Pause
I also pointed out that we had carte blanche from the Ministry. She left much moved by my recital.
Pause
GIBBS
Thank you for your report, Mr. Lush.
LUSH
No congratulations?
GIBBS consults his watch and goes to the internal telephone.
GIBBS
Will you excuse me?
LUSH
I’ll excuse you for the time being, Gibbs.
He goes out.
GIBBS (into the phone)
22, please. (Pause.) Sir? Gibbs here. I’d like to speak with Miss Cutts, if I may, with reference to that matter we were discussing earlier. Thank you. (Pause.) Miss Cutts? I believe you know a man called Lamb. He’s on the staff. Yes. I would be obliged if you would collect him and bring him to number one interviewing room. When I join you, perhaps you would be so kind as to go to 1A control room. I shall be glad of your participation. Thank you.
He replaces the receiver, and leaves the room.
The lights fade on the sitting room.
The lights go up on the. left stage area, including the stairway.
MISS CUTTS, followed by LAMB, appears at the foot of the stairway. They ascend. MISS CUTTS is wearing a white coat.
LAMB
But what do you think it’s all about? I mean, he wanted to see me particularly, did he?
CUTTS
Oh yes. Particularly.
LAMB (stopping)
But he didn’t say why?
CUTTS
No.
LAMB
You know, I don’t know why, but as soon as you said ‘Mr Gibbs wants to see you,’ I felt an extraordinary uplift. Isn’t it amazing? Really, I felt uplifted. I still do, I must say …
They go out of sight. The lights come up on the sound-proof room. MISS CUTTS and LAMB enter the sound-proof room.
It’s very curious, I know, but I really feel it’s … significant. I mean, why should I suddenly feel uplifted … You know, I can’t help thinking, I know it’s very silly of me, but I can’t help thinking this is something to do with my promotion. Do you think he’s read my schemes? I mean, why else would he send for me when I was on duty?
GIBBS enters the room from another door. He wears a white coat.
CUTTS
Mr Gibbs, have you met Mr Lamb?
GIBBS
How do you do?
LAMB
How do you do?
CUTTS
Would you excuse me a minute, please?
She leaves the room by the other door.
GIBBS
Would you take a seat, Mr Lamb?
LAMB
This one?
GIBBS
Yes, this one.
LAMB sits.
GIBBS
I’m delighted to meet you.
LAMB
Thank you. I must say I’ve always enjoyed my work here tremendously … I mean, you really get the feeling here that something … important is going on, something really valuable, and to be associated with it in any way can’t be seen in any other light than as a privilege.
GIBBS
That’s a very heartening attitude.
LAMB
Oh, I really mean it, quite sincerely.
GIBBS
Good. I’ve heard a great deal about you, you know.
LAMB
Really?
GIBBS
Yes, there’s quite a lot I’d like to talk to you about, when we have the time. But in the meanwhile I wonder … if you’d give me a helping hand?
LAMB
I’d be quite delighted!
GIBBS
That’s the spirit! (With no undue emphasis.) Miss Cutts, could you come down, please?
LAMB
What did you say?
GIBBS
I beg your pardon?
LAMB
Did you speak to Miss Cutts just now?
GIBBS
Yes, I asked her to come down.
LAMB
But where from?
GIBBS
From room 1A.
LAMB
But did she hear you?
GIBBS
Oh yes.
LAMB
How?
GIBBS (pointing)
That mike. It’s just been switched on.
LAMB (laughing)
Oh, I see.
Pause
Curious kind of room, isn’t it?
GIBBS
It’s a sound-proof room.
Enter MISS CUTTS.
Ah, Miss Cutts. Now, Lamb, what I’d like is for you to help us with some little tests. Will you do that?
LAMB
Tests? I’d be delighted. That’s what I hoped I’d be doing when I first came down here.
GIBBS
Really? Good.
LAMB
What kind of tests are they?
GIBBS
Experiments.
LAMB
Oh, I see.
GIBBS
Well, we have a very willing subject, Miss Cutts.
CUTTS
We do.
GIBBS
Oh by the way, Lamb, Merry Christmas.
LAMB
Thanks. Merry Christmas to you. And to you, Miss Cutts.
CUTTS
Thank you. And to you. (To GIBBS.) And to you too.
GIBBS
And to you. (Briskly.) Now – perhaps you would fit the electrodes to Mr. Lamb’s wrists.
LAMB
Electrodes?
GIBBS
Yes.
CUTTS
Could I have your hand, Mr. Lamb?
MISS CUTTS brings an electrode from her pocket and attaches it to LAMB’s wrist.
CUTTS
Now the other one.
She attaches a second electrode.
LAMB
What are they … exactly?
GIBBS
They’re electric. You don’t feel anything, of course. Best thing to do is forget all about them.
CUTTS
Now I’m going to plug in.
She bends at the wall, where, through a hole, three leads protrude. She picks up two and returns to LAMB.
GIBBS
Now she’s going to plug in. You see the little socket on each of those electrodes? They’re for the plug. (He watches MISS CUTTS plug in.) That’s right. First plug in A, then plug in B. Right. Now you’re plugged in.
LAMB
Oh, you’ve … got to be plugged in, have you?
GIBBS (with a chuckle)
Oh yes, got to be plugged in. The leads go right through the wall and up to the control room, you see. We’re plugged in the other end.
LAMB
You?
GIBBS (laughing)
No, no, not me. You. Into the receiving set.
LAMB
Oh, I see. What are these … what are these electrodes for, exactly?
GIBBS
They measure electrical potential on the skin.
LAMB
Oh.
GIBBS
Engendered by neural activity, of course.
LAMB
Oh, of course.
GIBBS
Electrical impulses, in a word. You can imagine how important they are and yet how little we know about them. Right. Now the earphones.
MISS CUTTS stoops, picks up the earphones, attaches them to LAMB’s head.
LAMB
Earphones?
GIBBS
Yes, same principle. Plugged in at the socket on your head, plugged in at the other end in our control room. (Cheeringly.) Don’t worry, they’re nice long leads, all of them. Plenty of leeway. No danger of strangulation.
LAMB (laughing)
Oh yes. Good.
GIBBS
By the way, your predecessor used to give us a helping hand occasionally, too, you know. Before you came, of course.
LAMB
My predecessor?
CUTTS
Could you just keep still a second, Mr Lamb, while I plug in the earphones?
LAMB is still. She plugs.
Thank you.
GIBBS
Comfortable?
LAMB
Yes, thank you. My predecessor, did you say?
GIBBS
Yes, the chap you took over from.
LAMB
Oh! Did he really? Oh, good. I’ve often wondered what he … did, exactly. Oh good, I’m … glad I’m following in a tradition.
They all chuckle.
Have you any idea where he is now?
GIBBS
No, I don’t think I do know where he is now. Do you know where he is, Miss Cutts?
CUTTS
No, I’m afraid I don’t.
GIBBS
No, I’m afraid we don’t really know. He’s not here, anyway. That’s certain. Now what I want you to do is to sit perfectly still. Relax completely. Don’t think about a thing. That’s right. Now you see that light up there. Ignore it. It might go on and off at regular or irregular intervals. Take no notice. Sit perfectly still. Quite comfortable?
LAMB
Yes, thanks.
GIBBS
Jolly good. Don’t go to sleep, will you? We’re awfully grateful to you, old chap, for helping us.
LAMB
It’s a pleasure.
GIBBS places his hand briefly on LAMB’s shoulder.
MISS CUTTS and GIBBS go out.
LAMB sits. Silence. He shifts, concentrates. The light, which is red, flicks on and off.
Silence. Suddenly LAMB jolts rigid, his hands go to his earphones, he is propelled from the chair, falls to his knees, twisting from side to side, still clutching his earphones, emitting highpitched cries.
He suddenly stops still.
The red light is still flickering.
He looks up. He sits in the chair, emits a short chuckle.
The red light stops.
The voice of MISS CUTTS is heard.
CUTTS
Would you say you were an excitable person?
LAMB looks up.
LAMB
Not … not unduly, no.
The voice of GIBBS is heard.
GIBBS
Would you say you were a moody person?
LAMB
Moody? No, I wouldn’t say I was moody – well, sometimes occasionally I –
CUTTS
Do you ever get fits of depression?
LAMB
Well, I wouldn’t call them depression, exactly –
GIBBS
Would you say you were a sociable person?
LAMB
Well, that’s not a very easy question to answer, really. I try, I certainly try to be sociable, I mean I think it should be the aim of any one interested in human nature to try to mix, to better his understanding of it. I –
CUTTS
Do you find yourself unaccountably happy one moment and unaccountably unhappy the next?
LAMB
It’s strange you should say that because –
GIBBS
Do you often do things which you regret in the morning?
LAMB
Regret? Things I regret? Well, it depends what you mean by often, really. I mean, when you say often –
CUTTS
Are you often puzzled by women?
LAMB
Women?
GIBBS
Men.
LAMB
Men? Well, I was just going to answer the question about women –
GIBBS
Do you often feel puzzled?
LAMB
Puzzled?
GIBBS
By women.
LAMB
Women?
CUTTS
Men.
LAMB
Uh – now just a minute, I … do you want separate answers or a joint answer?
CUTTS
After your day’s work, do you ever feel tired, edgy?
GIBBS
Fretty?
CUTTS
Irritable?
GIBBS
At a loose end?
CUTTS
Morose?
GIBBS
Frustrated?
CUTTS
Morbid?
GIBBS
Unable to concentrate?
CUTTS
Unable to sleep?
GIBBS
Unable to eat?
CUTTS
Unable to remain seated?
GIBBS
Unable to stand upright?
CUTTS
Lustful?
GIBBS
Indolent?
CUTTS
On heat?
GIBBS
Randy?
CUTTS
Full of desire?
GIBBS
Full of energy?
CUTTS
Full of dread?
GIBBS
Drained?
CUTTS
Of energy?
GIBBS
Of dread?
CUTTS
Of desire?
Pause
LAMB
Well, it’s difficult to say, really –
LAMB jolts rigid, his hands go to his earphones, he is propelled from the chair, falls to his knees, twisting from side to side, still clutching his earphones, emitting highpitched cries.
The red light flicks on and off.
He suddenly stops still.
The red light is still flickering.
He looks up. He sits in the chair, emits a short chuckle.
The red light stops.
CUTTS
Are you virgo intacta?
LAMB
What?
CUTTS
Are you virgo intacta?
LAMB
Oh, I say, that’s rather embarrassing. I mean, in front of a lady—
CUTTS
Are you virgo intacta?
LAMB
Yes, I am, actually. I’ll make no secret of it.
CUTTS
Have you always been virgo intacta?
LAMB
Oh yes, always. Always.
CUTTS
From the word go?
LAMB
Go? Oh yes. From the word go.
GIBBS
What is the law of the Wolf Cub Pack?
LAMB
The cub gives in to the Old Wolf, the cub does not give in to himself.
GIBBS
When you were a boy scout were you most proficient at somersault, knots, leap frog, hopping, skipping, balancing, cleanliness, recitation or ball games?
LAMB
Well, actually, I never became a boy scout proper. I was a wolf cub, of course, but I never became a boy scout. I don’t know why, actually. I’ve forgotten … to be frank. But I was a cub.
CUTTS
Do women frighten you?
GIBBS
Their clothes?
CUTTS
Their shoes?
GIBBS
Their voices?
CUTTS
Their laughter?
GIBBS
Their stares?
CUTTS
Their way of walking?
GIBBS
Their way of sitting?
CUTTS
Their way of smiling?
GIBBS
Their way of talking?
CUTTS
Their mouths?
GIBBS
Their hands?
CUTTS
Their legs?
GIBBS
Their teeth?
CUTTS
Their shins?
GIBBS
Their cheeks?
CUTTS
Their ears?
GIBBS
Their calves?
CUTTS
Their arms?
GIBBS
Their toes?
CUTTS
Their eyes?
GIBBS
Their knees?
CUTTS
Their thighs?
Pause
LAMB
Well, it depends what you mean by frighten –
GIBBS
Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night?
LAMB
Sometimes, yes, for a glass of water.
GIBBS
Do you ever fed you would like to join a group of people in which group common assumptions are shared and common principles observed?
LAMB
Well, I am a member of such a group, here, in this establishment.
GIBBS
Which establishment?
LAMB
This one.
GIBBS
Which establishment?
LAMB
This one.
GIBBS
You are a member of this establishment?
LAMB
Of course.
Silence
(Looking up.) Mmnn?
Any more questions?
I’m quite ready for another question.
I’m quite ready.
I’m rather enjoying this, you know.
Oh, by the way, what was that extraordinary sound?
It gave me quite a start, I must admit.
Are you all right up there?
You haven’t finished your questions, have you?
I’m ready whenever you are.
Harold Pinter Plays 1 Page 18