If We Were Young: A Romance

by Bloom, Anna

  Carling Supersavers…

  Supersaver Foods.

  It had changed.

  Oh.

  “He used to think he was so funny.” I jumped at Matthew’s voice. I couldn't turn to look though, I’d walked into secrets within these photographs that my old friend had never told me. Three years at university together, three years holding hands, studying together. Late nights with endless talk and yet it seemed there were some things he’d never said. “‘Matthew, my boy. Don’t you see, I’m the supersaver. They all come to me when they need food. I save them.” He transformed his voice into a deeper timbre, impressive with his as low as a bass anyway.

  “It’s just one shop though?” My tone tightened. “You never told me.”

  “Told you my dad was a greengrocer? While I’m walking you home to your mum and dad’s huge semi in the suburbs of Surrey every day. Hardly, Ronnie.”

  I turned to face him. Leant against the doorframe, he looked like an echo of the past, his arms still crossed, dressed in drool-worthy tracksuit trousers which hung low on his waist.

  “That’s rubbish.” I shook my head. “You never had to not tell me things about yourself. I told you everything about me, about how Ma wouldn’t let me live in halls. How I hated being the student who had to commute in every day while all the rest of you were having fun and I was still being called to find out when I would be home for dinner.”

  I glanced back at the photo and the boy with the anger on his face.

  “You were ashamed of him?”

  Matthew shifted forward, his steps almost silent. His fingers brushed at my hair. “He was ashamed of me. Couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to get involved with the family business, why I insisted on doing the art and design degree.”

  “You were different from one another?”

  “Very much so.”

  “What happened?” This was the key to understanding the Matthew now to the one then. Something must have happened.

  “I became who he wanted.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged, his fingers lifting and brushing across my cheek. “My dad’s a good man, Ronnie. He worked hard, too hard.”

  “That still doesn’t explain how Supersaver Foods ended up being owned by Julie’s dad.”

  Oh God. The words weren’t even out of my mouth before it all started to make sense. “Oh, Matthew.”

  His head dropped and he rested it into the crook of my neck. His breath licked across my skin. My palm fitted against his cheek, perfectly so.

  “So now you want to save what’s in that photograph?” I pointed over his shoulder to the image surrounded by black gloss.

  “I feel like I’ve given up too much not to try.” His answer jangled a bell at the back of my brain, but I became sidetracked by his insane stomach.

  “I can help. I get it now. Fred and I can really create something that will convince the administrators that Supersavers belongs on the high street.”

  I tilted my head, trying to keep my gaze level on his face and not down on the slippy slidy to absville.

  “Ugh, Fred.” His lips curled against my neck though.

  “Ugh, Fred? Don’t be rude.”

  “The guy fancies you and you swan around past him in those silly skirts like you have no idea.”

  “Ah-ha! Which brings me to something I was just thinking about. How come at uni, you looked like that.” I jabbed a finger at the glass of the picture frame. “But no other girl came near you?”

  “Maybe they did. Maybe you just didn’t know?” He scrunched his face as soon as the words left his mouth. I almost gagged, it was so unlike him, even thinking it made me sick. He pulled back and his warm face left a cool spot on my throat. “Maybe I just told them all I was already spoken for.”

  He wasn’t talking about Julie.

  My soul told me that.

  “Shame you never told me.”

  He opened his mouth, the frown I hadn’t seen in a while creased in between his brows. I wanted to press my thumb against it and blot it away.

  A phone rang.

  “Oh, that’s mine,” I said, not wanting to break out of his grasp, but it could be Hannah.

  The bolt of reality hit me hard in the stomach.

  Hannah. I had to go home to her. I couldn’t stay in the house with the purple walls. I was supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else.

  The phone had rung off by the time I got to it, but Ange’s name flashed on the screen. “It’s Angela.” I said, waving the phone at him. He pulled a bit of a face and then turned back for the kitchen, hopefully to finish making the tea. I was as dehydrated as a wrinkled old orange.

  I hit dial and I trailed back after him, unable to keep myself further than a couple of metres away. If this didn’t end well, it would become a major problem, a stalking problem.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Just checking you’re still alive,” she drawled with a deep drag of nicotine.

  “I’m alive.”

  “How’s miserable Matthew?”

  I glanced over at his curved back muscles. He really should put a shirt on. No, wait a minute, what was I thinking?

  “He’s okay. Not miserable.” He glanced over his shoulder and raised his eyebrow at me, a smirk teasing across his lips.

  “Well that’s not true; he’s always tortured and miserable.” Ange puffed air down the line.

  “Uh.”

  I think the two letters said it all.

  “Oh God, please tell me you haven’t? You haven’t gone and opened up that can of worms again, have you?”

  “What do you mean?” I turned my back and walked away, conscious of him overhearing her barbed vitriol. “It’s never been opened before.”

  “Yah, yah, and then when he breaks your heart again who will be the one picking up the pieces? Admit it, Ronnie, it was never meant to be.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Of course I do. I mean, Ronnie is he even divorced yet? He’s always strung you along while he’s had better things on the back burner.”

  “Hey.”

  “Tell me I’m lying, and I’ll apologise.”

  “It’s all just been bad timing, that’s all. This time though we are both free. We can both make something of it.”

  Angela snorted her most derisive laugh. “So silly. God, I hope Hannah has more brains than to spend half her life in love with someone who has never actually told her he loves her. Has never been brave enough to speak up.”

  “It was me who wasn’t brave enough, Angela.” I held myself back from blurting what he’d told me on the train.

  “Was it, Ronnie? Was it?”

  “Anyway, if he hadn’t seen you snogging that random all those years ago, we might not even have ended up in this mess.”

  “Sweets, you are so blind when it comes to him. The mess is him. It’s always him.”

  “No. I’m the messed up one.”

  “Listen, I don’t want to row, you’re my best friend. I wanted to know if I could take Hannah out somewhere as you’ve blown me off as per usual.”

  “What? As if. I’m always with you. Always was until you moved away.”

  “Well can I or not?” she snapped.

  “Sure. Where are you going?”

  “Crack house.”

  Just like that she softened the ire between us. “Make sure it’s a good one.”

  “Darling, I know all the best crack houses.”

  “I’ll be home…” I cast a glance at Matthew who still stood down in the utility. “Tomorrow I guess.”

  There was a pause, and for once it wasn’t filled with the drag of smoke. “Enjoy it, Ronnie. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  I hung up and tossed my phone back into my bag before closing the gap between Matthew and me again.

  My arms fit just perfectly around his chest and I pushed my face into his bare back; like I did just days ago when we walked into his rented apartment and I’d cleaved myself to h
im up the stairs.

  Was that really just days ago?

  Everything had changed in such a short amount of time.

  Angela’s words rang in my ears. Not because I thought he would hurt me, but because I knew I had to move on from this. How could we get our worlds to meet?

  “What are you thinking about?” He took a sip from his mug. Mine sat on the counter, but to pick it up would mean letting go of my hold on him, I’d have to build up to that.

  “I’m thinking if this can work. You up here, me down there, so many valid reasons for it to be impossible. You’ve barely met Hannah. You’ve got two children and I don’t even know their names.”

  “Do you want it to work?” His question rumbled through his chest and vibrated against my arms.

  This was the moment to say yes. Yes, Matthew I do. It seemed almost insurmountable, but yes.

  Instead I said. “I think any good scientific approval of a theory needs more than one experiment to ensure it’s sound.”

  He glanced back over at me. “Does it indeed?”

  “So they say; you know, in the scientific journals and all that.”

  “And you know much about scientific journals, do you?” He turned, placing his mug further over the counter and then sliding mine to sit next to it; the ugly mugs touching like they were holding hands.

  “Yes. I read them all the time.” I squealed as he lifted me with ease and placed me on the counter.

  “You don’t need to see the shops?” His lips dropped to my throat, skimming and nipping. I clutched onto the end of the countertop as tight as I could.

  “I’ve got it all from that picture.”

  “That’s good. It’s cold out there. Icy. We should stay inside as long as we can.”

  He unpicked my fingers from their firm grip around his neck so he could lift my arms above my head and pull my jumper back off.

  I’d officially got undressed more in the space of one morning than I had ever.

  “These sweats are far too big for you.” With one arm braced against my back he lifted me and pulled down the trousers before placing me back down onto the cold surface, making me squirm. Underwear hadn’t been part of my stealth dressing when I’d left his room.

  “I’m naked again.” I met his gaze.

  “It’s part of the theory. Looking at you is like seeing the sun rise for the first time and knowing that it will never be the same again. That tomorrow the sunrise will still be there, but it will have changed; the pinks and oranges will blend into something different. Every movement you make is a stamp for my heart to collect.”

  Oh my.

  “Come here.” I caught his elbow in my hand and towed him closer until I could wrap my legs around him. “I didn’t know you collected stamps.”

  “I don’t, but I want to fucking devour you.”

  His hands almost enveloped me as he glided them down from my shoulders to the tips of my fingers. Then with his eyes meeting mine he unhooked my legs and lowered to his knees, pulling my arse to the edge of the countertop.

  His lips skipped down my stomach and then as he ducked his head between the apex of my thighs, he pushed me back, so I leant against my elbows.

  Good God, I hoped he didn’t have a cleaner on the weekends.

  I whimpered as he swirled his tongue against me, his hands peeling open my legs.

  I’d been missing out on this for how long?

  I rolled my head back as he nibbled and stroked, teasing and taunting before being brutally direct and hard, sucking and then thrusting with his insanely talented tongue.

  My fingers scraped in his scalp; the pale skin of my thighs illuminated by the heavy clouds the other side of the window.

  He surged relentlessly and thoroughly, pushing and diving, flicking his tongue in unexpected places. I moaned in a way I’d never known. Feral and wild, it growled from my throat and his hands tightened on my flesh, squeezing me tight and lifting me higher until I became a cup of nectar he couldn’t get enough of.

  My eyes screwed shut and my head flopped back. My legs straightened over his shoulders as I whimpered and cried his name.

  I shivered with no control, almost sobbing.

  With gentle kisses he waited for my orgasm to flood out of me before lifting from his knees.

  “Uh.” Nope. I had nothing.

  He picked me up from the counter and strode towards the kitchen with me naked in his arms. Pulling out a kitchen chair, he stood me on it for one short moment while he peeled off his sweats, his heavy dick bouncing free and making me warm up all over again.

  Lifting me back up, he turned and settled himself in the chair, lowering me onto his lap. It wasn’t difficult for me to fit us together. We were two carvings of the same tree all over again. I gasped as he seared me deep. The angle screamed with intensity and I hesitated, not sure if I could take it. I did though, pushing down lower until he groaned my name into my neck, his lips dancing a trail of maddening lightness. Power was mine as I rotated myself, grinding deep and low. His hands danced across the skin on my back and then caught hold of my hair, pulling my mouth to his. He tasted of warm tea and me; my stomach flipped at the deliciousness of it. I thrust my tongue into his mouth with the same intensity that our hips circled together. A never-ending loop of circling pleasure.

  Beneath me, his stomach muscles clenched and sparked a firecracker to my own desire. My orgasm at his mouth pushed aside as I drove myself deeper and faster onto him. His arms tightened, his mouth hardened and then he was warm and divine inside me and I chased him over the edge with a kiss.

  I giggled as we clung together. Our chests crashed hard. Breath panting. His arms wrapped tight around my back, like he needed to hold me as much as I needed him.

  “I have two questions.”

  “Aye?” His face dipped low in the hollow of my shoulder, his breath on my skin, his long legs stretched out underneath us. He owned me, from top to toe. I couldn’t ever undo this time we’d had together; it was there etched into my memory.

  “Firstly. Why is your house purple? And secondly, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

  Carlings

  “Relax.” His fingers squeezed mine. “It’s just dinner.”

  “For your dad, right?” With my free hand I adjusted the black dress I’d bought in a small boutique only an hour ago.

  His expression shadowed.

  “What?”

  “There’s a lot I still need to tell you.” A drifting cloud of a flickered frown passed across his face.

  I stopped walking and pulled him around. “So talk. I thought you were all about the words?”

  To be fair we hadn’t spoken much at all.

  “I am. But it’s cold and I’m pretty sure it’s going to snow. And I really want to see my boys.”

  Matthew motioned to the front door of the smart townhouse. Not the sort of house I’d have expected a former greengrocer to own.

  “Okay, I can do this.”

  He tugged on our joined hands. “I know you can. It’s my family and you have no need to be nervous.”

  “Mm.” My chest had already tightened with invisible rubber bands and I’d remain grateful sex had replaced food for the morning. Sex isn’t so messy when you throw it up. I think.

  “Ronnie. I’m so bloody thankful you are here, so glad we got on the train together yesterday. Let's just do this and then we can talk more, yes?” His fingers skimmed my hair, brushing my cheek with a butterfly caress.

  He went to turn and knock, but I held him back. “Who exactly am I to these people?”

  He snorted. “These people being my mum?” His face flickered again through. Secrets hid in the shadow of his eyes. “You are Ronnie and you are helping us rebrand.”

  Oh. So it was like that.

  I winced and pulled my hand from his. “Cool.”

  Chuckling again, he grasped my fingers and squeezed them tight. “I have inappropriate hand holding issues.”

  I was laughing when the door s
wung open and two fast bolts of lightning launched at Matthew.

  “Ewan, Jack.” Matthew let me go and grasped at the two blonde heads. Falling to his knees he hugged them both within his giant embrace. “Guys, I’ve missed you.”

  The older one, taller by a good few inches, pushed out of Matthew’s hold. “I thought you’d be back hours ago. Nanny’s been making us polish.”

  Matthew nodded, very seriously. “Polishing duty is her most trusted job. You should be honoured.” He wouldn’t let the boy get away and tugged him back in, squeezing him so hard it must have hurt. “I had to work earlier, but I’m here now.”

  His eyes flashed to my face. The strange wave of tightness and the prickling in my eyes morphed into a wave of desert heat. He could work me any time he liked.

  “Ugghhh, Dad, how long is this going to take? You’ve been gone for days.” The younger boy, his hair lighter than the other asked. He’d got beautiful freckles, his face round and the kind grannies would like to pinch in the street.

  “Just a bit longer.”

  My chest ached and Matthew didn’t look at me.

  Ignoring the drop in my stomach, I stepped closer to Matthew. “Hi, I’m Ronnie. I’m going to make sure your dad is back with you as quick as I can.”

  The older boy’s gaze was as deep as his father’s as he looked up at me. “Uncle Ryan is going to be here soon.”

  “Excellent.” Matthew stood and ruffled the boy's hair. “Ronnie, this is Ewan. And this,” he swept up the smaller boy, “is Jack.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  “You guys are letting in all the cold air.” An older lady with streaked silver hair peeped out from the open door. Dressed in a navy dress and smart shoes, a bright pink apron slashed her formal attire in half. “Oh, hello.” Her quick gaze darted over me.

  “Sorry, Mam. I’ve been caught up all morning with work. You don’t mind Ronnie joining us, do you?”

  “Ronnie?” A flash of confusion flickered in her eyes until she smoothed a smile at Matthew. “Of course not, Matty, but for God’s sake get in here before it snows.”