by Jessi Kirby
“Okay,” I answered, still not sure how this was all supposed to go, really. But it felt good to be up and out in the mountain-fresh air, seeing the sunrise for the second day in a row.
I gave Bru a nod, then set off up the rocky trail, wondering for the hundredth time in the last few days what in the world I was doing. While the rest of the freshmen at ATU were touring campus and bonding with their roommates, I was walking up a mountain, holding out a tiny hope for some answers.
In the weak light it was pretty easy to make my way up the trail and over the base of the red rock that jutted up to the sky. When I got to a point where I had to climb, I wedged my boot in a wide crack and my fingers in another. I pulled myself up onto my knees, right beside a gnarled juniper tree that twisted its way out of the deep red of the rock. Then I breathed in deep and sat down right there, because I knew. If there was any place that felt like I was meant to be, it was this one.
I scanned the sky, hoping to catch another glimpse of a shooting star, but it was already too light. Immediately below me was the wide canyon we’d driven up, the road cutting a thin beige line through the thick blanket of green pines. But between the town and the canyon lay the most stunningly beautiful part of the whole scene. Towers and peaks and mountains of rock, all jagged and weather worn, rose out of the thin mist that covered the valley. They stood wise and silent, layer upon layer of color and time, stacked tall enough to kiss the stars. I’d never seen time stretch back so far like that, and all at once I felt smaller than I ever had. Like a pinprick of light in an infinite purple sky.
Finn would’ve said that was exactly right. That’s what we are. His particular brand of spirituality was always wrapped up in that sky. When our parents died, he didn’t go to church for comfort or answers. He went to the roof instead. And he took me with him. The first time I saw him climbing out his bedroom window I burst into panicked tears, thinking he was running away, leaving me all alone. Minutes later, when we lay there on the roof with a blanket of stars spread over us and our backs pressed into the still-warm shingles, he promised he would never leave me.
And yet here I was. Alone. I didn’t want to be angry with him for that, wanted more than anything to understand, so I closed my eyes against the sky to listen for some little bit of truth or peace. Anything the universe was willing to give. A breeze drifted soft and cool over my face. In the distance, I thought I heard the cry of a hawk. Then I heard something closer. A voice.
“Honor!” It whispered excitedly. “I hope you believe in fate. Because Kyra Kelley is my cousin.”
I whipped around to see Ashley behind me, trying desperately to hoist herself up to where I sat. “What? What are you talking about?” I hadn’t heard her coming at all.
She stuck her tiny hand out to me. “Pull me up! This is crazy!”
I leaned over and grabbed her hand with both of mine, then dug my heels in and pulled while she pushed, until she popped up onto the rock next to me. She didn’t waste a second. “Okay, I have to say this quick because we’re supposed to be meditating and all, but—Bru told me all about the letter and the tickets your brother sent you and your journey to go see Kyra’s last show and everything, and I just know this was meant to be. You have to make it there. It’s, like, a pilgrimage or something.”
She paused, the most excited smile on her face, waiting for me to answer, but I didn’t know where to even begin. Ashley took that as a cue to keep going.
“Okay, so here’s the plan—I’ll call her and tell her your whole story and let her know you’re coming to the show, and then I’ll give you her assistant’s number to call when you get there. She can meet you and take you backstage after, which will be amazing, since it’s her last show ever, and then—”
“Wait a sec.” I grabbed one of her hands, hoping it might help her stop talking for a minute. “Why did Bru tell you all that? It wasn’t any of his business—”
“I asked him,” Ashley said simply. “Because you seemed so sad. And so he told me. Which couldn’t be more perfect, and definitely isn’t coincidence.” She pointed up at the sky and brought her voice back down to a whisper. “It’s the universe. And it’s saying you’re on the right path.”
I stared at her in the faint morning light, smiling hope right at me as the sun rose golden warm behind the ridge, and I believed her. For some reason I didn’t yet know or understand, I was really supposed to make it to Kyra Kelley. And this random girl was holding the door wide open for me. “You think she’ll actually see me? In person?” I managed.
Ashley nodded emphatically. “Yes! I can’t wait to tell her about this. She’s totally into this kind of stuff right now.”
Despite what I’d said to Rusty about not being that excited to see Kyra Kelley anymore, the thought of actually meeting her brought back my little fangirl urge to jump up and down and squeal about it. Instead, I grabbed Ashley’s dainty, perfectly manicured hands and said, “Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me. Really. It’s . . .”
“It’s what I do.” Ashley smiled. She gazed thoughtfully out over the valley. “I’m actually kind of good at it—helping people, I mean.”
I leaned my back against the tree and watched as a hot-air balloon rose in slow motion from the valley floor. “Maybe that’s the universe telling you something.”
“Maybe so.” She patted my knee. “I’m gonna go sit and see if it says anything else before Bru or my mom comes up here and tells me I need to be quiet.”
I gave her my hand so she could lower herself down the rock, which she did quite gracefully. Once down, she turned to walk away but then paused and looked back up at me. “I’m really sorry about your brother, Honor.”
“Thank you.”
“And . . . for what it’s worth . . . I bet good things will happen for you. That’s how it should work, anyway.”
She turned again, and I watched as she picked her way gingerly down the trail, then disappeared over a little ridge. The sun fell warm on my back and splashed color into the rocks all around so that they bloomed soft and hopeful in the light of a new day. And as I sat there watching, something in me did too.
20
By the time Bru and I rumbled up the dirt driveway to his house, the heat of the day was coming on fast. We’d dropped off Ashley and her mom, washed down the jeep, and gone to breakfast, all before ten o’clock. And now I was anxious to get the Pala fixed up and keep going, all the way to California and Kyra Kelley. Which was a real possibility, thanks to Ashley and the little piece of fate folded up in my pocket. She’d written Kyra’s assistant’s cell number on a stray receipt and assured me she’d be expecting to hear from me soon. I couldn’t wait to tell Celia I thought she was right and show Rusty that maybe I wasn’t crazy after all.
When we came to a stop, I glimpsed him sitting on an overturned bucket next to the Pala’s open hood, beer in hand, and my mood took a nosedive. Ah. It would be that kind of Rusty today. I took my time getting out of the jeep when Bru turned it off, thanked him again for taking me along, then walked begrudgingly over to Rusty.
“Well, don’t you look all refreshed and enlightened this morning,” he said with the exact flat kind of sarcasm I’d been expecting.
“Probably better off than you.” I eyed his beer. “Isn’t it a little early for that?”
He glanced up at me, then took a long drink from the bottle. “Prerequisite for working on cars. Right, Bru?”
“Whatever gets you goin’, I guess.” Bru waved his hands in an I’m-not-getting-into-this surrender as he walked by and went into the house.
I waited for the door to shut behind him before I turned back to Rusty, all sass and smugness. “Doesn’t look like you’re working very hard.”
“That’s ’cuz I’m done.” He set the bottle in the dirt and stood as I walked over to the car. “I got good news and bad news.”
“What’s the good?” I asked, hoping it was that he’d gotten it fixed already, so we could get back on the road as soon as po
ssible.
Rusty stepped over to the open hood of the Pala and surveyed the inside. “Good news is that the radiator’s fine. It’s a connector hose that has a leak, and that’s a cheaper fix.”
“Okay,” I said cautiously. “What’s the bad news, then?”
“Bad news is that shops don’t stock parts for fifty-year-old cars.”
No, no, no. This couldn’t happen, not now. Panic leaped into my throat. “The concert’s the day after tomorrow. We have to get there. Can’t we rush-order one or something?”
“Did that already,” he said, leaning on the car. “There’s a guy in Fresno that Finn and I got a bunch of parts from when we were first fixin’ her up. I gave him a call, and he said he’d send a hose that should fit, but it’ll be a day before it gets here.”
“A day, as in tomorrow? And then you can fix it and we can go?” I started running through back-up plans in my mind before Rusty could answer. Maybe I could rent a car for the rest of the way.
“How much is it gonna cost?” I asked him. I hadn’t figured on having to fix the car. Actually, I hadn’t really figured anything for this trip. I’d had Finn’s ATM card, which I sometimes used if Gina was running low or if there was something special I wanted. But I had no idea how much money was in the account, and now seemed like a good time to start worrying about it.
“I got it,” Rusty answered.
“No, this is my mess. And now my car. You don’t have to pay for that. I just need to know how much it’s going to cost.”
Rusty sighed, exasperated. “I said I got it, okay?” He turned and shut the hood gently, giving it a pat. “It’s been a while since I bought Pala anything nice. She’s been neglected lately.”
I almost rolled my eyes but stopped short. I’d take this kind of chivalry, even if it was meant for the car. “Well, thanks. That’s . . . that’s nice of you.” I looked at the ground and outlined a circle in the red dust with the toe of my boot, not sure what to say after that.
Rusty pushed off the car and turned on his heels to face me. “Don’t thank me yet. I don’t know how far she’ll make it even after we get it fixed. Lots of times, one problem like this leads to a whole bunch of other ones real quick. Just makin’ it there may be shaky, let alone back home.”
I thought of the car breaking down and us ending up here, and meeting Ashley, and my ticket to meet Kyra Kelley tucked safely in my pocket, and I hoped with everything in me that we’d make it to her, because now I knew we were supposed to.
“I bet it’ll be okay,” I said. “We’ll just have to go easy.”
Rusty didn’t seem convinced. “We’ll see.” He bent down and grabbed his half-full beer, then walked it over to the trash can in the carport. “We got at least a day to kill anyway,” he said, coming back. “We can drive my mom’s truck until then if there’s someplace you wanna go.”
“Like where?”
“I don’t know. There’s plenty of places. It’s better than sittin’ around here all day while Bru takes a nap and my mom goes on about how psychic she is.”
I thought about it. “How ’bout NAU? You can show me the stadium where you play.”
He shook his head. “Nah, I don’t feel like going up there today.”
There was something in his voice, but I didn’t push it. “All right. What about somewhere you do wanna go? I don’t know what’s around. You’re the one who’s been going to school up here. Surprise me.” I hoped he’d take it as a peace offering after last night.
Rusty mulled it over a minute and I waited, feeling the sun sink into me.
“I got a couple places,” he said finally. “Grab your bathing suit. And something to throw on after.”
21
Turned out driving around in Celia’s truck wasn’t all that different from driving around in the Pala. It had to be just as old, with its rounded red fenders and cab and dusty smell. And the lack of AC. We drove with the windows down, the radio up, and one arm each resting on the doors. Hot wind rushed through the cab, blowing my hair loose and wild, and it felt like freedom heading down the highway like that. Out my window, great peaks of rock, all sundrenched and windswept, rose in odd formations against an impossibly blue sky. On Rusty’s side, the rocks gave way to wide open country that ended at the horizon, where the sky met the red-orange earth like a giant dome pinned tight to the edges.
We sat across from each other on the bench seat, easy and relaxed in the way that reminded me of the long days of summer when you have nothing but time on your hands. I decided to try and keep it that way, because I wanted to hold on to the hopeful feeling I’d had at the vortex. It seemed like he had decided to do the same, because he didn’t mention anything about the previous night either, and we drove on in Celia’s old Chevy truck, with its radio that only picked up one country station, which was just fine with me.
“So, where’re we going?” I yelled over the wind and twangy guitar.
“Thought you wanted me to surprise you,” Rusty answered, just as loud.
I turned the radio down. “And when you tell me, I’ll be surprised.”
He didn’t answer. Just kept his eyes on the road and chewed his gum slowly, long enough to make me wonder if he’d heard me. “Swimmin’,” he said finally.
“Yeah, I got that part.” I snapped my bathing suit strap. “Just wondering where, is all.”
“Here,” Rusty said, slowing the truck. He turned us off the highway onto a narrow road marked CRESCENT MOON RANCH. We drove through a little kiosk with nobody in it to take any money, and continued down the road to a parking lot, where a few dusty cars were scattered. We parked off on our own and stepped out into the waves of heat rising off the asphalt. Rusty walked around to the back of the truck, but I stood a minute, taking in the view. Across a wide, grassy field, trees crowded together thick and green, in a meandering line I knew meant there was a creek. Maybe like the one we’d played in on summer days as kids. Beyond that was another mountain of rock so red it didn’t look like it could be real. I walked back to where Rusty was leaned into the truck bed, reaching for something. “How’d you know about this place? It’s so pretty.”
He grabbed a little cooler and a couple of towels. “A chick from school brought me down here once.” He smiled slow and to himself, and I knew there must be a story behind that one, but I didn’t need to hear it, so I didn’t bother asking what her name was.
I motioned at the cooler. “Any food in there, or is it just full of beer?”
“Lunch,” he answered, tucking the towels under one arm. Then he shook his head. “My mom sent it. Which means it probably ain’t edible.”
I laughed. “That was nice of her, anyhow.”
“Yep. You ready?” He stood there waiting for me to answer, looking almost sweet, if I didn’t know him so well. It set off a little ripple in my stomach that ended in a smile I tried to hide by looking away.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I said. “I need to cool off.”
The narrow dirt trail led us right down into the shade of the trees, where it was damp and fresh smelling, and cooler right away. I followed behind Rusty and every few seconds caught a glimpse of water sparkling out in the open, beneath the sun. Blackberry bushes spread out tangly and wild along our path, throwing splashes of deep purple into the green all around. And a little stream, deep with cool water, snaked its way alongside the trail, gurgling over rocks as it went.
“Almost there,” Rusty said over his shoulder. “Hopefully we’ll have it to ourselves.”
The stream widened as we walked a few more quiet steps, and Rusty stopped at a bridge of rocks someone had built across it. He hopped on the middle one, then to the other side, and waited for me to do the same before continuing down the path that I could see led down to a wide, lazy part of the main creek. Once I caught up to him, we took the last few steps together until we were standing at the edge of the perfect swimming hole.
The borders of the creek were shaded by hanging branches of trees, but in the middle, t
he sun shone right down into deep, blue-green water. An image of him and his ‘chick from school’ tangled together, laughing in the water, flashed in my mind for a second and I shook it away quick. Still. I couldn’t blame her, whoever she’d been. If he were a guy I liked and I was as brave as I wished I was, that’s what I might bring him here to do. . . . I pushed that thought from my head just as fast. What was wrong with me?
Rusty turned to me. “You good with hanging out here awhile?”
“You’re kidding, right? I could stay here for days.”
I looked across the creek to where the rocks rose a good fifteen feet above the water, and my eyes found the best part of the whole place. Strung from the branch of a leaning tree, long enough to take you sailing right out into the deepest part of the water, was a rope swing. I wondered for a second if his choice of spot had anything to do with what I’d said in the car about his and Finn’s old rope swing. Like maybe this was a small, sweet gesture on his part. Either way, it was the perfect place to waste a day away.
Rusty motioned up at them and the swing. “You feelin’ brave today, H?”
“You mean the swing? It’s not that high.” I gave it another look. “People go off it, don’t they?”
“Sure.” He shrugged. “Just looks a helluva lot higher from the top, is all.” He threw me one of those smiles of his that I knew was actually a challenge.
I smiled it right back at him. “Let’s go.”
“You sure? It’s pretty damn high. . . .”
“I think I can handle it. I’m all grown up now, remember?” Oh my god, I did not just say that.
I walked over to a little area of smooth red rock that sloped gently down into the creek, kicked off my sandals, and shook my hair out behind me. Then, just like I’d done the day before, only a little slower and a lot more to the point, I slid my shorts down my legs and pulled my tank top over my head. At least I was in an actual bikini this time. A cute little black one with pink trim that I was kinda proud to show off.