by Grae Lily
When he pressed his lips against hers she knew she couldn’t say no. She wanted this. She’d never had a real relationship before. There had been plenty of regretful flings. This felt different. Being with him would show her what she’d missed in life.
The kiss deepened as she curled her hand around the back of his head, holding him so he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. He made a sound in the back of his throat, pressing tighter against her. “Bed,” he whispered.
“Don’t be boring.”
Lucius paced. Their relationship had gone a step further and he still had no idea what to do. This put him in a difficult position. As the reaper, he should be furious with her for the choices she’d made, but he kept in mind that she had no real life experience. She would be nineteen for the rest of time. If he didn't know any better, he'd say that Jasper somehow played a part in why he'd chosen her for this position.
No one had prepared Lucius for the job. He remembered many occasions when he'd felt the need to seek refuge in his office when his duties became too much for him. It took time to come to terms with all that the job entailed. He'd resigned himself to his job. That didn’t mean there hadn’t been times when he wished he could help people instead of guiding their souls to the world of the dead.
In the end, Jasper would die. Evangeline would try to stop it from happening. She'd find out that she wouldn't be able to prevent the inevitable. She'd try hard. Lucius had to respect the efforts she'd make, but he knew, they'd prove futile. Jasper would go to the world of the dead the way it'd been planned from the moment he'd been given life.
Since she’d signed a contract, agreeing to be a reaper for one hundred Earth years, she wouldn’t be able to go with Jasper to the place his soul would be summoned to. Could Lucius explain that to her? He shook his head. She wasn’t going to listen. Instead, she’d assume that he'd become angry with her for what she’d done and believe that everything would get worse. Of course, things were going to be bad anyway because a reaper wasn’t meant to fall in love. That didn’t mean it didn’t happen, but it wasn’t supposed to, and he should have stopped it, but understanding her youthful ignorance, he let it go too far.
Making up excuses didn’t help. Lucius knew his position. He should have protected Evangeline instead of letting her get involved. Now he'd have to do something that wasn’t going to make either of them happy. Sighing, he wished things were different, in the same way he'd done before for countless other reapers over the centuries.
Evangeline woke in Jasper’s bed. Her head still spinning, she couldn't remember how they'd made it to the bed. She recalled snippets of their lovemaking in her mind from every corner the small apartment had - the floor in the living room, the sofa, the floor in the bedroom. It wasn’t like any sex she’d had before. This time she knew she had real feelings for a man. Feelings she shouldn’t have. Feelings she should have walked away from instead of letting them get the better of her. She had to remember her duties as a reaper and stop acting like a twisted guardian angel. She shouldn’t have let things go as far as they had. As she tried to work out what her next step should be, he opened his eyes, smiling up at her.
“Morning.” He voice sleepy until their eyes met. “What’s wrong, Evie?”
“I need to tell you something.” Evangeline swallowed as she tried to find the right words in a situation where there were no right words. “You know when we first met and you came to the conclusion that I...” Jasper nodded, sitting up. “ well, I had to be your guardian angel or...okay, I wasn’t there to look after you...I...you were supposed to die and I'd been sent to guide your spirit to the afterlife. I still don’t know why you’re alive, but you are, and I wanted to help you, because you were like me when I...” She blinked away tears that were threatening to spill. “I should have told you before. I just…” One trickled down her cheek. “I didn’t want this to end, because I love you, and…”
“Why did you think it would have to end?”
“I’m a reaper.” Another tear. “Jasper, if you had any sense you’d be terrified of me.”
“Sorry, that’s not going to happen. I’m not terrified of you and I’m not going to walk away from this just because of this. You’ve done everything you could to help me and I don't care what you think you are or what you are. This isn’t something I’m going to walk away from. Our relationship means more to me than anything right now. I love you and I’d ask you to marry me if that were possible.”
“I'm afraid, marriage isn't possible. She's no longer of this world.” In less than a second Evangeline threw on some clothes and jumped out of bed, staring at Lucius.
She started to explain,“This…”
“We both know it’s what it looks like. We should talk because this…” He gestured. “This is something that should never have happened. It's something I should have put an end to when I first found out, instead of being stupid enough to think that maybe he had a chance. Jasper should have died. His soul may have been strong enough to survive this time, but it won’t be the next time.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.” Lucius shook his head. “I admit, I wasn’t being truthful with you before. Certain spirits are strong enough to survive and Jasper’s one of them. He kept surviving things that would kill other people, but his luck will run out. You will do everything you can to save him, until everything isn’t enough…”
“Why are you telling me this, Lucius?” She glanced over her shoulder at Jasper, who had no idea either of them were still in the room. “What good is this going to do?”
“This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but you need to let him die. It’s what has to happen.”
“Last time, he pulled through.”
“For some reason he'd been stronger last time than he will be the next time. Sometimes it happens and you, to begin with, can’t go with him in his afterlife.”
“I signed a contract.” She blinked away tears. “I’m not going to let him die.”
“You have to.”
“No, I don’t. That’s what you’re telling me I have to do, but I disagree.” Their eyes met. “Have you ever been in love before, Lucius?” Fury filled his.“Then, you’ll know why I can’t.”
“Of course I know why you can’t, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to. I had to. I had to let the woman I loved die, and go into the world of the dead, knowing that I won’t pass on myself until the end of the world. A hundred years is nothing in comparison.”
“No, it’s not, but there’s no guarantee he’ll still be in love with me then.”
Lucius laughed. “You told him you were a reaper and he doesn’t want to let you go. Having to be apart for a hundred years isn’t going to change how he feels about you.”
“It will change me, though. What if I don’t love him anymore?”
“After three hundred years I still love her, so I don’t doubt you’ll still love him, because he means so much to you. For now, though, you have to leave him, and let someone else reap his soul.”
Evangeline shook her head. “I’m not going to walk away. Not yet.” She looked at Jasper. “I know what he’ll do if I do that and I don’t want him to die because of me. That will…” She shuddered. “That will be too much for me to bear.”
“I can’t let you stay with him.”
“A couple of days… a week… just give me some time, to explain, because otherwise he's going to do something stupid.”
“You have four days. I will come for you after that.”
Nodding, Evangeline stared at Jasper, wishing things were different.
Chapter 5
Evangeline sat at the kitchen table, thinking about her next step. Jasper went to work, so he couldn’t ask her any questions. If he'd been there, he would have wanted to help her. He'd know something happened and she wouldn't want him involved. She wasn’t ready to tell him. How do you tell someone you love that they're going to die no matter what you do or say? After everything t
hey’d been through to begin to get his life straight, she couldn’t say that to him and she didn’t want to walk away without giving him some sort of explanation as to why she had to leave.
When Lucius first told her about Jasper’s death, going into hiding ran through her mind, before she realized there wasn't anywhere they could go that they wouldn’t be found. It wouldn't work. Jasper wasn’t going to want her to leave. After everything she’d learned about him and his life, that wouldn't be a surprise.
Sighing, she stood up and paced the living room, doing her best to find a way out of the mess she’d gotten herself into and hoping for a solution that would cause the least amount of pain for either of them. Jasper had lost too many people already. The last thing she wanted to be is the next one on the list of people that let him down. Mother, dead; father, prison; grandfather, present, but never trusted or truly loved young Jasper and, now, lover, already dead.
Falling in love with him shouldn’t have happened, but shouldn’t haves weren’t doing her any good. It had happened and she had to deal with that as best she could. How could she tell Jasper without breaking his heart?
Having asked herself that question more times than she could remember, Evangeline felt like she'd been banging her head against a brick wall. Given her position, that would have been easier. The dead didn’t feel physical pain. Unlucky for her, she felt emotional pain and she felt like at any moment should could fall apart. She couldn’t let that happen because Jasper would be home soon. She had two days left, but she wasn't getting anywhere fast. A voice in the back of her mind kept telling her she had to tell him the truth. It wasn’t fair not to tell him. Sighing again, she rested her head on her hands. “I hate this,” she muttered, her voice muffled on her arm.
“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” Jasper’s voice made her jump. She hadn’t heard the door open. “That’s why you’ve been like this the last couple of days.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then, don’t.”
“Jasper, I wish things were that simple, but my boss…”
“Reapers have bosses?”
“We do. There are three of us plus him.” She looked up at Jasper. “He found out about us. He's angry with me.”
“He didn’t sound angry.” He sat opposite her, their eyes meeting. “Even though I couldn’t see either of you, I could hear what you were saying. It took me a minute to realize the whispering I heard wasn’t in my mind, but I did hear the conversation. I know you have your duties or whatever, so I didn't interrupt. It sounded like business.”
“Oh…” Evangeline shivered. “Then, you know?”
“Can you call Lucius?”
“She doesn’t need to call me.” Lucius stepped out from the hallway. “You, Jasper, are in a very interesting position because it’s not everyone who can see a reaper. There are some people who can and they know what we are because of how close they are to dying, but you, as I’m sure you heard me say, have a very strong spirit. It’s kept you alive this long.” He studied the two of them. “Although, right now, I'm certain that you will die within the year, but there's always a chance you could survive given how strong you've remained throughout terrible hardships.”
“But that will only happen if Evangeline leaves and I fall out of love with her before I die?” Shaking his head at the thought of it, Jasper continued, “Even if she does leave, I’m not just going to fall out of love with her.”
Evangeline, blinking, looked between Jasper and Lucius. “How could he hear you?”
“His strong connection to you. It allowed him to hear us through the veil I created. Most people wouldn’t have heard us.” Lucius smiled at her. “I’m certain you have other questions. You always have questions, ones I can’t answer, but feel free to ask them anyway, because this…” He gestured. “It isn’t going to happen again.”
“If I were to walk away, he might survive?”
“There's a chance he will, but he’s in love with you and he wants to be with you. His love for a dead girl makes his spirit weaker than it would have been before.”
Jasper took hold of her hand. “I don’t regret the choice I made. She’s made my life better. If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably be in prison right now. I feel complete with her here.”
Lucius nodded. “That's the problem. No matter how strong your spirit is, how hard it’s fought before, anyone who feels that way when they die is going to move on to the afterlife. I wanted Evangeline to leave because I thought that would hurt her less. Being a reaper doesn’t make someone heartless, Jasper, so I do care about her enough that I want her out of this situation before it ends up shattering her.”
“Will she shatter?”
“It’s likely.” Lucius looked at Evangeline. “Her life had been cut short by an accident, so she’d never fallen in love like this before, and, if you die, she won’t know how to cope with your loss. She's supposed to be a reaper. They roam amongst the dying to guide them, not to stay with them. I wish none of this had happened. I wish she’d just moved on to the world of the dead the way normal people do because this isn’t fair.”
She laughed. “I remember someone telling me if life wasn’t fair, how could I expect death to be?”
“There's unfair and, then, there’s this.” Lucius glanced between the two of them. Evangeline looked like she'd already shattered, her eyes full of pain, while Jasper looked as though he'd already begun to move forward, even if she wasn’t ready to let him go. “If I’d known what would happen, I would have stepped in long before this, but I don’t have the gift of being able to see the future in terms of love.” Lucius brushed a hand through his hair. “What do you want to do, Jasper?”
“I think, Evie should walk away.” Jasper looked at her and smiled, his love for her in his eyes. “We’ve had more time together than I believed could ever be possible when I first met you, focus on your job, and I pray, we’ll meet again.”
Unable to believe what Jasper just said, Lucius leaned against the wall. Jasper sounded more logical about his death than Lucius had expected him to because most mortals would have been angry at the unfairness of it all.
He remembered when he found Evangeline standing in front of the school she'd once attended. She didn't know she'd died until he told her, and, then, she screamed at him. If he hadn’t found her, she'd have spent eternity wandering the universe alone and desperate for a connection. Lucius had seen it happen many times. Souls wandered, begging to be seen or heard. Most would turn their despair to something sinister just to receive the attention they craved in life and in death. Now, she sat beside someone who shouldn’t be able to see or hear her, being told she’d be better off if she walked away from the strongest love either had ever known.
Evangeline shook her head. “Jasper…”
“You’re going to say you can’t leave me, but you can. Even though I love you and I want to be with you, this isn’t the time. Move on. I know it hurts. It's killing me to say it, but you have to, Evie. I don't want to be in the way of what you're supposed to be doing. I’ll be in the world waiting for you and our time, I promise.”
“Maybe you should come with me now, Evangeline.” Lucius took a couple of steps closer as she glared at him. “I know you don’t want to, but Jasper's right. You will meet again.”
“When my contract's complete.” She stood, growling. “That’s a hundred years, Lucius. A hundred years. I didn’t know when I signed it that I would or could fall in love with the most wonderful man. Can’t we do something about it?”
“I’m sorry. Once a contract is signed, that’s it. There's nothing you can do to get out of it, but Jasper already said he's willing to wait for you.”
“For a hundred years? While I spend my time reaping the souls of the dead.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m not going, Lucius.”
“Evie.” Jasper stood and took hold of her hands. “You told me I needed to accept my responsibilities, so why aren’t you doing the same? It’s your j
ob. You signed a contract. A hundred years isn’t going to change the way I feel about you, love. It isn’t going to change the way you feel about me.”
Sighing, she did her best not to scream. Having Lucius and Jasper gang up on her wasn’t what she’d expected to happen. She thought Jasper would be on her side, instead of telling her it would be best for her to leave. “You’re going to die, Jasper.”
“As soon as it's my time.” Jasper squeezed her hands. “I know this isn’t what you want. It isn’t what I want either, but I think it would be for the best if you were to go with Lucius now and try not to think about me too much.”
As she looked between the two of them, she realized she wasn’t going to win the argument, but that didn’t mean she'd planned on giving up. Jasper's going to live a full life, even if it had to be without her. Tears streamed like a waterfall down her cheeks as she came to terms with her loss. “Okay.” She kissed Jasper, knowing it would be the last time until he died. “I love you, Jasper.”
“I love you too, Evie.” He let go of her hands. “Now go.”
Nodding, she let Lucius take hold of one of her hands and, in moments, they were on the other side. “I’m going to assign Brick to gather Jasper’s soul, if he does die. Please, do one thing for me.”
“Stay away from Jasper?” Evangeline finished his request. Nodding she added, “I’ll do my best, but I’m not making any promises, Lucius.” She managed to summon a smile for him. “Time heals all wounds, right?”
Evangeline walked away before he could answer, needing to be far away from him before she did something she’d end up regretting. She knew Lucius thought this would be for the best. Feeling nothing but anger, Evangeline needed a distraction. Disagreeing with him didn’t mean she hated him for what he’d done. A part of her wanted to hate him, but she convinced that part of her that he wanted to help her because he did care. If he didn’t, Lucius would have dragged her away without giving her an explanation and done everything he could to stop her from seeing Jasper. At least now, she could do what she needed to do to protect the man she loved from a death he didn’t deserve. He deserved a full and happy life without her in it.