“Well, after that first meeting it was a few months before I saw him again. He was so shy and often missed school. I later found out he was the sole caregiver for his disabled mom. His father had left her pregnant and alone with Charlie. She and her brother Hank did the best they could with Charlie, but she suffered badly with arthritis. Charlie was juggling school and a handful of after school jobs he had to keep them afloat. I occasionally heard random things about him from the gossip mill at school. You know what high school can be like, right? Anyway, the more I heard about him, the more I kind of fell for him. Then one day I literally bumped into him in the hallway and I just blurted out that I’d like to go out with him and from that moment we were inseparable.” She paused again to take another sip of the refilled glass of brandy.
“We went out for three years during school, and even though I was the valedictorian of our graduating year, I had no desire to go to college and learn more. I didn’t want or need the finer things in life like I have now. All I wanted was Charlie. I found a job I loved in a local law office and he was working part-time in his Uncle Hank’s body shop and taking extra jobs where he could and we were so close to being able to afford to buy our own place. I was so happy, head over heels in love and looking forward to a happy future with him. Then he started dropping hints that I should go to college. Study law and make something of myself. I only agreed because he promised me if I got into law school he would come with me and we would be happy together as I studied. I applied, got offers from everywhere, and chose Harvard. Mainly because I had been offered a full scholarship and also a bursary from the company I was working for in Edmond. If he found work near the campus, we would be fine financially until I graduated. But the night I was going to break the news to Charlie, the storm hit and I was nearly killed. It demolished my parents’ house and obliterated everything in its path, including the garage and the trailer park he lived in with his mom. He risked his own life to save me. I owe him everything, yet I hate him so badly right now.” She stopped, overcome with emotion and blew out a long breath trying to keep the tears at bay but feeling so relieved to be finally talking.
Bruce was visibly shocked and as Emma paused, he swept his hands down his face, shaking his head slightly he cursed, “Fucking hell, Emma.”
“We made it to the neighbors abandoned property and into her storm shelter just before the first tornado ripped through the neighborhood. I got caught in the strong winds, and had he not risked his life again I’d have died, but he somehow managed to grab me and get me into the shelter and we spent the night there.” She emphasized the word ‘again,’ rolling her shoulders and moving her head from side to side to try relieve the tension that lay there. She was trying hard to bring herself around from the multitude of emotions that were running wild as she was recounting the story. “I will never forget that night. I was scared and I don’t know if it was the adrenalin pumping or the fact I just wanted to forget everything that was going on outside, but I begged him to make love to me. It was our first time, and honestly, it was perfect.” She blushed and a timid smile crept across her face as she remembered. “He was amazing and I fell even more deeply in love with him. Then morning came, and he had gone. A few minutes after I had woken, a state sheriff came knocking on the shelter door and told me he had seen Charlie who had directed him to where I was sleeping. He let me get up and dressed and explained how he had been sent to rescue me and take me to safety. I will never forget the look on that kind officer’s face, as he had to break it to me that everything was gone, including Charlie. Our entire town had been almost wiped from existence. My parent’s house was flattened and I saw Charlie’s truck crushed under debris but no sign of him anywhere. All I was left with were the clothes on my back and a night of now painful memories. Then as I got out of the cruiser, the sheriff handed me a letter. It was just one small piece of paper tucked in an old yellowed envelope but it utterly destroyed my life. He said that he had tried to convince Charlie to go with him not long before he came to find me. He had refused and the officer explained he had headed toward the highway a mile or so down the road straight after he had handed it to him to pass on.”
“What about your parents? And Charlie’s mom?” he probed.
“They were out of town, fortunately, and I managed to get word to my mom and dad that I was okay after the officer took me to the sports center in the neighboring town. Charlie had already called them, though, and let them know I was safe so they didn’t worry.”
“So, what happened then? What was in the letter?” Bruce was immersed in the story now rolling easily from Emma’s lips.
“I still have the letter. After everything that happened, I’ve still got the fucking thing. I keep it in my purse like the stupid idiot I am. It’s a constant reminder of how bad things were I guess. Some comfort it has been for me after all these years, though, but in a sick and twisted way it somehow keeps me rooted to the happy time in my life. I don’t know, but I think it almost represents the reason I’m stuck in the shitty rut I am in life, too. It also reminds me daily to carry on with this bullshit life I’m leading now. You know, in case he ever comes back.” She scrambled off the couch and headed to the bedroom, pulling the now tattered piece of paper from her purse and unfolding it. She handed it to Bruce and he took it reluctantly, almost too scared to look at the contents, as if somehow he was breaking a confidence by reading it.
“I know after all these years, I’m just foolish for thinking he will ever come back to me, but it’s all I know and the only thing that has kept me moving forward.” She paused, looking at him and nodding her head to encourage his reluctant eyes to focus on the letter. “Go ahead. It says it better than I can right now. I know it word for word. I need a break from this for a minute. I’m exhausted.” Emma sipped at the brandy again and walked over to the window, gazing distractedly into the night.
As she reached the window she turned to look at him. Bruce hesitantly glanced down and looked at the scrawled handwritten note and over his shoulder she could see the words Charlie has written as he began to read the letter she knew by heart:
My darling Emma,
By the time you read this letter I will be gone. I won’t apologize for leaving you because, sweetheart, it is the best thing for both of us. Please believe me when I say that the last three years with you have been the most perfect years of my life. I am always going to be grateful for being able to spend that precious time with you. I don’t know how I am going to survive without you, but for you to be able to become the woman you deserve to be, I need to walk away. I am nothing but a burden to you and will never be able to provide you with the kind of amazing life you deserve. You are the most incredible, beautiful, and talented person I will ever know. I hope your heart will forgive me. You need to be strong now and go and live your life, as you deserve to live it.
I know you will hate me for what I’m doing, but please remember our time together as a happy time and don’t taint the rest of your life with the sadness that me leaving will bring. Go to college, work hard and be the best you can be. You deserve so much more than anything I am capable of giving you. All I want is for you to be happy and I can only offer you my heart. I don’t have the means to give you anything else and I doubt I ever will.
You will never be far from my thoughts, Em, and will always be in my heart. It beats for you every day, and I promise I will try and become a better man. If I ever make enough of myself, then I’ll come and find you. If you are happy then I’ll leave, but either way I’m not giving up until I am the man you can be proud of.
I don’t want you to wait for me forever and I don’t know what the future will hold for either of us but yours looks far better right now without me in it.
Last night was the most amazing might of my life and I know from the bottom of my broken heart that I will never experience anything like that again. Thank you for giving me the sweetest memories to keep. Now make my dreams come true, sweetheart and be happy.
Love you always.
Charlie x
“Fuck, Emma. I don’t know what to say,” Bruce exclaimed as he looked up and took in the solitary figure in front of the huge window. She felt so lost and fragile standing there, nursing the tumbler in her hands, the oversized blanket still wrapped around her shoulders.
“You want to know the worst of it? If it wasn’t bad enough he left me like that, especially on the same night my family and me lost everything else. Our house was destroyed, all our personal possessions, including all of my photos and mementos of Charlie gone, too. Then as we were getting back on our feet, after sorting everything out, I’d decided I ought to go so school. It’s not every day you are presented with an opportunity to go to college. There was literally nothing left and this was a huge positive that came out of all the destruction. Things were finally starting to look up after the hardest two months of my life. Then out of the blue, I found out I was pregnant. We’d not used any protection that night, and I’d forgotten to have my script for the pill renewed. Charlie had made it clear he wanted to wait until we were settled until we moved to the next step so I thought it wouldn’t be an issue until we were living together. I never went back to the doctors’ office after my first lot of pills ran out.” She confessed as the big fat tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Jesus, Em, what happened to the baby? I didn’t know you have a child.”
Sniffing loudly, she turned to him, sadness widening her eyes. “I lost it. I had no idea I was pregnant until I started bleeding quite heavily one evening and when the pain started, my mom rushed me to the ER. They confirmed I was miscarrying and there was nothing they could do about it. I deserved it, but that poor baby didn’t. I was letting myself waste away and hadn’t been eating or sleeping. A couple of weeks after Charlie left, I went on a real bender and ended up almost drinking myself to death just trying to deal with everything. I guess that, with the fact I’d been letting myself go, was just too much for the poor thing.” Her voice cracked and the floodgates opened once more. Jumping from the sofa, Bruce hurried over to her and caught her just as she collapsed to the floor. Lifting her gently into his arms again, he took her over and sat with her on his lap, just holding her, gently kissing her hair and softly rubbing her now heaving back.
They sat there in silence for over an hour. Emma had composed herself enough to speak again, still leaning on Bruce as if needing the support. As she spoke her voice was shaky and laced with emotion but she continued, “Losing the baby made me realize that I needed another purpose in my life. It was like it highlighted to me that the only connection I still had to Charlie was now broken, and I had to move on. Even though I hadn’t known about it nor had time to really digest what was happening, the whole episode hit me hard. I blamed myself for a long time over that loss, despite the medical experts and my parents saying that it was probably nothing more than a coincidence. I still feel responsible but I decided to quit wallowing, went to law school and, well, here I am. I have a brilliant career and should be the happiest woman on the planet with all I have achieved, but you were right at dinner when you said my life is empty. I just go through the motions every day and have immersed myself in work for so long I barely know how to live. I had my friend Lily’s two kids this last weekend and it just brought home to me just how much I’ve not achieved. I have money, a good job, and a lot of nice material things, but I only have Lily and my parents, otherwise.” She was exhausted as she finished offloading her burden.
“Well, I assure you that after tonight, you have me, too. I’m sorry for being an asshole to you earlier, it’s the last thing you deserved, but you have given me something that no one has for such a long time. You have let me be myself and given me space to be just me. I’m Bruce Jenson, I’m gay and I’m so deeply in love with an amazing man called Lou. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’ve listened to me and not judged me. I have decided I’ve got to get Lou back. Listening to your story made me realize that even if I lose everything else, I need him more and I don’t want to waste another day without him,” he said with a newfound strength and resolve.
“No, thank you, Bruce. I’ve kept all of this bottled up for so long that you don’t know how it feels to have this release and someone to talk to about it all. I need to start to learn to live again and not just exist. I also need to realize that it means I need to look forward and leave Charlie and his baggage way in the past where it all belongs.”
Raising his glass, Bruce proposed a toast, “To new found friendships and new beginnings, hey, Emma?”
“To new friends and new beginnings, cheers, Bruce.” Emma raised her glass and emptied the tumbler. As she and Bruce were sitting on the sofa late that evening she really seemed to have found a common ground with him. As the weariness brought on by the events of the evening took its toll, she laid back into Bruce’s platonic embrace. She reached out to hold him closely and fell into an exhausted sleep right there on the couch, just as the dawn was starting to break over the city.
Chapter Fourteen
It was just after ten in the morning when they were roused from their restless sleep by a loud, urgent knocking that was coming for the door to their suite. Jumping up from the couch, Bruce held Emma back,
“Stay here, I’ll get it.”
Curious as to what the commotion outside could be, she hung back as he strode purposefully to the door and looked through the spyhole. She could see him visibly shake and as quick as he could he had opened the door to be greeted by a very tired looking and unkempt man on the other side.
“Lou,” came the choked response to the stranger at the door, “What are you doing here?” he questioned as his voice broke. Lou then launched himself at Bruce and the two men stood in a tight embrace at the door. She could hear Bruce whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Lou,” over and over again as he sobbed quietly into the big guys shoulder. Smiling sadly to herself, a weary Emma took this opportunity to escape the living area and left the two men to their emotional reunion. Walking quietly to her room she ran her hands through her matted hair and resolved to shower before preparing herself for the day ahead.
She had little over an hour to shake the relentless ache that had taken hold of her head after the alcohol fuelled emotional breakdown from the previous evening. Quickly stripping herself of the dress she was wearing, she noticed Charlie’s letter fluttering to the floor from where she had tucked it down her dress last night. She picked it up carefully and taking one last look at it, she boldly spoke to herself, “Enough, now. You need to live.” Then she proceeded to rip the letter into tiny shreds and throw it into the trashcan by the door of her room. Yesterday, she was weak and upset. Today, she had to conquer the conference and was welcoming the distraction.
As she undressed in the private bathroom, she switched on the powerful shower and once it was warm, she stepped in and let the hot jets cleanse away a lot of the anger and resentment that was coursing through her body. She turned her thoughts to the reunion that she assumed would be going on in the room across from hers and smiled to herself. One thing was for sure, Lou seemed to be deeply in love with Bruce and within seconds of him arriving, she had doubted that either of them even registered she was in the room. Bruce quickly forgot she was there and though it had been slightly awkward, it warmed her steely heart to think that one of them might get to have their happy ever after.
After drying and styling her hair and dressing in a sharp black suit, she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge in her room and took an apple, suddenly grateful for the overfilled fruit bowl on the desk at the side of her bed. The coffee she needed would have to wait, but she had to strengthen herself for the day ahead. She had a few minutes to spare before the conference opened so she took another look at the schedule of events and planned her day out. Listing the stands she wanted to see first, she then reformulated a plan that involved her attending the conference alone. She doubted that Bruce would be joining her today after his visitor had arrived.
She
grabbed her purse and noticed her cell phone had died overnight so she plugged it in to charge and taking in a deep breath, she left her room. Walking into the main area, she saw Bruce sitting at the dining table alone, a huge smile spread across his face, already and dressed to join her. Standing, he crossed the open space and took Emma in a firm embrace.
“Good morning, and sorry about your wake-up call,” he apologized and had the decency to look slightly embarrassed at how he had simply forgotten she was there.
“Seriously, Bruce, don’t apologize, but what I want to know is why you are dressed and ready to come with me with Lou delivering himself to you like he did this morning? I’d just assumed you’d be staying here and catching up.” She grinned at him, the hint of humor in her voice making Bruce smile back.
“Trust me he isn’t going anywhere, and we will have time later for making up. He is exhausted. He has been travelling all night to get here after our fight yesterday and honestly this morning when he turned up he made me the happiest man alive. But he needs to rest. I promise I will introduce you properly later, but we, Miss McKellan, have a hot date with a conference. This way, please.”
They headed out of the suite arm in arm and down to the conference center, both a lot lighter for their evening of confessions and also more relaxed in each other’s company. The day went by in a flash and both of them made several new valuable business contacts and conceded that the day had been a success as they returned to the suite, both exhausted but pleased with their achievements. They were a formidable team.
Emma was now quite excited to officially meet Lou and after hearing about him for the best part of the day, she was pretty enthusiastic when they walked through the door to find him awake and watching sports on the television. He turned at the noise of the two of them walking through the door and smiled bashfully in their direction.
Emma watched as Bruce strode across to the love of his life, and took him in a firm hug, kissing him gently on the lips before turning to Emma. “Emma McKellan, this is Louis Dupoint, Louis Dupoint this is Emma McKellan,” he said with pride in his voice. She walked over to Lou, taking a moment to really have a look at him. He was over six foot of pure muscle and had short almost black hair that topped his angular olive-skinned face. He was wearing a pale grey vest top and baseball shorts, showing off his flawlessly sculpted abs and legs. As she took him in she noticed his feet were bare too. As she looked up, a pair of gentle dark brown eyes looked down and he ignored her outstretched hand and engulfed Emma in a huge hug.
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