by Laura Steven
You might think: But Izzy, given this set of circumstances, isn’t it preferable for a girl or woman to abstain from sexual expression? To that I say nay. Putting aside the inherent sexism of this assertion, it shouldn’t make any difference whether a girl or woman is sexually active, or even utters any expression of sexuality. The problem is in the way in which society interprets this perceived behavior. Because here’s the thing: slut-shaming is not really about women’s sexuality. It is grounded in the belief that men have the right to assert themselves, and women do not.
It’s not a new phenomenon – just ask Monica Lewinsky – but in the social-media age, it’s becoming more toxic than ever. One scroll through my Instagram feed on any given day proves this. Hordes of (usually male) users comment on young girls’ selfies and bikini shots, dubbing them whores and sluts just for showing a little flesh or wearing red lipstick (this normally follows failed attempts to hit on these girls, may I add – it’s amazing how much slut-shaming is derived from rejection-induced bitterness). Don’t these girls know nobody will ever respect them now?
As an aside, I actually really admire people who slut-shame on the internet. Usually when someone has a low IQ they try to hide it, but these guys just throw it right out there in the public domain.
Never mind that these same dudes then go and spend five dollars a week on top-shelf glamor magazines with oiled-up naked models splashed on the front cover. You can buy tits, but you can’t have tits. That would be absurd!!
In fact, I think in the manual they hand out to girls at birth, the chapter on sexuality should start with the disclaimer: “Unless an old white man can profit from your sexuality, you better hide it, because if it can’t be exploited, it will be punished.”
Our sexuality is a commodity, and thus the principles of supply and demand can be applied. If we’re sexy but untouchable, we’re in short supply. Demand goes up. And because demand goes up, the aforementioned old white man can charge more money for it. But if we give it away freely? If we actually have sex – and have the audacity to enjoy it? Supply is booming. Profit margins die. Old white men can’t make as much money, so they get out their sticks and beat us into slut-shamed submission. And the rest of society buys into it.
When you’re a young girl, your developing sexuality is a loaded weapon. You should polish it to a shine for the sake of the male gaze, but you shouldn’t seek any enjoyment from it yourself. Play with power, as long as you never claim it. Enact desire, as long as you don’t follow through.
I call bullshit.
The Friend Zone is as Real as Narnia
posted by Izzy O’Neill in Bitches Bite Back
The Friend Zone An imaginary area filled with self-professed Nice Guys who’ve been sexually rejected by women they’ve been Nice to. See also: A convenient social construct designed to comfort men who cannot cope with rejection. See also: A manipulative tool used by Nice Guys to make a woman feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with them.
The Nice Guy Phenomenon In which self-entitled men believe that if they spend enough time with a woman and aren’t explicitly terrible to them, it’s unfair when the woman doesn’t then suck their penis and/or fall in love with them.
Poor Nice Guys. It must be so difficult, putting all of that effort into pretending to be a decent human being without being rewarded with sex or love afterward. They listen to our problems, buy us gifts, shower us with compliments, talk to us about all the other horrible guys we’re dating, and yet! And yet we still don’t tear our clothes off and fall into their arms. We keep going for those other dudes, the ones with charisma and personality. The ones we’re attracted to, the ones who make us laugh, the ones who make us feel good. It is just so unreasonable and infuriating. They must really regret falling for such a Bitch.
To that I say: cry me a river. You should be nice because it’s the right thing to do. If you’re nice because you want something in return, you’re probably not that nice at all.
I mean, maybe we can blame Hollywood. The invariable message of most romantic comedies is that men can be as lazy or slutty or awkward or obnoxious as they like, but as long as they’re relatively nice and keep trying, they’ll get the girl in the end. The below-average and perilously flawed man always ends up with the beautiful girl if he puts in a little effort and isn’t an outright dickhead to her. The bar is so low that Nice Guys who watch it must see it and think, huh. I can do that. And if I do, I’ll get any woman I want. Who is she to say no? Who is she to have a choice?
But I’ve got a news flash for you, Nice Guys: the world doesn’t work that way. Sure, it’d be great if you could get anything you wanted – a job, a promotion, a mortgage – by being a semi-decent person and trying quite hard, but that’s not reality. Just ask the millions of disadvantaged people around the world who face discrimination based on their gender, race, sexuality, class and disabilities every day.
That’s probably why the Nice Guys are so angry. In a system that inherently favors them, it’s the first time they aren’t automatically getting what they want just because they want it. Their privilege is no longer doing the heavy lifting, and they’re mad about it.
This entitlement has to stop. The world owes you nothing. Girls owe you nothing.
We do like good guys. You just aren’t one of them.
Epilogue
Dear Izzy,
I’m a screenwriting agent based in West Hollywood, and was a judge during the shortlisting phase of this year’s Script Factor. I championed your screenplay from the get-go. It’s clever, topical and downright hilarious. You have a big talent, and should be very proud of your work.
However, I’ve recently learned about the disqualification of your entry. I strongly believe this is a terrible (and, frankly, cowardly) decision on the part of the organizers, and I can’t even begin to imagine how disappointed you must be.
Next time you’re in LA, give me a call. I’d love to meet with you in person to discuss the future of your screenwriting – and the possibility of representation at our agency.
You’re going places, Izzy O’Neill, and I’d like to be on that journey with you.
All the very best,
Eliza Kennedy
Acknowledgements
Honesty hour: I’ve been putting off writing these acknowledgements for yonks. Not just because it’s vaguely panic-inducing (someone will be forgotten and I will feel their wrath), but also because I almost burst into tears every time I even think about all the wonderful people I have around me. But alas, my deadline is tomorrow, so I best get on with it. Send tissues and an assortment of woman-up pills.
Since I signed with my literary agent at the ripe old age of twenty-two, I’ve been incredibly fortunate to work with some amazing publishing professionals. Sara and Suzie, you are the best agents I could ever ask for, and I’m deeply sorry for the ceaseless neurotic emails you have to deal with on a daily basis. And the rest of the New Leaf family – in particular Chris, Pouya, Kathleen, Mia and Joanna. I’m forever pinching myself that I get to be part of your team.
Next up, the Egmont rockstars. You have all been the biggest champions of Izzy O’Neill since day one. From my epic editorial team – Ali, Liz, Stella and Lydia – to the amazing publicity and marketing team (I’m looking at you, Rebecca, Alice, Emily, Rhiannon and Siobhan) and the cracking cover design courtesy of Laura and Goodwives & Warriors, I’m so fortunate to have found such an amazing home for The Exact Opposite Of Okay. Also, you preempted this manuscript on the day of Trump’s inauguration, which is the ultimate middle finger to misogyny, bigotry and hatred. Your style is flawless.
Then there’s the unfortunate bunch who have to put up with me in real life, which I assure you is no mean feat. To Mum, Dad, Jack (even though you claim to despise me), Gran, Harry (who is a dog, and a much less friendly one than Dumbledore, but awesome nonetheless) and the rest of my huge, mad family. To the best pals a girl could ask for: Toria, Nic, Hannah, Lauren, Lucy, Gaby, Amy, Steve and Spike. To
Hilary, even though you technically come under the Mad Family header – your sarcasm and prosecco-drinking skills deserve their very own shout-outs. To the Book Club: Sophie, Jess and Laura – you guys are new friends, but I’m kinda hoping you’ll stick around for a while. To everyone I work with at Mslexia – you’re the best people to drink tea and discuss Game of Thrones with. To my beautiful goddaughter, Millie – I hope this world is a better place for young women by the time you become one.
And to Louis, my fiancé (!!). Thank you for the nacho-fuelled life talks, hilarious cases of the zoomies, karaoke-filled road trips, endless back tickers, always doing the dishes, and for making me smile no matter what. There’s nobody else I’d rather have by my side. Which is good, since we’re getting married and all. (Omg.)
Over the last few years, I’ve met some incredible writing friends, both online and in real life. Victoria Aveyard, my agent sister and drinking pal – our annual cocktail tours of Edinburgh are one of my favourite summer traditions. Emma Theriault, another agent sister and critique partner – there is nobody better to complain, commiserate and celebrate with, and I can’t wait to visit you in Canada. Claribel Ortega, yet another agent sister (Suzie, your children are out of control) – you are an amazing champion for diversity in publishing, and I feel so lucky to be your friend. Bring on our London date this spring! Everyone in the Electric Eighteens – the most supportive debut group on this earth. Bindu Pisupati – the chocolate bear to my vanilla bear, and the only other person who likes Scrubs as much as I do. Scarlett Cole, one of my very first writing pals – you are the biggest inspiration to me, and the hardest-working woman I know. Rebecca McLaughlin, PitchWars mentee turned lifelong friend – your pep talks are as epic as your taste in confectionery. And a whopping great shout out to Louise O’Neill, Katherine Webber, Samantha Shannon and Katherine Woodfine for the ridiculously nice quotes about The Exact Opposite Of Okay. I am more grateful than you know.
And finally, to the entire YA community – authors, bloggers, readers, reviewers, agents, editors, event coordinators and all-round champions. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms.
Laura Steven is an author, journalist and screenwriter from the northernmost town in England. She has an MA in Creative Writing and works for Mslexia, a non-profit organisation supporting women in the creative arts. Her TV pilot, Clickbait, was a finalist in British Comedy’s 2016 Sitcom Mission. The Exact Opposite of Okay is her first book for young adults.
‘Funny, unapologetic, and shameless in the best possible way, this is a YA heroine (and a book) that you’ve never seen before’ Louise O’Neill, award-winning author of Asking for It
‘This book will make you laugh out loud, nod in agreement, cringe with recognition, and stand up and cheer. I adored it’ Katherine Webber, author of Wing Jones
‘I loved it. Hilarious and feminist (and full of foofers)’ Keris Stainton, author of If You Could See Me Now
‘I LOVED this book! A really smart, relevant and switched-on exploration of teen sexuality, gender and slut-shaming’ Katherine Woodfine, bestselling author of The Sinclair’s Mysteries
‘Brilliant. Hilarious. Important. Pick this up and spend the rest of your life wanting to be best friends with Izzy O’Neill’ Samantha Shannon, author of The Bone Season
‘Funny, feminist, rightly furious – this’ll be HUGE’ Jim at YAYeahYeah
‘If you are alive right now, experiencing the world as we live it today, you must read this book’ Imogen, Goodreads
‘Izzy is one of the best narrators I think I have ever read; she manages to be witty, irreverent and relatable and I absolutely loved her as a character’ Amy at Golden Books Girl
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Hello
Tuesday 13 September
Wednesday 14 September
Thursday 15 September
Friday 16 September
Saturday 17 September
Sunday 18 September
Monday 19 September
Tuesday 20 September
Wednesday 21 September
Thursday 22 September
Monday 26 September
Tuesday 27 September
Wednesday 28 September
Thursday 29 September
Friday 30 September
Monday 3 October
Tuesday 4 October
Wednesday 5 October
Thursday 6 October
Friday 7 October
Saturday 8 October
Sunday 10 October
Monday 11 October
Friday 15 October
Old White Men Love It When You Slut-shame
The Friend Zone is as Real as Narnia
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Back series promotional page