“You asshole.” Victoria is standing with her hands on her hips at the door of Adrian’s office.
“That’s me. In the flesh. No one knows how to mind their own damn business, so I’m out of here.”
“I thought you’d changed, Zev. I thought you were ready to have it all with Tara. She deserves it, and she wants it with you.”
“She deserves better than me, and the sooner she realizes it the better. You should convince her of that.”
I stomp past Victoria and Simon to leave, and I never spot Tara. She likely already left, taking a taxi home, and that makes me feel like shit.
I’m shit, and she’s better off without me.
Tara
“Go home. Start next week,” Adrian says to me on my first day on the job.
“There’s nothing for me there. I need to stay busy, so this is a good distraction.”
“My brother is behaving like an idiot. I’ll try to get him to see that.”
“Please don’t. Zev obviously thinks it is too much work to be with someone. I deserve better than a man who’s going to take a walk every time there’s a bump in the road. All Zev has shown me is that he’s that kind of man.”
Adrian sighs. “I’m sorry, Tara. You do deserve better than a man who does that. I think Zev is still carrying around a lifetime of self-loathing.”
“I agree, but it doesn’t mean I have to be on the receiving end of shitty treatment.” Adrian nods and leaves me alone to organize the mountain of paperwork that has piled up on Blanca’s desk.
I try, but the pain to my heart is too much to bear. I get up to shut the door and weep quietly. After a few minutes, there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Swiftly, I brush the tears away from my face.
“Oh, sorry. I can come back,” a man says.
“No, come in. I’m sorry. I’m Tara.” I stick out my hand to shake his.
“I’m Kruse.”
“Kruse. Zev mentioned you.”
“Yeah, we’re friends, and I’m head of security here. I wanted to introduce myself. We’ll be seeing a lot of each other since Zev assigned me to personally watch over you.”
He smiles at me, and his eyes hang onto mine. They’re deep-set and the most vibrant shade of blue, but aside from his good looks, all I can think about are his last words.
“It’s nice to meet you, Kruse. Um, when did Zev do this?”
“Uh, a few days ago.”
“Well, Zev and I aren’t together anymore, so you don’t have to watch out for me.”
“Yes, I do, and that’s a shame about you and Zev. Well, for him, anyway. I already sense that he was a fool.”
My face heats from the intensity of his eyes and earnest look. “OK then. I leave at five today.”
“I’ll be back to escort you home.”
He backs out of my office, his gaze never leaving mine in the process. What the hell was that?
***
Kruse arrives ten minutes before five. There was some part of me who didn’t believe he would show. I honestly thought Zev might relieve him of the duty. Maybe Zev forgot all about assigning it to him. Regardless, he’s here now, so I leave with him.
We stroll out to the parking garage, and he motions for me to follow him. “My vehicle is over here.”
“I’m not taking my car?” I ask.
“No, I think it would be better if it’s left here. This way no one will suspect that you’re home. I will drive you anywhere you need to go.”
“OK. When will you sleep?”
“Between the hours of eleven and six.”
“Wow, that’s it?”
“Two men under me will watch your place during that time. This way we won’t have a repeat of what happened with Noah and the security guard. Although, with Sanders out of the picture, I don’t foresee any other issues, so I wouldn’t worry. This is more precautionary than anything.”
It’s been two days since I laid eyes on Zev, and as I stroll toward Kruse’s Escalade, I can’t help taking a glimpse around the parking garage.
“He’s not out here if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I wasn’t,” I say with a shake of my head. Then, I let it hang as he unlocks the door. “OK, I was wondering.”
“He’s already at Caged.”
“How did you know I was looking for him?”
“It’s my job to know body language. You weren’t looking out of fear, so I made a guess based on experience.” His shoulders shrug as he holds the door open for me.
“Does he seem OK?” I ask once Kruse is in the vehicle.
“I haven’t been around him much since before the whole incident, but he seemed mellow today. I’m not trying to be mean, but you’re the first woman he’s paid attention to for more than a few hours. I was shocked he dated you for this long.”
“Wow, don’t sugarcoat it.”
He buckles up and looks over at me.
“I’m sorry. That was asinine of me. I know he cares about you, or he wouldn’t have me doing this. I always thought I would have a girlfriend before he or Simon ever would. They’ve surprised me.”
“Actually, you were right about Zev. He’s not ready for a relationship. I need someone all in.”
Kruse clears his throat and takes off to my place. Of course, he seems to know the direction to go.
Once we arrive there, he’s holding the door open for me before I can get out. “If you don’t mind, I need to sweep your condo.”
“Oh, that’s fine.”
I let us in, and Kruse goes before me, checking out each room of my home. “It’s clear.”
“So, what do you do now?”
“Wait outside.”
“Seriously?”
“That’s what the other guards were doing, right?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t feel like I knew them.”
“It’s my job. I’m used to waiting patiently.”
“OK, if you insist.”
Kruse goes outside, and after I’ve rested my feet a few minutes and had a good cry over Zev, I get to the task of cooking dinner. I settle on making baked chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. I guess Kruse will be joining me at the grocery store soon since I’m about out of everything.
As I cook, I dwell on the fact Zev won’t be joining me in bed after his shift, and this leaves me crying again.
I finish dinner, and after I’ve made my plate, I stare at all the food left. I bite my lip as a thought comes to mind.
“No, Tara. Leave the man alone. Like he said, he’s used to this kind of work,” I mumble.
Once I take a spot on the couch, I flip through the channels. Noah’s name scrolling across the bottom of the screen catches my eye.
“It is believed Noah Sanders has fled the country.” I don’t hear anything else she says as I think about what really happened to him. He’s dead. I still can’t believe it. I cry again, feeling lonelier than I have in days.
Wanting some sort of company, I put on my shoes and head outside. In a flash, Kruse is jumping out of his vehicle.
“Is everything alright? You’ve been crying.”
“Yeah, I do that a lot these days. Listen, I fixed too much for dinner. Would you like to come in and eat with me?”
“I really shouldn’t.”
I grab his hand and pull. “Come on. I’m safer with you in there than out here, and any friend of the Cassano brothers deserves a good meal. Well, good might be pushing it, but come eat.”
Kruse glances down at our hands entwined, so I immediately let go. “Sorry. I’m a tad clingy this week.”
“I guess that’s to be expected after what you’ve endured.” He glides a hand through his golden blonde hair as he clicks the lock on his key fob.
He’s extremely handsome, and once again I’m wondering if this is some prerequisite for those who work at Submission.
I make him a plate of food, and shut off the television. We sit together at the table, and it becomes too quiet.
“How long have you known Simon and Zev?”
“Many years now. Damn, I’d have to do the math.”
“Who are you closer to?”
“Definitely Simon. We’re tight. Zev’s a little less trusting. Always has been.”
“You’re right about that.”
“He’s a good man, though. Loyal, honest and hardworking.”
“If only he could see that in himself.” Feeling the tears pricking my eyes again, I blink them away and take a bite of my potatoes.
“This is like comfort food,” Kruse says with a broad grin. “I’m loving it. It reminds me of my mom’s cooking.”
“Thank you.” When he doesn’t pull his eyes from mine, I look back at my plate. He might be trouble, and that’s the last thing I need more of.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Two Weeks Later
Tara
“You’re such a dork. You seriously fake your interest in football?” I ask Kruse. We’re sitting in my living room, discussing how he hates sports.
“I swear if you tell them…”
I’m twirling a strand of hair between my fingers as my foot swings back and forth, my heel hitting the front of the sofa. “You’ll what? It’s your job to protect me.”
“I believe there is this thing girls hate. It’s called tickling. I’ll do it. Don’t even think about telling.” Kruse is giving me his amazing grin.
Shit, are we flirting? I’m not meaning to flirt.
“I can’t believe you completely lie to them about liking sports. What are your interests?” I ask with a more sober tone.
“I’m an outdoorsman. I like shooting, hunting and tent camping, but I don’t get to do much of it here in Vegas. My dad and I go on trips a few times a year, though, and I get to do that sort of stuff then.”
“That’s cool. I’ve never been tent camping before.”
“It’s a blast. If you’d like, I’ll take you.”
“You’ll take me,” I say as a statement before I can stop myself. I think the words fell out to see if they were truly said by him.
Kruse and I have spent every free minute together the last two weeks. Not as much by choice, but he’s required to watch over me when I’m not working.
At first, I felt bad that he would sit outside alone in his vehicle, so I would ask him in. Once I got to know him, I really couldn’t let him sit in his car alone, so he keeps hanging out with me in the evenings, keeping me company and eating dinner with me.
I went shopping over the weekend, and he was by my side, watching out for me. He carried my bags, and we once again shared meals.
I only think of him as a friend, but I sense he is beginning to feel something more for me. It’s something I couldn’t reciprocate possibly ever in my life.
I bite on my lip and stare at him. He leans over, and with little hesitation, his lips press to mine. They’re soft and warm, and as much as I miss feeling wanted, I can’t do it. My hands fly out to his chest.
“Kruse, I can’t do this. I love Zev.”
His mouth is poised inches from mine, and our breaths sharing intimate space is enough to make me feel a pound of guilt.
“I’m sorry. I–I shouldn’t have done that without your permission.”
He shifts his body to face straight ahead and blows out a breath that I suspect is partly from sexual frustration. “I shouldn’t have done that to Zev.”
In a beat, he’s on his feet. “I should leave. I’ll have the other guard come early.”
“Kruse, we can still hang out.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
I nod. He’s right. It won’t be the same now, and my heart belongs to Zev. It will always belong to him.
Zev
I throw cold water on my sweaty face at the sink, trying to get my shit together. This panic attack is worse than the one I had last night. Worse than the ones I’ve had for weeks now.
I’m in a hotel room at Submission, and for the first time ever, it feels like I’m not supposed to be here. I feel like a drifter, lost with no place to call home.
I chose not to stay at my condo since everything there reminds me of Tara, but it’s where I should be–with her curled up against me.
Shit, I miss her. I miss her so goddamn much. I need her to the point I can’t sleep without her. Each night I awake in a panic as the realization that she’s not with me sinks in.
After throwing on a t-shirt and my athletic shorts, I grab my hotel key and leave my room. Maybe working out will help me with the anxiety I feel from missing her, but I doubt it.
***
“Bro, you look like shit,” Simon says.
“Maybe I should reconsider eating dinner with your ass.”
“Sorry, sit.” He motions toward the chair across from him. I had agreed to meet him at one of the restaurants in the hotel.
“I’m not sleeping.”
“Call her. Fix it.”
“I’m considering it, but I doubt she’ll speak to me. How many chances is she going to give me to fuck up?”
“Kruse says she cries a lot, especially when he’s driving her to and from Submission.”
“Asshole. Why are you telling me this shit?”
“Because you need to realize your brash behavior affects others. You can’t make irrational decisions like you did in the penthouse with her, or when you fled Ma’s house after she died.”
He shrugs. “Aggie told me. Anyway, if you’d taken some time that day at Adrian’s to talk things out with Tara, you likely would be together.”
“She probably hates me.”
“No, you hate you. She loves you, but she’s having to deal with all that’s happened to her alone, and if that is the case for long, she probably will hate you.
“She needed you to lean on, bro. She needs you to heal from all this bullshit. You’re making it look like all she sacrificed for you didn’t mean shit.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Then you need to fucking fix this.” Simon picks up a menu. “Now, let’s eat.”
Zev
“Simon said he’ll wrap up tonight. You and I are going out,” Kruse says as he leans against my office door.
“I’m not feelin’ it tonight.”
“It’s been forever, man. We’re going out. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I exhale and imagine a night out with him. Could I enjoy myself? Could I fuck a random chick? No. But to humor him, I’ll go out for an hour or two.
“I’ll go.”
“You will? That was easier than I expected.”
“I’m a sack of surprises.”
“We’ll shove bills at some hot strippers. It will get you out of your funk.”
“Sounds cool, man. Give me fifteen minutes.”
***
I feel the anxiety building as we near the strip club. My palms are sweaty, so I slide them over my thighs.
All I can see is the metal frame of this Escalade closing in on me, crushing me for my deceit. Whether we’re together or not, I feel like I’m about to cheat on Tara.
My hands scrub my face. “I can’t do it.”
“Can’t do what?” Kruse asks.
We’re sitting outside our favorite strip joint, and the guilt is eating me alive.
“I can’t go inside.” I slam my fist down onto the dashboard. “Fuck!”
“Fuck is right.” Kruse sighs loudly, and I don’t give two shits about the inconvenience I’m causing him.
“I’ll take a fucking taxi home, but I’m leaving.”
“That’s not why I said that.”
“I’m confused.” I take a glimpse at him about the time his head falls back against the seat. He swallows hard and exhales slowly.
“You fucking love her.”
“Yeah, I do, but don’t sweat it. I’ll take a taxi.”
“I don’t care about going to the club, dammit.”
“Then what’s your fucking problem?”
“I have to
tell you something, and I need you not to punch me in the face even if I deserve it.”
“Spit it out, asshole. I wouldn’t hit you.”
“I tried to kiss her, man. Tara … I kissed her last night.”
My hands ball into fists, and I do want to punch him in the face. He has to be kidding.
“You’re fucking joking, right? I mean, I assigned you to her instead of some strange dude so this very thing wouldn’t happen!”
“I didn’t think you loved her. I guess I hoped you didn’t, anyway. I thought if you went out and could fuck someone else, I would maybe have a shot with Tara down the road, but hell, I couldn’t even get you near another chick.”
My fist slams down onto the dash once again.
“Shit! Did she fucking kiss you back?”
“No. She loves you. Her words.”
“Isn’t there some kind of bro code we’re to follow? Fuck, I really do want to punch you in the face.”
“Dude, we’ve been so wasted before that I’m pretty certain we’ve fucked some of the same chicks on the same damn night.”
“God, we’re pathetic, and she deserves better than the both of us.”
“I know. Tara’s amazing, so you need to get her back before it’s too late. I promise you this; if you don’t, I will wait for her to fall out of love with your sorry ass and then make a move. She’s that fucking awesome.”
“I swear you must be looking for an ass-kicking.” Kruse throws the gearshift back into drive and speeds off.
“I’m being honest tonight. I should at least get credit for that. Fix this with her, dickwad. I’m tired of watching her cry.”
Zev
“Zev,” Tara says after I’ve stepped into her office. She’s frowning at me, but I guess it could be worse. “I’m surprised you’re awake this early. Kruse told me you two were going out last night,” she grumbles.
“That shit was doing everything he could to sabotage us. He only wants in your pants.”
“And you didn’t when we met? Besides, there’s not an ‘us,’ Zev,” she adds sharply.
“Tara, I’m sorry. I want us back together.”
Conviction (The Cassano Series Book 4) Page 15