by Lynn Lamb
I looked at him, feeling a small amount of betrayal in his truth.
“When we get to the Valley,” he said. He lifted my chin so our mouths met and gave me a long, determined kiss. I turned and ascended the ladder, back into reality.
∞
The moment my boots hit the ground I was ready to be compliant in the Villager’s reality again.
Mark was waiting up top. “Nice limp,” he said as I walked by him. I knew him well enough to know that he would never have bought it anyhow.
I marched right past him as if I hadn’t heard what he had said. I tore the plywood away from the opening of Annie’s snow cave and crawled inside. Bailey jumped into my arms, shaking violently.
“It’s okay. We are all okay,” I told her.
Mark crawled in and took her from my arms. He kissed her forehead and rocked her back and forth.
Jake arrived at his heels. We were soon united in a full group hug in the very small space.
“Mark, you sure about what you heard?” I asked him, feeling like a complete hypocrite.
He nodded and shot me a glare. “Idiot Major Kim doesn’t know jack.”
I knew his emotional, unadulterated anger. And the anger was really aimed at me. Fair enough.
“I need to talk to the Village. Jake, will you tell Jackson that I need everyone gathered? Ask him if there is anything I could stand on to raise me high enough for everyone to see me.”
I felt stronger than I had since we left the Village; maybe stronger than I had felt in years.
“Mark, I need you and the rest of the MT to brief me first. Will you pull that together?” I asked, not sure that he wouldn’t just tell me off in front of my whole family.
He nodded and handed Bailey to me. She had stopped shaking. “Hey, Bailey Bug,” I said. “Do you want to come up on whatever Jackson finds and stand with me while I talk to the Village?”
“Can I say, ‘Good morning, Villagers?’ ” she asked.
“Absolutely,” I said, putting her down. “I’ll see you out there.”
I crawled out of the opening and into the freezing snow. I had a flash of Jackson holding me before I moved on, and I shivered.
Mark shouted at me, “We are in the Com Center.”
I shook my head, “Where’s that?”
“Our, no, my cave,” he said.
“Fine,” I couldn’t believe he thought this was the time for the inevitable to play out. “Don’t do this now.”
I grabbed the rope and slid down, forgoing the rungs.
Once we were gathered I said, “Who’s going first?”
No one spoke, so Fitzpatrick rolled his eyes and started. “After you ran out after Rolette, we got transmissions that the enemy combatants were minutes away from our coordinates. We know that they hit Monterey pretty good. The Valley was hit, but it’s harder to say how far out it was and what kind of damage we are talking about.”
Mark took it from there. “All transmissions between enemy forces in the immediate area have stopped. We know that they are headed to Colorado. We need to make a decision of whether or not we are going to warn Denver. It could send those a-holes right back to us if we do.
“Also, I heard that there is damage to the trail. It sounds like it is in both directions. Now we need to figure out whether or not to head forward or go back.”
“We have ways to warn Colorado when we think it’s safe,” said Jackson.
“What else?” I asked the group.
“I’m sorry, Laura,” said Major Kim. Her face said it all. “I thought I understood. Korean’s not my first language.”
“Better safe than sorry… no harm, no foul,” I reassured her.
She nodded her head gratefully.
“If there is nothing more, I’m ready to speak to my Villagers,” I said.
“What happened to Rolette?” asked Jake.
“You are about to find out with everyone else.”
“I have some people bringing up the table from our cave for you to stand on,” Jackson said. I hoped no one would notice that he called it “our cave.” I looked at Mark; he did.
I went up the ladder and saw the place where everyone was gathering. I found Bailey with my family in the crowd.
I thought about what Jackson had said about the Village needing their Queen and King and asked Mark to hand Bailey up to me when I was on top of the table. He did as I asked.
I looked at the child in my arms and asked her if she was ready. She smiled, and I looked out over the crowd in front of me. “Good morning, Villagers,” she said in her small voice.
I set her next to me and said in my much louder voice, “Yes, good morning, Villagers.”
A cheer rose to my freezing ears. I waited for it to end.
“It’s been a very eventful last few hours,” I told them. “First, I have some sad news. We did lose one of our own.”
I searched the crowd for Tiffany, and when I found her we locked eyes. She nodded at me. She knew.
“Steven Rolette had a breakdown during the attacks. He ran out and tried to get the attention of the planes. We were forced to take him down so that the rest of us would live.”
“He deserved it; I’m glad,” someone screamed.
“I might have felt that way, but I was there. He was just a very confused man. I wish we could have helped him, but he refused everything from religious to psychological counseling. I think that something in his brain snapped during the Last War.”
I waited for the mumbling to stop. “I have some other things to tell you, and I hope that you are able to accept that we don’t have all of the facts yet. All of you have shown such amazing strength through this crisis, and I ask that you continue to be strong. I will not lie to you or hold back the truth about what has happened in the latest attacks.”
I looked down to see Jackson’s face encouraging me to continue. After all of the things he had hidden, he was ready for it to end.
“We believe that what was left of Monterey was hit heavily.” I stopped as I saw heads sink and others lean up to the sky with tears. Our Monterey may be gone. I began to cry with them at the enormity of it.
“I am sorry. The home that we left might be gone, and the one we are headed towards was hit, as well. We are hoping that it was not hit as severely, but there is no way to know for sure right now. Parts of the trail to the Valley were also shelled.”
I lowered my head and let the tears run down my face for several seconds. I cleared my throat and found my voice. “We have many choices to make in the next several days. Our teams will be finding more information so we can make informed decisions, as a Village.
“I know that we are all emotional and tired, so we need to take some time and regroup. For the rest of the darkness and until we can dig out our cars, we will go back to our assigned snow caves, unless you feel like you need to see one of the doctors or to talk to Katie. I hope that they will be okay with that.”
“Are you kidding?” yelled Katie from somewhere in the crowd. “I need to get back to work. Seriously, anyone who needs to talk, come and find me.”
Oh, man. Do I have some things to tell you, I thought.
“Okay, everyone, let’s call it a night, or a very early morning,” I told them.
I passed Bailey to Mark and jumped down from the table without his help. Mark handed Bailey off to Annie.
“We need to talk, don’t we?” Mark asked a little calmer than before.
“Yes, but I can’t do this right now. I need to go to sleep,” I said.
“In his cave?” Mark asked.
“No, Makram,” I said flatly. “In my family’s cave. Good night.”
∞
I looked around to see if I could spot Jackson. He was with a group of the MT, high fiving and shaking hands. I guess they saw this as some kind of victory. I didn’t, but it was fine that they did. Wins are so scarce these days.
Jackson glanced towards me. How did he always seem to know exactly where I was?
&nbs
p; He excused himself and walked my way. We both stood side by side, facing the crowd, trying not to draw attention. I realized that it was silly. Why would anyone besides Mark question the two of us talking? We have been working together since the beginning.
“Mark knows,” I said
He turned and gave me a look.
“I didn’t tell him. Looking back, I think he always sensed something. He’s been jealous of you for a long time, and the two of us, in the cave… my lack of a limp, okay that one’s on me. He put it together. I am telling you so he doesn’t bash in your face again. I kinda like that mug of yours without Mark’s handiwork all over it.”
He smiled. “Thanks. I am a big boy, though.”
“Please don’t let it escalate into violence, Jackson,” I begged. “I will talk to him when the time is right. He’s not a bad person, you know. I’ll work it out. Just, no fighting. Promise.”
“I promise I will try. He’s really strong though, so if he throws the first punch…”
“Okay,” I said.
“Amazing job tonight.”
“Thanks, it was a hard one. I am going to be in my family’s cave until sun up,” I said.
We were still standing shoulder to shoulder, and he wrapped his pinky around mine. Thankfully, it was too dark for anyone to notice.
“Good night, honey,” he said.
I smiled and snuck away into the night.
Hiding my feelings was going to be stressful.
January 4
My heart was heavy and my mind confused.
It was past midnight when I saw Katie talking with a group. I didn’t want to disturb her so I found someone who I have come to trust just as much: Reverend John.
I searched through the waning crowd for him, trying to think through what I would tell the religious man. He was always cool with my lack of religion, but could I really talk to him about what had happened in the last hours? I was beginning to talk myself out of it when he appeared in the crowd.
“Reverend John, do you have a moment for me to speak with you in private?” I asked.
“Of course, Laura,” he said. “But I am afraid that it will be difficult to find a private place right now.”
“I think that I know one,” I said. “There is actually something else I need you to do for me, too.”
I led him to the supply cave that now held so many sins.
When we got to the bottom, Reverend John said, “It’s freezing in here. It’s a wonder that you and Phillip didn’t freeze to death.”
I had already walked away from him to search for the body. I found it with my camera’s light. Jackson had partially buried him in the wall and covered the body with a tarp that was held to the wall supported by boxes. I pulled it all away.
The body was blue, and dark red blood was frozen to his skin around the mouth.
“I am not sure how it works in your Church, but he was never given Last Rites, like in the Catholic Church. I don’t even know what religion he actually was. God’s Warriors wasn’t exactly a religion he could have grown up with,” I said.
“No, it wasn’t any kind of religion. But I can take care of it. You are probably familiar with Psalm Twenty-Three,” he said.
I nodded, and we recited it together.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen”
“Thank you, Reverend John.”
“No. Thank you, Laura. I am not sure how many people would bring me all the way down here to say prayers for someone who tried to get them killed, to get us all killed.”
I burst into tears; I was getting so good at that. “No. I’m not good. I brought you down here for my own selfish needs, to absolve me. This was an afterthought.”
“Most wouldn’t have even done it as an afterthought, Laura,” he said. “But I am not Catholic, so I can listen, but I don’t take confession or assign penance. What is it that has you feeling this way?”
I wasn’t sure where to start. “Do you know who I was down here with?”
“I assume you are not talking about Mr. Rolette,” he said.
I shook my head.
“The Village grapevine is fast. Were you down here with Colonel Jackson?”
“Yes,” I said. His face looked like he was hoping to be wrong. “And we acted on feelings. And I am not sorry about the feelings, I just wish that I had taken care of things with Mark first.”
“I think that we are going to be here for a while, but it’s very cold. How did you stay warm?” Almost as soon as he asked, his eyes grew as large as saucers. “No, I don’t mean that.”
I couldn’t help releasing a little giggle. “Come with me. Over here is where Jackson built up a space where our natural body heat would work. He saved my life.”
We sat on the blankets, in the exact place where I had committed the acts of my shame, and we talked. He didn’t damn me as I had expected. Instead he listened, and he helped me to understand the emotions I had.
“Do you love Phillip?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. It has only been within the last few hours that I realized I had any feelings for him at all, well, other than anger.”
“Have you stopped loving Mark?”
“I am even less sure of that. I know that I will always have love for him, I am just not sure that I am in love with him. I think it’s possible that I have not had that feeling since I found out about his affair,” I admitted.
“I think that you need to figure that out,” he said.
“Do you think I’m going to hell?” I asked.
“I think that with all of what you have done for all of those people up there, you’re pretty much a shoe-in for heaven.”
“Good, now I just need to start believing in heaven and hell.”
Reverend John let out a laugh. “We can talk more, Laura. You don’t need to figure it all out this minute. Go and get some sleep.”
We climbed out of Rolette’s tomb, and Reverend John gave me a hug and went to his cave.
“I sure hope you weren’t showing him how we stayed warm down there,” said Jackson from behind a tree.
“Were you listening?” I asked, startled at his presence.
“What? No. I was kidding. What were you doing in there?” he asked, a bit concerned.
“No, you numbnut. We were doing Last Rites for Steven and talking. He is a really good confidant.”
Jackson pulled me into him and kissed me. He looked over at the mouth of the snow cave and back at me.
“As much as my body is responding to you right now, I don’t relish satiating it down there with a dead guy, again.”
“You have a point. No one’s around. I’ll walk you to Annie’s place. But before I do,” he pulled me in for another kiss. We continued until we nearly froze again before walking me back to “Annie’s place.”
∞
My dreams were, let’s say, NC-17 rated. I woke feeling like I was still being held in Jackson’s warmth. It felt safe. I tried to force myself back to sleep so that my dream wouldn’t end. When I finally opened my eyes, the ice cave was empty. I was thankful because I couldn’t be certain that I hadn’t been talking in my sleep, which would have been mighty embarrassing if my family were around.
I reluctantly crawled out of the cave into the orange afterglow of war. The light and fire-scented air burned my corneas. I closed my eyes and felt a man’s embrace from behind me.
Why are you doing this in plain sight? My mind screamed.
I was surprised and relieved to fin
d my brother to be the perpetrator of the hug. “You done good, sis,” he told me.
“Thanks,” I said. “Coffee, I need coffee.”
“Um, you aren’t going to be too happy. We only have the crap in the MREs, and all the water froze. Annie’s melting some in a big pot, but for now that’s only for us to drink. We need to stay hydrated.”
He kissed the top on my head and said, “I know what’s good for me, so I am getting out of your way for right now, until you get some caffeine in you.”
“Smart man,” I told him.
Only about half the Villagers were out of their caves. Some people were probably sleeping off their emotional hangovers. I know mine was a doozy.
I searched the sparse crowd for Jackson and Mark, just hoping they were far from each other.
Moments later, I found that some people were not as smart as my brother.
“Ma’am,” Sergeant Baldwin said. “Everyone is waiting for you in the Com Center.”
“That’s nice,” I said. “Is there coffee down there?”
I can only guess that it was my tone, but he scurried back from me like a scared squirrel. “No, ma’am. I don’t believe there is, but Colonel Mason doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“You can tell them that they can wait until I’m bloody ready. I’ll be there when I get there,” I yelled after him as he fled from my ire.
I saw Annie in front of a fire and made a beeline right to her. She wouldn’t let her daughter suffer.
“Mom, coffee. I need coffee, please,” I begged.
“We can’t make coffee until we have drinking water, sweetheart.”
“Mooooom.”
“Dear Lord, stop that whining. Sometimes I think you were easier when you were a teenager,” she said handing me a cup full of water and waving me off.
“Et tu, Brute? Et tu?” I told her.
Jackson came to my side and pulled me away from my mother. “Aren’t you the cheerful one?”
“I want coffee,” I told him.
“Yes, I got that. The whole Village got that,” he said.
“Shut up,” I told him, increasing my pace. Maybe I was giving him second thoughts. I crawled into the ice cave, and couldn’t believe it when Jackson crawled in right after me.