.
“Diana Banns? London’s most prominent dancer? Well, she’s likely to have her own money, so I don’t think I’d have to worry she’s after yours.” Simeon Lockwood lifted his brow as he stared at Frank from across the table, though his body was turned slightly away. He played with a small metal heart had that been gilded in silver and had once belonged to his own father. Usually, the object sat on his desk, holding down a stack of papers whenever the windows were open, but whenever Simeon was bothered, the silver heart would find its way to his hand.
Frank could see his father was obviously bothered by something at the moment and he knew exactly what it was.
Still, he let his father say his piece before he allowed his mind to jump to conclusions.
“Your mother liked to entertain.”
“Diana is not my mother,” Frank cut in, no longer willing to hear his father’s doubts. “She’s nothing like my mother.”
“Oh, no?” Simeon asked as he turned fully to Frank. “In what way is she different?”
Frank hesitated. He actually didn’t know much about his father and his mother’s relationship. When Frank had become old enough to fully understand his mother’s betrayal, he’d thought her a whore, but not even his father had dared to call the deceased Mrs. Lockwood such a thing.
Deciding they were likely well past due a conversation on the matter, Frank said, “Why don’t you tell me what my mother was like?” His heart raced as he prayed his father would not say something that would bring further doubt where Diana was concerned.
“Molly was beautiful,” Simeon said. “She was devoted to this family. To me, you, and Calvin… at first. But things changed.”
“What changed?” Frank asked, desperately hoping his father would have the key to ensure that Diana would stay. That her love would stay. That one day she’d not wake up and think she’d made a terrible mistake.
Even now, with his heart racing, and his mind plagued with worry, he would not let her go. Being inside her was an amazing feeling, but simply having her near was enough. He’d enjoyed the carriage ride. He’d have enjoyed it more if she’d sat at his side but had enjoyed the view of her nonetheless. He also liked the way she worried over Lulu. He’d gathered rather quickly from their interactions that the women hadn’t been friends at all. In fact, it seemed as though they’d been enemies at one point, but all was forgiven, and Diana seemed to hold no grudge toward her.
She was an amazing woman.
“I had this conversation with Calvin after he married Alice. I suppose I should have it with you as well,” Simeon finally stated. “Nothing changed.” All of Frank’s hopes crumbled before him. “Nothing changed but her. We were happy and then she was not.”
“Are you sure she was happy?” Frank pressed. “Perhaps, you missed something.”
Simeon shook his head. “No. I never forbid her any request. Encouraged her to pursue any new activity she wished to engage in… within reason. I listened to her. I comforted her when she wished. I gave her conversation or silence when she asked for either. We ate all her favorite meals. She had the run of the house, our accounts.” Frank’s father spoke plainly, as though he’d had a great amount of time to think over these things and had found peace with the truth. “She just wanted more than I could give her.”
“And that was?” Frank asked.
Simeon shrugged. “More lovers. She liked falling in love, she once told me. She liked the feeling of new romance.” He smiled. “I tried, but… we knew each other well.”
“So she left you that night she died?” Frank asked, his heart breaking for his father.
Simeon shrugged again. “I was… angry, but I knew she’d come back… had she not died.” He seemed uncomfortable with the last.
“And you’ve have taken her back?” Frank was slightly outraged at the thought, and confused. His mother had betrayed him. A better man would have thrown her out the moment he’d learned of it. Not his father.
“Love can’t be forced or controlled, Frank. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t even make someone continue to love you. You simply have to choose wisely in the beginning, and hope for the best later.” Simeon smiled at that, as though he’d just presented some great philosophy to Frank.
And maybe he had, but like all theories, not everyone had to believe it.
“So, you approved of Alice?” Frank asked. “She was a club owner’s daughter.”
“She took a bullet for Calvin. How could I not love her as my very own?” Simeon asked.
That was true. Alice had taken a bullet on Calvin’s behalf and while later they’d discovered that the bullet had been meant for her to begin with, it had still be very heroic of Alice to push Calvin out of the way.
“Do you still love our mother?” Frank asked.
Simeon thought for a moment and said, “I have fond memories of her. I’ve been able to think on them more often, now that so much time has passed, but I don’t continue to pine for her if that is what you mean.”
“But you never remarried,” Frank said.
His father gave him a pointed look and put the heart down. “Says a man who should have married at least ten years ago.”
Frank was twenty-nine and felt little need to rush into marriage, but thought that if he’d met Diana years ago, that might have changed.
Simeon went on. “I’ve not remarried because I plan to choose wisely this time.” Then he shrugged again. “If I meet the anyone before my time is up, that is.”
Frank scoffed. “You’re only forty-six. Surely, you’ve another hundred years at least.”
Simeon chuckled, his hazel eyes twinkling. Then his gaze grew serious. “Why Diana?”
“Well, she’d not taken a bullet for me, if that’s what you wish to hear, and if I have it my way that will always remain the case.”
His father laughed again.
Frank leaned forward. “She’s smart, beautiful,” makes me blind with lust, “tenderhearted, cares greatly for me.”
“She’s told you that she cares for you?” his father asked.
Frank nodded. “She claims to love me.”
“Claims? You don’t believe her?”
It was Frank’s turn to shrug.
Simeon narrowed his eyes. “Did you tell her your doubts about her claim?”
That made him uncomfortable.
His father sighed. “I will take that as a yes. Well, it seems you are right. She is not like your mother, for Molly would have left the moment I said anything like that.” He continued to look at Frank as though he were disappointed. “Either the girl truly does love you or… well, there’s really no other reason to continue to allow someone to cause you pain, is there?”
Frank understood the last. Simeon had held on to Molly, because he’d actually loved her. Molly’s actions hadn’t mattered. Nothing she’d done had mattered, because his father’s love had not been based on conditions.
Did Diana love him the same? Unconditionally? He knew he was hurting her. He knew he’d hurt her just an hour ago when he’d left her room. They’d made love, but he’d refused to believe that it was love she was giving. From the moment he’d touched her, it had always been about love. His feelings for her were all consuming.
Was it the same for her?
That was likely. She didn’t need his money. She was quite happy to be living in Covent Garden in a small apartment. She’d seemed nearly content with life. The only want she’d displayed was for him.
Was he being a fool to not accept her claims?
Likely, but there was no way to change the way he felt and lying would only make the problem worse. How could get himself to believe her?
His father asked another question. “Is Miss Lévêque acting as Miss Banns chaperone on this holiday?”
Frank shook his head. “She’s here to rest. Please, make sure she feels content and… secure while she is here.”
His father stared at him for a moment and then nodded. Then Simeon took
up the heart again and retreated into his own thoughts. Frank was glad to hear his father hadn’t been pining after his wife all these years, that he was open to falling in love again. Forty-six, and with his looks, wasn’t a bad age to start again.
He stood and left, seeking Diana out. He found her in her room with a book.
She looked up when he entered. “Lulu is taking a nap. It does feel good to be still for a bit after such a long journey.”
He crossed to her and kissed her. “Does that mean I can’t convince you to join me for a ride around Greenmoor?”
She brightened and put her book down. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and said, “You, Dr. Lockwood, you could likely convince me of anything.”
He kissed her again and thought… she was likely to convince him of anything as well.
Convince him to let go and believe.
* * *
36
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CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
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“Yes, Frank! Yes! Yes!”
He was buried deep inside of her. His hands gripped her hips and he continued to lift his own, jerking himself up between her legs, taking her in the open curricle they’d stopped amongst the trees.
They were insatiable, eager to get their bodies close to one another, her body hungry for his, nearly empty without it. And him… He was a glutton and she was never more grateful that it was she he wished to feast on.
Their moans broke the silence in the trees.
She bounced on him and had to choke back a sob as her body reached that terrible pinnacle that he alone made her crave.
“Shite!” Frank came. Again, it was inside of her, and again it was glorious.
She eventually fell back within his arms. Her head rested on his shoulders. She wanted to ask if it would always be this way between them but hesitated. Frank didn’t need any reminders as toward his doubts.
His arms locked around her and she could feel him pulsing inside of her. He buried his face in her shoulder, still breathing hard against her back. “Here. Here is where I want to be every day.”
She smiled. “You mean amongst the trees? I thought you more civilized than that.”
His hand came up before she could stop him, cupping her breast, and then his fingers found and pinched her nipples through her dress.
Diana made an unintelligible sound and felt her inner muscles clench around him.
She felt him jump within her and then shudder against her back. She smiled again. “That is what happens when you play with fire.”
He helped her up and used his handkerchief to clean them both before he arranged his trousers.
Diana fixed her dress and sat beside him.
He turned to her once he was finished. He rested an arm behind her back along the seat and held her gaze. “Tell me what happened when Mr. Stewart came to visit you.”
Her stomach fell. It was the last thing she wished to discuss, especially after what they’d just done. Frank had the worst timing.
But instead of telling him so, she sighed and said, “He… used my body. He took me from behind. That’s why I never saw him.”
Frank’s eyes narrowed, but then he relaxed before saying, “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault, though I admit I’m surprised it was him.”
“Why?” Frank asked quizzically.
“Because, I assumed the man behind me to be… not so tall. Perhaps, average in stature, but you found the blade and the letters, so it had to be him.”
Frank nodded. “He’ll never touch you again.”
“And you? How do you feel about… me?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
Her heart raced. “I mean… now that you know.”
“I suspected months ago, Diana. Knowing does nothing but make me angry, but there is no more I can do about it except to make sure you’re kept safe.”
“You mean,” she licked her lips, “you don’t… like me less?”
He blinked. “I love you. There is no less than that.”
She smiled truly then. She loved when he said he loved her. He said it was such conviction, as though there’d never been another choice. It simply was.
“I have something to confess as well,” he said slowly.
She waited.
“I’ve… killed someone before.” He watched her eyes. “It was in defense of a friend. I can’t say more than that at the moment. The details are of a story I cannot share with anyone but my wife, however, you should know that had I not acted, my friend would be dead today, and I would protect you with the same ferocity. I need you to know and understand what I’m saying. Do you understand?”
She stared at him and slowly nodded. He’d said he’d tell her more of the story later. He said he could only tell the story to his wife. Did he truly mean to marry her then?
“I have something else to confess,” she said.
His body went still. “What?”
“Lord Lawton’s father was my and Bancroft’s father.”
Frank settled with that news. “How do you know?”
“I knew him as a child, and then one day he stopped coming. We lived in a nice house in Covent Garden, and then one day we didn’t. My mother was forced to work, then. I think she was his mistress. Bancroft doesn’t talk about it, but I think it’s the reason he doesn’t like aristocrats.”
“Does Lord Lawton know you are his sister?” Frank asked.
She shook her head. “No. Bancroft doesn’t wish him to know. He doesn’t care for our… brother. Lawton tends to meddle very close to Bancroft’s business.”
Frank frowned. “Anthony meddles in everything.”
Of that, she had no doubt. The man was adored and hated by both sides of London, and even had his own column in the papers that he used to control the fashion and customs of the ton.
And it worked.
Frank touched her chin and lifted her face to his. “Diana, tell me you love me.”
She gripped his cheeks and tried to sum up all her… her what? Her sincerity? Genuineness? The truth was the truth. She dropped her hands. “No.”
He froze underneath her hands. “Why not?”
“You’re not ready to hear it.” She glanced around at the wood. “We should continue on. I still wish to see the pond. Do the fish bite?”
He turned her face back to him. “I’m… I’m ready, Diana.” He looked worried.
She shook her head. “No, Frank, you’re not, but that’s all right. We still have time.”
“How much time?”
She chuckled. “Oh, I don’t know. Do you love me?”
“Completely. I worship you. I love everything about you.”
She laughed again. “Then we have a great amount of time then.”
He frowned. “So, you’ll not leave me?”
She shook her head.
“Ever?”
She frowned. “Well, I can’t say I’d never leave you. If you grew violent or mean spirited, I’d say that would most assuredly push me to leave.”
“But you’ll not leave, because I’m… scared.”
She felt her eyes softened with her words. “No, Frank. I’ll not leave because of that.”
“Why not?” He looked completely baffled. “Why won’t you leave? I know it hurts you that I don’t believe. I hate hurting you.”
She turned in her seat so she could face him fully. “But if I leave, then I’ll miss the moment you finally believe. I’ll miss the flicker of realization that will light your eyes and the knowing that will cover your features. Your heart will expand as mine does, every time I hear you say it, and then you’ll know.” Then she leaned forward and kissed his brow before leaning away. “And I’d not miss that for all the gold in the world.”
As she continued to stare at Frank, she watched as something happened to
his face. His brows clenched before they relaxed, then his mouth gaped, and Diana held her breath, as she thought she knew what was taking place.
He smiled and said, “I love you, too, Diana.”
“You believe me?” she whispered.
He nodded. “Yes. I believe you.” He cupped her head and kissed her. “Will you marry me, Diana?”
Diana Sensational Spinster's Society (The Spinster’s Society) (A Regency Romance Book) Page 23