by Jenna Mindel
She gripped his hands hard before letting go. “Jack wouldn’t want me to keep shrines. He’d want me to move forward, not stay stuck.”
Matthew nodded in agreement. Jack was not a look-back-with-regret kind of guy. Always forward, always improving, he’d inspired Matthew to be a better deck officer, even a better man. Maybe that’s why Jack had a fascination with maritime history. He liked to measure how far they’d come and how far it was possible to go.
“Thanks for the desk.”
“You’re welcome.” Annie lifted the tray and headed for the living room.
Matthew followed her. Could her moving on include him? For the first time in his life, Matthew hoped for more then he’d ever thought he wanted. A future with a woman. And that woman was Annie Marshall.
* * *
“That’s the last of it.” Annie stood on the grass near the driveway. They’d loaded boxes for the church rummage sale into the back of Ginger’s car.
Ginger glanced from her to Matthew and then back to her. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Annie hugged her friend. “Thank you for everything.”
Ginger squeezed tight and the let go. “Of course. Anytime.”
She watched her friend slip into her car and back out. Darren had left only moments before, and Matthew hadn’t made any move to leave yet even though they were done with Jack’s collection.
It hadn’t taken long to decide which items she’d donate to the historical society. Matthew had chosen well and even his brother and Ginger had agreed that the compilation of stuff was interesting and would make a fine exhibit for Maple Springs.
Jack would be honored to be so remembered.
Annie waved as her friend drove away and then brushed her hands against her belly. Facing her house, she hesitated. She couldn’t invite Matthew inside and yet she didn’t want to go back in there alone.
Despite going through Jack’s things, she’d enjoyed having company and laughing like a normal person with friends.
Matthew stood next to her. “You want to go for a walk?”
Had he sensed her reluctance? “I’ll just grab my purse and lock the door.”
“I’ll be right here.” Matthew sat down on the top porch step and waited.
Annie entered to the quiet, empty feeling that remained after company left. That stillness was usually a welcome thing, but tonight it suffocated her. Most of Jack’s things would soon be gone along with his clothes. She’d saved special items she’d never part with, but it was as if she’d swept him out of the house. Gone, but never forgotten.
Jack...
Her husband’s absence screamed louder with his clothes gone and much of his stuff sorted into keep and go piles. Those piles were a billboard announcement that Jack wasn’t ever coming back.
Closure.
It’s what the pastor had predicted she’d find. What about being comfortable alone? Single. When would that happen?
Slipping through to the kitchen, Annie grabbed her wallet and keys and threw them in a smaller purse, one she could easily loop over her head. Exiting the front door she locked up behind her.
“I thought we’d get some ice cream.”
Annie smiled. “That’d be great.”
He offered his hand.
She took it without hesitation. They walked the couple of blocks to town in comfortable silence. She needed this. She needed the quiet comfort of simply holding his hand. How did he know? Did he feel that same letting go of Jack as she?
Rallying her courage she asked, “What are you thinking?”
“I’m trying not to.”
She laughed. Maybe it was better not to examine whatever it was between them. Especially the warmth of their entwined fingers. “I know what you mean.”
He looked at her. “You did well going through Jack’s maritime collection. I know it wasn’t easy.”
It hadn’t been easy for him, either. They’d reminisced about when and where Jack had found each item since Matthew had been on several of those outings. “I couldn’t have done it without your help. Thanks.”
He squeezed her hand. “You’re welcome.”
They wound their way toward the waterfront and the small ice cream stand that stayed open late during the summer months. The evening sun hung low in the western sky like an orange beach ball. No clouds marred its hazy light, and the fuzzy reflection on the stillness of Maple Bay was broken only by kids who swam at the public beach. Their adolescent squeals, as they splashed and jumped off the dock, pierced the humid night air.
Stepping into line for ice cream, Annie heard her name called, and turned. One of her young dance students walked toward them between her parents. Her student’s mom gave Matthew a curious glance.
Annie let go of his hand. “Hi, Belinda. Here for ice cream?”
“Best in town.” Belinda’s gaze narrowed. “I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s death. How are you?”
Annie’s face tightened. “I’m fine, all things considered.”
Belinda’s gaze raked over Matthew once again. “Yes, yes, I imagine so. Well, good to see you. I think we’ll wait for the line to go down before ordering. Come on, Paisley.”
Annie watched the woman drag her seven-year old away while whispering to the bored-looking man who was her husband.
“Who was that?” Matthew asked.
“A client. Her daughter is in my beginner ballet class.”
“Hmmph.” He rubbed his chin.
“What?”
Matthew shrugged. “Kind of snobby.”
Annie laughed. “Maybe a little, but she gives a lot to the local arts council and—”
He stopped her with a raised hand. “No need to explain, I know the type. I grew up here, remember?”
“That’s right. You’re a local yokel.”
Matthew grinned. “And the reason why there’s a lifeguard stationed on that dock until sunset.”
“What did you do?”
“Too much horseplay between my brothers and cousins. We owned that dock in the summer and wouldn’t let other kids on it. The parks and recreation department finally posted a lifeguard after several complaints and it stuck. They’ve had one ever since.”
Annie laughed. She didn’t know a whole lot about his family other than the maple syrup and ice fishing. “How many of you are there?”
“I’m one of ten. Three older brothers, three younger brothers and three younger sisters.”
“Wow. That’s a huge family.”
Matthew shrugged. “Never a dull moment.”
“And never alone, if you don’t want to be.”
He looked at her closely, his eyes sad. “Annie—”
It was their turn in line, so Annie stepped up to the screened window and asked for a small vanilla soft serve.
“With all the freaky things you eat, that’s one dull cone.” Matthew nudged her with his shoulder before ordering a double scoop of German chocolate-cake-flavored ice cream in a waffle cone.
Annie shook her head. “That sounds like a big bellyache.”
He grinned as he took the confection and paid for both. “Not possible.”
“Thanks for buying.”
“You got the pizza,” Matthew mumbled around a mouthful of ice cream.
“The least I could do.” Annie nudged him back with her shoulder and smiled.
Matthew steered her toward a park bench overlooking the bay. “Let’s catch the sunset.”
“Deal.” Annie slid onto it while licking the melting streams of ice cream before they hit her hand.
Matthew sat next to her. Right next to her. Then he draped his arm around the back of the bench. His fingers grazed her skin at the top of her shoulder making her shudder.
“Col
d?”
“Must be the ice cream.”
He wrapped his arm more firmly around her and scooted her against him. “Better?”
She resisted the urge to snuggle into him, and nodded. The warmth and close contact staved off that empty feeling of being alone. All alone.
Annie’s glimpse of her future wasn’t pretty without Jack.
Matthew gave her a comforting squeeze.
She leaned her head against his shoulder. They finished their ice cream cones and listened to the sounds of kids splashing at the beach. The sun dipped low until it was swallowed up by Lake Michigan.
They didn’t speak. They didn’t have to. All Annie knew was that she didn’t want to go home.
Matthew brushed his lips against her forehead. “You okay?”
She shrugged. “I hate this.”
“I know. Jack’s death left a hole that will take time to fill. Work’s not the same. You’re not the same.”
Annie pulled back and looked at him. “Time isn’t something I’m fond of.”
Matthew traced the side of her face with his thumb. “Aww, Annie, I’d take the emptiness away if I could.”
Dear, kind Matthew. He understood. Even more so than Ginger. She cupped his face. “I know you would.”
He leaned close and touched his lips to hers for the briefest of sweet kisses.
Annie ended it before she kissed him too deeply in return. It wouldn’t be fair to give into this misplaced desire to escape from grief. No matter how badly she’d like to forget the pain, she wouldn’t use Matthew to do it.
“I better get back home.” She needed to deal with her empty house before the sky grew dark and starry.
He stood and took her hand. “Let’s go.”
When she turned, Annie spotted Holly from the historical society with an ice cream cone in hand and a smug look of satisfaction on her face.
Annie let go of Matthew’s hand.
Holly waved while she waited for her friend to catch up, but it was too late run for cover. The two young women walked straight for them.
Holly grinned with barely contained glee. “Steamy night, huh?”
“We’re in for a hot summer at this rate,” Matthew answered, clueless to the young woman’s true meaning.
Annie’s stomach dropped to the soles of her flip-flops. Holly Miller had seen their kiss on the bench. The kiss had been brief and comforting, but the triumphant glare in the director’s eyes said otherwise. The young woman looked as if she’d stumbled upon a torrid tidbit. And there wasn’t much Annie could do or say without making things appear worse.
“I’ll stop by your office tomorrow and confirm a time for you to view my donation.”
Holly gave a smug nod. “Perfect. I look forward to it.”
Annie didn’t. Taking a deep breath, she started counting her steps back to the house.
Chapter Eight
June
Annie refunded the remaining fees for her third dance student pulled from summer classes by their moms. Sometimes kids changed their minds after a class or two, but three on the same Monday?
She spotted the bouquet of flowers Matthew had given her well over a week ago and sighed. She loved flowers. Jack hadn’t been the kind of guy who gave her flowers. The excuse he’d used was that she grew her own. But then he hadn’t bought her candy or jewelry, either. Jack’s gifts had always been house-driven and practical.
Matthew’s flowers were wilted now. Several petals had fallen off and lay on her desk, circling the vase. Time to throw them away.
She hated to admit it, but she’d missed seeing Matthew this past weekend. He’d gone away with his brothers for a three-day weekend of fishing and camping in Canada. Was it truly about missing the man or the attention he gave her?
She missed Jack. She missed the attention given by a husband to his wife. Even though Annie was used to plenty of alone time while Jack was on the lakes, back then she knew he’d come home. Not now, though. Not ever again. And she craved that sense of belonging that she’d had with Jack. Craved his touch. His love.
Her office phone rang, startling her thoughts. “Hello, Marshall’s Movement.”
“I’m across the street at the pharmacy and noticed you’re still there. Do you want to grab some dinner?” Ginger’s voice sounded tight at the other end.
Annie glanced at the clock reading seven-thirty. She hadn’t eaten since lunch and felt a little hollow. “That’d be great.”
“I’ll be over in five minutes.”
Annie disconnected and then organized her desk. Her last class had ended an hour ago, and then there’d been the paperwork to do with those three cancelation calls. But it didn’t take long before Ginger knocked on the front door.
“Where to?” Annie met her outside and locked up.
“Bernelli’s?”
Annie chuckled and agreed.
The trendy coffee-and-sandwich shop had opened a year ago. Ginger, once a hardcore tea drinker, was hooked on their mocha lattés.
“How was your weekend?” Ginger’s eyes danced.
“Quiet. I had classes, planted my garden and slept a lot.”
Annie had left a message on Matthew’s cell, thanking him for tilling the soil of her garden. She hadn’t seen his watch, though. She’d purchased seeds and tomato plants, glad that he’d encouraged her to put in a garden this year.
Ginger had been gone, too, attending an herb and spice grower’s convention. She looked at her friend. “How was yours? Pick up any mysterious new tea leaves?”
Ginger laughed. “No, but I found a couple new vendors I’d like to try. Even a local gal who grows some organic stuff.”
Once they were seated with their orders given, Ginger couldn’t seem to sit still. She fiddled with her napkin and looked around the small coffee shop.
“Everything okay?” Something was up. Ginger was a live wire and right now she looked ready to shoot sparks.
“Yeah, sure. Why?”
Annie rolled her eyes while she waited. “Because you can’t sit still.”
Her friend leaned back and sighed. “Hmm, not sure how to word this.”
“Just say it straight out, like ripping off a Band-Aid.”
Ginger sipped her iced tea instead, prolonging the agony.
“Gin-gerrr.” Annie sat at the edge of her seat.
“Okay, here goes.” A deep breath. “I overheard a couple of customers talking about you and Matthew on the beach the other night. I thought you should know.”
Annie cocked her head. “We took a walk and got ice cream after you and Darren left. So?”
Ginger bit her bottom lip and looked away, clearly uncomfortable. “So, I heard that you were all over each other.”
“What!” Annie’s voice rose.
A couple of people at nearby tables looked their way. Quietly, Annie prodded, “Who said so?”
Ginger sipped her tea again. “A couple of women from Bay Willows were talking. I don’t know who they were. They paid in cash but referenced you by name. That’s what piqued my interest.”
Annie had several seasonal dance students from the nearby summer community of Bay Willows. An image of Holly Miller’s smug face flashed before her eyes. But Holly had been nothing less than polite and professional when she’d viewed the collection of Jack’s things for donation.
Why would she spread such ugly gossip? Was it someone else, like Paisley’s mom? Belinda had been one of the mothers who’d pulled their daughters from class for the summer.
Annie grasped her neck and her skin felt hot. “What exactly did they say?”
“I only heard the tail end about ‘that dance instructor all over a younger man.’” Ginger leaned close, eyes wide. “Maybe this is none of my business, but what’s going on with you
two?”
Annie rubbed her temples. That barb about a younger man stung. Was their age difference that obvious? Holly knew Matthew’s age. She’d gone to school with him. “It’s my fault.”
Ginger’s eyes grew big and round. “What is?”
She felt the heat crawl from her neck to her face, burning her cheeks. “We held hands, but we were not all over each other. Although, we kissed, but it was only a peck, a comfort thing. Nothing to get all worked up over.”
And a far cry from the kiss they’d shared after the funeral. What if she told Ginger about that? Her friend would no doubt be horrified, and rightly so.
Ginger grabbed her hand. “It’s okay, Annie.”
“Is it? What if I’m transferring my feelings for Jack, missing him the way I do, onto Matthew’s shoulders?”
Ginger gave her a goofy grin. “But what a pair of shoulders, huh?”
Annie laughed. It came out sounding a little hysterical, but that was better than sobbing. “I don’t want to use him. What if I’m using him as a shield against my grief?”
She squeezed her hand before letting go as their sandwich orders had arrived. “You’ve known each other a long time. What if there’s real love growing out of your shared grief? Who’s to say how long is too long or not long enough to find that out?”
Annie didn’t buy it. Always the optimist, Ginger looked at the best in every situation. But Annie wasn’t sure there was one here. She deeply loved her dead husband. Still and always.
Till death do us part...
Jack was gone. It might be okay to find love again, down the road, but she couldn’t love Matthew. Not this soon. And that’s what made it so awful. And the subject of town gossip.
She’d always cared about Matthew on a friendly level, but this attraction was new territory. It was scary how easy he was to lean on. Couple that with her fears about having a baby by herself, and bam, Matthew had become her hero with his promise to help. He’d stepped into Jack’s role and she let him. Encouraged him, even. How selfish could she be?
Ginger grabbed her hand again. “Annie, please don’t freak over this. I only wanted to give you a heads-up. Let’s pray, okay?”