Well … what was this other discrepancy, anyway?
GIBBS (flatly)
It was not 6457, sir, whom you interviewed on the 17th.
ROOTE
Gibbs.
GIBBS
Sir?
ROOTE
One question.
GIBBS
Sir.
ROOTE
Are you taking the piss out of me?
GIBBS
Most decidedly not, sir.
Slight pause
ROOTE
All right. You have just said it was not 6457 I interviewed on the 17th. What evidence have you got to support your contention?
GIBBS
The figures in your diary, sir.
ROOTE
Figures?
GIBBS
One figure, sir. If I may … (He bends over the desk.) … this one.
ROOTE
Which one?
GIBBS
This one. It’s not a seven, sir. It’s a nine.
ROOTE
Nine?
GIBBS
Nine, sir. The number is 645 … 9.
ROOTE
Good God, so it is. Nine. Well, it’s not a very clear nine, is it?
GIBBS
It was in fact 6459 whom you interviewed, sir.
ROOTE
Must have been. That’s funny. I wonder why I thought it was seven. (He rises abruptly.) The whole thing’s ridiculous! The system’s wrong. (He walks across the room.) We shouldn’t use. these stupid numbers at all. Only confuses things. Why don’t we use their names, for God’s sake? They’ve got names, haven’t they?
GIBBS
It was your predecessor who instituted the use of numbers, sir.
ROOTE
How do you know?
GIBBS
So I understand, sir.
ROOTE
You weren’t even here then.
GIBBS
No, sir.
ROOTE
I was.
GIBBS
Quite, sir.
ROOTE
I was standing where you’re standing now. I can tell you that. Saying yes sir, no sir and certainly sir. Just as you are now. I didn’t bribe anyone to get where I am. I worked my way up. When my predecessor … retired … I was invited to take over his position. And have you any idea why you call me sir now?
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
Why?
GIBBS
Because you called him sir then, sir.
ROOTE
Right!
Pause
But I sometimes think I’ve been a bit slow in making changes. Change is the order of things, after all. I mean it’s in the order of things, it’s not the order of things, it’s in the order of things.
Slight pause
Still, I sometimes think I could have instituted a few more changes – if I’d had time. I’m not talking about many changes or drastic changes. That’s not necessary. But on this numbers business, for instance. It would make things so much simpler if we called them by their names. Then we’d all know where we were. After all, they’re not criminals. They’re only people in need of help, which we try to give, in one way or another, to the best of our discretion, to the best of our judgement, to help them regain their confidence, confidence in themselves, confidence in others, confidence in … the world. What? They’re all people specially recommended by the Ministry, after all. They’re not any Tom, Dick or … or … er … Harry.
He stops, brooding.
I often think it must depress them … somewhat … to have a number rapped at them all the time. After some of them have been here a few years they’re liable to forget what names their fathers gave them. Or their mothers.
Pause
One of the purposes of this establishment is to instill that confidence in each and every one of them, that confidence which will one day enable them to say ‘I am … Gubbins’, for example. Not easy, not easy, agreed, but it makes it doubly difficult if they’re constantly referred to as 5244, doesn’t it? We lose sight of their names and they lose sight of their names. I sometimes wonder if it’s the right way to go about things. (He sits at the desk.)
GIBBS
Would you like me to place further consideration of this matter on the agenda, sir?
ROOTE (sharply)
Certainly not. We can’t.
GIBBS
Can’t, sir?
ROOTE
You know damn well we can’t. That was one of the rules of procedure laid down in the original constitution. The patients are to be given numbers and called by those numbers. And that’s how it’s got to remain. You understand?
GIBBS
Perfectly, sir.
GIBBS goes to the filing cabinet.
ROOTE
A death on the premises?
GIBBS
Sir?
ROOTE
A death? You say this man has died?
GIBBS
6457, sir? Yes, sir.
ROOTE
Which one was he?
GIBBS
You had quite a lot to do with him, actually, sir.
ROOTE
He was a man I dealt with personally?
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
Well, which one was he, for God’s sake?
GIBBS
You knew him well, sir.
ROOTE
You keep saying that! But I can’t remember a damn thing about him. What did he look like?
Pause
GIBBS
Thinnish.
ROOTE
Fairheaded?
GIBBS (sitting)
Not darkheaded, sir.
Pause
ROOTE
Tall?
GIBBS
Certainly not small.
Pause
ROOTE
Quite a sharp sort of face?
GIBBS
Quite sharp, yes, sir.
ROOTE
Yes.
Pause
Yes, he had a sharp sort of face, didn’t he?
GIBBS
I should say it was sharp, sir, yes.
ROOTE
Limped a bit?
GIBBS
Oh, possibly a trifle, sir.
ROOTE
Yes, he limped. He limped on his left leg.
GIBBS
His left, sir?
ROOTE
Well, one of them. I’m sure of it.
GIBBS
Yes, he had a slight limp, sir.
ROOTE
Yes, of course he had.
Pause
He had a slight limp. Whenever he walked anywhere … he limped. Prematurely grey, he was. Prematurely grey.
Pause
Yes, I remember him very well.
Pause
He’s dead, you say?
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
Then why wasn’t I told? It’s your job to keep me informed of all developments in this building, no matter how slight, no matter how trivial. I demand an answer. Why wasn’t I told?
GIBBS
You signed the death certificate, sir.
GIBBS goes to the filing cabinet.
ROOTE
Did he get a decent burial?
GIBBS
Oh, very decent, sir.
ROOTE
I don’t see why I wasn’t invited. Who said the last words over him?
GIBBS
There were no last words, sir.
ROOTE (appalled)
No last words?
ROOTE rises, walks to the window, looks out.
Snowing. Isn’t it the patients’ exercise time?
GIBBS
Not today, sir.
ROOTE
Why not?
GIBBS
It’s Christmas day, sir.
ROOTE goes back to the desk and sits.
ROOTE
All
right, that’s all for now. Bear everything in mind.
He examines some papers. GIBBS does not move. ROOTE looks up.
What is it? What are you waiting for?
GIBBS
You asked me a question earlier, sir, which I haven’t yet had a chance to answer.
ROOTE
Haven’t had a chance? What do you mean? That I’ve been talking too much or something?
GIBBS
Not at all, sir. We simply passed on to another topic.
ROOTE (regarding him)
Gibbs.
GIBBS
Sir?
ROOTE (confidentially)
Between ourselves, man to man, you’re not by any chance taking the old wee-wee out of me, are you?
GIBBS
Most assuredly not, sir. By no means. I merely feel it incumbent upon me to answer any questions you put to me, or to do my best to do so. You are dependent upon me for certain information and I feel it in the line of duty to supply you with it, especially when it is by specific request.
ROOTE
Stop mouthing! This has been a most exhausting morning. If the morning’s like this what’s the rest of the day going to be like? There’s no system, that’s the trouble. Look. The next time I ask you a question answer it and we won’t waste so much time fiddling about. Things are getting much too slack around here.
Pause
Well, come on, what was this question?
GIBBS
You asked me, sir –
ROOTE
Wait!
He leans forward on the desk.
(Quietly.) Before you go on, Gibbs, let me say one thing. Be sure that what you say is accurate. You are about to quote a question you say I put to you. I don’t know what you’re going to say, but immediately you’ve said it I shall know whether I said it, or whether I didn’t. I shall know.
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
I didn’t get this job for nothing, I can assure you. I shall know. Have no doubt whatsoever on that point.
GIBBS
No, sir.
ROOTE
Stick to the facts, man, and we won’t go far wrong.
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
Pause
ROOTE
Well, what was this question?
GIBBS
You asked me how 6459 was getting on, sir.
Pause
ROOTE (expressionless)
Did I?
GIBBS
To be quite accurate, sir, it was 6457 you inquired after, but, of course, 6457 is dead. We agreed, after examining certain discrepancies, that it was 6459 you were referring to.
Pause
ROOTE (expressionless)
Did we?
The lights fade on the office. They go up on the sitting room. MISS CUTTS and LAMB enter the sitting room.
LAMB
That was fun, I must say. You know you really play extraordinarily well, Miss Cutts.
CUTTS
Do I?
LAMB
Oh, excellent. I enjoyed it immensely.
MISS CUTTS sits. LAMB goes to the coffee machine.
LAMB
Black or white?
CUTTS
Black.
LAMB (chuckling)
I must say I got the surprise of my life, you know, when you came up to me this morning and asked me if I played table tennis. What I mean is, considering we’ve never spoken to each other before.
He gives her a coffee.
It was really very nice of you.
Do you play often?
CUTTS
Not often.
LAMB
Well, it’s a damn good piece of luck that our rotas coincide at this time of the morning, isn’t it? It’ll be something to look forward to, a game of ping-pong. I haven’t played for ages.
Pause. He sits with his coffee.
Do you like it here?
CUTTS
Oh, I do. It’s so rewarding.
LAMB
Your work?
CUTTS
Terribly rewarding.
LAMB
You’ve been here some time, of course?
CUTTS
Mmnn. Oh yes.
LAMB
What about Mr. Roote? How do you get on with him?
CUTTS
Oh, such a charming person. So genuine.
LAMB
Yes, I’m sure he is. I haven’t really … spoken to him yet. Although I expect I will be meeting him, very soon now.
He stands, walks about.
I only wish I had a bit more to do. I’m a very energetic sort of chap, you know. Tremendous mental energy. I’m the sort of chap who’s always thinking – you know what I mean? Then, when I’ve thought about something, I like to put it into action. I mean, I think a lot about the patients, you see.
Pause
You have quite a bit to do with them, I suppose?
CUTTS
Mmmn ……
LUSH walks quickly into the sitting room.
LUSH
Have you seen Gibbs?
LAMB
Gibbs?
LUSH goes.
What a curious thing. Did you hear that, Miss Cutts? That was Lush. He asked if we’d seen Gibbs.
MISS CUTTS is leaning back in her chair.
CUTTS
Mmnn?
LAMB
Lush. Popped his head in the door just now. Asked if we’d seen Gibbs.
CUTTS
And have we?
LAMB
I haven’t.
Pause
You know, I … I haven’t really got used to this place.
Pause
Do you know what I mean? I wouldn’t say this to anyone else but you, of course. The fact is, I haven’t made much contact with any of the others. Hogg said good morning to me in a very nice way about a week ago when I bumped into him near the gym, but I haven’t seen him since. (With sudden briskness.) No, you see, what happened was this – the Ministry said to me, I was working in one of their other departments at the time, doing something quite different – well, anyway, they called me up and they said to me – ‘You’ve been posted’. Well, I’d heard about this place, of course. I was delighted. But … but what exactly is the post, I said. You’ll learn that when you get down there, they said, but we think you’ve got the right qualifications.
Pause
That’s what they said. That was over a year ago.
Pause
And I’ve never learned who the man was I took over from, and I’ve never found out why he left, either. Anyway I’m pretty sure he wasn’t doing the job I’m doing. Or if he was doing the same job he wasn’t doing it in exactly the same way. The whole rota’s been altered since he left, for a start. He couldn’t have been doing my rota, and if he wasn’t doing my rota he can hardly be said to have been doing my job. Rotas make all the difference.
Pause
I mean, my job, for instance. I have to see that all the gates are locked outside the building and that all the patients’ doors are locked inside the building. It gives me exercise, I’ll say that. It takes me two hours and six minutes, approximately, to try every gate and every door, then I can stand still for ten minutes, then off I go again. I have the regulation breaks, of course. Breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. Still, I feel a bit whacked when my shift’s over, I must admit. But as I said it gives me time to think – not when I’m testing the locks, of course – but in between locks – it gives me time to think, and mostly I think about the patients. I get some very good ideas while I think, honestly. As a matter of fact, I hear one receives a little token of esteem, sometimes – I mean after a certain period. I’ve got a feeling that mine’s almost due.
Pause
Perhaps it might even be promotion.
Pause
Quite frankly, I can’t make much more progress with this job I was allocated. There’s not enough scope. I wish I could deal with the
patients – directly. I’ve thought out a number of schemes, you know, ideas, for a really constructive, progressive approach to the patients – in fact, I’ve sent them in to the office. Haven’t heard anything yet. I think possibly what’s happening is that on the evidence of these schemes I sent in they’re considering promotion. Look, I want to ask you, these schemes of mine – you know, the ones I’ve sent in to the office – do you think that was the right place to send them, or should I have handed them in personally to someone? The point is, who?
MISS CUTTS looks at her watch. She stands.
CUTTS
Will you excuse me? I’m afraid I have an appointment.
She goes to the door. LAMB follows.
LAMB
You’re the only friend I’ve got here, to be quite frank. I don’t seem to be able to … reach the others. Don’t know why. After all, I share their interests. Wouldn’t you say?
They go out.
The lights fade on the sitting room. They go up on the office. ROOTE and GIBBS are in the same positions.
ROOTE (deliberately)
Well, how is 6459 getting on?
GIBBS
She’s given birth to a boy, sir.
Pause
ROOTE
She … has … what?
GIBBS
Given birth, sir.
ROOTE
To … a what?
GIBBS
A boy, sir.
Pause
ROOTE
I think you’ve gone too far, Gibbs.
GIBBS
Not me, sir, I assure you.
ROOTE leans across the desk.
ROOTE
Given birth?
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
To a child?
GIBBS
Yes, sir.
ROOTE
On these premises?
GIBBS
On the fourth floor, sir.
ROOTE rises, leans over the desk to GIBBS, about to speak, unable to speak, turns, leaves the desk, walks heavily across the room.
ROOTE
Sex?
GIBBS
Male.
ROOTE sinks on to the sofa.
ROOTE
This has made my morning. It really has made my morning.
He takes a pair of glasses out of his pocket, puts them on and looks across the room to GIBBS.
I’m dumbstruck. Quite thunderstruck. Absolutely thunderstruck! This has never happened before. Never! In all the years I’ve been here, in all the years my predecessor was here. And I’m quite certain never before him. To spend years and years, winter after winter, trying to perfect the working of an institution so fragile in its conception and execution, so fragile the boundary between the achievement of one’s aspirations and their collapse, not only one’s own aspirations; rather the aspirations of a whole community, a tradition, an ideal; such a delicately wrought concept of participation between him who is to be treated and him who is to treat that it defies analysis; trying to sustain this fine, fine balance, finer than a … finer than a …… far, far finer. Year after year, and so refined the operation that the softest breath, the breath of a … feather … can send the whole thing tottering into chaos, into ignominy, to the death and cancellation of all our hopes. Goodness gracious.
Harold Pinter Plays 1 Page 16