house is chilled and I don’t want you catching cold.”
She rolled her eyes, “You can go play in the snow like a ten year old but…”
“Not like a ten year old honey, with a ten year old.” He corrected which only earned him another eye roll.
“But if I get out of bed I’m supposed to bundle up?”
“You’re carrying our daughter so yes, I expect you to bundle up.” He scooped JP up under one arm as they headed for the door, “Come on, jeez kid, I’ve been waiting forever.”
“You have not! I was waiting for you!”
Riley put him down and then followed him as he raced downstairs. At the doorway, he pulled his own boots on and was pleased to note that Robbie was indeed helping his little brother put his gloves on. Robbie was a protector, like any good big brother, and he looked after his younger brother, even when he was the one picking on him. They were a team so he wasn’t surprised when he heard them whispering amongst themselves about joining forces to throw snowballs at him instead.
“Dad, you ready?”
“Yeah Dad, ya…” Robbie trailed off, his eyes going wide as if he’d only realized mid-way through the sentence what he’d done.
He’d called Riley Dad. Not by his name. But by Dad. And even though he looked surprised and embarrassed by the development, Riley couldn’t help but feel his heart thump hard in his chest. Christmas magic at its finest and the kind of gift that he’d never even thought to expect.
“I mean, Riley, are you ready?”
He nodded instead of saying anything else. They opened the door and the cold air rushed in at them. They pushed out into the great outdoors and he paused to let them take the lead. The two boys raced out into the snow, leaping off the porch and spinning in circles. He watched them for a long moment even as they tried to sneakily build snowballs. Only once he got pegged in the chest by the baseball superstar, did he shake himself out of his dreams and run after them.
This was the dream after all, the one he hadn’t even known he had all along. His beautiful wife was in their house probably making breakfast. He got to enjoy having a snowball fight with his sons. Later, they would all load up and drive down to his brother’s house and spend the day with his entire family celebrating and enjoying one another’s company.
Because Christmas truly was, the most magical time of the year.
Sneak Peek at It Had to Be You coming February 2016
Austin Evans could be pretty damn charming when he wanted to be. He’d been gifted with an ability to sweet talk that was unsurpassed. Over the years, he’d used it to charm his way out of detention and speeding tickets and girl’s right out of their panties. But he wasn’t feeling anything close to charming at the moment and he didn’t want to pretend otherwise so he was avoiding polite company.
He absolutely hated Christmas.
He knew that made him a Scrooge. He knew his friends only half-jokingly called him a Grinch and didn’t care. Anybody that knew him, really knew him, understood his black mood around the holiday and kept their distance. They let him stew in private and when the date passed and he returned to civilization he always repaid their understanding with gifts and affection.
Once the pressure in his head subsided, once the pain that made his chest ache eased, once the anger that ate at his gut lessened back to a reasonable, livable level, he’d be able to slip back into his easy smile and be the guy they expected him to be.
The charming playboy. The loveable jokester. The easy-going, take things as they come, life of the party.
He much preferred being that guy to this one. This guy wasn’t capable of smiling or laughing or pretending his life was perfect. This guy only felt alone and abandoned and angry.
Austin hated that his father could still ruin what should have been a happy, thankful holiday.
Anthony Evans had been gone more years than he’d ever been present in Austin’s life. Even when he had been around, his father had never been good for much more than grunted cynicism between beers and baseball games on the television. The fact that he’d walked out and abandoned his family when Austin was thirteen years old wasn’t even the reason his son clung to his hatred all these years later.
He knew, rationally, that they were better off without him. His mother was happier now than he’d ever seen her. It had been tough financially at first when she found herself supporting two teenagers alone with only a job cleaning houses but she’d managed. He didn’t even blame the fact his older sister had to work an after-school job and then so had he on the man. He knew they’d both benefited from the experience that taught them responsibility and kept them out of trouble.
No, the thing that he’d never been able to get past, the thing that always darkened his mood were the memories of that Christmas morning. Waking up, excited at the prospect of finding the new BMX bike his father had promised him and instead finding nothing. There had been no presents stacked neatly under the tree. No hot chocolate or warmth in the fireplace. There had only been cold and emptiness and when he’d found his mother sitting in a kitchen chair with dried tears on her face he’d known.
He’d known his father was gone. Known he hadn’t run out to buy a last minute gift or even a new six-pack of beer. He’d left them and he’d done it on Christmas day.
Even still, his anger of that fact wasn’t the worst of it. The anger still got swallowed up by the despair year after year because he’d been the one to find the note his father left. He’d wished for as long as he could remember that whatever boyish curiosity had prompted him to pull that crumpled piece of paper out of the trash had never reared its head. He wished that the note his mother had thrown out in a clear effort to try to shield him had stayed a secret. He wished a lot of things about that day but none more so than remaining ignorant of his father’s true reason for leaving.
“Arlene, I love you as much as any man can but I was never cut out to be a father. I tried. I just can’t. They’re better off without me. You all are. I’m sorry. – A.”
Austin had never felt as alone as when he read that note. When he’d learned the truth, it had felt like a slap in the face. His father hadn’t left because he stopped loving his wife. He’d left because he’d never loved his children, never wanted them. He’d tossed them aside as easily as if they were garbage.
Austin had never been wanted and it wasn’t the physical abandonment so much as the emotional that snuck up on him year after year. Every Christmas he swore he was past it. He wasn’t a little boy anymore. He didn’t need his daddy. He should have been able to move on but he couldn’t. Every single year he woke up on this day with the feeling that his life wasn’t quite as great as he’d always thought and that only left him feeling insecure and irrational and emotional.
So he spent Christmas alone.
Avoiding his family had gotten easier since his sister moved to Ft. Worth and gotten married. His mother went to visit Alice and her family for the holiday and Austin always had an excuse for why he couldn’t join
them. Sometimes he chose to work, other times he feigned illness but his family never called him on his bullshit and for that he was grateful. He saw no point in putting his bad mood on them. No point in reminding them of the man that had abandoned them all just by showing his face.
Because that was the real kicker. Austin looked exactly like the man that had never wanted him. His looks were the only decent gift his father had ever given him. From the golden blonde hair and whiskey tinted eyes to the dimpled chin and broad shoulders, Austin knew he’d pretty much hit the genetic lottery even if his father had never intended to pass along his DNA.
He caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the wall as he went to get a beer from his fridge and scowled. He needed a haircut. The ends had begun to curl around the collar of his shirt. He needed to shave. The five o’clock shadow on his jaw aged him. His eyes were dark, his smile nonexistent and the image that reminded him too much of the man he still hated left him uneasy.
Austin immediately put the beer back in the fridge. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t some sad, pathetic old man that hid from the world and drowned his sorrows in booze. He was sick of letting his past dictate this day and without a second thought at pausing to shave or changing his clothes he grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and tugged it on.
He’d take a quick ride into town. Most of the fine folks of Fate Texas were probably home with their families but somebody was bound to be looking for a good time. He’d swing past Sully’s, see if any of the guys had gathered to watch a game. If not, he’d try the Roadhouse. At the very least the rowdy bar would have somebody interested in a game of pool and if he was feeling lucky, possibly a pretty little thing that could help him forget about his bad mood for a couple of hours.
He grabbed his keys from the counter and was halfway to the door when he heard the knocking. Austin paused. He hadn’t seen headlights pull up but he’d been distracted with his pity party. Still, he wasn’t expecting anyone. His family was out of town and his friends knew better than to disturb him today of all days, especially without calling first.