by Cindi Madsen
“But you were home on Sunday,” Kendall whined.
Summer readjusted the strap on her backpack so it wouldn’t keep pulling her hair. “I know. But you know how parents can be.”
Kendall rolled her eyes. “Such a pain sometimes. Can you at least give me a ride home? My brother’s got my car.”
Summer nodded and hit the unlock button so they could both climb in. She took the familiar roads toward her best friend’s house, mind still focused on Ashlyn. Every time she thought about her, her limbs filled with that same frantic energy she’d felt the other night at the beach. Do something! her body seemed to be saying.
“Have you seen the size of Georgia’s butt lately?” Kendall asked. “It’s getting bigger by the day. Someone needs to tell her that carbs are so not her friend.”
“Stay in your lane, buddy,” Summer said to the car next to her before turning her attention to one that just cut ahead. “And how about using a blinker next time you decide to switch lanes?”
“You know they can’t hear you, right?”
“I wish they could. They could use some driving advice from someone like me, who so obviously excels at it.”
“You’re being weird again.” Kendall gave Summer the I’m-getting-annoyed look.
Kendall also hated when she talked to the radio. Like when she groaned, “Not this song again.” Or said, “Maybe we’ll come back to you if we can’t find a better song.” Or when the DJs told her to keep it locked to their station, and she’d say, “I will if you shut up and play some music.”
Since Kendall viewed all those comments as unacceptable, Summer drove without saying anything, the radio the only sound breaking up the silence. She’d hook up her phone to play through her speakers—she was still trying to convince Dad she needed SiriusXM—but she and Kendall didn’t like the same kind of music either.
“So how are things with you and Cody now?” Kendall asked. “You guys get it all worked out?”
Now this was a subject she could use Kendall’s advice on. Maybe talking about it would help her sort it out for herself. “Things have been rough lately. Do you ever feel like Jack doesn’t understand you? Or even know anything about you?”
“Sure. Boys are clueless. It would be that way with any boy. You know the saying—can’t live with ‘em; can’t live without ‘em.” Kendall pulled down the visor and applied some lip gloss. “Since Jack and I took things to another level, things have actually been going really good. He’s happier, and it’s just easier.”
Is Kendall suggesting I do whatever it takes to make Cody happy? What about keeping myself happy? Part of her wanted to give in—to just get sex over with and see if things got better between them. But another part urged her to be strong.
She lifted her chin and gripped the steering wheel tighter. She wasn’t going to be bullied into losing her virginity, whether or not her boyfriend dumped her because of it. “I’m not sure I’m ready for sex, and I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do.”
“I’m not suggesting that you do.” Kendall flipped the visor back into place and twisted in her seat to face her. “I’m only suggesting you give the boy a break. He’s the quarterback, he’s cute, and he loves you. He’s a catch, and you’d have a hard time finding a better boyfriend. Let’s not forget that he shut down Jenna Cambell. No one says no to that skank. Except Jack, of course. The boy simply adores me.” She put her hand on Summer’s shoulder. “But if you want to wreck your relationship and hate Cody, you know I’ll be on your side. I just think you should remember all the good stuff before making a decision you’ll regret.”
Kendall was right, of course. Cody did have lots of good qualities, and she’d miss him like crazy if they broke up. But were his good qualities enough to make up for the fact he didn’t respect her decision to wait? And what about the fact that he didn’t understand her?
No one really knows me. Not Cody, not Kendall, not anybody. They all knew the shell of the person she used to be. These days, she wasn’t even sure she knew who she was anymore. All day she’d been thinking how sad it was she didn’t have someone she could confide in. No one would believe she’d been visited by the freakin’ Angel of Death—she hardly believed it herself. And she couldn’t tell anyone that she saw people’s deaths before they happened. She couldn’t even tell her own dad. Summer feared he’d never forgive her if she told him her darkest secret.
“Remember how sad you were when you first moved here?” Kendall asked, her voice soft. “I could tell you needed a friend. Now you’ve got the dance squad, you’ve got me, and you’ve got Cody. People would kill to be in your shoes. Especially since you’ve upgraded shoes,” she joked. “You’re happier now, right?”
Depression had weighed her down when she’d first moved here. It still tugged at her now and then, but for the most part, she kept it contained to a crying breakdown in her bedroom every now and then. Part of the reason she could deal better now was because Kendall had gotten her mind onto brighter, happier things. She’d plugged Summer into the highest social circles. Getting back into dancing had also helped. And the fact that she simply refused to think about the past when it came knocking.
“I am happier,” Summer said. “I guess I forgot how bad I used to be.”
“Plus you had those out-of-control curls. Someone needed to introduce you to anti-frizz serum.” Kendall poked at Summer’s hair. “Way better.”
Summer pulled up to Kendall’s house and threw the car in park.
Kendall gathered her multiple bags—handbag, book bag, and gym bag. “Thanks for the ride. Call me if you need me.”
Yeah, Kendall was a little shallow. But she meant well. Even if her main contribution to society involved doling out fashion and hair advice.
* * *
Summer sat on her bed, reading her Repairing Friendships and Mending Broken Relationships brochure.
Communication is Key - Open the lines. Nothing can happen unless you tell them how you feel and ask how they feel. Do it in a courteous, calm way.
Swallow Your Pride - Try seeing things from the other person’s perspective.
Apologize - You might think that you were wronged as well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t apologize.
Take action - Put yourself out there and do something nice.
Summer groaned. It all seemed so basic. Stuff people would’ve done if they were at all interested in repairing a relationship. She tossed the brochure onto her nightstand.
When she turned back, Gabriella stood at the end of her bed.
Summer jumped, clutching her chest to make sure her heart didn’t escape. “Geez!”
“I’ve come to check on your progress,” Gabriella said.
After she got over the initial shock, relief filled her at seeing Gabriella again, looking identical to the way she remembered her. It meant she wasn’t crazy. Or maybe she was crazy enough to see the same person over and over again and had surpassed all help. That kind of crazy seemed more blissful than the in-between kind.
“Listen,” Summer said, “I’m glad you’re here, because you need to pick someone else for this job. Ashlyn hates me.”
“Oh, I’m sure she doesn’t hate you.”
“She does. I tried to meet her today and—”
“You barely met her today?” Gabriella frowned and started pacing, pink skirt rustling every time she spun in the opposite direction. “Have you at least made plans with her? I said that you have longer than most, but that doesn’t mean you have time to dilly dally.”
Summer hung her head. “I’ve had a lot going on.”
Gabriella halted her pacing and put a fist on her hip. “More important than a girl’s life?”
Summer stared back, not knowing how to respond to a question like that. No response seemed good enough. Her stomach dropped and the guilt started. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Gabriella sat down on the bed, her dress billowing up around her. “Look honey, I know. You’re really young—younger than m
ost—and I wish I had more time to help you out. I can assure you that you’re the best person for this job. Not just the best, the only person who can help Ashlyn. We’re never wrong about these things.”
“I think you’re wrong this time.”
“I’m not. Now, you need to get close to her. Get her to trust you so that you can figure out how to repair her relationship with her mother before it’s too late.”
“But like I told you, she haaates me.”
“I have faith in you. You’ll figure out something. You Ciphers always do.” Gabriella patted Summer’s knee. “You’re our little miracle workers. Now, remember that nothing can replace genuine care. And what’s the best way to genuinely care about somebody?”
Summer shrugged.
“Get to know her. I know you can see the best in people. You’ve always had that gift. Even if you haven’t been practicing it as much lately.” Gabriella’s watch chimed and she looked down at it.
Summer couldn’t see what the digital message said, but there were definitely letters flashing across the face, a name, if she had to guess.
“Oh heavens, is he really dying now? I thought that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. Looks like I’ve got to go collect another one. Just embrace that this is what you were born to do, and you’ll find you have more strength than you ever imagined. Goodbye for now, darling.” Gabriella waved, then disappeared, her shimmery outline burned in Summer’s mind.
Over and over she heard Gabriella’s voice, words that felt like they’d stabbed through her skin and dug into her chest. I know you can see the best in people. You’ve always had that gift. Even if you haven’t been practicing it as much lately.
No, she supposed she hadn’t been searching for the best in other people lately. Part of her faith in humanity had never been healed, and she didn’t know if it was good to get her optimism back. You can’t have your faith destroyed if you don’t have any in the first place.
Chapter Six
Cody frowned. “You’re going to sit with them again?”
Summer had spent every lunch since Monday with the group who called themselves The Misfits, trying to win Ashlyn over. At first she’d found herself wishing to be back with her friends—with Kendall and Cody especially. Little by little, though, she was getting to know the people in the other group. She was even beginning to enjoy her lunches filled with unexpected conversations not involving the latest gossip or who was wearing an uggo outfit.
Summer wrapped her arms around Cody’s waist. “I’m going to sit with them for lunch, but I was hoping that after practice you’d come over to my place. My dad and Tiffany are going to be out late tonight, and I could use some company.” She tipped onto her toes and kissed him, knowing this situation called for a little lip on lip persuasion. “What do you say?”
Cody hugged her closer, pressing his hands into the small of her back. “Okay.” He gave her another kiss, lingering for long enough that Summer’s knees were wobbly by the end of it. She nearly teetered when he released her and headed toward his usual table to sit by Jack.
Summer walked toward The Misfits’ table, thinking she was glad she’d stuck it out with Cody. They were on their way back to normal, and she had a feeling she’d need the support over the next…however long it took to take care of this thing with Ashlyn.
“Hey, guys,” she said as she settled into the seat next to Marcie—the girl was sweet as they came, kind and giving and always checking on everyone in the group. Almost like a mom, Summer thought with a pang of longing.
“’Sup, Summer?” Aaron asked, and Darren pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and nodded. The twins were totally obsessed with chess and math, but also nice, with an odd, yet charming sense of humor. And Nelson—well, he marched to the beat of his own drum. He talked on and on about role-playing games, practically speaking a foreign language as far as Summer was concerned. He also carried a digital camera around in order to record every little thing he found interesting. Which, yesterday, had included the way she ate her Double Stuf Oreos—push the chocolate cookies together, lick off the frosting that squeezed out the sides, then eat the rest in two bites. All of them got such a kick out of it, and by the end she was laughing, too.
They’d all been so nice to her, and you just can’t dislike genuine, nice people.
So far, Ashlyn was the only one from the group who’d remained distant and cold. For three days Summer had failed to break through the girl’s tough exterior. Strained, one-word answers filled the conversations she’d tried to have with her. With any luck, today would be the day Ashlyn decided to give her a chance.
Summer smiled across the table at her. “How’s your day going?”
Ashlyn narrowed her gaze, the way she tended to do whenever she looked at Summer. “I saw you with your boyfriend. Why don’t you eat lunch with him?”
“Because I’ll see him later. Right now, I thought I’d hang with you guys.”
“You’re on the dance team, though. The dance team filled with girls who like to make fun of us. I thought you all stuck together and frowned upon independent thinking.”
“Come on, give her a break.” Marcie gave Summer a warm smile. “I like having another person to talk to.”
“Yeah, Ash,” Darren said. “We like Summer being here. We need all the cool we can get.”
“You guys are plenty cool on your own,” Summer said.
Darren grinned, and there was a piece of lettuce stuck to one of his teeth.
Aaron was gripping a pawn in his hand, like it might run away if he didn’t keep his hold on it. “No one’s ever accused us of being cool.”
“Well, I’m accusing you, and I think soon the jury’s going to find you guilty,” Summer said.
Ashlyn rolled her eyes. “I still don’t get your game. No one would choose us over the cool crowd.”
“Maybe I need a little more intellectual stimulation.” Summer smiled over at Darren and Aaron. “Someday I’m going to have you guys teach me how to play chess.”
“And do your homework for you?” Ashlyn asked—more like accused.
“I do okay on my own.”
Darren glanced away from the chess board. “I’ll help you if you want.”
“Let me help you,” Aaron said. “Darren doesn’t know the difference between the tangent line and the secant line.”
“Whatever!” Darren shot back, and the two of them started arguing.
“Now look what you’ve done.” Ashlyn leaned in and lowered her voice. “If you end up hurting their feelings, I’ll make you pay.”
Summer locked eyes with her. “I swear to you, I’m genuinely interested in being friends with them. And you. I don’t understand why you won’t give me a chance. Did I do something to you?”
Ashlyn shook her head. “No. And I’m going to make sure it stays that way.” She tossed her half-eaten apple in her lunchbox and stormed off.
Argh! Things are getting worse instead of better. How am I supposed to fix Ashlyn’s relationship with her mom when I can’t even establish a relationship with Ashlyn?
“Don’t worry,” Marcie said. “She’ll come around.”
Summer watched Ashlyn walk out of the room. But will she come around before it’s too late?
* * *
Summer snuggled with Cody on the couch while the movie played in the background. He leaned in and kissed her neck. “You sure your dad’s not going to be back until late?”
“Yeah, he and Tiffany went to LA to see some play.”
Cody’s lips moved to hers. “You’re so hot.”
“You’re pretty hot yourself,” she said, running her hand down his perfect face and then parting her lips against his. He laid her back against the couch, swirling his tongue around hers. His hands slid up, under her shirt, slipping beneath her bra. He pressed his hips against hers.
Summer’s heartbeat skyrocketed, and her thoughts got fuzzy.
“Summer,” he said on an exhale. The tips of his fingers on her
skin made goose bumps break out across her skin. He dragged them down her stomach. “I’m so glad we’re finally doing this.” He undid the button of her pants and she sucked in a breath. Wait? Doing this?
Oh holy crap, she still wasn’t sure.
And until she was…
“Wait, Cody,” she rasped.
He ignored her, moving to undo her zipper, so she had to push him. “Stop.”
“Damn it, Summer!” He sat back and glared at her, that angry muscle working in his jaw again. “When you told me your dad was going to be out late, I thought you meant…You know. That we could finally—”
“Well, I didn’t!” Summer scooted away from him, re-buttoning her pants. Her breaths were still coming too fast, and she missed his weight on top of her, even as she was thinking inviting him over was a mistake. “I meant what I said. That I could use the company. That we could hang out.”
Cody shook his head. “It’s not enough anymore. I think you’re just playing with me. I tell you I love you, and you never say anything back. You constantly push me away. You’re a tease. I put up with a lot that I wouldn’t have to with someone else.”
Hot tears sprung to her eyes, and she tried to quickly blink them away. “You said you were done pressuring me.”
“Do you love me?”
“You know I do,” she said, surprising herself. Maybe she’d held back saying it, but she knew she did love him. That was why it was so hard to fight with him. To not have sex, when she wasn’t even sure exactly why she was holding back. It wasn’t like the desire wasn’t there.
“Well, I’m sick of going home frustrated and in pain every night,” Cody said, his voice harsh. “Is that how you want me to feel?”
An ache formed over her heart, deepening with every beat. “You’re trying to guilt me into it?”
“No, I’m just saying, I’m done with this. You tell me to go, I’ll go.” Cody’s eyes bored into hers. “But if I do, I’m leaving for good. This is it.”Summer clenched her jaw. He’d given her an ultimatum. Give it up or he’d find someone else. Pain squeezed her chest and more tears were rising, blurring her vision. “Go then! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”