by Amiee Smith
Lilly is quiet. I appreciate that she didn’t immediately offer an “I’m sorry” or a look of sympathy as so many girlfriends have done in the past when I shared my health history. My truth.
“Thank you for sharing, Michael. It’s nice to know you. Really nice. So, you were a frat boy?” Lilly asks, with a smile.
“Yep. A snobby one. It’s how I know Lynn. She was in my sister sorority. I thought she told you.”
“She only said you knew each other in college. I always thought she might be a sorority girl and, in all honesty, I judged her for it. Maybe it’s why she’s never mentioned it.”
“Not into the Greek system?” I ask.
“No. The opposite. I was fascinated by it in college, but I was too young to join. I guess I’m jealous more than anything. I didn’t go to a fraternity party until my senior year, but it was more novelty than enjoyment.”
“What was your social life like in college?”
“Nonexistent for the most part. I studied a lot. I had friends in my classes and a little crew who also started college at 16. We’d hang out sometimes, smoke pot, and play games. It was my only social outlet. I guess it’s why I’m so into games.”
“I get it. My Crohn’s disease at its worst caused severe pain and fatigue. I spent a lot of time in bed or on the toilet when I was a teenager. A lot of time alone. I played games online and listened to music. Once a week, all my family would gather, and we would play games together. It was their way of being supportive. Though my mom was my primary support system. She took me to every doctor’s appointment and even though I had a nurse, she oversaw my bedside care.”
“So, you have Crohn’s disease. Explains why your bathroom is pimped out.”
“Yeah, the bathroom is a big part of my life. When I was a kid, my parents had a bathroom built for me. My mom always made sure I had comics and magazines to read, a TV, video games. I read a lot of financial magazines and the Wall Street Journal. Learned about business. Real Estate. Finance. Investing. My private baths in both my homes are designed to meet my needs.”
“The blessing of affluence,” Lilly says.
“Yes, I’m very blessed. I can afford to build a comfortable life for myself, all things considered. While I can totally be a stereotypical Persian snob and a germaphobe, I never forget how blessed I am.”
“Is Molly a nurse?”
“No. I don’t need a nurse anymore, but she definitely knows what to do if there is a problem.”
“And what do I do… if there is a problem?”
“Love me through it.”
◆◆◆
“Pack some things. Let’s go to my house.”
I hand Lilly a plate I just dried with a yellow dishcloth. I can’t remember the last time I washed dishes by hand. Have I ever? Even in college, my fraternity house had a kitchen staff.
“I’m scheduled for back to back overnight shifts over the next two days. I was planning to stay up a little longer and sleep late tomorrow,” Lilly says.
“You can put me to bed and then do whatever you’d like. You can stay in bed and read. There is a light built into the headboard. I won’t wake you in the morning.”
“Really? I won’t disturb you.”
“It would be more disturbing to not sleep next to you.”
“Okay. I will sleepover, but I’m going to wrap my hair before bed. I didn’t do it the last two nights. It might look weird, but it’s a part of my grooming routine.”
“I just told you I’ve spent half my life in the bathroom. I can handle a head wrap, babe.”
TUESDAY
Tuesday, 1:42 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Thank you for synching our calendars. What’s up with the party on Saturday night?
Tuesday, 1:43 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Persian party. Wear Gucci.
Tuesday, 1:44 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Friends or family? No Gucci.
Tuesday, 1:44 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Friends and family are the same in Tehrangeles. Yes, Gucci. Trust me.
◆◆◆
Tuesday, 2:35 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Okay. I wikipedia’d Tehrangeles. Largest number of Persians living outside of Iran centralized on the Westside in L.A. I’ll brush up on my Farsi. I scanned the Gucci website. Lots of beautiful dresses, but I truly cannot justify taking 3 grand out of savings. I promise I will be presentable. I have a nice black dress I wear to academic events.
Tuesday, 2:35 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You speak Farsi? I’ll buy the dress. Send me a link.
Tuesday, 2:36 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Somewhat. I spent some vacations with my old roommate in Long Island. Her family taught me a lot. I can’t write it, but I can follow along in a conversation. I will send you a link but promise you will not buy a dress for me. You’ve done more than enough.
Tuesday, 2:37 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You’re perfect for me, Lilly. Send me the link, babe.
Tuesday, 2:38 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Promise.
Tuesday, 2:38 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: No.
Tuesday, 2:38 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I need to get ready for work.
Tuesday, 2:39 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You don’t work for another 5 hours. Send me the link… or I’ll just buy every dress on the site. Size 0 or 2?
Tuesday, 2:39 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: 2. You’d do that… just to make a stand?
Tuesday, 2:39 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: No. Because I can.
Tuesday, 2:45 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Oh, my billionaire BF. What am I going to do with you? Wait. Am I only allowed to wear Gucci?
Tuesday, 2:46 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Love me through it. No, but I promise you will feel more comfortable. Stop stalling. Send the link.
Tuesday, 2:46 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: While I do have light skin, I doubt I will go undetected at a Persian party.
Tuesday, 2:47 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: It’s not a racial thing, babe. It’s cultural. Tehrangeles culture.
Tuesday, 2:49 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Fine. I will buy a dress.
Tuesday, 2:49 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: And wear gold jewelry.
Tuesday, 2:49 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Too far, BBF. Too far.
Tuesday, 2:49 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: I miss you already.
◆◆◆
Tuesday, 4:05 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Trying on dresses at Gucci. The saleslady definitely thinks something is wrong with me because of all the marks on my breasts. Kinking above the waist may be off limits until after this trip.
Tuesday, 4:07 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: It’s 87 degrees here. I’m walking a construction site in a long-sleeve dress shirt, buttoned to the top. You left your fair share of marks too, babe.
Tuesday, 4:08 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: 87 degrees? What is wrong with Southern California? It barely hit 61 here.
Tuesday, 4:09 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: It’s going to be in the 80s through the weekend. Pack accordingly.
Tuesday, 4:10 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I will. Thank you for the heads up.
Michael Ahmed: You’re welcome.
◆◆◆
Tuesday, 4:45 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Dress purchased. Hardest decision of my life. Everything was so beautiful. Gucci is definitely more comfortable [winking emoji].
Tuesday, 4:55 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Told you. Go back. Ask for Marigold. Pick out more pieces. It’s taken care of. Just nod your head and say thank you.
◆◆◆
Tuesday, 6:24 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: [video]
Tuesday, 6:25 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You’re welcome, babe. But your video would have been much better if you were naked instead of standing at a bus stop on Market Street. PS: You need a car. You should not be on the bus with
all those bags.
Tuesday, 6:26 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Thanks for the film tips, Mr. Sundance. Now I gotta hustle to catch the shuttle to work. Shopping threw off my schedule. PS: No, I don’t need a car. I was fine. The ride was less than 10 minutes.
Tuesday, 6:27 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You googled me?
Tuesday, 6:27 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Of course. You know you googled me too. Two Executive Producer credits for Sundance winning films. Impressive, Michael.
Tuesday, 6:28 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: One of those films won an Oscar.
Tuesday, 6:29 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: For original musical score. You can’t take credit for that win, Michael.
Tuesday, 6:29 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Looking forward to spanking you on Thursday. PS: I watched your panel talk from the Minority Women Pharmacists Conference.
Tuesday, 6:30 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Michael, you can’t text about spanking when I’m trying to get ready for work. A major distraction. I want to two-one-two, but I’ll miss my shuttle. PS: Were you able to stay awake? I think I dozed off during my panel talk.
Tuesday, 6:31 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You sent me a video of your naked cunt yesterday… while I was in a meeting. We’re even when it comes to distracting each other. PS: I watched your panel talk on mute. It’s my favorite.
Tuesday, 6:32 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I prefaced the video with NSFW. Wait, did you really watch it during a meeting? Must go. Talk soon. PS: I’d advise most people to watch my panel talk on mute.
◆◆◆
Tuesday, 10:18 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Really, babe? The Denver Women of Science Bowling League? And why do they need a YouTube channel?
Tuesday, 10:19 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Yes... geekery to the next level. But those old broads could get down when it came to boozing and bowling. Did you see I bowled a perfect game in one of those videos? Of course they need a channel. Recruitment purposes… it’s how I found them.
Tuesday, 10:20 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You’re not joking, are you?
Tuesday, 10:20 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: No. I need to go write up some findings. I’d call you during my meal break, but it will be 2:00 a.m.
Tuesday, 10:21 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Make me a good morning video instead.
WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, 2:36 a.m.
Lilly Shepard: [video]
Lilly Shepard: I expect a good night video in return.
◆◆◆
Wednesday, 7:34 a.m.
Michael Ahmed: I love waking up to your face. Your video would have been better if you were naked under your lab coat and your colleague wasn’t microwaving his food in the background. Sleep well, babe.
Michael Ahmed: [video]
◆◆◆
Wednesday, 9:38 a.m.
Lilly Shepard: You. In bed. Shirtless. Speaking Farsi. My bite marks on your shoulder and chest. A two-one-two moment.
Wednesday, 9:38 a.m.
Michael Ahmed: Where? Sofa or bed?
Wednesday, 9:39 a.m.
Lilly Shepard: Standing up in my kitchen. I didn’t make a sound.
Wednesday, 9:39 a.m.
Michael Ahmed: I WANT YOU HERE.
Wednesday, 9:41 a.m.
Lilly Shepard: 2,022 minutes until I arrive.
◆◆◆
Wednesday, 6:01 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I was having the naughtiest dream about the naughtiest man doing incredibly naughty things to me. So naughty, I slept through my first and second alarms. If it had not been for the Caviar delivery guy ringing the doorbell with Chinese food from the same naughty man in my dream, I would have missed the shuttle to work. Thank you for dinner, Michael.
Wednesday, 6:02 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You’re welcome, babe. Your text would have been better if it included a more detailed description of your dream. Setting? Attire? Dialogue? Positions? Mouth placement? Wetness level? How (where) did it end?
Wednesday, 6:03 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Oh, Michael. What am I going to do with you?
Wednesday, 6:04 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: Love me through it, babe.
◆◆◆
Wednesday, 7:25 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Ran into Lynn on my way to the shuttle. She invited me to ride back to SF with her and Nick on Sunday. I got the text from your assistant with flight information, but it did not include a return trip. What are you thinking?
Wednesday, 7:26 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: I want you to be wherever I am.
Wednesday, 7:27 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I’m not scheduled to work until next Thursday and Friday. What did you have in mind?
Wednesday, 7:28 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You’re working overnight on Friday? When are you going to give notice?
Wednesday, 7:29 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: I’m scheduled for the next six weeks and then I’m on hiatus for the holiday season. I will let my director know then.
Wednesday, 7:30 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: I have a meeting here on Monday, so we can fly back to SF on Tuesday morning. I’ll be in the City throughout the following week. Plan to stay at my house the entire time.
Wednesday, 7:31 p.m.
Lilly Shepard: Demanding billionaire BF… not as sexy over text. In person, naked… even then I’d prefer your mouth to be full of cunt or chanting my name.
Wednesday, 7:31 p.m.
Michael Ahmed: You are the woman of my dreams.
CHAPTER 13:
LILLY SHEPARD
With a head full of perm rod rollers, I place the last garment, a white Gucci silk top, into my luggage. My phone vibrates. Between texts from Michael and my excitement for the trip, I’ve only slept four hours after arriving home a little after nine this morning.
Retrieving my phone from the nightstand, I expect to see another text from my man. Instead, it’s a group text from (hopefully) my new group of female friends.
Earlier in the week, Brit sent me everyone’s contact information with instructions to add them to my contacts, so I wouldn’t get confused when everyone is texting at the same time.
I was apprehensive at first… what if they don’t like me? What if I’m too geeky and weird for them? But then I just went for it. Worst case, I delete all the numbers. Best case, I make four— five, if you count Lynn— new friends who might be as strange as me.
Thursday, 2:13 p.m.
Claire White: [To group] Lilly! I’m so excited for you to join us tomorrow. I heard so much about you during Wine and Skype Wednesday. Bummer you had to work. Bring an overnight bag and include hiking clothes. I have lots of blankets and pillows. I’m serving my grandmother’s famous fried chicken. And there will be lots of booze. See you at 6:00 p.m. My address is: 5550 Yale Dr., Claremont, 91711.
Thursday, 2:14 p.m.
Dana Sandoval: [To group] Lilly, Lynn said you’re staying with Michael in Beverly Hills. I also live (and work) there. I can pick you up at 4:30. It will take at least an hour and a half to make the very long journey out to Claire’s house. Excited to meet you. Drop me a text with Michael’s address.
Thursday, 2:14 p.m.
Claire White: [To group] Dana, it’s only an hour from Beverly Hills. Lilly, I do live a bit outside of L.A., but I promise I don’t live in the Inland Empire. Heaven forbid!
Thursday, 2:15 p.m.
Brit Palmer: [To group] Lilly… Alex says he has a meeting with Michael tomorrow. So if you’re bored during the day, we can hit up some vintage shops on Melrose. I’m certain your black purse is circa 1962. Then we can pick up Lynn and head out to Claire’s. Let me know.
Thursday, 2:15 p.m.
Dana Sandoval: [To group] Brit, should you really be shopping when you’re not employed?