by M J Porter
She quickly kindled a fire using the heat stone and more of Arrow’s fur in her one time friends steading. In the windless day, it spread quickly along what remained of the wooden frame and she heard the hiss of the snow covered roof as it melted under the fresh onslaught of the flames. Then, with a few quiet words of remembrance, she turned and walked away, back almost the way she had come, vowing to find a reason to maintain her solitary existence.
* * *
She was working from her memory and she gravely feared it was not as good as she was giving it credit for. Whilst she had been to Erann’s home before, it had been an incredibly long time ago when she had been a girl, and had not been from this direction. She vaguely knew the map of the quarters from her time when her father had proudly owned one. Again, it had been a long time ago. With the weather so severe and her resources practically non-existent she could not afford to become lost or unduly delayed. Her life and Arrow’s depended on it.
After her harrowing visit to Estrith’s she had travelled around the edge of Vatna Jokull, in the direction she hoped was towards Erann’s home. In her mind she knew that there had been a small amalgamation of steadings near Estrith’s and she had shied away from them on purpose. She did not want to risk finding another family who had perished during the terrible Long Night. However in avoiding it she had lost some of her confidence in her bearings and she could now feel the faint stirrings of panic in the pit of her stomach which was warring with her rumbling stomach, and made her feel quite ill.
In the distance she could hear the faint trickle of running water and hoped that meant she was close to Olafsfjord. If it was Olafsfjord she was still going in the right direction, however, it was equally likely to be Sweinsfjord, and if it was, she was travelling in completely the wrong direction and it would take her at least another full day to reverse her mistake.
She had been walking up hill, for what felt like forever, and whilst Arrow seemed exuberant about the whole thing, she was less than pleased. It meant she would go downhill eventually but it didn’t detract from the agony in her shins now, or the discomfort of the sweat dripping down her back and also down her face and into her eyes.
It felt surprisingly warm today but she knew that her efforts were masking how cold it really was and once she stopped, or went downhill, a chill would quickly set in. She was purposefully not taking off her fur neck wrap or heavy fur cloak even though they were sweltering. She knew she would need them back on soon enough so why bother letting them get cold.
Her breath was steaming in the cool air in front of her and her throat was aching from its frigidity. Although the thaw was certainly beginning in places, on the lee side of Vatna Jokull it was freezing and the air temperature so low that nothing would melt.
The previous night had been cloudless and freezing; the stars and the planets, pristine in the twilit dusty sky. It had been beautiful, or at least, it had been until Sereh had realised how cold it was and that she had nothing to add to the heat stone to make a fire. Instead she had held it tight to her body all night, Arrow on the other side. The winds had screeched and the sky had remained clear. She had finally slept huddled on her side, only to wake shortly afterwards, shivering uncontrollably. Arrow had tried to keep her warm, but it had been useless. Eventually she had retreated as far as she could get into the back of the cave Arrow had found, where she had huddled in a corner away from the freezing draughts and the onslaught of the wind. In her semi-delirious state she had convinced herself that the rocks themselves were warm and had laid her wind chapped cheek on the rock as she vainly hugged it for a warmth she had convinced herself was there. Arrow had again lain against her back and she then slept the night through, only to waken aching from her awkward position. She had wanted to laugh at herself for imagining the rocks were tepid; however, she could not deny that they had still felt lukewarm to the touch.
She had eaten a sparse breakfast of coagulated blood and a peat cake, shared with Arrow, and had then returned outside to a blindingly bright day, crystalline with a deep frost, which made the snow crunch as she walked over its purple surface. Now the day was again drawing to a close, the sun setting in a profusion of deep purples and deep pinks. It was a truly beautiful sight and Sereh promised herself that when she reached the peak of this particular hill, she would stop and admire it. If she was correct in her directions, she would only have a short journey down into a more secluded and hopefully, cave strewn valley, where she would be able to spend the interminable night. If she was wrong she could be almost anywhere.
With relief, and a final protest from her screaming lungs and aching shins, she reached the peak. Arrow was already there, having a good sniff around. Sereh hoped she would catch something. It would be nice to have a change in their diet. Her relief increased when she realised that she was in the right place. Her memory had been correct. Thank the Gods.
She stood, hands on hips, looking at the view before her. She could see much of the northern part of the eastern quarter arrayed before her from this height but she could see few details, just the expanse of unending white as it was shaded a deep purple by the setting sun. She looked behind her and to the west. The sun was a dazzling ball of deepest orange, accompanied by a deep streak of blue and then a higher one in green. The view made her catch her breath and to inadvertently think of Erann and why she had chosen to find him.
She was still more than a little angry with him for leaving her as he had, but right now he was the only hope in her future and so she found her feelings towards him difficult to interpret. She was annoyed, she was hopeful and if she was honest with herself, she was also looking forward to seeing him again.
It had been rotations since she had last seen him, and yet somehow she had known him on sight, even if that sight had been of him, unconscious, on the glacier. She had been pleased to help him, more than pleased, and she wondered why. They had never been close, yes, he had made efforts to include her in games as a child, but that had been it. So why did she now feel drawn to him? Why did she look to him for hope when there was no other chance of hope? She examined her motives from a number of angles and eventually decided that it must be because they were both victims of Rankil and his games. There could be no other explanation.
As she clambered down from the crest of the mountain she was gratified that tomorrow she would see him again, and hopeful, that somehow, he would help her.
She found a cave for the night easily and Arrow helpfully appeared with a small dead hare that would provide both food and fuel for the fire once it had been gutted. Later, feeling sated Sereh lay down to sleep wrapped in her fur and with her wolf at her feet. As she did she decided the outlook for tomorrow was certainly improved on that of today, or any other day recently, for that matter.
* * *
She woke early the next day, feeling energised in a way that had been lacking since she had found her friend and family dead. She had slept deeply and well, without waking from the discomfort of cold or from being in an uncomfortable position. Again, the floor had felt warm against her body when she had settled down for the night and still did when she woke. She shook her head in wonderment. There had been so many instances now that she felt sure that she was not imagining it. It accounted for the caves she had found being free of ice, whereas everywhere else was snow or ice enshrined. She had dreamt but could not now remember any of the dreams and was only left with the residual feeling that they had been soft and calming. Arrow was as eager to leave as she was and neither felt the need to eat before they left. She did however down the tepid water she’d left to melt in the ashes of the fire.
There had been no snowstorm last night, and she was hopeful that the freak storms that had initially raged so forcefully each night, had now ended. Instead it had been a blisteringly cold night and she walked out of her cave to be greeted with beautifully crystallised snow that sparkled even in the early morning light. It would be slippery to walk on and she reached down and ensured her snow-shoes were tightly la
ced to her sealskin boots. She did not want to slip and injure herself. She did however want to make good time, and it was still not fully light, when she crested the last rise and looked down on the snug valley where Erann’s home lay. His steading was the only one that sheltered under the overhanging mountain and looked to be almost part of the mountain itself. A smile split her face, and then widened as she saw a figure trudging up to the entrance of the steading. It was Erann, she knew it. She raced down the slope before her, with Arrow following swiftly behind. She slipped and slide in her haste to reach him, and then righted herself when she reached the bottom of the slope. He had looked shocked when first he had seen her, and not a little scared. Now his eyes bored into hers, and she felt her own smile freeze on her face. She looked at him, and he looked back at her with surprise on his face.
“What are you doing here?” his tone was more aggressive than inquisitive.
“I came to give you this, and to ask you about it”, she stepped forward and held out the journal she had found in his backpack. Relief spread across his face, and he eagerly stepped forward to take the journal from her. His fingers brushed hers as he took it from her hand. A shock ran through her frozen fingers, and a pleasant ache hummed in its wake. His face, which on seeing her, had seemed drawn and haggard, brightened as he greedily ran his fingers over the binding of the journal. She decided to ignore his initial surly question.
“Where did you find this?” he asked in his soft voice.
“You left it in your backpack when you left me on the glacier”. As hard as she tried, the bitterness in her voice gave away her feelings about the whole sorry episode.
His face scrunched in pain at her words and it clouded.
“Yes, about that. I am very sorry you know but I … I didn’t know why I was there, or rather how I got there. In fact I still don’t, and I thought that maybe you would run back to Rankil and tell him about our strange meeting and I couldn’t have that. My relationship with the man is difficult enough as it is, without tales of my aimless wanderings reaching his ears. I didn’t know, and you didn’t say that you were running away from him. I know now. I know all about what happened with you and him and I am sorry. More sorry that you can ever know. At the time. At that moment,” he stumbled and started again, having taken a deep breath,
“When I woke up in the morning and realised that I still had no idea how I had arrived at the glacier, I panicked and thought I needed to get far away from you. I did do the right thing – but I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I’m just glad that in the rush, I left the backpack with you, otherwise you wouldn’t have survived, would you?”
The words rushed out almost without pause and Sereh struggled to keep up with what he was telling her. She supposed it sort of made sense, but it didn’t stop her feeling resentful towards him. After all, he had left her whilst she slept and for the first few moments when she woke she had worried that he had wondered off again, especially when she realised he had left his pack. That unease had quickly turned to fear as she had noticed where his tracks had led. She had been disturbed that he was going to Rankil’s and that he would turn her in, and that Rankil would come looking for her. In fact, until this moment she had still been unsure of his intentions. For the last few nights she had been torn between indecision and fear at what to do. Coupled with the shocking discovery of her friend’s burnt down steading, she felt as though she had been part of a walking nightmare. She was a little hurt that he was still adamant that he had done the right thing in walking away. In the spirit of mutual reconciliation she decided to let it pass. It was nice to see someone who was actually pleased to see her. It filed her with a warm glow she had never experienced before. Anyway, she had more pressing questions,
“What do you mean, you know all about Rankil and me?”
“My sister told me about what he made you do.” He said it in a very matter of fact way and yet she sucked in her breath at the knowledge that he had bothered to find out about her. She gave him an encouraging look to go on.
“Nobody should be made to do that, unless to their own child and it be their own decision. I don’t know how you did it, well that’s not true. I do know how you did it. You did it because you had no choice. It must have been terrible and I understand why you ran away when you had the chance. What I don’t understand is how you survived that night or how I survived the night on the glacier”, he muttered in a quiet voice.
Sereh smiled to herself,
“I know how I survived the night. There’s no mystery there. Arrow found a cave and we slept in it – keeping each other warm. Not that that helps you. I don’t know how you survived. Have you remembered nothing?”
Erann looked at her with an unfathomable expression on his face and then dropped his eyes back down to the journal he was still clutching in his hands. Sereh waited patiently but after a long moment she realised that an answer would not be forthcoming.
“Why are you here? Why have you come home alone?”
Again, Erann’s eyes glanced at her face, appraising her, before he slowly spoke,
“After my time with Rankil, I had … concerns about his intentions, so I decided to come here. I have a feeling that he has plans for this steading which can only be carried out when it’s empty. ”
Sereh couldn’t keep the shocked expression from forming on her face,
“Nobody has done anything like that for hundreds of rotations. Our society abhors violence. I know that he’s unscrupulous and mean and over keen of the sound of his own voice. Surely he couldn’t be this obvious about his intentions?”
Erann barked out a short laugh before quickly smothering it,
“Rankil is as bad as all the villains in our history all piled into one. Oh, he says the right things and comes across as a decent Jarl. Yet deep down he is plotting and he always has been. I believe my sister. He kills his own children ...” at that Sereh flinched, “he takes what isn’t his and he has managed to bring about my father’s exile. This is not a man who baulks at anything. He has some plan, something that I don’t understand, but he has planned it and the Gods know where it will end. I think he is coming to take this farm”, Erann pointed at the steading nestled protectively into the side of the valley, “which has been in my family for many generations, and then I imagine he will burn it down as a warning to all those who oppose his wishes.”
Sereh was appalled. Her people were mostly peaceful, few had weapons and even those who did used them for ironmongery or farming. What could possess Rankil to act in this way? The stories she had read about her people in the past were all at pains to show that everyone needed to work together to survive in their harsh land. Not a single one of the sagas she had read so much as mentioned actual violence, only ever the threat. For all the terrible things that Rankil had done, she couldn’t help but question Erann’s words. It made no sense to take another’s lands – especially when they were so distant from his own. He could not possibly hope to farm them both at the same time. It was an impossibility.
“Why would he want your steading? What help can it be to him?”
Anger flashed in Erann’s eyes,
“It’s the symbolism of the thing. He is trying to be my father. He has sent him into exile, taken his daughter to wife and now he wants to take the physical home of the Jarl of the Eastern Quarter. With it in his power people will have nowhere to turn to. They will have to accept Rankil’s words and actions. At the moment and even in our weak and feeble condition, we, I mean my mother, brother and me, could stand as opponents to him. Even though we cannot participate in gift giving any more, if he upsets other farmers then they may come to us and pledge us their support against him. He can’t allow that to happen. He is constantly battling tradition and precedent with his every move – he wants us gone – my mother dead, my home torn apart and my brother and I left as useless hanger-ons, dependent on other people’s generosity to survive. You should have seen his face when Aras asked if the herb woman could come and nurse my m
other. He looked like he had just swallowed curdled milk from last rotations store.”
Sereh could imagine what he’d looked like. Rankil wore an almost permanent sneer that could be exasperated by anything spoken in his presence that he did not want to hear. Erann hadn’t finished though,
“I came to check, to make sure that everything that could be moved from the steading had been moved. I also came to check for my journal”.
As he spoke a smile lit his face, and his tone was gentle, so different from his previous heated words.
“Thank you for bringing it back to me – it is far more than I deserve”.
Sereh found herself smiling in return even though she did not want to,
“It’s no bother. It’s not as if I had anywhere else to go. Anyway, I had to try and figure out what you would have told Rankil and I thought the best way to do that was to ask you.”
“You know, you could have told me what had happened to you. I would have tried to help. Although, I guess, I didn’t hang around long enough for you to tell me anything. Come inside. I want to check everything and then I need to decide where to go from here. I imagine you do as well”.
Sereh looked at him hesitantly before following him into the squat turf roofed steading. She realised that he was right. She had given no thought to her actions after this day, and he didn’t seem to be including her in his plans for his future. What would she do now? Now that she had given Erann back the journal, albeit without yet asking him about its contents, she had no plans. She must ask him about it, but he seemed too preoccupied right now. She shelved it to ask him when they parted ways. What was she to do with herself?