by Jenna Mindel
The way Annie figured, inviting the girl in might actually push Matthew out. “No, no. Come in, please. He was just leaving.”
But Matthew didn’t budge. In fact, he looked amused, and that made her mad all over again.
Holly gave him an awkward wave. “Hi, Matthew.”
“Holly.” He nodded. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good. I take it you’re home for the month?”
Annie held her breath before she blew steam. Great, they knew each other. Did they have to play catch-up now?
“I am.”
“That’s great.” Holly cast a nervous glance her way.
Annie gestured toward the couch. “Please, have a seat. Can I get you some tea?”
“Oh, no, thank you. I came by to ask...” Holly glanced quickly at Matthew before she sat down. “If you’d be willing, that is, well the historical society would like to open an exhibit in honor of your late husband. We’re planning the upcoming year’s events and believe Memorial Day of next year might be a good choice.”
Annie sat down, her smile frozen in place. That was a year away. Why’d she have to think about it now?
The girl took a breath and went on. “Considering that Mr. Marshall donated several antiques over the years, we’d like to build a display from his maritime collection of the Northern Great Lakes area.”
Maritime history and collecting anything to do with freighters and shipwrecks had been Jack’s hobby. Shipping, both past and present, had been his passion.
“With your approval of course.” Again, Holly glanced at Matthew before looking at her. “It can be a temporary or permanent donation.”
“Of course.” Annie wasn’t sure what else to say.
In her heart, she knew Jack would be thrilled to have his area trinkets and charts on display. Stuff she’d teased him about collecting. Dust magnets, she’d called them. But she hadn’t looked through any of that stuff since before he died.
Annie glanced at Matthew.
He rubbed his chin, but his gaze remained fixed on her. In his eyes, she read understanding. He knew her reservations. Probably knew her limitations, too. When had they learned to communicate without words?
Holly cleared her throat and then pulled out a business card from her demure little purse and handed it over. “Give it some thought. We have plenty of time. I’d be happy to help go over the considered items with you. Again, we’re hoping to stay with a maritime history theme and anything you feel you can contribute will be greatly appreciated and tax-deductible if you choose to make a permanent donation.”
Annie took the card and nodded, her voice trapped below the tightening of her throat.
Matthew stepped forward and extended his hand to the pretty young woman. “Thanks, Holly. She’ll be in touch.”
Holly took the cue for what it was. Shaking Matthew’s hand, she smiled at Annie. “Thank you for your time and please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.”
Annie nodded again and managed a thick-sounding, “Thank you.”
Matthew waited until Holly left. “I can help with that.”
Annie shook her head. He’d helped enough. “No. No. I can do it.”
“I know what to look for. While I’m here, we can take a quick peek and get it done. Then you’ll know if you have enough for Holly to build an exhibit around.”
Annie gritted her teeth. “Don’t you have somewhere else to go? Like a date or something?”
He barked out a harsh laugh. “I’m not dating anyone.” Then he teasingly bumped her with his elbow. “I’d rather spend time with you.”
“You might want to rethink that.” Annie ignored the flip in her belly and slumped back down in the chair.
Why wouldn’t he go away already? She was glad he’d been here to deal with Holly from the historical society. Glad he’d offered to look over Jack’s things, too. She hadn’t been able to face them. But she didn’t want to admit those things aloud.
He smiled. “Because you’re grumpy when you wake up?”
“I’m not grumpy. I’m mad and with good reason, too.”
“Maybe so.”
Still, she might as well take Matthew up on his offer. Facing Jack’s things wasn’t something she looked forward to doing alone. Who better to help her than Matthew? He’d know what Jack would want donated.
* * *
“Jack’s office is upstairs.” Annie looked hesitant.
“I can check it out myself if you’d rather.”
She lifted her chin. “I can do it.”
He didn’t think she could. Her eyes looked haunted and sad.
Matthew was glad he hadn’t teased her about Holly Miller being the biggest gossip in Maple Springs. His presence here and their arguing was bound to spread around town. Annie didn’t need the added pressure. Or worry. And he didn’t want to get booted before going through Jack’s stuff. He’d meant what he’d said. He liked spending time with her. Maybe more than he should.
When Annie marched toward the stairs, he followed.
There were two bedrooms and a bathroom at the top. He glanced into the room with an open door. Annie’s bed took up a lot of space and the breeze blew in making the white gauzy curtains dance. The door leading to the room across the short hallway was closed. She stood in front of it, clenching and unclenching her hands.
“Have you been in here since Jack’s death?”
“No.”
At least she wouldn’t be alone. He’d be with her, and maybe facing this together would be good for them both. He gently touched her shoulder. “I’m right behind you.”
“Thanks.” She grasped the doorknob and twisted, and then walked inside.
Matthew was struck by an overwhelming sense of his best friend. All of Jack’s things lay waiting as he’d left them when they first shipped out, as if he’d be right back. The closet door was open a crack and full of his clothes. Jack had his own closet because Annie had “too much stuff.” That’s what Jack had said many times with a shake of his head. His wife and her clothes had kicked him to the spare room.
His bookshelf was stacked with Great Lakes maritime history and shipping journals among other hardcover books and even biblical tomes. Jack had been a man of faith. How many times had he given Matthew sound advice and offers of prayer?
An antique tall ship model that Jack had worked on over a couple of winters was on a shelf along with shipping-themed antiques Jack had picked up at various ports. A captain’s pocket watch complete with an old shipping company name lay next to a pair of equally old spectacles. A couple of flasks and even a few antique charts of Lake Michigan rested on the end of that shelf.
Photos of their recent Lake Michigan dive lay scattered on an office table, as if Jack had planned to organize them during his time off. He’d never gotten the chance. Those underwater pictures looked creepy even though Matthew had been there when they were taken.
He picked up a couple of the glossy green-tinted photos and flipped through them. Jack had been an avid diver. “You never wanted to scuba dive the lakes?”
“No.” Annie’s voice sounded strained. She stood in the middle of the room taking it all in. “I don’t like seeing boats like the ones you guys work on at the bottom of the lake.”
Matthew couldn’t blame her. It was a grim reminder of how fickle the Great Lakes could be. Some storms blew in without warning and caused all sorts of havoc. He’d been on a few of those high-seas rides and he’d rather not repeat the experience.
He stepped closer. “I think there’s plenty here for an exhibit, don’t you?”
Annie turned toward him with watery eyes. “Jack would like that, wouldn’t he?”
“I think so.”
She took a deep breath. “Then I’ll do it.”
“I’ll
help you put it together.”
“Matthew—” A tear trickled down her cheek, but she brushed it away. “Thank you.”
He reached for her hand, wrapping his fingers over hers.
When he felt her shoulders shake, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah? When?” She melted into him instead of pushing him away.
Her defeated slump made his gut tighten. He wanted to tell her soon, but couldn’t make that promise. Instead, he patted her back. “In time, Annie, you’ll see.”
“I know, but—” Her voice sounded muffled against his shoulder.
“But what?”
She shrugged.
Matthew hugged her closer. “We’re going to be okay, Annie.”
She nodded and hung on.
Matthew felt her breaking down. She shed silent tears that soaked through his T-shirt and tore through his heart. He closed his eyes, willing the hurt to stop, but knew only time eased the soreness of loss.
Holding Annie, he thought about his mother’s warning of vulnerability. It’d be so easy to kiss her. Too easy to let things happen that shouldn’t.
He gently pulled away from her. “You okay?”
She sniffed and gave him a weak smile. “Yes.”
He focused on her mouth and then wiped away a rogue tear that dangled from her jaw. He needed to get out of there. “I should go.”
“Like hours ago.” She laughed then. “Go home, Matthew, and do something fun, okay?”
He chuckled, too. “Moving Luke in isn’t exactly what I’d consider fun, but it needs to be done. I’ll see you tomorrow when we finish up the roof.”
She smiled. “Thanks. Thanks for everything.”
His heart bled. “Sure, Annie, no problem.”
Matthew hightailed it out of there before he forgot his promise to be a friend.
* * *
That evening, Annie went back upstairs with a couple big laundry baskets. The door to Jack’s room remained open and not nearly as intimidating as before. Running her fingers through her late husband’s shirts hanging in the closet, she knew she had to get rid of them.
Maybe now was as good a time as any.
Pulling a shirt off its hanger, Annie brought the fabric to her nose and sniffed. Nothing. Not even a faint scent remained of Jack. Time to let go of his clothes and put them in the upcoming rummage sale at church. And then clear out this room and make it into a nursery.
If everything goes all right.
Annie shook the shirt out with a snap, forcing her fears aside. She didn’t want to think about the scary what-ifs. Not tonight. She folded the cotton button-down and then tossed it in the basket. She pulled out another one and did the same. It didn’t take long to plow through the closet and then move onto the oak dresser. When she’d finished with Jack’s clothes, she moved to his desk. It was a huge thing she’d never wanted, but Jack had found it at a barn sale north of town.
Opening each drawer, she chuckled at the few things he’d stowed away. Pictures from trips taken together, a stash of fun-sized candy bars and sermon notes. He hadn’t filled the drawers. There was little to go through except for the product manuals he’d kept for his camera.
She’d keep his fancy camera with the adjustable lenses. Jack had loved taking pictures and Annie vowed she’d learn to use it. With a baby on the way, she needed to prepare for the onslaught of photo taking that was sure to come.
Annie sighed. She’d take those photos alone.
No. Matthew would be there, too. When he could be. He was a good friend who wouldn’t abandon her. But what if they could be more? Biting the inside of her lip, Annie remembered that kiss. Maybe something more than grief had bloomed between them. Was that even okay?
She blew out her breath and stood.
Not going there.
Right now, she wanted to go through Jack’s things. She’d review those items for donation with Matthew’s help at another time. She had a hunch there’d be plenty to give the historical society even after separating what to keep and what not to.
Looking around the room, Annie zeroed in on Jack’s tall ship model. She had too many fond memories watching him build it to let that one go. Jack had been a man of patience and precision. When their child grew into adulthood, she’d pass on that ship. Only then would she let it go.
Tapping her fingers on Jack’s thick leather-bound Bible, she knew it needed to go to his parents. He’d want that. Flipping through the pages, Annie smiled at the various scribbles in the margins. Jack wrote so many questions without answers and yet his faith had never wavered.
“Oh, Jack...” she whispered. “What if I can’t carry this child or raise it right?”
Like her husband’s scribbles, there was no answer. She didn’t expect one. But then Matthew’s words came back to her. Only, in her thoughts, it was Jack’s voice she heard.
It’s going to be okay.
Annie prayed that proved true.
Chapter Five
The next morning, Matthew slipped behind the wheel of his truck with a travel mug in hand.
“You never told me what happened with Annie.” Luke climbed in the passenger seat. “Is she having a baby?”
Matthew took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, but don’t say anything. She hasn’t told Jack’s folks yet.”
“So, Jack never knew he was going to be a dad before he died?”
“Nope.” Matthew didn’t need that grim reminder.
He’d been glad for the long walk home from Annie’s yesterday while Luke had his truck. With their brother Cam gone, the place was his until Luke came by well after dinner to move in. Matthew had done a lot of thinking, but none of it brought him peace of mind.
Once Luke settled in, Matthew pushed thoughts of Annie aside and watched a Tigers game on TV with his little brother. They hadn’t talked about much other than baseball.
“You’ve got a thing for her, don’t you?”
Matthew took another sip as he thought about the question. There was no sense ducking the truth, but it was an itchy thing having feelings for a woman he’d known for years as Jack’s wife. “I guess I do.”
“Have you asked her out?”
Matthew laughed. What did Luke know? He was still in college where dating was easy and uncomplicated. “It’s not that simple.”
“Why not?” Luke chugged his bottled orange juice.
Matthew shrugged. “She’s still grieving.”
Luke mulled that statement over. Tipping his head he said, “If you two end up getting married, Mom will be geeked over a ready-made grandchild.”
Matthew’s stomach clenched. He hadn’t thought specifically about marriage. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. Why would he? But then, maybe he should. Annie wasn’t someone to get involved with on a casual level. There was no breaking it off with her. He’d said he’d be there for the baby, and meant it. If that didn’t sound like a commitment, then he was crazy. Definitely crazy.
He’d grown up with younger brothers and sisters. He’d even changed a few diapers in his day, but they were his siblings. Not his responsibility except for an hour or two of babysitting.
Luke had a point, though. Their mom’s common complaint, right after voicing her disappointment that none of them had married, was no grandkids.
His brother Darren had gotten close. But after his fiancée took off with the best man, Darren had steered clear of women ever since. His other brothers were nowhere close to a serious relationship, and his sisters were even worse. Each one concentrated on their careers and callings that did not include potential husbands.
“You got it bad.” Luke laughed.
“What?”
Luke laughed harder. “Dude, you went white as a sheet just now.”
Matthew gave his brother a sharp look. “What do you know?”
His brother grinned. “Obviously, more than you.”
Matthew had a sinking feeling that Luke might be right. He’d made promises to Annie without thinking it through. Gut-level commitments he wasn’t ready for. But he owed Jack.
“Just get your tool belt and keep your mouth shut.”
That made Luke grin even wider.
Exiting the truck, Matthew shook off his brother’s comments. He might know Annie better than most, but that didn’t make marriage their future. Jack had loved his wife, but his mother didn’t exactly get along well with Annie and it used to drive Jack crazy.
That’s what married people did. They drove each other crazy thinking of the others before themselves. He had enough of that on the freighter, making sure everyone got paid and had plenty to do on their shifts.
He clicked shut the driver’s-side door and looked at the house. Was Annie feeling better or was she sick again this morning? How long would her nausea last? That drove him crazy. These constant thoughts and worry for her.
Luke slapped him on the shoulder and laughed again. “You look like you’re about to face a firing squad.”
A sick and cranky Annie was pretty close. She’d been something when she’d tried to kick him out yesterday. But then they’d gone over Jack’s stuff. She’d been grief-stricken. No way could he simply date Annie Marshall. She loved her dead husband.
He followed his brother around to the backyard. He spotted Annie sitting on the deck, her head back and facing up toward the sun with her eyes closed. Yup, sick again. He took a deep breath.
“Take your time,” Luke whispered.
Matthew nodded. How’d the kid get so smart? “Morning, Annie.”
She opened her eyes and smiled. “Morning.”
His pulse picked up speed. Dressed for work in navy leggings and an oversized light blue T-shirt, she looked pretty. And young. Despite the fine lines near her eyes, Annie Marshall hands-down beat a lot of women half her age.
She spotted Luke and waved.
He waved back before climbing the ladder.
Matthew stepped closer. “How are you feeling today?”