Rocked in the Light

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Rocked in the Light Page 5

by Clara Bayard


  “Why don’t we start here and we’ll see what happens. I’m sure we’ll both get tired of being inside on such a beautiful day soon.”

  I smiled and sat back down, crossing my legs. Even though the photo shoot wasn’t until tomorrow, I’d dressed very carefully for the interview. A cap-sleeve t-shirt dress with leggings and flats. Cute but casual, with enough of a rock vibe. My hair was up in a messy bun, and my makeup was light. I’d spent hours working out the perfect look to pretend I hadn’t thought about it at all.

  “Laura, Christine, you won’t be staying, right?”

  Both women glared at me from behind Robert. I beamed innocently.

  “Well,” the demented publicity demon said sweetly, “I suppose we don’t have to. But, of course, we’re here for you anytime you need us, Julia.”

  “I’m pretty sure I can handle sitting in a chair and talking on my own.”

  “Oh, Julia.” She tittered a few times, her smile tight. “You’re always so humorous.”

  It was kind of mean to pick at her, but sometimes being petty is a real comfort.

  “Off you go, ladies.”

  Robert grinned as they slowly walked out. “Well done.”

  “Thanks. I hate hovering.”

  “Me too. So, you ready to get started?”

  “Sure.”

  I looked him over as we ran through some boring introductory questions. The tiny headshots I’d seen of Robert didn’t do him justice. In person he was pretty handsome. Mid-forties with salt and pepper hair, he had a weathered pretty boy thing going on. Kind of like a darker Redford back in the day. He wore black jeans and a gray t-shirt. Casual but neat. Everyone playing their part.

  “We can talk about your history in the business a little later, but for now I want to hear about the tour. How are things going? From research I see pretty much the whole run is sold out. That must be gratifying.”

  “It really is,” I said, settling myself. “The fan reaction to the tour is amazing and humbling. Every day is an adventure.”

  “I bet. What about the venues? How is it playing huge arenas?”

  “Intimidating. But also really cool. Having giant sets and things makes me feel like I’m back on set again. I love the theatrics, if not all the dancing.”

  “That’s right, you’ve got a fair bit of choreography, don’t you?”

  “Enough. Nothing elaborate, but with the stage being so big I needed some help filling it with my performance. It’s really fun. And scary.”

  “I’m sure. What about the other bands, how are you enjoying the work with them? Are you all close or is it just business?”

  My stomach clenched a little, but I managed to keep from turning my smile into a grimace. “Everyone is really wonderful. Talented professionals and really fun people. It’s a great atmosphere.”

  “Getting specific, let’s talk about Blaze.” He glanced down at the notes on his laptop for a second before continuing. “He’s been rather effusive in his praise for you.”

  “Blaze is a great guy.” That was absolutely true. The lead singer of Playology was awesome. We didn’t get to hang out as much as I would like, but he was always sweet and fun. “He’s also really funny, so we get to have a lot of laughs together. And I love watching their shows. Their musicality is somewhat rare among rock bands these days. I know most of them have classical training, and it affords a different kind of sound. Something really special.”

  Robert nodded, seemingly surprised. “I agree. Most people don’t catch that. But I guess you’ve been doing this a long time.”

  I laughed. “Are you calling me old, Robert?”

  He grinned. “Absolutely not. You’re a baby as far as I’m concerned. But most people who’ve been in the entertainment industry as long as you have are old, like me.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s true. I don’t really think about that much. This is what I’ve always done, so it feels normal to me.”

  We went back to talking about tour things, and I mentally patted myself on the back for handling the interview well. It’s all about balance. Not too much honesty or it comes off as crazy. Not too much bullshit or it’s obvious. Confidence without bragging. Friendly without flirting.

  Before I knew it, an hour had passed and we were both starting to feel restless.

  “Hey Robert, do you mind if we take this somewhere else? I need to get out of this room.”

  “Sure. Are you hungry? We could go down to the restaurant.”

  “Not really. But the pool here is gorgeous. We could sit down there in a quiet corner.”

  “Sounds great. Do you need to check with your people?”

  I snorted. “Nope. Come on.”

  On the way downstairs and outside we chatted amiably about nothing. Weather, the hotel’s décor, lots of nothing. We found a table under the shade of a towering leafy palm and sat down. After ordering and receiving beers, Robert took out a notepad that signaled we were getting back to work.

  “Okay, now that we’ve got some fresh air and a drink, you ready?”

  “Sure.” I took a sip and smiled. “But I’m only having one of these. Can’t let my tongue get too loose.”

  “Fair enough. Earlier we talked a bit about the other bands on the tour. Obviously this year’s huge success story is Dream Defiled. They’re really taking the music world – really the whole entertainment world by storm.”

  “Is that a question?”

  Robert smiled, and tiny lines around his eyes crinkled. He was charming and smart. A dangerous combination. “You’ve obviously spent a lot of time with them. Part of what people find appealing is the camaraderie among the guys. Is that something you see as well?”

  “Absolutely. They’re very close. All the guys are so different, personality-wise. It really comes together when they’re on stage.”

  “And what about in off hours?”

  “Well, one thing they all have in common is they like to have fun. So that works too.”

  “Right.” He leaned forward. “There have been reports of cracks in group, lately. Arguments, disagreements. Have you seen anything like that?”

  I sighed. “Look, I’ve been with them for a while now and I can tell you they’re all great guys and talented musicians. I’m not going to respond to gossip.”

  “All right. But, you’ve got a rather unique point of view in this situation. You’ve been part of a group that broke up. And you’ve experienced a meteoric rise to stardom to only have it all change in the blink of an eye.”

  I rolled my eyes at the parade of clichés he’d just rattled off at me.

  “So have you given them any advice? Shared your wisdom?”

  “They don’t need my advice.”

  “Okay, I understand you don’t want to give away any secrets. But if the band doesn’t survive this tour, of Joe Hawk goes solo like we’re hearing, what does that mean for you?”

  I couldn’t hide the look of shock on my face this time. I sputtered out something lame, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. Everyone on the planet seemed dedicated to making me wonder what might happen if everything fell apart for Dream Defiled. And I didn’t have an answer. I’d spent so much time worrying about where I’d go wrong that I never really considered that someone else’s drama could ruin everything.

  But beneath worries about my career, I thought of the guys. Joe’s easy smile. Dex’s sly sense of humor. Matthew’s sweetness. Rick’s passion. How, eventually, we’d all become friends. How they cared about each other like family. How horrible it would be to see that end. For them.

  “Robert, I hate to do this, but do you mind if we take a tiny little break? I need to uh, you know, use the facilities.” That was a big lie. I just needed to get away from him.

  He gazed intently at me. “Not at all.”

  “Thanks. Um, order something to eat if you want, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Okay.”

  I stood and walked away as fast as I could without running and made my way int
o the bathroom adjacent to the pool deck. It was, thankfully, empty. I kept going through the next set of doors that led inside the hotel. Once there, I grabbed my phone and was about to dial when Matthew appeared in front of me. He was shirtless and had on long swim trunks.

  “Julia. Hey.”

  “Hi. Heading out to the pool?”

  “Yup, after I grab some food. I need to sweat out some of last night’s booze.”

  “Been there.”

  “Yeah.” He paused and looked at me for a second. “Why weren’t you actually there, anyway? The Playology guys came. Fred, too. Where were you?”

  “Busy.” That wasn’t true. I’d been in my room watching terrible television.

  “Oh. Well, it’s not as much fun without you.”

  “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “It is for some of us,” he replied, serious.

  “If you say so.”

  “I do. But anyway, yeah. I’m heading to sit in the sun for a while. I need to get some fresh air in my lungs.”

  I smiled. “And a tan. You’re looking a little ghostly.”

  He patted his pale, flat stomach. “I know. What are you up to?”

  “On a break from an interview.”

  “Ugh. Sorry.”

  I shrugged. “It’s okay. Hey, um…how are you doing with everything?”

  “Okay, I guess. It’s hardest on Rick.”

  I tensed at the sound of his name.

  “Listen, I know he’s been a real fucker lately. But…” He stopped and looked around. “Never mind. I shouldn’t say anything.”

  “It’s okay. You can tell me.”

  “No, no, I can’t. It isn’t my place. But I will say this. He’s better with you, Julia. I know it can be hard to tell, but trust me. I know him. He’s a pain in the ass but…give him a chance.”

  Sighing, I fiddled with my hair and avoided his gaze. “I don’t know what he’s told you, but it isn’t like that with us.”

  Matthew put his hand on my arm. “Yes, it is. I see you. Both of you. Stubborn and growling at each other. But there’s more there. A real connection. Don’t let your stubbornness kill it. His, either.”

  “I…okay.”

  “Just tell me you’ll talk to him, okay? And soon?”

  “I will.”

  “Good. Well, you better get back to your interview.”

  “All right.” He was ten feet away before I added, “Thank you.”

  Going back to finish my interview was the last thing I wanted to do. My mind was full of roiling confusion. Work and life and friends and sex and all of it. Too much. I wasn’t equipped to deal with this stuff. What I needed was simple. Write songs. Sing songs. I could rock almost any musical style but I had no idea how to deal with people for real.

  But Matthew’s words had punched a hole in my armor. And now sappy, weepy, useless, inconvenient feelings were seeping out, taking over.

  I shoved everything down, forcing it away from the front of my mind and off of my face. That was another thing years in the business has taught me. How to put a mask on. So I did, and then walked back outside with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.

  Robert was chowing down on some chips and guacamole, and scribbling in his notebook. I’d noticed he hadn’t taken his computer out once we left the hotel. Probably to help me relax, think of us as just friends having a chat. Clever. And sneaky.

  “I’m back,” I said, sliding into my seat.

  “Great. Help yourself to the food if you want.”

  “Thanks.” I didn’t take a bite. There was no way I could eat anything with my stomach in knots. “So, where were we?”

  “Actually, I think we’re almost done for today. We’ll have more time to chat tomorrow before your photo shoot.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “I did have one more thing.”

  “Okay.”

  “To prepare for this interview I went back and read a bunch of quotes from you when you were a kid. You said once that when you grew up you wanted to be a famous singer. Touring the country and singing songs you wrote. And here you are, doing just that. So tell me, Julia Clark. What’s it like to achieve your dreams at twenty-one years old?”

  I chuckled. “I’m sure I was a lot more grandiose in the direct quote. Man, I was such a driven little shit. But to answer your question, it’s amazing, of course. It wasn’t easy to get here and it’s going to be ever harder to stay here, but I’m willing to do the work. Willing to do what it takes.”

  “So what’s next? Do you have another dream? Something to do before you turn twenty-five?”

  “Well, a Grammy would be nice. Really, no, I’m not sure. Right now I’m focusing on what’s right in front of me. And that’s thousands of miles and dozens of cities.

  “But that’s the thing about dreams, right? When one comes true you just come up with a new one. Or, I do. Even when I was an eight-year-old in a cereal commercial, seeing myself on television for the first time was crazy. And what I wanted. Once I had it I figured out the next step. Granted, I don’t know what could possibly be bigger than this, but trust me, I’ll figure it out and let you know.”

  “Any ideas?”

  “Aside from that Grammy? Maybe headlining my own world tour.” I laughed. “But really, for now, I’m just taking it one city and one day at a time. Trying to make every show even better than the one before it.”

  “So you are still striving.”

  “Of course. I have to. It keeps me going. Keeps me from stagnating, getting bored.”

  “Does it keep you from appreciating where you are, always trying to do better?”

  “No. Absolutely not. Maybe for some people. But I’m a shark in that way. I have to keep swimming or I’ll die.”

  “That must be hard on your personal life, being so driven, as you put it.”

  “Sometimes, maybe. But as long as I can find people who can keep up, we can swim together.”

  “Fantastic. Thank you, Julia. That’s all for today. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  “All right.”

  We bid each other goodbye and he left. I stayed there, looking out at the pool. It was starting to get crowded, but I spotted Matthew stretched out on a lounge chair. I waved as I picked up my phone and dialed my mother’s number to let her know the interview was over. She, of course, wanted to know everything he asked and how I answered. I gave her vague information, but inside I was thinking about something else altogether.

  What I’d told Robert was true. I never stopped moving. But I didn’t ever think I’d find someone – a friend, a family member or a lover – who could keep up. But on the road, for a time, I had found more than one friend, and a guy who excited and infuriated me like no one else.

  I never felt safe with Rick, exactly. We spent too much time screaming at each other for that. But I was also never bored. Never ashamed to be myself. And maybe that’s what sharks need more than safety. Another shark to swim next to.

  I lump formed in my throat and I realized I didn’t want to lose this. Rick, the rest of Dream Defiled, everything. Not just for my career, but for my heart, too. That knowledge felt like a ton of bricks landing in my lap. It was terrifying. Having everything I ever dreamed of meant now I had so much more to lose.

  But that wasn’t going to happen. I wouldn’t let it. Not this shark. I’d fight and scratch, just like I always did. But this time it would be to protect what I have. And that meant talking to Rick. And helping his band get their shit together if I could. It was daunting and scary. And worth it.

  SIX

  I spent the rest of the day trying to get Rick alone, but I failed. Repeatedly. I tried his room, but it was empty and he wasn’t answering his phone. Then when I headed over to soundcheck I found out he’d just left. I ran into Joe backstage but didn’t want to ask him. The guy looked fully miserable.

  “Hey,” I said, heading to my dressing room.

  He slouched against the wall and smiled weakly. “Hi Julia.
What’s happening?”

  “Not much. You guys did soundcheck early, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  I hadn’t spent much time with Joe since everything got weird, but the change in him was drastic and depressing. His easy smile was gone. There were dark circles under his eyes and the magnetism that made him a star was all but missing.

  “You okay?”

  “Sure. Same shit, different day.”

  “Joe, look. I don’t want to pry or anything, but if you’re not okay, it won’t just get better by pretending it doesn’t suck.”

  He sighed and crossed his arms. “I know.”

  “I know we’re not best friends or anything, but I am a good listener. If you need it. It can help to talk to someone who isn’t super close to you.”

  “Thanks, but I’m okay. Just tired, I guess.”

  “It’s more than that. I’m sure you know people are talking.”

  He nodded. “I’m tired, Julia. Exhausted by everything. Even my band. Especially my band. This is all I ever wanted but now I kind of want to run away. Hop on a plane and go see my girl, you know?”

  “Yeah, I understand.” I didn’t, actually. Not for a second. He was the lead singer of the biggest band in the country right now and he wanted to leave that all behind to hang out with a college student? Liss must have been made of magic. That, or things between him and his bandmates were worse than I thought. Either way, it was bad news.

  “I gotta run. See ya later.”

  “Bye, Joe.”

  I went on to my dressing room and found one of the wardrobe people waiting for me. Apparently one of my suitcases had gone missing and I didn’t have anything to wear tonight. Someone was off trying to get an emergency dry cleaning, whatever that meant, but in the meantime I had to figure out a backup plan.

  That took forever and by the time I’d eaten and showered, there wasn’t a free minute to talk to Rick. I was annoyed, but somewhat grateful for the distraction the show provided. My set went well and the crowd was amazing.

  Since I was up first, I had some time after coming off stage to hunt Rick down before they had to start. I made my way to his dressing room and opened the door.

 

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