They walked along the dry portion of the sandy, occasionally rocky, creek bed in silence, listening to the bubbling music of the shallow stream that flowed beside them. Tall, bright green grass grew along the banks near the water, with mesquites and weeping willows for a backdrop. Andi didn’t think she had ever been in such a tranquil place. Nature’s hushed sounds seeped into her soul, giving her a momentary sense of peace.
They were halfway back to the pickup when weariness began to settle over her. She didn’t say anything and fought the fatigue, hoping that complete exhaustion wouldn’t hit her. For most of the afternoon, she had forgotten about being in the recovery stages of a serious illness. She had felt almost normal, relaxed and happier than she had been in ages. She silently railed against her unwanted limitations.
When they reached a narrow point where they could jump across the stream, she decided to take off her shoes in case she couldn’t make it. She tossed them over the water to the other side.
He stopped with a frown. “You aren’t thinking about wading across, are you?”
“No, but I’m not sure I can jump that far. It looks wider than when we crossed earlier.”
Wade raised one eyebrow. “It’s not.” He slid his arm around her back, supporting her weight, and frowned again. “Andi, why didn’t you tell me you were getting tired? You’re trembling.”
Before she realized his intention, he had swung her up in his arms. “Wade, you don’t have to carry me. I just need to rest a minute. I’ll be okay.”
“Quiet woman,” he said sternly, then softened his command with a smile. “Relax and enjoy it. I’m going to.”
Andi laughed and put her arms around his neck. “If you want to act macho, I won’t stop you. You do it so well.”
He winked. “And don’t you forget it.” Clearing the water with one long step, he stopped so she could retrieve her shoes. Then he picked her up again and quickly covered the remaining distance with his easy stride.
Andi felt a twinge of regret when they reached the pickup, and he gently set her feet on the ground. “Thanks. I hate to admit it, but I’m worn out.”
“You should have said something.” He opened the pickup door, put his hands to her waist, and lifted her up on the seat.
“You’re right, but it irritates the life out of me to give in to it.”
“I do believe you’re as stubborn as you are pretty.”
How was she supposed to respond to that one? She decided not to even try. Instead, she slumped down, resting her head on the back of the seat. “Home, James.”
He touched the brim of his hat. “Yes, ma’am.”
When they arrived at his house, he pointed toward the sofa. “You can nap there as long as you like, unless you want me to take you on home.”
She was practically falling asleep standing up, but she didn’t want to leave. “I might perk up if I rest awhile.” She paused by the back door, slipped off her sandy shoes, and went straight to the sofa. He stopped, too, using a cast iron bootjack to remove his boots, then brought her a heavy afghan, pillow, and a cold glass of water.
After taking a long drink, she lay down on the sofa. Wade was at her side in an instant, pulling the afghan up over her, tucking it around her shoulders and under her chin. “You’ll make a good daddy,” she murmured.
A strange, deep sadness filled his eyes. “I hope I get the chance someday.” He brushed her cheek with his knuckle. “Have a good rest, songbird.”
For the next two hours, Wade relaxed in his recliner and watched her sleep, memorizing the contours of her face, the subtle changes of expression as she dreamed. Spending the afternoon with her had been a mistake in some ways. His love had grown with every passing hour, with each sunlit smile and golden laugh. In those brief moments when she revealed her sadness or showed weakness, the tenderness and protectiveness he felt had almost overwhelmed him. The more he was with her, the harder it would be when she left, yet he would greedily claim every second they could be together, storing up treasures to last a lifetime.
“I want what I can’t have, Lord,” he whispered. “Help me not to cross the line.” As darkness fell, the room grew chilled. He built a fire in the wood stove and turned on a lamp. A short time later Andi began to stir, so he went into the kitchen and heated up some soup and made sandwiches.
When he carried the food in on a tray and set it on the coffee table, she sat up and ran her hand through her disheveled hair. Still groggy, she stared at him and blinked her big brown eyes like a sleepy owl. It was all he could do to keep from taking her in his arms. “Hi, sleepyhead. Want some supper?”
“Umph.” She scratched her head and wrinkled up her face, then yawned and stretched. “Guess so. What is it?”
He chuckled. “Didn’t know you were so picky. Ham and cheese sandwiches, and vegetable beef soup. The canned kind. Nothing I can mess up.”
“Sounds good.” She looked out the window at the darkness. “How long did I sleep?”
“Couple of hours.” He sat down beside her.
“That’s me. Life of the party,” she said with a grimace.
“I didn’t mind. I rested awhile and got some stuff done.” He hoped she didn’t ask what. He wasn’t sure she would consider watching her as “doing stuff,” or if she would be comfortable with it.
“Shall we ask the blessing?” When he held out his hand, she took it and bowed her head. He thanked the Lord for the food and the day they had spent together. After the prayer, he picked up half of a sandwich. “Do you want to watch Country Music Scene and see what’s going on with your cohorts?”
“Sure. They have some good reports.” She began eating her soup as he turned on the television and switched the channel.
The first report, about the making of a new music video by a leading male vocalist, was followed by an interview with a singer who had a secondary role in a Western movie. Another new star had sold a million copies of his first album, and his record company surprised him with a new motorcycle.
“The other day a record company gave a guy a new boat. Do they do things like that for everybody?” Wade asked when the program broke for a commercial.
“There is a lot of competition between labels, so they try to keep their performers happy, at least the ones who are doing well. They threw a big party when my second album went platinum and furnished my bedroom and the bathroom on my new bus, right down to gold plated fixtures for the sink and shower.” She laughed when Wade choked on a spoonful of soup, then pounded him on the back. “Well, I’m not into motorcycles or boats, so they had to come up with something.”
The program returned, and an incredibly beautiful picture of Andi flashed on the screen. Wade caught his breath. It was a publicity shot, elegant in its simplicity. Her dark hair was parted in the center and curved gracefully along her jaw line. She wore a black sweater with a loose cowl collar which exposed the base of her neck and throat. Her faint smile teased the viewer with a hint of her dimples, but her large eyes were dark and mysterious.
“Although singer Andi Carson is recuperating from her bout with pneumonia and anemia in an undisclosed location,” said the pretty blonde broadcaster, “her agent, Kyle Wilson, head of KW Entertainment, told us get well wishes and gifts have been pouring in since she collapsed during a performance in Tucson, Arizona.”
The scene changed to an office reception area overflowing with boxes of letters and gifts. A reporter held out the microphone to a man in his early to mid-thirties who looked like a soap opera heart throb. Wade knew it was wrong, but he detested Kyle on sight, and only partly because the man worked Andi too hard.
“The outpouring of love from Andi’s fans has been overwhelming,” said Kyle. “I talked to her yesterday, and she’s feeling stronger day by day. We’ve sent some mail to her already and will be sending all of these letters and gifts out tonight. I know they will boost her spirits and hasten her recovery.”
“Do you have any idea when Andi will return to work?” asked the reporter.
“As soon as her doctor gives his approval. We’re hoping to have that in a couple of weeks, but of course, we don’t want her to go back to work until she’s completely well. When he gives us the go-ahead, we’ll firm up the new dates for the shows we had to cancel. Andi doesn’t want to disappoint any of her fans. That’s why she tried to do the show in Tucson even though she was very ill. She loves them as much as they love her.”
The scene switched back to the broadcaster. “We would also like to extend our wishes for a quick recovery to Andi. She’s a lady who gives her all to her music and her fans and is destined to go to great heights in the country music industry. We look forward to having you back, Andi.”
Stunned, Wade turned off the television. He’d had no idea she had collapsed during a performance. She should have been in a hospital long before she set foot on that stage. Even his mother, as driven as she was to succeed, would have chosen her health over her job.
The sheer volume of letters and gifts left him speechless, partly because he suddenly realized that they came from a small portion of her fans. Whenever he thought about her albums selling a million copies, he had envisioned stacks and stacks of CD’s. He had not tried to imagine the number in terms of people.
The broadcaster’s words about Andi’s devotion to her music and her fans and being destined for greatness rang in his ears. None of that was news to him. Then why did having those beliefs confirmed make him feel as if he had fallen into a bottomless pit?
Trying to deal with the barrage of emotions, Wade didn’t think about Andi’s reaction to the story until she slowly got up and walked over to the front window. He turned off the lamp and joined her. Moonlight draped the valley in silver, and thousands of stars sparkled in the dark heavens. Nearby, an owl hooted, and in the distance an elusive pack of coyotes howled and yipped in excited communication.
He glanced at Andi. She stood with her back straight, her arms crossed in front of her like a shield. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You didn’t tell me you collapsed on stage,” he said quietly.
“Didn’t I? I guess I never thought to mention it.” She kept her gaze fixed on the landscape.
“Why did you try to perform that night? Why didn’t you go to a doctor?”
“I had seen a doctor earlier in the week. He gave me some antibiotics and cough medicine and told me to rest. We had two days without a concert, so I took my medicine and practically slept around the clock. I woke up at four o’clock the next afternoon in Tucson and felt terrible, but it was too late to cancel the show outright. Those people had spent their hard earned money on tickets to see me, and I had an obligation to them. Some had driven over a hundred miles, and I didn’t have the heart not try.
“By the time I stepped on stage, I knew I’d made a big mistake. I was so weak I could hardly stand up and had to sit on a stool. I felt as if a giant was standing on my chest and stabbing me every time I took a breath.
“I told the audience that I wasn’t feeling well, and that we were going to do a couple of songs as a thank you for coming and refund their money. I almost made it through the first song before I passed out.”
“So Kyle didn’t push you to do the show?”
“No. He told me to do whatever I needed to do. He was in Los Angeles so he couldn’t see how bad I was. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in any shape to make a coherent decision. I’d been too tired to think straight for over a month.
“He took the first flight out of Los Angeles when he heard I was in the hospital. I didn’t wake up until late the next day, and he was there in my room, napping in a chair. I’d never been in a hospital. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”
Wade’s low opinion of the man raised considerably, even as his jealousy increased.
“I was on oxygen, hooked up to I don’t know how many monitors, and had all these tubes poking in me. I was so scared.” The sleeve of her blouse brushed against his arm when she shuddered.
With only the moonlight and the soft, flickering light from the fire surrounding them, it seemed natural to step behind her and put his arms around her. He rested his cheek against her soft, fragrant hair and closed his eyes.
She tensed, then relaxed, and covered his hands with hers. “They had trouble contacting my folks because they were on a trek across the Australian outback. By the time Kyle reached them, we knew I would be all right, so I told them not to come home. Dawn flew up to keep me company. Kyle needed to be in Los Angeles, so he left when she got there. He’d already sent the band and road crew home.”
“I’m glad Dawn was there.” He tried to lighten her spirits. “If I’d known, I would have sent you flowers or maybe a giant bunch of balloons.”
“That would have been sweet, although I don’t know where we would have put them. They wouldn’t let me have any flowers in the room at first. Later, there were so many, I wound up having Dawn take them to other patients.”
“A lot of people love you.” Without thinking, he tightened his arms.
“I know they do, and I appreciate it. I love them, too, in many ways.”
“But?”
She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “I don’t know if I can explain it.”
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
She hesitated and her fingers pressed harder against his hands. “There are people who like my music, and some who care for me as a person, but I’m still lonely. I have been for a long time. I walk out on stage and the audience goes nuts. It pleases me to know they enjoy my music, but deep inside I feel so cold, so empty. When I’m with my family or friends, it’s a little better, but there is still something missing.” She turned in his arms, facing him, resting her hands against his chest. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t know if I can stand it.”
Heart pounding, Wade looked down into her dark eyes, aching at the despair he saw there. Words of love sprang up in his heart, promises he barely kept from tumbling from his lips. Nothing on earth could keep him from lowering his head toward hers and try to take away her hurt in the gentleness of his kiss.
He rejoiced as she welcomed him, accepting his tenderness as a soothing balm. Then without warning, in spite of his hard won restraint, the kiss took on a new urgency, a deeper fervor, as she sought more than solace.
Sensing her desperation, he reluctantly raised his head and cradled her tenderly against him. She cared for him; he felt it in her touch. But she didn’t love him, not with the last-a-lifetime kind of love he had to have.
And it was just as well. He could never be the kind of man she needed, traveling with the rodeo had taught him that. He needed to be on the ranch, working in the open country, not constantly moving from city to city. Trying to adapt to her lifestyle would be tantamount to throwing a rope around his neck and tightening the loop a little more each day until he suffocated.
“I’d better go home.” She pushed lightly on his chest, and he released her. She shoved her hair back out of her face, revealing her flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on to you like that. I know what you must think.”
Honey, you don’t have a clue. “What?” He followed her toward the back door, blinking as she switched on the kitchen light.
“That I’ve...that I’ve probably been with lots of men.” She pulled on one shoe. “Let’s face it. Entertainers aren’t often perceived as having very good morals.” She put on the other shoe, then straightened.
Wade tugged on his second boot, practically holding his breath to see where the conversation was going. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. He straightened and looked at her. “Some of them do.”
“And some of them don’t. It’s not unusual for one or two of my band members to down a six-pack and go find a wife for the night. We have groupies that follow us from town to town.” She twisted a strand of hair around her finger.
He leaned against the kitchen counter. “Do any men follow you?”
“Some have
, but it didn’t do them any good.” She pulled her finger loose from the loop of hair and looked down, rubbing a smudge on the vinyl floor with the toe of her shoe.
He had the feeling she wished she hadn’t said anything. He gently nudged her chin up with his knuckle. “Andi, what are you trying to tell me?”
She met his gaze and took a deep breath. “That I’m not like those guys in the band, in spite of the way I acted a few minutes ago. When I get married and make love to my husband, it will be my first time.”
Hallelujah! He pushed away from the counter and slowly framed her face with both hands.
Mesmerized, Andi stared up at him, holding her breath. His eyes glowed softly with tenderness and admiration, but something else danced in the shadows, flitting into the light for a heartbeat before it was hidden again. Something so beautiful she dared not give it a name. Then his lips touched hers in a whisper kiss, and pure sweetness filled her soul. He raised his head and brushed her cheeks with his thumbs before dropping his hands to his sides. “What was that?” she whispered.
“Man thanking woman for a precious gift.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “You’re right. I’d better take you home. I’m starting to wax poetic and that could get bad.”
She smiled. “I don’t know, I kinda like it.”
They drove back to town, listening to the radio, sometimes singing along, simply enjoying each other’s company. By the time they strolled up the front steps of Dawn’s house, he knew there was something he was supposed to say. He felt awkward, considering that in high school, she had been the one talking to him about walking with Jesus.
A policeman drove past, tossing them a wave and a grin. Wade glanced up at the bright porch light and decided talking was all he could do. It was too well lighted and too public to even think about a lingering good night kiss.
Love Song Page 6