“Phil has been here already, I have less than ten minutes to get downstairs.”
Mya sat up and wrapped her arms around me.
“Go. We can do this. I can do this. I’ll call you later before the plane leaves and we’ll make plans for when we’ll next see each other.”
I chewed at the side of my mouth and wondered where she found the strength to send me off without shedding any tears because damn, I felt close to them myself. My throat was closing and the sadness I felt inside me was almost overwhelming. I moved swiftly to the bathroom and had a two-minute shower.
Afterwards, I shrugged into my clothes as quickly as I could while Mya stuffed everything that was left lying around into the one bag I’d left open. She was naked and looked beautiful and my heart squeezed again at not having more time to be with her. Zipping up my bag, she lifted it to me and bravely told me to go. I kissed her, which was in no way long enough, and ran out the door. As I reached the lift Phil called to tell me the transport was waiting. I had no more time to dwell on our separation—I had a plane to catch.
Phil and I drowned our sorrows at the airport, we were sad our trip had come to an end. We’d had a brilliant time and the both of us thought we had experienced a once in a lifetime event. He was a good guy and we’d actually worked well as a team to get the articles done for the magazine, so I was in no doubt that I’d be seeing him again.
By the time we got on the plane from Frankfurt to London it was twenty five past seven and we were both pretty inebriated. After an aeroplane foil dish of what tasted like powdered omelette we both fell asleep.
Arriving back at my apartment after seven weeks felt worse than arriving back after six months because that time my emotional state was a hell of a lot less resilient than it had been in August. I’d come back full of hope and aspirations then, left to go on tour at the end of September with my heart in tatters. Now I came back to the bleak winter in London again with a saddened heart.
Being back and away from Mya made me think and although Rosie barely made an appearance in my mind those days, I had a new burden to contend with. I had a beautiful new woman in my life that meant more to me than anyone else ever had, but I was unable to see when I wanted to. The odds were stacked against us but I was determined to make it work. The only plus I could see on my return was at least the heating still worked so the place was warm but that was my only source of comfort.
I saw the light flashing on my answer-phone and could see it was full with messages.
Dave. “Whoo! Hoo! Call me.”
I sniggered and made a mental note to call him when I’d had a bath and sobered up properly because I was still a little drunk from the plane.
Sam : “Are you still in Germany? Call me and let me know.”
I shook my head at Sam he hadn’t developed in the smarts department since I’d been gone.
Emily: “Jack…I feel someone should tell you anyway, I mean…I know you aren’t with Rosie anymore but she had her baby…a girl. She called her Ava-Jacqueline and she’s happy. I just thought you’d want to know that because I know you felt bad about breaking up with her.”
I guessed no one had told Emily that Rosie had her baby a couple of months ago, because her baby was born before I’d gone on tour. Maybe no one wanted to talk about it around me and that left Emily out of the loop.
Elle: “Hey loverboy! I’m coming to town on the twentieth. I have tickets for the ballet and I know how you love to look up those tu-tu skirts they wear. You are invited to come with me if you want. I’m not taking Sam because last time he talked all the way through Swan Lake asking why ballerinas didn’t have breasts. I’ve missed your sexy arse, call me! We have planning to do and if the ballet is a no-go we’re all going dancing anyway. Drew isn’t coming with me so I’ll be let loose for the night.”
A wide grin spread over my face. Elle was, and is as independent as ever, her partner Drew was the lead guitarist in Alfie’s band, and the guy just didn’t have the will to tame her. She left him weak with her boundless energy. Elle and I were strictly friends since before we were teenagers and she was important to me.
Mum: “Oh, Gosh, Jack. I’m excited you are going to be home again. We’ve missed you terribly. Call me when you get home and don’t be a stranger, we can’t wait to see you.”
I bit my lip knowing how hard it had been for my mother to let go and allow me to live my life my way. Several times a week she’d tell me how precious I was to her and my father, and I guessed I’m not on their level emotionally yet because my ‘missing’ people and theirs was on a completely different scale.
There were two messages from financial institutions offering to advise me on wealth management products and new exciting investments and the last one or the first one to be left as my answer-phone, was from Lily.
Lily: “Please don’t delete this, Jack. Remember how mad I was when I found out that you and Alfie had been talking behind my back and I felt you were taking his side over mine? Did I walk away from you? Did I stop speaking to you for months? No. Man the fuck up, Jack and call me. The longer this goes on the more I wonder if I ever meant that much to you after all.”
In the background I could hear Alfie laughing at her then I heard his voice closer to the phone. “Way to go Lily, that’s really going to have him rushing to pick up the phone. Don’t get any ideas about joining the British Diplomatic Service if your music career goes tits up. You’d start a war with that mouth, lady.”
Maybe it was because I was slightly drunk or because of Alfie’s smart mouth but I started laughing. After I stopped I realised that inside, my heart was crushed when I’d heard her voice and how angry I’d made her by not talking to her. She seemed to react to men this way. She was either full on or she blew you off.
My first instinct was to call her back, but I decided to wait until my head was clear so that I had no excuse for how I treated her if I did. I knew the incident she was talking about but this was way different. I could have been a father that’s in a whole different league to talking to her ex-boyfriend behind her back.
Chapter 33 ~ Fabulous job
How many weeks would it be before I had some leave again? As I walked into my bathroom Mya was on my mind. She wasn’t even on her flight yet and I was already trying to figure out how quickly we could be together again. I knew that I’d get a hefty bonus from work and whilst I’d been away I had been on Cobham Street’s payroll as well.
Staring in the mirror I wondered how my editor would feel about me having time off again. I’d barely been back at work for a month before I left for the tour, but I knew that if I didn’t ask I wouldn’t get, so I pulled out my phone and rang Joe at the magazine and was thinking that I was glad to have had a few to drink. I’d deal with the other messages after; at that moment being with Mya was my priority.
“Jack Cunningham. Am I happy to hear from you? You home? You did a fabulous job with Cobham Street, the competition will be freaking out when we start to roll those articles out on Monday.”
“Hey Joe. Glad you liked them. It was a blast but I’m desperately fatigued my man. How am I looking for time off?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you even work here? I’m beginning to wonder who works for whom? You’ve not been in this office for more than seven weeks in the whole of this year. No, Jack. No way. Whatever you want to do or whoever you want to tap, it or they are going to have to wait. I have another job for you, you’re flying off next Wednesday but you can have Christmas week off how does that sound?” Sounds like it may as well have been a lifetime it was only mid-November.
Miserable. That’s what it sounded like.
“Nothing until Christmas week? Come on, Joe, I’ve been on the road for seven weeks.”
Joe interrupted me, “Yeah and you were sitting on your arse doing nothing for six months before that. Think about it, Jack. You’re lucky I kept you on. Do you know how many applications I had for your sabbatical? Seven hundred and sixty two, so if you want to
keep that privileged post you carved for yourself you’d better suck it up and look perky Monday morning, capish?”
Of course, message received and understood. No more play time for Jack. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing because it would help me put my feelings for Mya into perspective instead of ocean hopping on a whim. I wanted to spend more time with her and my urge for more of our last night’s bedroom antics was giving me a semi hard-on every time I thought back on it. As much as I hated the thought of not seeing her that long, maybe those weeks away from her would let me consider things a little more objectively.
Walking into my bathroom, I started to run a bath, stripped off my clothes and slipped into the tub still thinking on what he said.
“Fuck, are you in the bath talking to me, Jack?”
“Yeah, you are one lucky guy to be having a naked conversation with Jack Cunningham. Women would pay to be doing this with me, Joe.”
“If you were a woman they’d be calling you a slut, Jack.”
“Nah, that’s what jealous dried up old farts like you call me. Women call me ‘Oh, Jack’ or ‘Oh, God’, or sometimes ‘Oh, God, yes, Jack’, or variations of the ‘God’ theme.”
Joe chuckled heartily, “If I didn’t love your smart mouth so much, I’d fire your arse you know that?”
“There you go again with that burning desire with my arse. You’re obsessed, Joe, but I’m sorry to say I’m not that way inclined. You’ll have to focus on some other poor guy’s rear end to light your fire under.”
Joe knew he wouldn’t win when I was in that mode so he fired his warning shot again about me being at work bright and early on Monday and concluded the call. I swiped my phone closed and leaned over to place it on the sink countertop before relaxing back in the tub. No matter what occurred between us, I was going to have to be patient with my emotions and wait it out until Christmas to see Mya again.
I must have dozed off because when I woke the water was freezing. I pushed myself up to a stand, grabbed a towel from the heated towel rail and went through to my bedroom.
Late afternoon in London in early winter felt like the middle of the night sometimes, especially when I was feeling weary. With no one to answer to, I peeled back the duvet and slipped under it, instantly feeling the comforts of home.
Last night was catching up with me. I hadn’t wanted to waste any time sleeping when I was with Mya and then couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t shut down. Even as I thought about it a sleepy feeling washed over me so I turned the light off and snuggled under the cover and finally fell asleep.
A distant buzzing broke into my dream and when I opened my eyes. I was confused about where I was. It was pitch dark and I lay back for a second trying to remember where I was. Once I realised I was home I turned and felt for the light before swinging my legs off the side of the bed and sitting up. The buzzing had stopped but I was wide awake and my throat felt dry so I padded through to the kitchen to get myself something to drink.
My house phone began to ring and I realised that was the source of the buzzing. Lifting the receiver to my ear I managed to croak out, “Yeah?”
“Jack? Is that you?”
The female voice was familiar but it wouldn’t come immediately to my mind as to who it belonged to.
“Did you ring, Jack?” The voice was familiar and I was concerned it was one of my previous dates and I was going to say he wasn’t home if it was. Then it came to me. It was a friend I hadn’t heard from in ages. Shit it’s Maddie!
“I know it’s you, smart arse.”
Maddie had been one of our friends but had dropped off the radar when she’d had a baby. She wasn’t interested in hanging out in bars and clubs with us and if I’m really honest I hadn’t kept up the friendship because…well, because I was too selfish to make time for her.
“Hey, Maddie. What a pleasant surprise. I just got home this afternoon. I’ve been away for…” I realised I was doing it, talking about myself and I hadn’t even asked how she was or how she’d been doing.
“Sorry, sweetheart, I am a little lagged. How are you? Where have you been? How’s Ethan? What is he now? A year?”
“Nathan, his name is Nathan, Jack and he’ll be two in January.”
Damn. What a shitty friend I had turned out to be. I wasn’t always like that, only since I’d met Rosie. Before that I saw Maddie, Emma, Emily, Dave and Sam at least once a week when I was home, so the least I could do was be honest if nothing else.
“Maddie, please forgive me, I’ve been a terrible friend to you. Completely up my own arse this last year trying to make things work with Rosie, trying to network for my job, trying to… be an arsehole. Falling out with everyone and generally being a self-centred prick.”
Maddie cut into my self-depreciation.
“Jeez, all right already, Jack. We know you’re a prick and some of those other things. I only called to ask you if you wanted to come over for something to eat because I’m at a loose end. My guy is overseas and everyone else is busy so if it makes you feel better, I’m desperate and you were last on my list. On account of you being an absent arsehole of course.”
I was tired but how could I say no to her? We’d been friends for years and I hadn’t even recognised her voice on the phone.
“What time is it?” I asked noting it was dark, but it was dark early in November.
“Six thirty. Are you coming or do I have to eat alone?”
I’d slept all afternoon and once she’d mentioned it I was hungry. Apart from that I really wanted to see her.
“Maddie, this prick would be delighted to have dinner with you. Give me half an hour. Do you want me to bring anything?”
“Um, dinner?” Maddie started laughing and quickly added, “I can cook if you’d prefer but we’ll have more time to chat if I don’t. Have you any idea what putting a toddler to bed is like? I’d rather be out patrolling the worst areas of London with a dish-sponge as my only form of protection than tell him it’s bedtime.”
“Okay your sympathy card worked. Indian?” At least I remembered what she liked.
“You’re a saint, Jack, see you soon.”
The line clicked off and she was gone, so with no time to waste I dialled the local Indian and put my order in, got dressed and went to collect it on my way to Maddie’s. She was only a five minute walk from mine, which made it all the more disgusting that I hadn’t been round there. The last time I saw her was just after her boy was born almost two years ago.
Mya rang while I was on my way to Maddie’s and it wasn’t a long drawn out call. She was about to board the plane. Rick had kept her busy all day so she couldn’t call me earlier. During the conversation she told me again that she loved me and I was able to reply honestly that I missed her already.
“You don’t have to love me back, Jack. I can love you anyway, right?”
I swallowed hard at her comment. When she said that my heart ached for her and how she must be feeling, but she put on a brave face about it. It took a lot of maturity and guts to say something that honest. I was able to tell her that I may be over to see her around Christmas time and she sounded ecstatic about that. Rick then called her name and she told me she had to go and that she’d call tomorrow when she got home before hanging up.
Dave rang just as Maddie was opening the door and invited himself over as well. I was kind of relieved about that because it meant that some of the heat was off me.
Fifteen minutes later there was no strained relations between us, Maddie was very gracious and commented several times about how hot I looked. It was kind of embarrassing being in her home, with her husband gone and her baby in the next room, but I weathered her comments and we quickly moved on to talk about all of our friends. When the subject of Rosie came up, Dave rang the doorbell and I swear I could almost have kissed him.
Rosie was quickly forgotten but they quizzed me about the tour, Rick, and the other guys in the band. Dave even managed to hold back on asking how many women I’d had during the
tour until Maddie went to the bathroom.
“One.” I smirked knowingly and Dave coughed awkwardly like I’d told him I had pubic lice.
“One? Seven weeks of groupie-fest and you scored once? Man you have lost your Midas touch with women.” Dave’s eyes were almost popping out of his head with disbelief.
“Oh no, I scored quite a few times but with one girl.”
Dave’s interest was piqued just as Maddie came back and heard my last comment.
“You have a new girlfriend, Jack? How lovely. What’s her name? What does she do for a living? Where did you meet.”
“Whoa. What’s with the twenty questions? It’s early days and I really like her but I’m not sure where we’re going with it all yet.”
Maddie placed the takeaway cartons in the brown paper bag on the counter after dishing up the food and stopped to stare at me with one eyebrow raised.
“Why not? What’s wrong with her? Can’t she see how hot you are?”
So I explained my situation while Dave sat perched on the end of the sofa and Maddie sat on the other, crossed legged bobbing her head along as I shared some of my experience on tour with Mya. When I was done Dave slid back and leaned into the seat exhaling heavily.
“Fuck, Jack. Can’t you fall for someone normal like the rest of us? Oh, no, Rick Fars niece? Do you have a death wish? Well you know you won’t be getting any if you pursue her. Your dick will shrivel up and drop off if you’re not getting it regularly, Jack. I know how cranky you get if…” I was making wide eyes at him and signalling frantically with them in Maddie’s direction but as usual, Dave wasn’t being subtle about airing his thoughts.
“Rick isn’t the problem, Dave. He kind of encouraged it in his own enigmatic way.”
Dave almost choked on the breath he was taking, “Fuck me, he did?”
“No, he didn’t fuck you, Dave. That would be in your dreams, knowing how infatuated you are with the guy. But yeah he did, the stumbling block is my issues around Mya. She’s twenty and just about to start college.”
Judging by their response, I’d say my disclosure about my new girlfriend went rather well because neither of them said another word, so I left the subject at that and moved quickly on to ask Maddie how her husband, David’s, new job was going. It got a little confusing because she went out with Dave before as well. Maybe she had a thing for guys called David.
Just Jack: Everything laid bare Page 24