by Lucy Gage
“Charlie sent me an article from the The Hollywood Reporter.” Em shook her head, dumbfounded.
“Did something happen to Rob?”
“In a manner of speaking. You know that his sister, Amy, is his publicist?” Meg nodded. “Well, her assistant, Barry, was just fired. He was busted as part of a ring of publicists and publicist's assistants who were selling information to the tabloids without their clients' consent. A bunch of them are being sued for slander. I guess there was a lot of false information involved.”
“Wow. That's big. I bet the money on that one is huge. Why are you so shocked? Money grubbers are par for the course in Hollywood.”
“It's not that. The article said that Amy was the one who broke the case. She planted information with Barry because she suspected him when she couldn't figure out where there were leaks in her organization. I was there, Meg. I was right there when she told him the false information.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because the four of us, Amy, Barry, Rob and me, we talked about leaking a fake story that Rob was ready to propose again – to me – to see if it surfaced. But I thought Amy had decided not to bother. That's what she said later, anyway.”
“Then how do you know it was that?”
“Because that's one of the things Rachel said to me. She told me that Rob was ready to propose again. I was so upset about the kiss that I though she meant to her and she went with it. She played me, Meg. She knew. I guess that showed up later in one of the tabloids and that was how Amy figured it out. Only the four of us knew that plan.”
“I saw something that said sources close to Rachel and Rob indicated he was ready to propose to her again. I thought maybe it was true, given what you told me about the breakup and the kiss. They haven't been seen together though. So, you're saying that Rachel heard that from Barry, that she assumed it was about her?”
“No, I think she knew it was about me and she was jealous. I think she was trying to break us up, Meg.”
The whole thing slammed into Emily like a Mack truck. “Oh, God! What did I do?”
Meg moved closer to Emily and hugged her. “Em, you didn't know.”
Emily started to cry so hard she was practically hyperventilating. “But I hurt him! Not only did I say he was a liar, I told him I didn't love him! That I used him on purpose! I didn't use him on purpose, Meg!”
“I know, hon. You need to breathe. Come on. Calm down. That's it, take some deep, slow breaths.”
Emily calmed down a little, but she was still shaken. “Meg, you don't understand. He's prone to depression. What if I hurt him badly enough that he does something stupid?”
“You really think he'd do something stupid? Or that his family would let him out of their sight if he's perpetually sad? I assume they know about his depression?”
“Yes. Yes, you're right. They won't leave him alone. They'll make him go to therapy. Still, oh, God. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him like that, Meg! I love him so much!”
Meg hugged her tightly. “He'll be okay, Em. He's got a good support network, right? That's what's most important. And you said he's in therapy?”
She nodded. “He told me he goes more often when he needs it. His mom wouldn't let him skip it. She'd make him go, even if she had to stay with him and walk him in the door. And I guess if he's talking to his therapist, then he's probably going to be okay, right?”
“Chances are, yes. It'll be okay, Em. You'll be okay too. I think you need to see someone, hon. I love talking to you and I'm always here, you know that. But I think it's time you went to see someone in an official professional capacity. You've been through a lot the last few months. I've never seen you this affected by anything. Not since high school. Your mother trained that side of you into obscurity. Meeting Rob let you tap into that passion and emotion again. But you're not equipped to handle it. You should learn how to let it in without allowing it to overwhelm you. You need professional help to deal with that, and it would be unethical for me to treat you as a patient, Em.”
“You're right. I told Rob that when he first confessed about the depression and therapy, that I should probably go, too. I never realized how much it all affected me, Meg. I didn't think I was that unhappy.”
“You can't appreciate true sorrow until you have experienced true joy and vice versa. I'd say you've had some big doses of both recently. It's about time you really sat down and processed that. I'll make some calls, see if I can get you in this week, okay? In the meantime, remember that New Emily has been trying to stop controlling every outcome and go with the flow more. You couldn't have known, Em. If you had known, you would have acted differently. And so far, there isn't anything out there in the cyberverse that indicates he's struggling. Believe me, they'd be on it like flies on shit if there was anything to report.”
“Do you think that means...”
Meg put up her hand. “I think it means that he's okay, that he's coping. Nothing more. It doesn't mean he didn't love you or that he's moved on or that he went back to Rachel.”
Emily heaved a heavy sigh. “Okay. I'll try not to dwell on it. Let's get out of here. I'm not really hungry anymore.”
“Only if you promise to take a brownie for the road. You need a chocolate fix to boost your mood.” Em tried to smile, and she agreed, but brownies made her think of Rob, and that just made her sad.
She had been convinced that she made a mistake before. Now she was certain it was true. How could she live with that fact? That she had thrown away the best thing to ever happen in her life because she was too afraid of it?
She ran at the first sign of trouble. She didn't deserve him. He begged her to stay, and she wouldn't listen. The only thing to do now was hope he'd want her back, would come find her, or that the universe would bring them back together. And barring a move on Rob's part that made her believe he still cared for her, it was unlikely they'd speak again.
Because she couldn't beg him.
She wouldn't make a fool of herself twice.
Portland, Maine, four and a half months after New Year's...
Emily hated the month of April until she moved to Portland and lived in town. Once there was less mud, she could appreciate the beauty of leaf sprouts and flower buds. After all the drab, dirty days of late winter, April offered a chance to enjoy nature again.
One Saturday in late April, Charlie arrived for her first wedding dress fitting. She had purchased the dress from the bridal shop near Emily's office because they were the only place in Maine who carried the gown she wanted. It was inspired by Audrey Hepburn's black and white creation in Sabrina. Emily had been tasked with progress checks on both the wedding gown and the bridesmaid dresses.
After seeing Em's dress at the gala on New Year's Eve, Charlie was convinced she wanted a similarly styled bridesmaid dress in a soft yellow. It had been impossible to make an identical match, so they found an approximation. Chiffon instead of organza and column instead of a cross between A-line and ballgown, the dress still had the mile- high slit and the strapless, rouched, straight neckline and bejeweled bodice and skirt. It was good enough for Charlie, and Em didn't point out that it hardly came close to the dress she wore because, well, it didn't really matter.
Both the bridesmaid dresses and Charlie's gown had finally arrived, so they planed to try them on and to do some more wedding shopping in Portland. Em intended to surprise Charlie with a trip to New York later for shoe shopping at Louboutin, but they still wandered around Portland looking for everything from favor ideas to shoes and possible attendant gifts.
As they left a paper shop on Free Street, Emily looked up the street toward the coffee shop and swore she saw Liam. She shook her head and walked in the direction of the cafe, but a crowd of cruise ship tourists blocked her view. When she finally saw around them, he was gone. She stopped at the sound of Charlie's voice.
“Emma Bean? Earth to Emily? Come in Emily?”
“Sorry, Charlie Brown. I just...I thought I saw...”
“Who, Em? Who did you see?”
“Liam,” she whispered.
“Liam who?”
The tears came now. A floodgate of emotions she thought she'd finally tamped down had breached her carefully built wall of denial – therapy had only done so much to curb Old Emily's tendency to bury her pain. Her voice broke as she said, “My bodyguard.”
“You're not making sense. Let's go sit outside the coffee shop. I'll get us some coffee and then you can tell me what's wrong, okay?” Emily nodded and let her sister lead her to the wrought iron tables outside the shop window.
A few minutes later, as the tears rolled down Em's cheeks, Charlie sat next to her, two coffee cups in her hands.
“Em, what's going on?” She passed Emily her coffee.
“I swear, I saw Liam. He...he was my bodyguard. You know, while I was with Rob.”
“Why would he be here? He's not your bodyguard anymore, is he?”
She sniffed. “No. He's not. I left him behind in L.A. when I came home for my trip to New York. He wanted to follow me, to make sure I was okay, but I refused.”
“He lives in Minneapolis, doesn't he?
“Yeah, but he's from Boston. I mean, he could be here, right?”
“Not likely, hon. Are you sure it was him?”
“No. But the truth is, Charlie, that even if it wasn't him, I wanted it to be.”
“Why Em?”
She put her head in her hands. “I'm an idiot, Charlie! What did I do?”
“Sweetie, you have to help me out, here.” Charlie pulled Emily's hands from her face.
“I screwed up. I shouldn't have run away, Charlie. I loved him. I still love him. I let my own fears, my own insecurities, all those years of Mom telling me that epic, romantic love was a myth, I let that cloud my judgment. I was wrong. I knew I was wrong as soon as I left him. Whether or not that was Liam, this is proof.”
“Wrong about what, Em? I'm still confused.”
“I told you what Rachel said.” Charlie nodded. “I never told you what really happened. That I caught Rob kissing Rachel. He doesn't know that. I don't even know if she knew I saw them. But she told me that he was just waiting for her to come back to him. That he had been waiting all that time for her to get her act together. And that he had told her that night it was time.”
“Oh, Em. I'm so sorry.”
“No! I mean, it was a lie! Do you remember when you sent me that link about the publicity scandal?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Emily explained what she had told Meg about Barry and Rachel. “Rachel knew, Charlie. She was in on it, somehow. Which means she was trying to sabotage me and Rob.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Jealousy. Liam tried to tell me she was a liar. That she lied to me to make me mistrust Rob.”
“How is that proof, Em?”
“If he was just using me, Charl, why would he send Liam to watch me?”
“Are you sure Rob sent him?”
“No.”
“Then how can you be sure you're right about all of it?”
“It doesn't matter if that was Liam or if Rob sent him. The fact is, that I wanted to see Liam because I know I was wrong before. He didn't use me or make a fool of me. Rachel did.
“What are you going to do?”
“There's nothing I can do.”
“Do you still have his number?”
“Yes. I couldn't bear to delete it, even right afterward.”
“Then call him.”
“I can't! Do you know what I did to him? I didn't just break up with him, Charlie. I was cruel. I used all his insecurities against him. I hurt him on purpose. I can't imagine why he'd want to ever speak to me again. But if he does, he has to be the one to come to me. I wish he would. I wish he'd just show up out of nowhere. Maybe crash into me again like he did that first time. I've wanted that every day since I concluded I was wrong. I miss him. I miss him so much.” She began to cry again, in earnest.
Charlie rubbed her back. “It'll be okay, Em. Do you remember what I told you before? If it's meant to be, it will. Don't give up yet. Is this why you've been so sullen the last two months?” Emily nodded. “Mom thought it was because you felt like a fool.”
“At first I did, too, then I realized that I was still in love with him. Reading about Barry reinforced that I'd made a mistake.”
“Why didn't you say anything to me before?”
“Because it didn't matter. Unless and until Rob shows me he wants me back, it's a moot point. I only told you today because I thought I saw Liam. I've been trying to get over it. Meggie's been making me go to therapy.”
“Good. You need it. Meantime, let's go get something chocolate and decadent. It will help for a little bit, at least. And then we're going back to your apartment to change and you're running with me in the Back Bay.”
Em groaned. “You're making me run off my chocolate?”
“No, I'm making you run because it's a good way to clear your head and boost your mood without drugs. I'm sure your therapist would agree. Tonight, we'll call Meggie and have girls night. I need to get drunk at least one more time before I'm married. This is a good excuse.”
Emily laughed. “Okay. You win. Chocolate, running, booze. Therapy next week.” They both stood and linked arms. “Thanks, Charlie Brown.”
“Anytime, Emma Bean. Anytime.”
Bar Harbor, Maine, eight months after New Year's...
Four days before Charlie's August wedding, Emily followed her mother around doing errands and when she got back to her parents' house, her iPhone was gone. Emily suspected that she had left it on top of the car when they stopped for an ice cream at Dairy Queen. It was probably smashed to bits on the road somewhere.
The phone was her work lifeline and Emily hated being without it, so she called for a replacement phone – she was due for one, fortunately – and it had finally arrived via UPS on Friday. Em's parents transported Charlie's dress from their house on the day of the wedding and brought the phone in the morning. Emily kissed and hugged her mother in thanks. Gail was flabbergasted by the unusual display of joy for an electronic device.
Emily paid extra for them to set it up so she could just turn the phone on and use it. She was pleased to see they had done that and immediately checked her messages. Nothing crucial for work, just reminders from Marcus and a call about an interview in a few weeks.
Then there was the call she didn't expect in a million years.
Hi, Em. It's Rob. I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but can you please call me? It's important. Pause. Please call me back as soon as you get this. Bye.
She saw in the call count that he'd tried again several times, though that had been the only message. He'd called yesterday. Emily's heart raced. This was what she'd been waiting for, right? For him to make the first move? A sign? A reason to talk to him again?
She dialed his number – she knew it by heart because she'd stared at it daily between when she thought she saw Liam in Portland and when she'd lost her phone. It went straight to voicemail. This is Rob. You know what to do.
“Rob, it's Emily. I got your call. I lost my phone but I have a new one now. Call me when you get this.” She paused for a moment, unsure if she should say it. “I'm really glad you called. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.”
Em stared at her phone for a few minutes. She debated if she should call Amy or maybe Jenna, possibly Rick or even Liam. They might know where he was. Just as she decided to call Liam, whose number she knew best, her mother sighed heavily behind her.
“Emily, it's your sister's wedding day. You aren't working today. Put that thing away. In fact, shut it off. You can deal with work tomorrow. If there is a real emergency, they know you're at the hotel. Though I can't imagine what kind of writing emergency would be important enough to disturb your sister's wedding.”
Not inclined to divulge what she had really been doing, Em sighed and did as she was told. Rob
would just have to wait until after the wedding.
Thankfully, the early August heat and humidity that had plagued them for the past week had finally broken with a rainstorm yesterday. It was still hot and sunny but no longer oppressively humid. Fortunately, Charlie and Dan were getting married late in the day so that the reception could happen mostly in the cooler evening hours.
Charlie didn't want to choose between her two sisters, so she declined having an official Maid of Honor. Because she was the oldest, Emily was set to walk in last and was officially signing the marriage license as a witness, but her title was still just Bridesmaid. It was her job to make sure Charlie's train was fluffed, so she spread out the embroidered organza of the Sabrina-inspired dress one last time before she kissed her father's cheek, hugged Charlie, and took her position at the door of the chapel.
As the string quartet at the front of the chapel played Pachabel's Canon in D Minor, Emily began her slow walk down the aisle. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a familiar face near the back, but she didn't want to turn and look, so she just walked. She took her place when she reached the front and before she could look to where she thought she had seen him, the wedding march started and the guests stood.
It didn't matter, he was head and shoulders above so many people in stature, Emily could see Rob's face at the back of the crowd.
It couldn't be him, could it? He wasn't invited, was explicitly forbidden to come by her mother when he was still her boyfriend. Surely he wouldn't have crashed her sister's wedding when he knew his presence would cause a commotion? What possible reason would Rob have to travel all the way to Downeast Maine when he wasn't wanted by anyone but Emily?
Surely it was wishful thinking, from all those months she'd wanted him to magically appear or crash into her like he did that day in Minnesota. Probably a result of the phone call or when she donned the diamond earrings. The Tiffany box had reminded her of that perfect Christmas when he gave them to her. She fiddled with the earring in her right ear, smiled to herself, and then returned her attention to her beautiful little sister, who made her way down the aisle on their father's arm.