by Jack L. Pyke
Always someone’s son, someone’s daughter, mother, father... lover.
And what would Sam’s lover, Liam, be doing now? Sitting on the edge of his bed? Staring at his phone, waiting for a message that said Sam was okay?
Gray gave a brush at Sam’s face and felt his world slip with it. Jogging bottoms came on, then he slipped the mobile in his pocket before he headed into the en suite.
Standing by the farthest washbasin, Jack stood behind Jan, an arm wrapped around his waist, head tilted slightly as if to look at what Jan was doing. Jan jerked slightly, and Jack glanced back, offering a smile before focusing back at Jan.
Jan tried to hide what he was doing from Gray, but Jack held him firm and Gray went and pulled himself onto the unit not far from them, just waiting, knowing life was starting to be faced despite the chaos around them.
Jan had a towel wrapped around his hips, damp hair suggesting he’d been in the shower after Jack. Jack was dressed already, but his look was lost to the needle going into Jan’s arm. Gray gave them some space as Jan took a shot of methadone. Brown eyes closed for a minute, so Jack took over the needle and finished what Jan started. Everything was disposed of later, then after making sure Jan was okay, Jack came over, splitting Gray’s legs as he moved in close. Gray rested an arm around Jack’s neck, pulling him in closer as he watched Jan. He always needed a few minutes to himself after shooting, but it wasn’t done without one of them keeping a close eye on him.
“Mornin’, mukka,” Jack slipped a touch around Gray’s ass, digging in lightly.
“Morning’,” replied Gray, trying not to fall into how Jack looked at him, yet failing so helplessly.
“You eaten?”
“Not yet,” said Gray, kissing at his cheek, then resting cheek to cheek with him.
“You need food, mukka.” A touch drifted Gray’s side. “I know how sick you’ve been lately.”
Gray closed his eyes, then twisted his look to Jan. “You okay, abstract?”
Still caught against the sink, Jan shivered. “Trying to get there,” came his lost murmur, and giving a frown, Jack moved back over to him.
“Easy....” Jack went in so close, and Gray hid a sad smile at how it echoed the years they’d spent together. The positions so easily reversed for those who fell to the wayside.
Gray looked away. Sam was part of that now, Steve.... How long before that look swamped Greg’s eyes... Jan’s....
It hit Gray now how deep Kes’s touch went, how long he’d been shifting and shaping them as pieces, pushing them around into place, all for one moment, all for one name.
Gray looked at Jan... at Jack.
“We need to talk,” he said into the quiet of the bathroom. Then he stared at Jan... at Jack. “And I wish to God I knew how to say this without losing either of you.”
Jan sat nursing silence on the floor, pressed up against the wall, head buried in his arms. No splinters ran the glass wardrobes this time, no broken wood from the drawers, no twist of light to call out how the world carried on spinning no matter how much they needed it to stop.
Jack was on the bed, Logan’s mobile phone tossed onto the covers. Knuckles were white, face bringing out the ghost who had walked Gray’s halls for so many years. He hadn’t moved for the past fifteen minutes, not since he’d seen the first photo of Jan, then the last one of Sam.
Trace had come into the studio with Greg at some point, his silence on Gray, his silence saying he was there for Gray whilst Gray was there for Jack... Jan. Greg remained quiet, but more because he was witness to his son and his lovers’ worlds tear apart again.
“Rob?” Jan groaned, burying his head a little more. “Someone killed him and his toddler... because I know Jack? Because I love Jack. And Sam...?”
Gray went and crouched by him, his stroke gentle at the back of his exposed hand. “To instigate a reaction, to—”
Jan’s chuckle was hollow as he rested his head back against the wall. “A reaction? Jack’s? I was the one that nearly fucking raped him. How well did that work? What fucking reaction did that gain?”
“Martin,” Gray said gently. “But it didn’t work back then. Jack was more focused on everything you were going through, rightly so. What you two have between you, it was fast, brutal, but natural. It gave you some of the best protection against Martin being triggered.”
“So they raped us?” He shrugged. “They slaughtered a fucking baby to get access to a few codes, and they raped us?”
“What you feel didn’t cause Rob and his kid’s death, Jan, this killer did.”
“But because I know Jack. Because Martin saw those codes back in that garage. Because of my father, my mother, every fucking move I’ve made since I met Jack. I mean, was meeting Jack part of that fucking natural plan you were talking about or does this Kes really pull out all the stops where accidents are concerned?”
Gray eased back a touch and Jan’s eyes widened with every inch, pupils pinpointing so finely.
“Oh fuck... oh fuck—”
“Triggers, but through Kes’s ‘accidental’ signature mark,” said Gray, pulling him in close. “If they’re after Martin because of what he saw back then, then Kes is using every tie back into Jack’s past to get to him. How did you meet Jack, Jan?” he asked quietly, but he already knew this.
“Garage.” Jan went so still. “He was recommended to me.”
Gray kissed gently at his head. “Possible location trigger, tied in with your surname, with Kate’s, your mom’s. I doubt very much Kes expected anything else, but it must have been one big bonus for him when you two got together. And I’m going to need the name of the man who recommended Jack to you.”
“But Martin doesn’t know me....” The anger was there. “Martin looked right through me at the nightclub, when we met. He always looks right through me. There was no trigger with Jack when we met.”
“It’s why everything else was brought into play. But that changed.” He almost said it, how it changed with taking Elena. Some things they didn’t need to know. Kes would have carried on his accidental mark, so all taking Elena did was force him to play his hand more overtly. “Since you’ve met, Kes has been trying to push Martin to a specific point, mostly using your surname, his mother, even April Leamore, the nurse from Jack’s past. Even Jack’s time in the MC psychiatric unit has been pushing for memories, to see what triggers Martin. He’s needed his mark on Martin to remain unseen.”
“Why now?” That came from Jack. He looked at Gray. “If Martin saw the codes years ago... why wait until now?”
It was a good question, and one Gray had no answer for. He looked back at Jan. “Jack’s calmed too much lately. And if the triggers to his past aren’t working, then Kes is going to start pushing through with people from the present... with Sam, with Greg, with—”
Jack eased to his feet, maybe seeing Greg there for the first time. “They’ve threatened you?” He was back with Gray. “Kes threatened him?”
“It’s why he’s here, Jack,” Trace said gently. “Gray brought him in under protection.”
“Jack, it’s okay, I’ve been here since last night, son.”
“Stop.” Jan snarled into the arms across his knees. “This never fucking stops.”
“Jan...” With a level of finger on Greg to keep him there, Jack came over and crouched down. “Jan, I’m sorry. So fucking sorry, soft lad. So fucking—”
Jan eased to his feet and pulled Jack up, in close. “I don’t regret it, Jack. Not one moment, not one fucking breath,” he whispered heatedly. “Life screws up no matter where we are, who we’re with...” He seemed to crush his grip around Jack. “And I’d rather have this one year of agony over never having held you two than living alone.”
Jack held on. “Christ, baby,” he whispered to Jan. “Head fucks. One last head fuck. Hold on for me, please.” And he looked down at Gray when he said that.
Gray eased to his feet. A lift of Jack’s jaw let him see a mirror of Jan’s broken grief, and he b
rushed a few tears away with the back of his hand.
“I can’t let them do this anymore.” Jack’s face creased. “Not Jan, Gray, please... not you, not my old man, not Steve, not... Sam. Jesus Christ... Sam. He’s just a fucking kid. He can’t be touched.”
Jack tugged him in. “You let Kes have Martin. Let him fucking tear that bastard to pieces for what he’s done, what they’re doing.” He nuzzled in close. “But you know he’s not good enough to finish this, Gray. Not on his own. So you do what you need to get at those codes; you use that bastard. You use him because he wouldn’t think twice about carving out his name on you with his knife.”
Gray bit back his sickness.
“Too close to home, mukka,” breathed Jack. “Too fucking close to home.” He pulled Jan in close.
Gray crushed an arm around Jan, needing his contact, needing to feel him react to the hold, say that this was okay.
“Whatever it takes now, Gray,” whispered Jan in his ear. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that. No matter what happens, I’m here to stay.”
Gray closed his eyes. “One last fall, stunner.” He kissed at Jack’s head, then Jan’s. “One last fucking fall....”
Jack nodded, then broke away and went over to Greg. Cupping his face, he rested his head against Greg’s. “Sorry.” He shifted in so close. “For being an asshole.” He slipped his arm around Greg’s neck. “For letting her win.”
Greg nearly broke him in two with how rough he returned Jack’s hold. “She lost, son. She lost everything that’s important in this world; she lost us.”
Jack pushed him away a touch. “She lost you. And I am sorry,” he said more forcibly, making sure Greg didn’t look away. “For letting her win and forgetting to keep to my promise of how when I woke in hospital, I never did keep to telling you how much you damn well mean to me.” He gripped on tight again to his neck. “Because fuck knows you do, you always have. Just... I can’t have you there for this, Dad. I can’t see you bruised again for this.”
Greg nodded, then buried his head in Jack’s throat. “I’m here for you, lad. And that goes for anyone you choose to lie down with, you understand that, okay?”
Jack nodded, then glanced back, just briefly. As he turned back to Greg, whatever he whispered was purely for his father, and the grief there nearly had Gray going over and breaking it up.
Because it looked like a damn good-bye to him.
Chapter 36
The Fall
Gray chose the hall. Two hours later everything was there that needed to be. An action plan had been drawn, with Gray calling Craig to get his professional opinion. Craig had refused at first, then agreed when Sam’s photo had been received. He said he needed to be there for safety’s sake, and had called in a few environmental changes to the hall. Trace, with the help of Dare and Gabe, had implemented them before Trace had joined them in the bedroom.
A flat screen TV and DVD combo now sat screwed high on one of the long walls, out of reach and behind a plastic screen for protection against anything thrown against it. The main hall itself never offered much distraction other than a stereo that Jack liked to use when he was in the mood for pissing about over running through his kata, and a drink’s cabinet and sofa where Jan usually sat reading. Sometimes tables and chairs were put out for various functions, but now everything was cleared, leaving just the hardwood floor.
Craig was off over by the main hall door, resting back against it again and looking as deliberately distant as possible as he kept a watch on the black case at his own feet.
The first time Gray had broken Jack down, Jack had come back from the fall having been stripped naked, left at his father’s feet, with a dislocated shoulder and burns to his arm.
The bastard in Gray had broken Martin, but he’d done it to stop Jack’s disorders from being exploited, to stop Jack falling into Martin and assaulting Greg. To stop him being shaped into Cutter and disfiguring young kids with a knife.
But Jack as a teen was nothing compared to Jack as an adult, and from his talk with Halliday on Jack’s sectioning, Gray only needed one thing.
Taking the DVD over to the DVD player, he used the stepladder to insert it into the TV combi.
Gabe waited for him to step down, then removed the ladder from the hall. Dare stood next to Jan, and Gray wiped a hand over his mouth to bite back sickness with how still Jan stood. Dare kept a close watch on him, and as Jan frowned over, he seemed to almost be looking at Vince and all the threat he’d offered to Jack. Was that what he was now? A threat? Gabe came back in and kept quiet watch with Trace over by the guarded TV/DVD combi.
Nobody spoke, leaving Jack just a few feet away, glancing up at the screen.
“I know this one, right?” he said, and that shivering had already taken hold. “Popcorn not advised? Or sharp knives and porcelain mugs?”
Gray had the remote in his hand and he glanced over at Craig. “Yeah, you know this one, stunner.” Halliday’s report had said Jack’s memories were triggered with the video of Steve back at the party with Cutter, when he was in his teens. But there was one video he hadn’t been able to watch in the psychiatric unit; one that, when he’d first seen it, caused him to black out and break Ed’s hand with a baseball bat, then destroy half of Gray’s gallery as—
“You think I did that? You think I’d hurt you—like that?” Stood in the gallery, Gray moved in, feeling the blood coat his fingers as he stroked at Jack’s hip, the cut-away scar... “Fuck, you’re so lost, kid.” He shifted slightly, screwing his eyes shut. “...Hurts too much, so fucking much now, Jack. Mercedes—”
“Mercedes fucking Benz.” Jack said it so quietly, lost to his own memories, and another tear worked free. “I know where you go to sometimes, mukka.” The smile there bought back the ghost. “Press play, please. What’s on the screen doesn’t come close to how it hurts looking at you sometimes.”
Gray held the remote up. “This stops the moment I see it’s too much. If it moves past a point where you can’t call hurt and you struggle to breathe, I’ll call it for you. We clear?”
Jack gave a short, sharp nod, his gaze not shifting from the screen. “It’s the video of the rape and branding,” he said flatly, that resigned tone coming in hard, and Gray put the remote in his pocket and went up close.
“Safe word,” he said quietly, now nose-to-nose with Jack.
“Mercedes.”
Gray brushed a hand at his cheek. “External safe word?” he said gently.
“Fucking Mercedes Benz.” Jack choked a smile. “Please.”
Gray cupped the back of his neck, pulling their heads together and exhaling slowly. “Tell me to stop, Jack. Tell me to run the fuck away and take you and Jan with me. You’re all that matter to me.”
“No we’re not, mukka.” Jack twisted his head to look at Jan and Jan shifted, taking a step forward, but Jack shook his head, keeping him there in someone’s hold for now. “Press play.” He looked back. “Just please press fucking play and stop it for us.”
Gray shifted and took the remote; feeling the buttons under the pad of his thumb, he pressed play.
There was nothing at first, just quiet in the hall, then the sound of a bedroom door eased open, the scuffle of feet was heard as Jan was dragged into the darkness, then Jan’s cry—
“Jack.”
Jack jolted, instantly pulling to get away and causing the remote to fall from Gray’s hand. Gray went in cupping Jack’s face, heads now pressed together.
“Don’t...” Jack’s eyes were shut tight as hands tried to pull Gray’s grip away. Gray backed him up a few paces, hands covering Jack’s ears, enough so he only heard what Gray whispered.
“I’m here, okay?”
“I know, mukka, I—” Vince had crouched by Jack in the DVD. Gray knew it, still by brutal still. So did Jack, and now Vince stroked at his arm and said...
“Break his arm, baby...”
Jan cried out in the video. “Wasn’t me, Jack... Wasn’t us. Stop.... Body and soul
. Love you body and soul, Jack.”
“Don’t... kiss me anymore...” Through all of the hurt, the drugs, the deception... Jack hadn’t gone for Jan to hurt him, instead he’d held onto him in the darkness and whispered, “Please. Don’t touch me anymore....”
“You touching Jan intimately? Boy?” Vince dragged Jack off Jan, forced him to his knees, and fastened him by collar and chain to a hook in the floor. A kick in the ribs made sure Jack found the floor properly. “Did I say you could touch anyone intimately... boy?”
“Fuck... fuck...” Tears streaked free from Jack, and Gray glanced back at Trace. “Stops.” He gave a nod. “This fucking stops now—”
“No.” A hand gripped Gray’s jaw, pulling him back to Jack. He had his eyes open and the fear there in grey moons caused Gray to groan. “ You...” he said quickly, and Gray had a full taste of Jack as Jack came in hard with a kiss. “Please. Don’t let that bastard hold on. Don’t let him fucking hold onto me for too long.”
The second kiss tore at him, but as Jack snaked his arms around Gray’s neck and held on, it shattered every part of Gray. “I can’t see it,” Jack whispered, eyes still closed. “Hearing is enough. Hearing is—”
“For pissing your Dom off,” Vince said into the hall.
“Fuck....” Jack gripped Gray’s hair.
Gray kept a low whispering in Jack’s ear, something in his own first language, a single line of Welsh marked on Jack’s hip. Breathing was so controlled, so well-practiced that Gray knew Jack was fighting reacting; he was trying to control the reaction by flat-lining, but then—
“Mercedes... Mercedes fucking Benz,” cried Jan as Jack writhed from the iron burning skin for the second time in the DVD. “Gray, for godssake, please.”
“Fucking cunts...,” cried Jack, and Gray made sure all the hurt was grounded on him. “Didn’t have to fucking make him hurt. Not Jan. Didn’t have to—”
Jan cried out and thumped the hall wall. Trace was there with Dare a moment later, trying to calm him as Gray fought between going over to Jan and staying here with Jack. Craig’s uncross of arms from his chest said he was close to calling enough for both of them, and Gabe moved closer to Gray, his quietness and tension focused on Jack.