“How did it go tonight?”
“Great. Didn’t miss a note.” She looked at Wade, disheartened by the sadness in his eyes as he moved his arm and sat back against the corner of the couch. “I sang a couple of new songs I wrote last week, and the crowd loved them.”
“Maybe we can put them on the next album. You sound distracted. Is Wade there?”
“Yes. So make it quick.”
He laughed. “Gotcha. I managed to reschedule four more of the concerts, including the one in Tucson. That gives us twelve of the fourteen we missed.”
“Wonderful.” Smiling happily, she put her hand over the mouthpiece and relayed the news to Wade. He gave her a weak smile. “That should help the guys’ paychecks.”
“The only problem is that I had to put them on the front end of the tour, so you’ll have to hit the road a week from Monday.”
Andi’s heart sank. “So soon?”
“It gets worse, hon,” he said sympathetically. “I got a call from CMN a few minutes ago. On Monday, they’ll be running a segment about tonight’s concert. They want you there in person to perform and do an interview. It’s a great opportunity to plug the tour dates and let everyone know you’re back. You can’t afford to miss it. Plus you said you had some wardrobe changes to make, and you’ll need to practice with the band—especially if you have new material you want to use. I’m sorry, Andi, but you have to come back to Nashville tomorrow afternoon because I couldn’t get you a flight on Sunday. I’ve already made reservations.”
Andi’s head spun. She couldn’t leave so fast. There was too much left unsaid, too much at stake. But she had no choice. She had obligations that had to be taken care of before she could start a new life. People depending on her. She couldn’t let them down again. She looked into Wade’s eyes but couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“Look at it this way, hon. The sooner you hit the road, the quicker you’ll get finished, and you can search out new worlds and go where you’ve never gone before.”
She forced a laugh in spite of the doom settling over her. “You sound like you’re lining up a guest spot on Star Trek.” She sighed. “All right. I’ll fly out tomorrow.” Wade appeared shocked, then the wall went up between them again. She doubted that, at this point, any amount of talking would bring it down.
“That’s my girl. Nicki sends her love.”
“How is she?”
“Absolutely terrific,” he said softly, making Andi wonder if she was there with him. “She and her band are clicking well. She has lots of good ideas and listens to their suggestions, too. We’re cutting a demo tape on Monday. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a record deal before you head out on tour. She has so much natural talent, I’m amazed every time I hear her. Reminds me of another lady I know.”
“So how were the burgers?”
He laughed. “Which time? We’re becoming regulars there and at the pizza place around the corner. But I’ve taken her to some fancy places, too. Took her to a business party last night. Man, was she a knockout. I had to stay right with her the whole time.” Andi heard a giggle and knew her suspicion was right. “We found her a cute little apartment today, and we’re going furniture shopping tomorrow. Just the bare basics, she says. She doesn’t want to go into debt.”
“I can’t believe my ears. Hamburgers and pizza. Apartment hunting and furniture shopping. And you actually sound relaxed. Kyle, are you keeping your promise?”
“Yes, though it’s not easy. This is one time I’m not going to rush. It’s too important.”
“I’m proud of you. I’ll call when I get in.” She hung up the phone and looked at Wade as he rose from the sofa. “Don’t go.”
“You probably have a dozen things to do to get ready to leave.” He sounded distant; his manner was cold.
She jumped up from the sofa. “I can do everything in the morning. All I have to do is throw stuff in a couple of suitcases.”
Walking to the door, he acted as if he hadn’t heard her. “Have a good trip. When do you leave on tour?”
“A week from Monday. I have to go back now to be on CMN next Monday evening.”
He nodded. “Good promotion.”
“Wade...”
He finally looked at her, and for a heartbeat, she saw abject misery in his eyes, then it disappeared. His face could have been carved in stone. “Goodbye, darlin’. It’s been fun.”
She whispered his name, but the sound faded in the still air as he walked out. Sinking down on the sofa, she stared at the closed door and heard the roadster’s engine roar to life. It’s been fun. Was that all their time together had meant to him? Fun?
She picked up a large throw pillow and hugged it to her aching heart, weeping. “Please God, let him just be afraid. Please let him love me.”
***
On Monday evening, Wade sat in his recliner, staring at the clock as if it were his enemy. Country Music Scene would be on in two minutes. Unable to stop himself, he clicked on the television and the DVR, and found the right channel.
A cooked frozen dinner sat on the table beside him, barely touched. He rubbed his hand over his face, weary to the bone. Sleep had evaded him completely Friday night and had been virtually a stranger both Saturday and Sunday.
His leg ached where a cow had kicked him that afternoon. He knew to be on guard when trying to doctor that old lop-horn, but his thoughts had been elsewhere—the same place they had been every second since Friday night. On Andi. On the hurt in her eyes as he turned away. On the ache in his heart, the pain that never lessened but stayed with him minute by minute, wearing away his very soul.
He was a coward. He’d never thought so, but now he knew better. He’d walked away from the woman he loved, hurting her deeply, and possibly destroying himself. And he was confused. Still. He was afraid he had lost her forever, and at the same time, wondered why he thought she was his to have.
He knew God was going to use her in a mighty way. That had been evident on Sunday. Wade hadn’t gone to church, but Ray told him that three newcomers had talked to the pastor after the service. None of them had ever set foot inside a church before. They were there because Andi had shared about Jesus Friday night and because her song had kindled a yearning in their hearts that they didn’t understand.
Selfishly, he wanted her for himself. He didn’t want to share her with anyone, not even God. And yet, he knew he couldn’t hold her. Wade shook his head, wondering if he was losing his mind.
The show came on, and he stared at the screen like a zombie, watching as someone he had never heard of sang, then was interviewed by one of the popular hosts of the program, a pretty blonde. A dog food commercial was next, and he thought about getting a puppy, maybe a cute little golden Labrador retriever like the one on the television. A dog would follow me everywhere. He wouldn’t go wandering off all over the country.
The show returned, and the host gave a short introduction about Andi. Then she came on stage, singing one of her biggest hits. Wade barely heard the music, except to note that her voice was strong and true. She looked beautiful in the magenta print gauze dress she had bought when they went shopping in Sidell—the one she said she would wear when she felt free as the wind. His stomach churned, and he was vaguely glad he hadn’t eaten more than a few bites of the cheese enchilada dinner.
She finished the song and went over to sit by the host. When the camera zoomed in for a close-up, he thought she looked a little tired and was missing some of her sparkle. They chatted about her good health and the upcoming tour, then the woman complimented her on her appearance.
“Thank you. I bought this while I was home. I was a little tired today, still trying to get used to working for a living again,” she said with a big smile, “so I thought it might perk me up.”
“Do you go back home to Buckley often?”
“I’ve only been back about four other times since I came to Nashville, for quick visits with my cousin. My folks moved away not long after I left, so I didn’t hav
e as much reason to go back as I might have otherwise.”
“How was it this time, since you stayed so long? I know you were probably too sick to get out much at first, but how about later? Has it changed?”
“It has changed in many ways, but some things were like they’ve always been. The kids still hang out at the same hamburger joint, and the old drug store is still there. But a lot of the businesses have closed. I saw some of my old friends and made some new ones. Generally, folks left me alone.”
They talked a while longer, plugging the tour and the upcoming dates. Wade was both relieved and disappointed that neither his name nor any hint about him ever came up. She sang another song. Then she was gone.
He shut off the television and DVR. Walking into the bedroom, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He hadn’t shaved since Friday and couldn’t remember when he showered last. His shirt and jeans looked as if he had worn them for days. Maybe he had. His eyes had dark circles beneath them, and he looked as haggard and miserable as he felt.
Andi had been beautiful. She had been at ease, performed well, and seemed bright and cheerful. She was surviving, even happy, without him.
CHAPTER 19
“Just listen to that crowd! She’s a hit! Didn’t I tell you she was fantastic?”
The image of Wade’s smiling face faded from her mind, and Andi looked at Kyle, wondering why he was practically jumping up and down. She slowly came out of the sweet, hazy daydream to reality.
“Four minutes till you’re on, Andi,” called her road manager. She walked over to Andi’s side. “Are you all right?”
She nodded. “Just drifting a little.”
“Well, get back on course, will ya? You go on stage in three and a half minutes.”
“I’m with you.” Lord, please help me not to think of Wade. I don’t want to let these folks down. To her dismay, she realized she had missed more than half of Nicki’s debut performance. She had to start functioning better, or she would ruin the whole tour. She’d been inattentive during rehearsals, making them run longer than they should have. When she and Nicki had gone shopping the previous week, Nicki wound up picking out all Andi’s new clothes because all she could think about was the day Wade had taken her shopping. She’d sat in the dressing room of one of Nashville’s most expensive shops, crying her eyes out.
She took a couple of deep breaths and walked over to a microphone behind the side curtain. Nicki had finished her last solo to tremendous applause. Kyle had been right. The crowd loved her.
It was time for their duet, and Andi’s grand entrance, although the audience had no idea she was about to sing. No announcement was made, so everyone assumed Nicki was going to do another number by herself. Wade had suggested this duet, but she had never told him how she was going to use it. I wish you were here, my love. I need you. Heart pounding, she took the cordless microphone from the stand and focused all her attention on the others on stage.
The keyboard player led off, then Nicki came in:
Grandpa’s watch lies on the mantle
Its hands forever still.
Off stage, Andi sang the next few lines, an octave higher:
But his love shines in my grandma’s eyes
And it always will.
A murmur went through the crowd as people recognized Andi’s pure, distinctive voice. They stretched their necks and wiggled in their seats, trying to see where she was.
Nicki sang again:
Looking back across the past
The years all fade away
Andi came in where Nicki left off:
For in her heart, she holds him still,
Just like yesterday.
Their voices blended in perfect harmony on the chorus as Andi slowly walked out on stage:
Love is like a river
Ever flowing to the sea.
A never-ending promise
Living through eternity.
Everyone in the Tulsa Convention Center rose to their feet, clapping and cheering. The band played for a minute or two while Andi acknowledged their warm welcome. The audience quieted, but few sat down as Andi and Nicki continued the song. They finished to thunderous applause.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Nicki Alexander.” Andi stepped back to allow Nicki another moment in the limelight. When the young woman ran off stage, Andi caught a glimpse of Kyle giving her a big bear hug. “Thank you so much for that wonderful welcome. I’m so glad we were able to reschedule the concert and really appreciate you all coming out to see us. I think we have a good show, so sit back and enjoy.”
The show went off without a hitch, and the audience loved the new songs Andi sang. They spent over an hour afterward talking with the fans and signing autographs.
Kyle had flown Nicki’s family out for the concert and arranged for everyone, including Andi, to spend the night at a nearby hotel. They were so excited that the adults and older Alexander children stayed up late into the night, while the little ones fell asleep in an adjoining room.
At nine the next morning, they hit the road, happy with the success of the first concert. Andi traveled with two buses, one for her and the road manager, and the other for her band and part of the crew. The rest of the crew rode on the trucks.
Kyle had added another bus for Nicki’s band though she didn’t ride with them. There was a small, but unused bedroom on Andi’s bus, and she insisted that Nicki stay with her and the road manager.
Andi was happy things had gone well, but she was tired. And lonely. The ache in her heart never went away completely and much of the time it was almost too painful to endure. Twenty miles out of Tucson on the road to Phoenix, she retreated to her bedroom and laid down, holding the cuddly teddy bear Wade had given her. “I don’t believe he doesn’t love me. He’s just afraid I’ll do the same thing his mother did. But dog-gone-it, doesn’t he realize I’m not like her?”
***
Andi had talked to Dawn briefly on Thursday to give her a report on the first show. She called her again Sunday afternoon as the bus sped down the highway.
“Where are you?” asked Dawn.
“On the way to Denver.”
“How are you feeling? Are you taking your vitamins?”
“Faithfully. I’m also being careful to eat right and trying to get plenty of sleep. I’m not doing so well in that department.”
“Missing Wade?”
“Do cowboys ride horses?”
“Yes, and if it’s any consolation, I think your cowboy has lost about ten pounds since you left. He doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping all that well, either. Ray said he’s been kicked by a cow and had his foot stepped on twice, and that he’s been so grouchy one of the hired hands almost quit on Friday. I talked to Wade for a few minutes after church. He asked if I’d heard from you.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That the Tucson concert went well, and Nicki was a sensation. I also told him you were miserable, but he didn’t believe me. He said, ‘Yeah, sure. She looked real miserable on Country Music Scene a couple of weeks ago.’“
“Well, what did he expect me to do? Go on national television and let the whole world see that I’m dying of a broken heart?”
“Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”
“Dawn, I’m not going to spill my guts over the air waves.”
“You don’t have to, but you could drop some subtle hints. Things that only Wade would understand. I know he records every show in case they say something about you. Is CMN going to do another interview soon?”
“They’re going to tape one tomorrow, along with part of the concert. They plan to air it Friday night. Maybe I can think of a hint or two and slip them in.
“Will you talk to him and try to find out the real reason he walked away? I know he loves me. I’ve thought about calling him and telling him how I feel. I’m to the point where I’d gladly give up my career to be with him if that’s the problem, but I’m not sure he would believe it.”
“Probably not, but I’ll see what I can find out. He’s going to be out of town for a couple of days, so I’ll corner him when he gets back.”
“Have you heard from Grant?”
“No. It might have been interesting, but I’m not holding my breath until he calls. I haven’t had much time to think about him. Been too busy moving stock into my store and trying to organize the stuff in the old museum, so we can catalogue it.”
“And you’re loving every minute. I talked to my folks earlier. They should be back home in time for the Fort Worth show. That’s going to be my last one, so plan on coming. I’ll have them reserve you a front row seat, right next to Mom and Dad.”
“Save one for Wade, too. I’ll see if I can get him to go.”
“I’d like that. Gotta run. Let me know what he says.”
“Will do.”
***
Four days later, Andi was sitting beneath a shady elm tree in a Boise, Idaho park when her cousin called.
“I went out to see Wade last night,” said Dawn. “I tried to be subtle, but the man was as elusive as a roadrunner, so I finally just asked him outright if he wanted to marry you.”
Andi groaned. “You didn’t.”
“I did, but don’t send a hit squad after me yet. He’s a good friend of mine, you know, and we talk about serious things sometimes. He meandered around a while, but this is what it comes down to—he loves you and wants to marry you more than anything in the world. Unfortunately, he has a couple of hang-ups. He couldn’t stand for you to be on the road while he stayed home, but he knows he’d go crazy traveling like you do. He doesn’t think he has the right to ask you to cancel or curtail your career, but I think I convinced him that you two could probably work out some kind of compromise.”
“Of course we could.” Andi’s heart pounded with excitement and hope.
“Hold on; there’s more. He believes that God will use your music and testimony to reach people who wouldn’t listen to anybody else if they talked about Jesus. He’s afraid that if you get married and settle down on the Smoking Pipe and raise cows and kids, he will be thwarting God’s greater plan.”
Love Song Page 18