by Tori Rigby
After twenty more minutes of chatting with Jill, I tucked the envelope in the drawer of my nightstand and then crawled into bed. I clutched the polar bear Neil bought me at the zoo and let sleep take me.
chapter sixteen
The house was empty when I came down the next morning. A note on the counter read: Take today to relax. I’ll stop by your school to figure out what we can do to keep you current. See you later. Love, Mom.
Smiling, I helped myself to a huge bowl of cereal then wandered to the office at the front of the house. I rarely used the room, but it was the one place with a computer.
Overprotective mother equals monitored computer usage.
Usually, I used my cell phone for the Internet where my mom couldn’t track every single click—she refused to buy me a laptop—but for the research I wanted to do, I needed more than access to mobile websites. With no one home and nothing to do until Mom and my guidance counselor figured out how to handle the rest of junior year, I’d get a jump start on the research Jill and I planned to do. Mom knew I’d read what was in the envelope from the adoption agency. She couldn’t blame me for seeking out as many details as I could find.
I pulled up my favorite search engine and looked up children born in Aspen on my birthday, hoping there’d be some sort of record as to who the parents were. A few websites were dedicated to people posting “listings” for their birth parents, but none were helpful. Frowning, I tried a few more searches but again got zero results. Growling through my teeth, I closed the browser and smacked the power button on the monitor. I was going to have to wait for Jill and her rocket-scientist brain.
My phone dinged. A text from Heather. I tapped the notification with my thumb. Heard ur not coming back. Good. Couldn’t have a preggo chick on the cheerleading squad anyway. Beth sez thanks for the co-captain spot.
I clutched the device tight in my hand and tried not to chuck it against the wall as my lungs forgot how to breathe. Between Carter’s denial and Heather’s betrayal—
I threw my cell phone onto the carpet, leaned back in the chair, and pressed my fists against my forehead, squeezing my eyes closed and holding my breath. I would not scream. I would not cry.
But I couldn’t deny: I wanted my old life back.
I tried counting to ten, attempting to calm myself like I usually could, and failed. I leaned forward, pressed my forehead against the desk, and wrapped my arms around my waist as sob after sob wracked through my body.
This wasn’t how my life was supposed to be. Sitting at home, doing God knows what to finish school, scheduling appointments with OB/GYNs.
Doing it all alone.
I shut off my emotions. If I couldn’t feel the pain, then I could get through this. No more thinking or feeling—just waking up every morning, doing what I had to, and going back to sleep. Maybe I could just pretend my life was as it used to be.
Sitting up, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, took a deep breath, and stood, grabbing my phone off the floor. I deleted the text from Heather and blocked her number before deleting her from my contacts. So, she had teamed up with Beth against me? Screw her. Screw them both!
After stuffing my face again, I wandered upstairs and grabbed a book off the shelf above my desk. Reading would keep my brain preoccupied. That would be the key—don’t let myself think. If I didn’t think, I couldn’t hurt. I cracked open the novel.
I was about halfway through The Great Gatsby when someone knocked on my door. Mom stood in the entryway, her expression tense.
“Something wrong?” I asked, my stomach slightly flipping. So much for shutting off my emotions.
Mom stepped into my room and crossed her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened at school yesterday?”
I frowned. I hoped we wouldn’t have to have this conversation. “Because I didn’t want to.”
Mom plopped on the bed, across from me. “Well, I stopped to visit with your guidance counselor about finishing your classes online, and she told me what happened in chemistry. This Beth Donaghue girl . . . I want to press charges.”
A chill ran down my spine. “No. Mom, please, don’t do that.” As much as I hated Beth, she was Neil’s sister, and taking her to court would put another strain on him that he didn’t need. Especially when they were scraping by as it was. If we sued, her uncle would never pay for lawyer bills, even though he had more money than most of us could count. Which meant it would be up to Neil to fork over the payment.
I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive Beth for what she did, but I couldn’t let my mom hurt Neil in the process.
“Andie, that video was harassment.”
“Yeah, and she harassed me.” I grabbed Mom’s hand. “Please, let it go.”
She and I stared at each other until she sighed. “I’m at least going to talk to her mother. She needs to be aware—okay, what aren’t you telling me?”
I popped my lip out from between my teeth. I didn’t realize I was squeezing Mom’s hand that hard.
I let her go and sat back. “Beth’s family is . . . complicated.” How else could I explain it without giving away the entire Donaghue sob story?
“Yes, I know about her father’s death and her mother’s problems. But Beth’s mom still needs to know what her daughter did to you.”
“Mom, please.” I tugged on my hair. “If I can let it go, so should you. They already have enough going on without threatening a lawsuit.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Neil Donaghue, does it?”
My stomach fell. How did she know? He’d used Owen’s last name.
Mom let out a disgusted noise. “I knew when I saw that kid that he wasn’t a Danielson. Please stay away from that boy.”
I leaned away from her, my cheeks hot, and crossed my arms. “He’s my friend, and he’s been nothing but kind to me since all of this started.”
“Andrea, you have to trust me here. That boy is nothing but bad news.”
“Oh, yeah? How would you know?”
“Because I’ve known his mother a long time, and he has quite the reputation amongst the girls at the university.”
I ground my teeth and slammed my book on the bed. “Yeah, Mom, he built that reputation on purpose. I’ve been to his house. I’ve seen the handprints his mother leaves on his face. Did you know he was the one who came after me when my cheerleading squad wrote whore on my locker? He was the one who picked me up from the Mini Mart and took care of me when I was hurt. And he was the one who saved me from his sister when she humiliated me with that stupid video.”
“Honey, you’re also an easy target right now. This is what he does.”
I snarled, jumping off the bed. “You know, I was just like you when I met him. Judgmental. Bitchy, even.” She gaped at me. “But he is not like that. Sure, he’s not perfect, but look at me!” I motioned to my growing belly. “Neither am I. You are not going to pull me down the rabbit hole and convince me to despise him when he and Jill are the only two friends I have left!”
And with those words, my insides knotted. I rubbed my heavy chest. I needed to talk to him, to see him. Maybe I was strong enough to find my parents and grow fat on my own. Maybe I could just shut down and let the world pass me by. But, God, I didn’t want to. I really, really didn’t want to.
Mom stood with tears in her eyes. She brushed hair out of her face. She was about to speak when the phone rang. I answered it, not wanting to hear another word.
“Hey, can I still come over?” Jill asked.
“Yes, please.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll be there soon. Got the car tonight!” She sang the last sentence then hung up.
Good. Because we weren’t going to be here long.
As soon as I heard Jill pull into the driveway, I flung open the front door before she could even knock.
“Okay, that was creepy,” she said. “Do you have ESP?”
“No, just supersonic hearing.”
She gave me a look that sai
d yeah right, but I could see in her eyes that she was hopeful. What would she do if we were ever attacked by aliens? Or zombies? Probably have a heart attack from nerdy excitement.
I half-smiled and pulled her into the office. “I need you to do me a favor.”
Jill tipped her head slightly. “Okay?”
“Can you take me to Neil’s?”
“Ooh, he was extra cranky at school today. He’d probably egg my car if I did that.”
I bounced a little and pressed my hands together. “Jill, please. I promise we’ll do a sleepover tomorrow, and we’ll even watch Star Trek. But I really, really need to see him.”
She brightened at the mention of her favorite show. I’d said the magic words.
“Okay, fine. But you have to give me something to look up tonight because your adoption paper thingy made me feel like a private investigator, and I can’t wait to start.”
Grabbing a piece of paper and pen from the desk, I scribbled my birth date and the hospital I was born in. “Here.”
Jill grinned like I’d given her a Golden Globe. She followed me into the foyer where I called up to Mom—she hadn’t left her room since our argument earlier—that I was going to Jill’s and would be back by ten or eleven. I didn’t wait for Mom to remind me I was grounded, and I barreled out the front door while texting Neil.
Are you home? When I sat in the passenger’s seat, my phone chimed.
At Owen’s. Y? Neil typed.
I need to talk to you.
Jill sat behind the steering wheel, staring at me with a raised eyebrow. I was about to make a comment about being patient when Neil replied with Come on over and sent Owen’s address.
Thank you. Be there soon.
O baby. I’ll have a cold shower running.
I rolled my eyes. Even through text messaging, he had to throw in a sarcastic comment.
“He’s at Owen’s,” I told Jill. “He lives by—”
“I know where he lives.” Jill put the car in reverse. I raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged. “Did some research on him to make sure he wasn’t the one helping Beth with her video prank.”
“And?”
“He’s clean.” She smiled.
I sat back in my seat. “You do realize that’s kind of CIA creepy.”
Her eyes widened. “Really? That’s my dream job. Well, the CIA or NASA.”
I shook my head. Thank God I was on Jill’s good side.
“By the way, are you not allowed to see Neil or something? I thought your mom liked him.”
I crossed my arms. “She figured out his last name wasn’t really Danielson.”
“Oh.” Her face lit up. “This is so cool. We’re, like, on a secret, undercover mission. Classified.” The way she said the last word reminded me of Batman.
I laughed. “You are the strangest person I know.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
I smiled and looked out the window, excited and terrified for what would happen when I saw those aquamarine eyes again.
chapter seventeen
Owen’s house was in the nice part of River Springs, the area where all the doctors and lawyers lived. We drove past a gate and down a long driveway lined with beautiful trees every shade of red, orange, and yellow. I pictured myself riding a horse-drawn carriage down the road, dressed in a big gown. How much fun would that have been?
His house was a classical mansion, with three stories, a stone front, and a dark green, perfectly manicured lawn. They probably even had a butler. The driveway curved to the left, and a massive, matching detached garage sat next to the house.
In front of it were four shirtless boys playing basketball, Neil included.
Seeing us pull up, the boys halted their game, and Neil rested the ball on his hip, a cocky grin on his face. My eyes bulged. I’d never seen him half-naked before. His arms, chest, and abs were carved, but not bulky like those guys who spent too many hours in the gym and could crush someone if they squeezed too hard.
Since the day Heather and I had discovered boys were sexy, we’d spent many sleepovers flipping through magazines and ogling the shirtless models. If Neil had been one, his picture would’ve been taped to my wall. And regularly drooled over.
The two boys I didn’t know wandered toward the house, but Owen turned around, stared at me with a goofy grin, then howled like a wolf at the moon. He made a few inappropriate gestures with his hips before a basketball hit him, hard, on his bare back. He laughed and flipped Neil off, grabbed the ball, and then jogged toward his house. My cheeks burned.
Jill laughed at me. “Oh, man. Seeing you right now was so worth the drive.”
And now my face was roasting. “Thanks for the ride.” I stopped gawking at Neil, who was still smirking. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“You bet. I’ll be anxious to hear all about this little rendezvous.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes and pushed open the car door when she laughed again.
Neil held a cigarette to his lips as I walked across the asphalt. He flicked the cigarette into the grass and crushed it before the lawn caught fire. “Like what you see, Princess?”
“Shut up.” My cheeks burned hotter. The closer I got to him, the more I could see. Each lightly-defined muscle. The tattoo on his left pec—two skulls entwined with twisting vine, a ripped ribbon, and words that, when put together, read: Don’t forget the music.
You’re here to talk to him. That’s it. My heart fluttered, and I turned my gaze toward the house. “They didn’t have to leave.”
“Game was over anyway.” He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.
I jumped when his muscles flexed. He really needed to find his clothes.
“Can we go somewhere?” I asked, tucking hair behind my ear and fighting the blush in my cheeks.
“Well, that’s a little faster than I usually go, but if you want—”
I groaned, and he laughed.
“Come on,” he said. “We can talk in the garage.”
I followed him, my arms wrapped around my waist. Neil flung open the door to the detached garage. The building was big enough for four cars, but only Neil’s truck was parked inside. The other side was filled with lawn equipment, a small cot, and a refrigerator with a crumpled shirt on top of it plugged into an outlet in the back wall.
Neil flipped open the hatch on his truck before reaching inside and pulling a blanket from behind the seats—a blanket that matched those on the cot. I frowned. He slept here often. This routine was too natural.
After spreading out the blanket inside the truck’s bed, he jumped down and patted the tailgate. “Hop up.”
“Only if you put a shirt on.”
He smirked. “Well, all right. If it’ll help you concentrate.” Neil wandered to the refrigerator, snatched the shirt, and pulled two green bottles from the machine. I climbed onto the truck’s bed, and he handed one to me. I eyeballed the bottle like it was a bomb.
“Don’t worry; it’s not booze. It’s a clear, fizzy drink some idiot named Sprite,” Neil said.
I took it from him with a glare. Popping the cap, Neil tipped his soda back and chugged the entire thing. Then he tossed the empty container into a yellow trashcan on the other side of the garage. A goofy grin split his face. I half expected him to shout three pointer, but he just turned back to me, leaning on a rear corner of his truck.
“So, what’s up?” he asked.
I bit my lip.
“Come on, Andie. I know you didn’t come all the way out here to stare at my abs and hold an unopened bottle of soda in your hands. Now, spill.”
Butterflies threw a party in my stomach. “How many girls have you been with?”
His eyebrows rose. “Seriously? That’s what you wanted to ask me?”
I flinched. It wasn’t what I’d come here to say; it sort of just popped out. But now that it had, I was curious, and I couldn’t stop my mouth from continuing, “It’s just . . . my mom heard from some of the girls at
the university—”
“Here we go again.” Neil’s face reddened, and he stepped away from the truck, turning his back to me with his hands in his hair.
My fists clenched. “Why can’t you just answer me?”
He spun around, flinging his hands out to his sides. “Because I thought we were past this! What do I have to do to get you to trust me?”
“Answer my question.”
He growled. “I don’t know, all right? I didn’t keep track. Happy now?”
I clenched my teeth and turned my head, my cheeks burning. What had I hoped for? Him to fall on his knees and shout Oh, but none, my love! For I have been waiting for you!
The real world didn’t work like that. I was proof.
“The first,” Neil said, his voice calm, “was when I was fifteen, and it was awful. Like, I’m pretty sure that the majority of my slobber went up her nose, and I spent the whole rest of sophomore year terrified the nickname ‘One Second Man’ would follow me to Hell.”
Unable to stop a smirk, I pressed my lips together. I didn’t look at him, but I felt him getting closer.
“The second was Owen’s sister, Lila. She was two years older than me, and we had a thing for a few months. But it never went anywhere. She was the one who first got my reputation going, though. Never did thank her for that, but I probably should have. And the rest . . . they were stupid, one-time hookups to—I don’t know—forget about all the shit at home.”
I winced. Any tiny grin that covered my face moments before died. Was Mom right? Was a fling all he wanted from me? I should’ve stayed blind to his experience. Not that I had any room to talk. Yes, I was inexperienced—Carter was my only, and it lasted, like, two minutes—but I was pregnant, for goodness sake. Definitely shouldn’t be judging Neil.
“Why are you telling me all this?” I asked.
“Because I’m tired of you thinking I’m trying to hide the truth or manipulate you.”
Looking at the ground, I picked at the cap on my Sprite bottle. I hadn’t really thought any of those things, not anymore. Why had I let my mother get in my head?
“What’s this really about?” Neil asked. By now, he stood in front of me, and he took the bottle from my grasp and then set it on the ground.